A Fool in Love

I met her like, two months ago?

It was a mutual, the feeling of lust and longing. My heart longing for her touch, her voice, and her way of making me crazy. It is weird how easy it was for me to be attached to

her and cling like the baby that I am.

It was weird, don't you think? How restless I become from the thought of her not being here

with me. How much I want to hold her in my arms as long as I can. How I love the sound of her heartbeat against my ear, her lovely skin running up and down my bare neck, the cute sound of laugh she made each time I tickle her.

Then how do we end up here as a couple? As a lover?

It all started with my need to cut things from my life. I met her through a connection that I wish I never had. Going back to that place activated my trauma and insecurity. So I told her, “I think I’ll go… Many things make me so mentally and emotionally exhausted here…”

At first, I thought she’ll push me away coldly and just agree to the things that I say right away. But the sadness in her eye, the tug on my jacket before I leave. I know I can’t just leave her like that. Embrace her so closely against my body. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to hold her anymore or even worst… I am afraid I’ll lose her. Crazy right? She’s not even mine to begin with.

Yet you know what’s crazier? Exactly a month later. We talk again, we met again, relieving the memory we had with our bodies. I can’t even hide how much I love her at this point. The thought of her calling someone other than me as hers, scared me so much but I also afraid… that she would never felt the same way.

Surprise…. She loves me. “I’d like it… if we act more like a couple…”

That exact sentence sends me to an endless euphoria. It was happiness… never-ending endorphin. I am the happiest person on this earth.

Our days are like day and night. Sometimes it's as dark as to when the moon isn't there and maybe as hot as the burning sun.

It was never easy. I'm not a love expert, nor I am the best lover. Our relationship is merely starting with the touch of our naked bodies against each other. A hot mess under the sheet. Once the reality sinks in, I realize that my hands might know each curve and edge but my heart... still knows nothing about her.

"I'm anxious," that would be what I say every single time. Forgetting the fact that I also made her felt like that before.

"Were you bored from talking with me?"

"Who is he?"

"I'm jealous..."

"I am tired..."

The constant talk was never the best way. When I let my head clouded with blind judgment from emotion. I forgot that she has her need, I forgot that she has her schedule all packed up, I forgot that this relationship isn't about me. It's about us. The selfish and childish side of me keeps on hogging everything, wishing that I

will always be the center of everything. Never realizing how small she is compared to how I thought of her.

Our talk will be mostly filled with me being the wrecking ball of panic, jealousy, toxicity, and childishness.

She was like the moon, the beauty, graceful in what she does, so calm and mature. But when you look closely... Not every surface is smooth. Within the beauty that I saw from a glance... It could not be compared to the beauty that I'm craving from knowing her. Knowing every edge and curve, I want that.

"I am sorry for being angry, for letting my emotion take control of everything instead of trying to understand you and your situation," I felt so nervous, the idea of her looking at me so intently while I am talking is nerve-wracking.

"I was being childish and obsessive... and selfish as well..." I look down in shame, "When I decided to date you, I realized that there are many things about myself that need to change"

"Not just for my sake, or your sake, but for us," finally getting the courage to look at her, I can feel my ear is slowly burning to shades of red. "Our pace," taking a deep breath here, "and our way of expressing love is so different..."

"I know," she speaks softly, "But here we are..."

The corner of my lips was pulled, my hands find their way to hers. Holding on to them tightly before giving small kisses on her knuckles gently.

"We are different yet the same person aren't we?" I said, locking my gaze on her beautiful brown orbs. Loving how she nod and giggle at my words.

"Sara," I call her name this time. Letting her attention focused on me for a minute longer, "I love you," I said, "We might need to match our pace, it won't be a smooth process, I know"

"But I want to walk with you. I..."

Without saying anything, she pulled me into her arms. Once again laying on her chest, on our bed, in our room. For a while, no words are coming from her. The gentle rub at the back of my neck, the soothing feeling of her presence.

Slowly I look up, at her. Our eyes meet as she put both of her palms on my cheeks, saying, "I love you"

My eyes went wide at the calm and warming confession, "I still don't know much about you..."

"You'll get to know me eventually"

"I'm clingy...?"

"Me too?"

"I need lots of reassurance..."

"I can't give you everything... but one thing you need to remember," she pulled me even closer, leaning her forehead against mine, "I'm always yours Danny... I always am..."