A Tale of Two Knights

It was a cool spring morning. The birds were chirping somewhere in the far off distance. A light cool breeze made napping in the shade of the mountain side perfect. I was nearly in the blissfulness of dreaming when I heard faint clanking. Clank. Pause. Clank. Pause.

I sighed. My nap was about to be disturbed. Such a perfect day was about to be ruined by what was bound to be another idiot. I decided to go ahead and wake completely up. The clanging was getting louder so I got my yawning and stretching out in preparation.

Finally I could see him in the distance as the unnecessarily loud clanging grew thunderous. I sat there calmly waiting for his arrival. I could’ve met him halfway, but why. Letting him exhaust himself reaching my location only benefited me further.

What seemed like half an eternity finally passed and the little knight stood in front of me dressed in brand new armor. It looked as uncomfortable as it did hideous. He hesitated before raising his visor. He seemed confused on what to do next.

“Can I help you young knight?” I asked him.

He finally raised his visor and spoke with a shaky tone. “I’ve come to slay you dragon.”

I looked around and then back down to him. “You’ve come to slay me? Why might I ask, have you chosen such a task?”

“King Edward decreed whomever slays the dragon on this mountain may have his daughter’s hand in marriage.” He was shaking as he spoke.

I shook my head, “So you’re willing to kill me so you can marry a spoiled rich girl?”

He nodded, “She’s the most beautiful woman in all the land.”

“Have you ever spoken to her?” I asked.

His voice stuttered, “I’ve seen her in passing.”

I made a dramatic sound, “So you’re going to kill me for some girl you don’t even know? How do you know if you’ll get along?”

He was silent for a moment, “I’m sure given time she would…”

I cut him off, “She would what, come to love you? Do you not think she has her choice in suitors? Do you not think she already has one in mind?”

He shook his head more violently, “No! The king has decreed it. Your head dragon, will guarantee my union with the princess.”

“What makes you so sure the king will honor his word?” I asked. “He’s notorious for going back on promises vowed. And if there’s a union that would benefit the kingdom more then why not recant a decree. How much land do you own?”

His eyes darted to the ground, “I don’t own land. I’m a baker.”

“A baker,” I said trying not to laugh. “You’re not even the butcher. How do you think you’re going to stand the sight of all the blood involved in cutting off my head?”

“You’re just trying to get in my head,” he hollered drawing his sword.

“Careful now,” I said snickering. “You could poke your eye out with that thing.”

He started easing around me, undoubtedly trying to get behind me.  “I know how to use a sword.”

I nodded, “Sure you do. Judging by that brand new shiny armor you’ve never seen battle. Are you sure you want your first outing to be against a fully matured dragon? I’ve heard a couple towns over there are some baby dragons you could cut your teeth on and then come back.”

He got close to my back leg so I thumped my tail hard against the ground. It scared him into moving back into my vision. He kept the point of the sword aimed at me using both hands to support the weight.

“Have you planned this out in your head?” I asked him.

“Of course I have beast,” he spat.

I sighed, “Then amuse this old majestic creature. What’s your plan to carry my head back? Do you have any idea how heavy a grown dragon’s head is?”

The tip of his sword fell to ground. He hadn’t thought that far ahead. The lust for the princess’s hand clouded any reasoning his mind was capable of making.

“I’ll figure something out,” he said raising the sword back.

“Do you plan to wear my head as a mask?” I asked in jest.

“No,” he stammered. “After I’ve slain you I’ll go back for a horse and drag it back.”

“Oh my,” I feigned. “It took you all morning to walk up here. The rest of the day to walk back after our encounter which means at least midday tomorrow before you’re able to burst into the castle declaring your victory.”

He smiled wide at the sound of victory. “I don’t see a problem with that beast.”

I sighed, “Do you have any idea how badly my skull is going to smell by that time. Have you smelled rotten meat before? I don’t think the princess is going to be very impressed by that sight. How will they know you made the kill instead of running up on an already dead dragon?”

He stopped again running the idea through his slow brain. He finally looked back up to me, “They’ll just know, I’m sure of it.”

“You don’t truly believe that,” I said smiling. “Why don’t you trot on back to town and fetch a horse or a real knight and come back. I’ll wait here for you.”

He shook his head angrily, “No! It has to be now.”

It didn’t make sense why he was getting so anxious. But then the wind moved and carried a faint sound with it. There was another clang off in the distance. Now his nervous rush made more sense.

“I hear another knight approaching,” I said looking down to him.

Panic set in his eyes as he tightened his grip. “Then this conversation is over. It’s time to die dragon.”

He lifted his sword over his shoulder and stood still as a statue. “What’s wrong little one,” I said. “You’re not attacking.”

Time passed as the clanging grew nearer but the would-be knight didn’t budge. “Has your armor rendered you unable to move?”

“Shut up dragon,” he muttered through squinted eyes. He finally lowered his sword looking disappointed.

The other knight finally came into view. He noticed a rival and picked up the pace. I looked down to a clearly upset young man. He was failing hard and now he was out of time.

The second stopped near the first slightly out of breath and removed his helmet. “Who are you fellow Knight?” He asked.

The first removed his helmet revealing his young age. Barely a man if I had to guess. He recognized the new comer, but it wasn’t reciprocated.

“Are you familiar to me?” He asked. “Are you the blacksmith’s son?”

He shook his head, “I’m the baker’s son.”

He nodded, “Did you steal this armor?”

“No,” he mumbled. “I borrowed it and fully intend on returning it.”

“It’s punishable by death to steal a knight’s armor,” he said with authority.

“I’m here to slay the dragon Gregory,” he said like an upset child.

“That’s Sir Gregory to you,” he said drawing his sword. “I’m a knight in his majesty’s royal guard. You will address me as such or die where you stand.”

I’d grown bored listening to the two bicker, “Why are you two wanting to kill me? And yes I know the victor gets the girl. But what have I done to merit such a high reward as a bounty?”

“You kill our livestock and burn our fields,” Gregory said. “You destroy our buildings.”

I looked around, “Which buildings? Show me the fields I’ve set on fire. I’ve never attacked a flock. But if a lonely goat happened to wander up this mountain, well that’s on the shepherd then isn’t it?”

He pointed his sword at me, “Don’t use your magic tongue to confound us dragon.”

“Yes,” I said. “The magic of logic has a confusing effect on your kind.”

He grabbed up his helmet and replaced it. “The time for talk is over.”

He held out his shield with his sword at the ready. I drew in a long slow breath letting the air in my lungs heat up. I pursed my lips to direct the heat at his shield and exhaled.

He fell to one knee as his shield started glowing red around my heated breath. When I finished, he dropped his shield and raised his visor. Sweat was raining down his face. He was breathing hard and looking up at me.

“You’re going to have to do better than that dragon,” he panted.

I shook my head, “I just wanted a warm meal.”

His mouth dropped open as I snap him up and crushed my teeth through his armor. I looked at the shaking baker’s boy. He was trembling so hard his armor was rattling.

“That’s not how I normally prefer my meals, but sometimes I make an exception,” I said smiling. “Thankfully the armor will melt in my stomach or passing Sir Gregory would be extremely painful.”

I waited a moment and he finally got the nerve to speak, “Are you going to eat me too?”

I smiled, “Have you changed your mind on slaying me?”

I heard water running down the inside of the armor and coming out around his foot. He nodded, “Yes.”

“But what about the princess’s hand?” I asked. “Have you given up on the fairy tale wedding you had envisioned?”

He nodded. “What’s in it for me if I let you live?”

He looked up, “Whatever you desire.”

“Would you bring me bread,” I said. “Every day without fail?”

He nodded, “Every day.”

“Pity isn’t it,” I said.

“What’s that?” he asked.

“Well, that you’re not the butcher’s son,” I answered.

“Why?” he asked again.

“Because I’m a dragon,” I answered straightening up. “And I don’t eat bread.”

I snapped him up before he could move and chewed his body.  He tasted lemony. I really needed to thank the king for sending me dinner. Now that my belly was full I curled up in the shade to finish my nap.