HEY, YOU!

Did you ever wish you could go back in time to when you were five years old? That’s a reasonable age – old enough to grasp the difference between right and wrong yet young enough to be just a kid having lots of fun.

You have many years to go before you’re even on the cusp of adulthood and there will be an infinite number of opportunities for you to fuck things up. And you will. Being a kid is all about having fun so knock yourself out! It’ll all get real soon enough

If I, a mature and seemingly rational woman of the world, could write a letter to my five-year-old self, I might say something like this:

“Hey, you!

There’s a ginormous amount of ‘stuff’ that you’re going to have to deal with in life so listen up:

• Somebody once said “All I really need to know I learned in kindergarten” so pay attention in class. It’s true; Grammy’s going to have a wall-hanging with that entire essay embroidered on it.

• Obey the Ten Commandments, Follow the Golden Rule and listen to the Beatles because life really is about peace, love and understanding.

• Mom and Dad aren’t the enemy; they’re doing the best they can so cut them some slack.

Right now you’re having the time of your young life. Your days are pretty much planned out for you. Mom does all the work and there aren’t a lot of demands on you. It’s mostly playing, eating, napping and doing a chore or two. Lather, rinse, repeat tomorrow. Life is good and you’re a happy kid.

Sometimes, though, you’re going to be so sad all you want to do is cry and that’s okay; even big people cry. You won’t be sad forever.

Other times you’re going to get so mad you just want to scream at the top of your lungs and hit somebody, but that isn’t a good reaction – except if it’s Susie Carter; she’s the spoiled brat who lives three houses down. So when she rips your Chatty Cathy doll apart, you’re going to hit her over the head with her Mickey and Minnie Mouse lunch box. Learn to choose your battles wisely, kid, and you know what? People will think twice before being mean to you again – especially Susie.

Something we really need to talk about is noses. Yours is okay right now but in a few years it’s going to turn into a real honker and you’re not going to like it. You’ll get teased a lot and it’ll hurt but hang in there because the most important guy in your life won’t care about any of that at all. He thinks you look like Sophia Loren and that’s a very good thing.

Mom isn’t comfortable talking about a lot of personal stuff and you’re going wake up one morning to discover your body’s changing. It happens to all girls and while some of it is pretty yucky and you think you’re going to die because there’s something wrong with you, most of it is really amazing. Let’s just say God knows what he’s doing and you’re going to turn out okay.

When you’re about 14 somebody super cool is going to enter your life, coming and going for a couple of years. He’s a 16-year-old beanpole name Steven Tallarico – Google him. Seriously. You might feel like kicking yourself because you didn’t run off with him when you had the chance but your whole life would have turned out differently and probably not for the best. Don’t worry. In 1968 you’re going to go on a blind date and that guy will change your life forever and in the best ways imaginable.

You’re going to make a lot of mistakes; everybody does. It doesn’t matter who you are in this giant world – you’re going to screw up and believe me some of your booboos are doozies. You’re going to hurt people and when the dust settles all you can do is apologize and try to make things right. The important thing is to own your mistakes and take responsibility.

Responsibility. Accountability. Big words with important meanings and so easy to overlook. They’re going to be important to you and believe me, kid, there’s nothing wrong with that. People won’t always act the way you want them to; try to remember just because YOU think someone should act a certain way doesn’t mean it’s the right way for them. Let it go because it’s wrong to force people to do anything. And don’t let others force you.

Don’t be afraid to smile and make friends but don’t blindly trust people you don’t know. And if something doesn’t feel right, don’t do it. If somebody scares you, scream your head off and run like hell because there are some bad people out there. But there are also a lot of wonderful people and most of the time you’ll be able to tell the difference. Sometimes you won’t and people will hurt you. Shame on them! Cut your losses and move on; it’s their problem, not yours.

Nobody’s life is perfect, not even yours. You can own a lot of great stuff but if you don’t have a loving family and friends then you don’t have anything. You will be greatly blessed in more ways than you can count – not by the wonderful things YOU do but by the wonderful people in your life.

Some things I’ve learned along the way:

• Listen to Mom and Dad; they really do know more than you (especially about Woodstock!).

• Go easy with the blue eye shadow; it’s not a great look. And watch out for sloe gin fizzes; they have a way of sneaking up on you and knocking you on your ass.

• Be a friend, lend a hand and don’t judge; you never know what someone may be going through.

• Be respectful – not only of others but of yourself.

• The popular thing isn’t always the right thing and the right thing isn’t always the popular thing. That’s a tough one.

• If you say you’re going to do something, do it. Be responsible (see above).

• Don’t be afraid to show your emotions and let people know how much you care; it’s how you know you’re alive.

• Be flexible. Things don’t always go as planned.

• You’re going to have your heart broken more than a few times and you’re going to break some hearts, too. It sucks but that’s just the way life is.

• Don’t be late. Period. You can’t control the weather or traffic but you can anticipate it.

• Don’t lie or make excuses. Not only does it show poor character – it’s too hard to remember all your tall tales. The truth always comes out.

• Smoking is not cool so cut it out. It’s a disgusting and expensive habit.

• Listen to the Beatles as much as you can; not only is their music just about the best you’ll ever hear, you’ll learn a lot from what they have to say.

• Just be a decent person; it’s really not that difficult.

Look to the stars, dream big and follow your heart. And in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make.

Love, You!”

NAR © 2022