The sun's got nothing on you, baby.

Hayden loved sunsets. It wasn’t just the beauty of the swirl of rich hues in the sky full of crimsons and oranges and purples that drew him to his balcony every evening. There was something about the sun that captivated him like no other. He assumed it was the sense of completeness he felt as he watched the battle of the ocean and the sun. A faraway fiery star sinking beneath the horizon, its light scattered among the clouds, fading into the deep hues of red and blue until all that was left was a muted mauve sky tinged with obsidian sparks.

The sun always left, but never without the promise of returning after the night had passed.

Damon had laughed when Hayden finally told him one day on the beach as they watched the sunrise. His head resting on his shoulders, he'd looked up at Hayden, amusement clear and squished his cheeks, claiming that he was too precious for the world. 

Which was precisely why it hurt so much when Damon took the sun with him when he left. 

Damon used to joke that he was the moon. "Did you know the moon doesn't have any light of its own? It only reflects the sun's light." Damon turned to him, his eyes fading to crescents with his smile.

"Hayden! I'm the moon!" But he couldn't have been more wrong. And Hayden didn't have the heart to correct him that Hayden, with all his love for the sun and its warmth, was ironically devoid of it. Perhaps it did make sense, like a blind man seeking out the light in hopes to comprehend the bright glow behind his eyelids one day.

When he first met Damon Campbell, he wondered if someone could be made of sunshine. So much brightness and laughter and smiles all in one, no one was surprised when Hayden started falling for him. Not like an addiction, never like an addiction; no, Damon was too good for that. Because how could he not, when the sun was his soulmate?

And so the months passed by, Hayden seldom returned to his apartment after work, the memories too raw and painful, still stung his chest every time he spotted the irreplaceable traces of Damon around the house. On the coffeemaker he'd bought, the mugs they'd made together, the new couch replacing the tattered one.

But his friends were determined, threatening him, if necessary to come along to their parties and brunches and hangouts. Isaac looked terrifying.

He saw the unuttered pity in their eyes, though they'd never say it to him. And he didn't blame them for being angry at them; after all, Damon was their friend too. Hayden just wished he could've seen this coming. It was the seventh time they'd hung out and he'd entered the restaurant with an uneasy feeling only to see Damon there. 

Blood roared in his ears, a malevolent thunderstorm in his chest. "Hi, Hayden." The same voice who'd left him alone and cold. Never before had he hated his name so much.

Damon sets his phone aside and gives him a small smile, but Hayden doesn't return it. He tilts his head in acknowledgement and settles opposite Adrian. "How's songwriting coming along?" He asks casually, noticing the way his friends eyed the two of them. Adrian breaks the tense silence with a pat and a forced laugh.

Hayden doesn’t feel his heart because after all, Damon did take that with him too when he left.

Sometime along the night, his friends have slipped away, leaving him and Damon alone in the room.

"How have you been?" 

Hayden scoffs. "Never better. You?" He can see the sadness in Damon's eyes but he refuses to acknowledge that because Damon isn't allowed to be sad. Why should he be? He left him. He took away all the warmth in Hayden's life when he left and for that, a small part of Hayden is terrified.

"Well. I think." Damon's eyes scan his face, arms and flit back to his eyes. Hayden wonders what he sees. What he saw in him. 

"You've lost a lot of weight." Hayden ignores the concern; has to, otherwise, he would hope and he knows better than to hope for impossible things. 

A sigh. "Yeah."

Hayden didn't think he could handle seeing Damon's retreating back again tonight so before he could say any more, Hayden got up. "I can't Damon, I'm sorry."

His face stills at that. "This isn't easy for me too, Hayden."

Later, he'd come to realize that all this time, maybe, just maybe, Damon missed him too. But for now, he drags a palm over his eyes wearily. "I know. I'm sorry for making this awkward, but I'm not doing okay. I need to go."

It was hypocritical of him to hate Damon for letting him go, but Hayden was still angry when he left Isaac’s place.

The second time Hayden sees Damon is on his way home. He'd worked till he couldn't stand the sight of his clients anymore with a perfect plan in mind. Dinner. Bed. Hope to sleep. 

With exhaustion making his brain numb, he nearly missed a familiar jacket on the sidewalk. But he couldn't mistake the strawberry pink hair anywhere. Hayden frowned as the car came to a stop. It was freezing outside in the middle of nowhere. "Damon."

Damon spins around and his jaw drops when he sees him. "Hayden? What are you doing here?"

He motions to the seat beside him, "Come on, I'll give you a ride."

The ride is quiet, unspoken words filling up the space between them easily. Every now and then, Damon hums softly to a pop song on the radio and it's all Hayden can do to not reach for his palm.

They stop in front of Damon's new flat that he'd rented a couple of months ago. Hayden doesn't tell Damon how beautiful his eyes look under the neon lights. "Damon, wait," Hayden starts, reaching for the other boy's wrist. Damon jerks at the touch and the hand draws back immediately, stung. "It was nice to see you, the other day." He manages, "Despite how it ended, it was…nice."

Damon stares at him for some time, and just when Hayden is about to apologize for making things weird again, he says, "Brunch." 

"What?"

"Brunch," he says, more resolutely than the first time. "We should get brunch. Tomorrow?"

Hayden's surprised, but he nods. "Yeah. See you?" The question gives Damon a way out if he's regretting his words but Damon smiles softly. "Yeah, I'll see you." 

It's a surprising thing, he assumes, how the slight perk of Damon's lips still managed to send butterflies in his stomach.

Hayden calls in sick the next day, uncaring about the pay they'd reduce from his salary. He'd made the mistake of placing work above everything else and he'd lost Damon. He wasn't about to repeat that; not when he could salvage things.

The restaurant Damon recommended was pretty good. Hayden's fear of things being tense between the two of them thankfully didn't come true. He let Damon talk, commenting where it seemed appropriate and—"I missed you, you know." Damon says.

Oh.

Hayden hopes that the dull lighting hid his growing blush. "I—I missed you too, Damon." 

They smile and for once in a very long time, Hayden feels a beam of warmth in his heart. 

It's a start.

He offers to drop Damon off at work and the other boy seemed shocked when Hayden told him he took the day off. "I'm sorry," Hayden says anyways because he truly was sorry for getting lost in his meetings and presentations, failing to see what truly mattered. Damon placed his hand on his and nodded. "I know."

For the umpteenth time, Hayden feels light and he could've sworn that night he saw stars in the sky.

His friends seemed to pick up on their amicable relationship, often called them to hang out together and Hayden apologized profusely to them separately for not showing up. He'd expected arguments and shoves but all he got were hugs so tight he could barely breathe. 

The sun had set the day Damon left him. There was a helplessness in Damon's eyes, above the rough grip on his wrist, he'd wiped his face harshly but nothing stopped the cold, unforgiving tears. There was a dull pain in his chest but he knew it was nothing compared to the agony of losing Damon. 

Hayden wishes it was cold that day. He wished it was raining, glaciers falling all around him, snowing—anything but the gentle buzz of the summer evening around him. It was useless, he wanted to scream. He had no use for the warmth around him when Damon's heartbroken smile against the setting sun left him. 

The night was when he could no longer ward off the demons. Every day for months, it was the same goddamn dream. Damon standing in the middle of the sea, his body nearly ethereal with the light emanating from him. "Hayden," he called out. But none of his desperate, borderline maniacal efforts brought him any closer to him. Damon always smiled then, a crooked grin, a little rueful, a little sad. "I want the sun. You can't have it now."

And always, he'd disappear before Hayden could tell him that he had no use for the sun without him. 

Brunches, it seemed, had become their thing. They'd go to the same restaurant, order the same things but Hayden cherished every second of it. 

On their way back home Damon had asked, "How's your work going?" There was no bitterness in his tone, only genuine curiosity. "We shouldn’t talk about that," Hayden murmured, unable to meet Damon's eyes. 

"Hayden, it's fine, I want to know." 

Silence. 

"I didn't deserve you." Hayden finally gets out, his voice rough from the emotion threatening to take over. "I didn't deserve your love or you and I'm sorry you got hurt because of me. The first time we'd met I was angry at you for leaving me." All the words that he hadn't said, came forth on their own accord. "Selfish and cruel, I know, but I was terrified because you took all the warmth in my life when you left Damon, and it's never been the same." 

The car comes to a stop and he grabs the bouquet and shoves it on Damon's lap. Damon looks at the orchids and hyacinths and daffodils. 

"You don't—you don't have to say anything." Hayden stutters, when Damon says nothing. They were starting to be friends and Hayden had fucked that up too. Goddamnit. "I'm sorry if this is too much, I just had to let you know that I'm so sorry for how I treated you. You can leave the flowers too, I just—"

"Hayden."

"Yes?"

Damon's eyes are shining but he's smiling and Hayden's so confused.

He pulls him into a hug, setting the flowers aside and Hayden lets himself be selfish for once by giving in to the touch of the sun. Damon smells like home and it's so familiar, Hayden wants to cry. Damon kisses the top of his head and laughs wetly. He's missed this so desperately and he knows he'll shatter.

"We'll be okay."

He never tells Damon but for the first time in eight months, Hayden sleeps peacefully.

They don't bring it up again but Hayden sees Damon smiling at him fondly every time he thinks he's not looking and it never fails to make his heart flip. Maybe.

And one day after dinner, it's snowing but he's finally happy, so Hayden throws himself on a pile of snow, peals of laughter escaping him as he throws the flakes into the sky. 

It takes him a moment to realize that he has company and when he whirls around, Damon has the same peculiar look in his eyes. He sits beside him, still not saying anything, but his gaze speaks more than he could. 

Maybe it's the weather that's put him in such a happy mood, so he dares. He dares to ask him without fearing what would be left of his heart if Damon refused. "Will you come back?" He asks because he needs to know. He's selfish to want the sun back but he can only live in the cold for so long. 

"Will you want the sun back?" 

"With you, I won't need the sun anymore." 

Damon doesn't look surprised but his eyes give away to a gentler expression before his lips meet Hayden's. His hand cups his cheek, tilting to the side to come closer and Damon's lips are soft and sweet on his, he never wants this to end.

They say to not makes homes of people, but in that moment, Hayden knows there'll never be his home without Damon.

They go to Hayden's place and as they lie in bed, Damon tucks himself under Hayden's neck and whispers, "I love you."

His arms tighten around the other boy and he wonders if Damon hears his voice waver as he replies, "I love you too Damon. So much."

There are so many things he still wants to say because even if Damon may find it himself to forgive Hayden, he could never forgive himself for the way he treated him. But for now, it is enough so he draws Damon closer with a determined vow to never let the sun slip away ever again.

Sometime in the night, Hayden wakes up to Damon shivering on him. He'd forgotten how easily the other boy got cold. Gently unwrapping Damon's arms, he brings another blanket and Damon sighs immediately, curling up on his side. He smiles.

The smile never leaves his lips when Hayden sits in the balcony. It's cold and raining but he doesn't seem to feel the cold above the warm, encompassing feeling in his chest. His eyes fall on the lake and the water shimmers brightly under the moon. Tonight the sky wasn't freckled with stars, just one; faint and far away, yet glowing defiantly.

And in that moment, under the moon and the stars Damon loved so much, Hayden thinks he fell in love all over again.