Ellipsis

Trigger warning: political satire and references to gun violence

July 6

[Sib Group Chat]

DJ

I just got off the phone with him and he still hasn’t decided on his veep pick, but might be actually leaning toward the dog murderer. He likes the idea of having a woman on the ticket 🙄

E-dawg

FFS bro…

Big sis

The only response that pick is going to bring to the convention is crickets…

Big sis

😜

DJ

Woooooow…. 

E-dawg

OMG I’m dying

Jared

😍

Tiff

I don’t get it…

DJ

How long have you been holding on to that one?

DJ

But for real guys. We are a week and a half out from the convention and no one has stepped up to the plate to change the direction of this thing. It’s been 6 months since he promised me the VP slot and here we are still dancing around it. He's fucking me over.

E-dawg

…

Big sis

…

Jared

…

Tiff

Is nobody going to say it? We all obviously love him but he’s going to lead you on until the last minute and then make a random pick based on who bent the knee the most recently. It might not even be someone on his short list at this point…it could be someone even worse like Rudy, Kelly Ann… or Tucker Carlson 🤢

E-dawg

I’m hearing Dennis Quaid is a confiscator

E-dawg

*contender

DJ

Oh fuck off

Big sis

This is just like the time he promised you the golf course in Scotland for your 21st birthday

E-dawg

She’s right… I just don’t see him giving you what you want bro. For all of his talk of succession plans, he won’t risk passing the power on to you. TBH if he’s going to give it to any of us it’s going to be IK.

Jared

😬

DJ

This is bullshit. He's going to make a horrible last minute choice like last time and then immediately regret it but be stuck with it.

E-Dawg

What makes you think you are the best option? Just because he's been dangling it in front of your face for 4 years? Wake up. You know he was just doing it to get you to push the campaign forward and stop doing so much coke.

Tiff

☹️

Big sis

We all know there are no guarantees with him. I wish you wouldn't have gotten your heart set on it. I know this sucks but I’m sure he will throw you something solid once the election is over. Maybe labor secretary? You will be involved. And honestly, the veep doesn't really do anything significant anyway. You know this.

DJ

STFU. Honestly. You have never been in my shoes or been mind fucked by him like I have. None of you have. I'm the eldest boy. His heir. I should be his favorite. But I never know where I stand with him or what's coming next. Years of false promises and insecurity. No matter what I do or how I show him my commitment... it's never enough for him. None of you have had it as bad as I have.

July 11

E-dawg

Are you guys coming to family dinner tonight?

Big sis

We will be there

Tiff

Yeeeeep. I’ll be late but I’ll be there.

Big sis

Does anyone know if M is going to be there? I could really do without her side eye tonight.

E-dawg

🤷.... At least there will be booze either way

Jared

🍸🍷

July 13

E-dawg

Jesus fucking christ!!! This is crazy. Does anyone know what's going on?

Big sis

What are you hearing? Is he ok? He was talking and moving so clearly he’s alive but it looks like a lot of blood

Tiff

Does he still have the ear? I’m seeing on Twitter that one of the secret service men picked it up off the ground and brought it to the hospital

Big sis

There is no way that’s true… 

E-dawg

No one is answering my calls - I can't get through

Tiff

Where was his security?!? This is insane.

Big sis

I'm going to try calling again

E-dawg

Where are they taking him? Which hospital?

Big Sis

I just got off the phone with Jackson. His ear is still attached, he’s stable, mad as hell, swearing up a storm and asking for a hamburger

Jared 

👂🙏

Tiff

Why do they always answer when you call and not me?

E-dawg

💯

E-dawg

Same

Big sis

Really?! So not the point right now. 

July 15

DJ

Are you guys seeing this?

Tiff

What? The stuff about POTUS being behind the shooting? Seems like a stretch.

DJ

No way. This is clearly the work of the dems. They know they're going to lose in November, and this was the only way they could think of to beat us.

E-dawg

There’s no way… I mean the guy can barely form a sentence these days let alone hire a hit man and plan an assassination on his political opponent

DJ

Bro. He has people who can carry out this kind of shit on his behalf. He might now have done the heavy lifting but I can definitely see how he would be involved.

Big sis

If he did do it… it clearly backfired. He’s fine and more popular than ever right now. 

DJ

Thank god for that

DJ

Are they going to do a formal investigation?

E-dawg

I’m sure they will

Tiff

Obviously

DJ

They should just fire the head of his secret service and move on. Seems like it was just a dumb kid going rouge. The chances of them actually being able to pin this on an individual and having the proof to do so is so slim you guys.

Big sis

It’s worth investigating. If they can find any ties to JB then this whole thing is over

Jared

💯

DJ

It's already over. He's on the cover fucking Time magazine. Like, come on.

Tiff

Honestly, whoever was behind it is not going to stop until they achieve their end goal. This is serious and scary, and the entire family should be on high alert.

E-dawg

Agreed

Big sis

D - you were on site with his team the night before, helping him prepare for the rally. Was there anything you think the SS team missed or overlooked? 

DJ

….