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Funny Holiday Christmas

This year has gotten the best of us all - there's no getting around that. I recently started a new job as a human resources manager in New York City. Coming into this job as quickly as I did gave me a little bit of anxiety. As I started to set up my office with small decorations, one being a statue of a bird one of my girlfriends gave to me as a gag gift, someone knocked on my door. I looked up to see a petite, shy woman standing in my doorway with bulky glasses and an outfit my grandmother would wear. She introduced herself as Miley, my assistant. I wasn't aware I'd be granted an assistant but was grateful because I was new and didn't know much about the building. She was soft-spoken, which frustrated me at first because I'm a very loud person. She quickly took notice of the bird figurine on my desk and asked me about it. I explained that one of my closest friends gave it to me for my birthday one year. She went on to tell me she loved birds; she was an avid birdwatcher. I told her I didn't know much about them, but I found them fascinating and beautiful. Our conversation was interrupted by the phone ringing at her desk. She excused herself to go answer it and I went back to setting up my office. As time went on, I learned more about Miley. She was like the girl in high school who was obsessed with horses. Our conversations were never about our work, it was always about random things that I could care less about. After all, I was there to be a human resources manager, not to talk about birds, cattle, and whatever else Miley could think of. Months passed and I got more comfortable with everyone else in the office and with the building, I was in. By this time, it was December and the holidays were right around the corner. On the 23rd, Miley told me she had gotten me a gift. I was surprised and told her she didn't have to do that. She just smiled, put down my memos, and walked out. The next day she knocked on my door just as I was getting ready to leave for the day.  She walked in with this tall, blanketed object. All I could do was stare at it. She set it down on the side table by my couch and uncovered the object. It was a birdcage with a bird inside, squawking. It was mostly grey and black, but it had a very distinct patch of red feathers on top of its head. A freaking bird? She said since I was fascinated with birds, she thought it would've been a great idea. I looked at her, gave her a hesitant smile, and said thank you. She wished me happy holidays and left for the day. I stood there, at the edge of my desk, all of my belongings in my hand. I stared at the cage with the bird. I thought to myself, "what the hell am I going to do with a freaking bird?" I groaned, picked up the cage, and walked out to my car. When I got home, I set the cage down on my dining room table. I immediately grabbed my phone and headed straight for Google. "How do you take care of a bird" is what I wrote in the search bar. As usual, many links came up on how to care for one. While scrolling through the first page of links, I kept thinking how I couldn't even keep a simple house plant alive and I forget to feed myself sometimes, how in the world am I going to keep a bird alive? I only searched for 10 minutes before giving up. I called my girlfriend who gave me the figure, told her what happened and she spent about five minutes cackling. Once she calmed down, she asked me what I was going to do.  What the heck was I going to do? Who gets someone they don't know a bird? I told her it already has food and water in the cage so I wasn't going to go out of my way just yet. She laughed some more and then wished me luck before ending the call. I sat down at the table and looked at the bird. It was pretty after all, but seriously, what was I going to do with it? I don't even know what it is. It was getting pretty late, so I decided I was going to worry about this whole thing tomorrow. I left the cage where it was and went to get ready for bed.  

I was sound asleep when all of a sudden, I heard this terrible screeching. I looked at my phone and it read 2:48 AM. The screeching continued, so I stumbled out of bed to investigate. Here, it was the stinking bird, screaming at the top of its lungs. How do I get it to stop?! It's not like a baby where you can hold it to make it stop crying. I tried talking to it, I rummaged through my fridge to find fruit I could give it, but it would not stop! Out of exhaustion and frustration, I grabbed the cage and put it in my bathroom, and closed the door. It seemed to muffle the screaming, but it was still annoyingly loud. I grabbed a thick blanket and draped it over the cage.  Finally, the bird stopped screeching. I let out a sigh of relief, closed the door, and went back to my bedroom. I made a note on my phone to buy earplugs the next day. I woke up around 11:30, went into the bathroom, and was startled. I had forgotten about this whole bird situation that the cage scared me. I picked the cage up and put it back on the table, then realized the damn bird pecked a hole through the blanket. I groaned, took the blanket off, and deemed it to be the birds now. I made myself some breakfast, threw in the rest of the fruit for the bird, and went to the couch to watch some TV. I glanced over at the odd bird, who sat on its perch, staring back at me. I said out loud, "I have to get rid of this thing." I started to get hungry, so I walked to the kitchen and made myself a snack. I noticed the bird's water dish was empty. I went over to the cage, hesitantly opened the door, and carefully reached my hand into it, keeping my eyes on the bird at all times. I didn't know if birds could bite or not, so naturally, I was anxious. Just as I was bringing my hand out of the cage, the bird bolted. It flew right out of the cage and I hit the deck. It flew all around my apartment, latched onto the curtains, and tried to grab onto pictures I had hanging. This pesky bird found a resting place on top of a lamp. I inspected the damage: torn curtains, knocked down, and broken picture frames. I stood, frozen, mouth wide open, staring at this devil bird. What the hell do I do now? How do you catch a bird? I looked around my apartment and found an empty storage box. I slowly tip-toed my way over to the lamp, raising the box towards the bird. Just as I was closing the distance, it took off. This time, coming inches from my head. I screamed and fell to the ground again. The bird flew frantically around my apartment. It made its final turn, in line with the lamp, but flew straight into my tall windows with a loud smack. I yelped as it hit and then fell straight to the ground. At first, I just looked at it because I wasn't sure if it was going to jump up and start terrorizing my apartment again, but it just laid there, on its back. I crept over to the bird and saw its left wing was bent awkwardly. This is when I started to panic. "What do I do? Is it dead? No, it's still breathing. Okay, a vet, I need a vet," I frantically spoke out loud to myself. I ran to my phone and Googled vets near me. I found one and wrapped the bird into the blanket I put over the cage and headed out the door.  

The vet was 15 minutes from my apartment complex, but I think I got there quicker than that. I basically ran to the front desk, out of breath. I explained to the receptionist what happened and she gave me some paperwork to fill out. One of the questions was "what breed is the animal", I don't freaking know, it's a bird; so that's what I wrote. The next question asked how old it was, I also didn't know that so I wrote "young". When I finished the paperwork, I looked down at the bird who was just staring back at me, all wrapped up. It kind of looked like a little burrito. My name was called to see the vet. We got into a separate room and the nurse that brought us in started asking me questions about the bird and what happened. After explaining everything, she looked at me, dumbfounded, and said the vet would be in shortly. We waited about 10 minutes before the vet came in. He took the bird from its little cocoon and placed it on the examining table. He told me the wing looked broken but would need an x-ray to confirm. I also learned at this time the bird was in fact a female. The vet returned with the x-rays and said it was indeed broken. He also said he tried looking up the breed of the bird to see what would be the best way to treat her but was unable to find it. I didn't know what breed she was either so I was no help. After researching on the ever so helpful Google, we came across a rare breed which looked very similar, almost identical, to the little bird who was wrapped up like a little burrito again. I asked the vet if there was any way she could be that breed. He wasn't sure, but he also said it wasn't impossible. The vet said our best bet was to get a second opinion. We finished up in the room and we were sent on our way. While we were checking out, the receptionist gave me the phone number of a bird expert, Diane Winslow. She told me to give her a call and see if she could help me out. She wished me luck and I started my way back to my apartment. I placed the bird back into her cage once we got back, but paused to admire her for a second. "I need to think of a name for you," I said to her. Well, she's grey, black, and has a little bit of red, so let's work with that. I landed on the name Ruby. I felt pretty pleased with myself for finding a sweet and simple name on my own. I filled Ruby's water dish, firmly closed the door, and grabbed my phone. I took the business card out of my coat pocket that had Diane Winslow's phone number on it. I dialed the number and waited. The phone picked up on the third ring. I briefly explained how Ruby's vet was unsure of her breed and that I was sent to her for help. She asked me if I could meet up for lunch around 1:45 at the downtown cafe; she asked me to bring pictures of Ruby. I agreed and said I would see her soon. I let out an overwhelming sigh, put my phone down, and started to get ready. 1:45 rolled around pretty quickly, so I started my walk to the cafe a few blocks down. Finding Ms. Winslow wasn't hard at all: she had a shirt that had many birds over it and a jacket that had a bird pin on it. We started talking, I showed her pictures of Ruby, and then she gasped. She looked up at me, dead in the eyes, and said, "this is an extremely rare bird." I just stared at her. Ms. Winslow told me Ruby was an Antioquia Brushfinch. They're critically endangered and were mainly in Colombia. The Antioquia Brushfinch was first discovered in 1971 but was thought to be extinct until in 2018 it was discovered again in a small town. Ms. Winslow sighed and said there's only about 20 left in the world. I didn't know what to do with this information. I just stared at her, like a deer in headlights. What am I supposed to do with this rare bird? How do I take care of her? I asked Ms. Winslow the questions that I felt were most necessary. She told me to have routine vet visits and to make sure Ruby gets plenty of nutrients. She advised me to not feed her bird food from pet stores because they're meant for the common bird, not rare ones. She told me to feed her fruits and vegetables: berries, tropical fruits, spinach, lettuce. I thanked her for her time and help and left the cafe. 

Before heading home, I stopped at the farmers market to grab what I needed. I grabbed blueberries, raspberries, blackberries, kale, and spinach. I also stopped at a drug store to pick up earplugs. I took my loot home to Ruby. I set my bags down on the table next to her cage. I opened the door, fully expecting Ruby to dart out again, but she just stood on her perch. I slowly reached my hand in and started to pet her. Ruby seemed to enjoy it. I let her know I was going to take great care of her. I grabbed her food dish, rinsed it out, and dried it. I cut up some of the berries and ripped apart some of the kale and spinach leaves. I placed the dish back in the cage and Ruby went straight for it. I noticed she liked blackberries the best. I smiled while watching her eat. I closed the door and sat down at the table. I gazed at Ruby and felt very prepared and excited for the amazing life I was going to provide Ruby: my rare bird. 

December 20, 2020 02:58

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