To Cindy, with love and lust

           You came to Algebra that day, your cheeks flushed with exertion, your bangs clinging with perspiration to your forehead, and your shoelaces untied. You were late, as usual, for our Algebra Class.  Mr. Gregory gave you a stern look. You began to mumble some excuse I couldn’t hear, but he interrupted you. “Late again, Cindy Romano? I’m sure you have some cockamamie excuse like every other day, but the class is busy solving quadratic equations, and can’t waste our valuable time listening to sob stories. Just sit down and get to work.”

           Still breathing hard you sat down in the chair in front of my desk. That was the day I fell in love with you, as I inhaled your scent: a mixture of floral shampoo, perspiration, and a musky odor from your jeans that made my dick wake up. In class my hand kept on wandering down to my dick as I tried to concentrate on the classwork.

Every day in class I would wait for that aroma when you sat down. Every night in bed I tried to recreate it from memory. I was like an addict with a fix, and like many drugs your scent would produce a high in a very specific organ. I would imagine it while jerking off and sometimes dreamed about you afterwards. 

The first dream about you wasn’t sexy. In it you turned around in class to borrow a pen, and I searched frantically for one in my jacket pockets.  When I couldn’t find one, you got one from another kid in the class, someone I hate -- George Berger.  I felt hurt by your betrayal and woke up afraid that I’d lost you to him.

           In fact you’d never even spoke to me until one morning you turned around before class and asked, “Did you get the answer to the fifth problem on the homework sheet? I couldn’t solve the equation. Will you give me the answer before Mr. Gregory collects the papers?”

           I was so excited that I started searching among my notes for the homework.  I didn’t spot it right away, even though it was right on the top of my papers.  When I finally found it and showed you the answer, you tilted your head in amusement, and I noticed your dimples.  I’d always thought you were beautiful, and when you smiled at me with that hint of mockery, it felt like sucker punch. Love and lust, a heady pair.

           Just as Mr. Gregory entered the classroom, you blew me an air kiss in thanks, your lips glowing with bright red lipstick.  The kiss had to be a signal that you were as hot for me as I was for you.  I imagined how it would feel to have those lips on my dick. 

           I decided to find out where you lived and surprise you with a visit.  I knew your apartment building was on Pineknoll Avenue, because I’d found it listed on your transcript when I sneaked into the records room, after the staff went home.

           Pineknoll is on the other side of town from where I live. The neighborhood is known to be rundown.  When I got to your address, 1040 Pineknoll,  I was surprised to find a shabby brick building surrounded with dying plants and dirty windows, with rusting air conditioners dotting the façade. I admit I didn’t expect to find you in such depressing  circumstances.  Most of the kids who go to Crestview High come from private homes. But how would your address matter, if I could be alone there with you, Cindy?

           I went to the entry but couldn’t find any listing for the name Romano on the panel with the buzzers.  The only way I could enter was for a random tenant to let me in, but I still wouldn’t have been able to visit because I didn’t know your apartment number.  What would you have done if I turned up on your doorstep?  Defeated by the building’s security, I went home trying to think of another way to find where you lived.  I could think of nothing else. 

           That night I dreamed that I found you in your apartment on Pineknoll. As dreams go, the next scene was where we were fucking in your bed. I woke up with cum on my pajamas.  I couldn’t fall back asleep afterwards, wondering how I could find out where in that old building you lived.

           The next day you again came late to our algebra class. When I saw you, I had an inspiration.  “Hey, Cindy, do you live near Pineknoll Avenue? I was over there visiting a friend yesterday and thought I saw you on the other side of the street,” I asked. I was proud to have thought up this gambit.

           You gave me a funny look and replied, “No, I wasn’t anywhere near there yesterday.”

           I didn’t stop to wonder if it was a great idea to press you.  Instead I blurted out, “Somehow I thought you lived near there.”

           “Naw. I don’t anymore.”

           “Where do you live now? Maybe I’ll come by and say hello, or something….”

           She turned around so fast that her brown hair swept over the left side of her face, veiling it like a curtain. She hissed, “Mind your own business, Cliff,” and turned to face the board.

           I hated you then for being so nasty. That is, I hated you until you shifted your butt in the seat, and I got a whiff of that pussy scent, stronger than usual, as if you hadn’t had a shower in a while.  I felt a savage burst of lust and thought, what do I have to lose?  “You didn’t need to be so fucking nasty. I was only trying to be friendly,” I replied.

           She turned around again, much more slowly. “I’m sorry, Cliff. It’s just that I don’t want to talk about it. My mom and me, we had to move last month and I’m not supposed to tell anyone, especially here in school.”

           “Aw, Cindy. My bad!  Sorry.  Geez, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

           You  gave me that smile, and close up I saw that your grin is lopsided, with the right side of your lips curving higher than the left.  Without thinking, I reached over and squeezed your hand, which was resting on the back of your chair. You squeezed mine in return, with tears  brimming in your eyes, your eyelashes fluttering with emotion.   I wanted you so much at that moment that I thought I would come in my pants. 

           “Would you please stop talking and start the work on the board,” Mr. Gregory said, pointing at both of us. I would have assassinated him for interrupting at that moment, if I’d had a weapon.

           I remember nothing about the rest of that school day. I was obsessed by getting you alone, Cindy, so I could tell you how much I love you and want to fuck you. From the way you reacted when I squeezed your hand I believe you felt the same. 

            Fortune must favor the horny, because when school was dismissed that day I spotted you leaving and decided to follow you to discover where you were living. When you got on the number 30 bus, I got on at the back door so you wouldn’t see me. The bus was very full and seemed to travel a long way, for at least a half hour. I kept my eyes on you the whole time. When you finally  got off, I did too. There were many other people who also descended at that stop, so I was pretty sure you didn’t notice me behind you. I was going to follow you to your house, but in less than a block I spotted you entering an ugly high rise of grey concrete that looked more like a jail than an apartment building.

           I took a minute to look around. We were in a neighborhood that was even more depressing than Pineknoll Avenue was.  Stores were  boarded up, pawn shops dotted every block, and homeless people were sleeping on the street. When I got to your front door, I saw that your building was as decrepit as the rest of the block.  A drunk cradling an empty Thunderbird bottle was passed out on the landing.

            Was it possible that you lived here? I stood outside the entrance unsure of what to do next. Then, as if by a miracle, you appeared at the entry.

           When you saw me, you froze. “Why are you here,” you asked. “Did you follow me?” Your voice trembled with anger and fear.

           “Yes,” I replied. “Don’t be angry, Cindy. I just…I dunno know. I really like you and want to hang out with you.” As I spoke I realized how lame I sounded.  

           “I should never have told you that I moved from the apartment on Pineknoll. I promised my mom I wouldn’t tell a soul. Now the school will find out that I’m not in the same district as before and make me enroll in the local high school, which sucks. Just look at this dump!  My mom and I had to move here because my stepfather tried to kill her when we were living on Pineknoll, and he found us.  He’s after me now too. We’ve been running from him for years.  The police never do a damn thing to protect us. We’ve moved five times in the past three years to get away from him. Somehow he always finds us.” Tears were running down her cheeks, and snot dripped from her nose. “And now -- you!  You’re as much of a creep as he is. Leave me the fuck alone!”

           I left without saying a word. Maybe I should have stayed and tried to convince you that I’d never breathe a word to anyone about where you’re living. Your stepfather sounds like a real bad news!  I wanted to protect you but didn’t know how.

           I couldn’t stop worrying about you all that day.  I thought about you later when I went to bed. Your name was on my lips, and my cock in my hand. 

           On my way to school I marveled at how hot the sun seemed for a December day.  I was only wearing a T-shirt and didn’t need my parka. I wondered what you’d say when you saw me. You were already seated when I entered the classroom. We were the only two students there, but that didn’t strike me as strange. I knew it had been preordained that we would be alone together, except for Mr. Gregory, of course. He was wearing board shorts, and we both laughed at how weird he looked. He screamed at us to shut up and wrote an equation on the board for us to solve: (13A + 26B -3C) + 98 = 947. “Solve the equation for the value of C,” he said.

  “How can I solve an equation with so many unknowns?” I asked.  He threw an eraser at me. You started to cry when I called him a cocksucker and a whore master. 

           I stood up and said, “Forget this stupid class! Cindy, I love you. Let’s fuck.” 

           You replied, “Why? Why me?” In spite of your tears you rose from your chair chair and started pulling off your clothes. Mr. Gregory tried to stop us, but we were already fucking on my desk then, and he couldn’t prevent me from coming inside you.

           I woke up sobbing, sticky and bathed in sweat. It was almost 7:30 and I was late for school, with no time for breakfast. I rushed to get there by first period, English class. Oliver twist. After that Spanish class. Fui, fue, fuimo...fuck it all. Time seemed to crawl.  My head was pounding, my tummy convulsed with hunger pangs.  

           10:20. ALGEBRA. In the classroom Mr Gregory was wearing his usual Dockers, dress shirt and tie.  Three quadratic equations were on the board to solve. There were twenty-two students present. The seat in front of mine – yours, Cindy -- was empty and has been every day since then as well. 

           Cindy, where are you? Will I ever see you again? Why haven’t you come to school? Will we ever be together again? I remember that day when I took your hand, and how much I wanted you.    Didn’t you want me too?

Love, Cliff