Crowded, yet Lonely

Crowded, yet Lonely 

By: Haripriya 

Cities. Busy streets. Lots of people. Famous buildings, skyscrapers, and even monuments. Yup, those are the characteristics of any ordinary city. Well, let me tell you a journey I went through, which I was so shocked about. 

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Once, when I moved from Havensfield a small town to Riverview Heights City. Let me tell you that it was the craziest and wildest place I have ever been in. After I landed in the Riverview International Airport, I took all my suitcases and booked a cab. I took a good look around the place. Lights buzzing here and there. Signals and cars vrooming, and swooshing. The strong smell of gasoline hit me hard. I didn’t need to sniff to smell all that street food across the airport. My eyes felt dizzy. People walking here and there. I felt so squished, but still something didn’t feel right. The cab driver was a very friendly man, but for some reason I felt … sad. I replied to him, but as I did that, my mood became even worse! My heart felt depressed and lonely. This is ironic since it was such a packed city! Every single second there was a traffic jam. No one could freely ride their cars. I could spot lot of beggars holding up signs saying, “Please help me. I am a homeless person.” There were many restaurants, shops, fast food stands, tall apartment buildings, office buildings, parks, and schools. No chance of having personal distance. I wasn’t feeling too good about it. I was not ready to be a city person. I was more of a suburban person. A place where there wasn’t this much chaos everywhere. But it was too late now. I was stuck here, and there was no doubt about that.  

Finally, I had reached the small apartment building in which I will be staying for a couple of months. On the front of the door, I read, “809”. I figured it was my apartment number. Now, there was no reason to mention how small everything was spaced out. Once I took my key and unlocked the front door, I entered the kitchen. After two steps I reached the hall. After 4 steps I reached the bathroom. Then one step to the side, and I reached my room. Yeah, so much for” personal space”, I guess. So far nothing was going right, or my way. To make matters even worse, there was rust, mold, and grease in every corner you could find. Some cobwebs here and there and for each step I took, there was a firework show. Only this time it was dust particles, and I am allergic to dust and pollen. So, you can imagine what happened to my precious eyes and nose after that. Continuously sneezing for almost 5 minutes and waterfall pouring and dashing out of my eyes. I almost had difficulty breathing. I had a terrible first impression. It felt like this apartment (or a squished cubicle) hadn’t been cleaned for 2 centuries! It is ironic that I ended up in a city for my research project. But, when I stare outside, I see hundreds and thousands of souls roaming around. But for some reason I felt like I didn’t belong, like I was all alone.  

When I tried to switch on the lights, they flickered and soon completely darkened the room. When I tried to twist the blinds, I noticed that the entire glass part was covered in mud, all over. The two-foot patio was the city to Bug Land, but the ironic part is that all the bugs are squished dead, making some interesting, gross colors on the sturdy, but dirty wooden floor. I sighed, thinking that there needed to be some redecorating going on here, and opened the bathroom to check if it was gross, or worse. When I stepped foot inside, I almost slipped. One of the wooden boards had just shifted side to side. Holding my breath, I carefully tip-toed into the bathroom. I noticed that the bathtub wasn’t that bad, the shower and the faucet somehow worked. The toilet also seemed to be fine. The only problem was the mirror above sink. I couldn’t see myself, just more cobwebs and dust particles. Lastly, I took a room tour. Carefully examining and analyzing and molds in every corner and crevice. It wasn’t so bad. I sighed for one last time and started taking my trip down the stairs to grab some of the moving boxes. There weren’t many boxes, so I could easily take those trips over again a few times. I also took my suitcases and placed them all at the front door.  

…........................................................................................................................... One week had passed since my “amazing" move. Luckily, I cleaned all those dirty spots which really bugged me. I hesitated a lot about cleaning up “Bug Land”. So, to solve that problem, I closed my eyes and picked all of them up in one single move. Let’s not get too detailed about that. Even though I got to know all my neighbors better, something still felt wrong. The reason was that I felt so lost in this big city. I didn’t what to do, and what to react about certain things. I have never lived in such a big city before. Have you ever felt like you were that red balloon in a sea full or blue? Well... that’s how I felt. Even when I interacted with some people, I felt so alone. When I called an electrician guy to fix the light, he said he would come after a piece arrived. So, every day I sit in the dark because the blind twister broke off like a twig. Sometimes I even wonder why it’s so cold in July. Or even the fact without opening my door and window, it’s freezing. Maybe it is because of the eerie atmosphere in this squished cubicle, or maybe just the fact that my fate is trying to tell me something, some bad news. The only reason I had came here was to continue my student research on animals and different species of them. I had spotted many interesting bird families. I could research about them about, but I can’t because of the internet and connectivity issue in this small apartment.  

Day by day, hour by hour, I feel even more lonelier. More than usual. A blur of noises coming from all directions, but that’s just my ears. My eyes are telling me different things to my brain. I only see me when I walk in those busy streets. My ears and eyes are constantly showing me different things. Most of the times, I walk all by myself, lost in my own deep thoughts. Constantly, my eyes go down, looking at the filthy ground. I stare at all those candy wrappers, papers, mud, grass, dirt, I flinched for a second, and almost knocked my head on the stop sign. Soon, I had reached, now what I call, my “smushed home". I dropped my bag and just stare at the plain white ceiling. Oh, how I had dearly wished for not to feel so lost in this big city anymore. Not to feel so out of the ordinary anymore. Just to blend in with others and feel like this is my home for now. Lately, I had noticed my mood had dropped severely. I felt so blue. Staring down at the fuzzy carpet, I got myself up and decided not to sulk, but to accept all my feelings and keep them in my heart. Tomorrow is going to be a new day, and a new start.  

~ The End ~