Retail thera- Oh my god is that a quesadilla?

Okay, so my boyfriend Tobias wants the new Gucci Hoverboard, because it's 2068, and who doesn't have it already? Me. I don't have it. Neither does he. And that's why he's always in a bad mood. 

“-no cuddles until I get the new hoverboard-”

“I don't wanna eat this broccoli. I want the hoverboard-”

“I don't want a new house. I want the hoverboard instead cause it's important-”

I’m tired of this dummy, acting like he owns me and everything else. I actually work. He sits on his butt all day watching reviews of the new Gucci Hoverboard. He doesn’t want the Balenciaga Hoverboard. He wants the Gucci Hoverboard. What an idiot. It literally just came out and he's crying about how he doesn't have one and blah, blah, blah he makes me wanna cry.

My boyfriend may be the most whiney guy I have ever met. What a wuss.

 I’m on a mission to shut him up, for good. I walk down the mall escalator, to get the Gucci Hoverboard, and someone runs into me.

I fall down the stairs, and I swear I hear something crack. My face is bloody, from the cut above my eyebrow. 

“I’m so sorry!” the man yells, running down to help me. “I'm such an idiot, do you want me to call for help?”

“Nah I’m good.” I get up and take the man's scarf, wiping the blood off my face. “Thanks,”

I skip to the Gucci store, blood dripping onto the pretty white tiles. Why does this happen to me? If I show Tobias, he won’t even care, he’ll just say

 “if I had the new Gucci Hoverboard, you're blood would NOT be getting all over it”

The store is crowded, and I push past everyone. I want this, I NEED this, if I don’t get it for Tobias, he’ll be annoying, and I can’t deal with him when he’s being a crybaby.

Ring, ring! I pick up my phone and answer it.

“Hello?”

“Hey baby!” he exclaims. “Where are you?”

“At the waxers place…” I trail off, trying to come up with a good lie. “Getting waxed.”

He sighs. “Does it just not hurt you or something?”

“AHHHH!” I scream, like I would if I was getting waxed. He laughs.

“Come home and make me food. I’m playing video games with Ned.”

“Stupid nerd,” I mutter under my breath. “Baby you can do it yourself. You have legs.”

“Not anymore…” he trails off, and I can just hear his game controller.

“Whatever. Starve then. Bye!”

I run all the way to where the back of the store is, and there's two Hoverboards left. A woman with blond hair that's short takes both of them.

“No way JOSE!” I throw my shoe at her eye, and she drops one of them. I grab it, but she takes it back.

“No WAY JUANITA!” she yells at me and I grab a little kids quesadilla and throw it at her face. Cheese splatters her face. “I'M aLeRgIc TO cHeEsE!”

“Yeah? I’m allergic to hoarders,” I grab both the hoverboards, and run out of the store, without even paying. No one stops me after what they just watched because I’m savage and no one has a chance.

My car turns on, and I put the hoverboards in the back of my car, then speed home.

What a day! My asshole of a boyfriend is gonna be happy now. Finna deck him in the face if he complains about this one more time.

The door swings open, and I run into the living room. 

“BABE LOOK!!!!”

He looks and grins.

“THE GUCCI HOVERBOARD!” he yells and hugs the box. “I love you so much!”

“I love you too baby,” I say.

Tobias frowns. “I was talking to the hoverboard.”

Oh.

He opens the box and his face sinks. “It’s pink. It's a girl color. Ew. Babe return it.”

“I KNEW THIs wAS COMING I FINNA DECK YOU IN THE NOSE!”

I punch him, and his nose cracks.

“We’Re OvEr!” I yell, and I get on the hoverboard, and leave the house, riding off into the sunset.

God, it's bRuTaL out here.