Soul Searching

This time she’s a bartender. Curly blond hair rests just below her chin, and thick black frames surround large, dark eyes. She’s short, shorter than you for once, and round and soft and perfect. She’s beautiful, just like every other time you’ve met her. 

“Don’t believe I’ve seen you here before. What’s your name?” you ask, taking your drink after she slides it down the table towards you. She looks you over, thinking for a second, before deciding that you’re probably not a creep. 

“Amanda. I just started working here, so expect to see a whole lot more of me. That won’t be a problem, will it?”

Her voice is high pitched, with the slight twinge of an accent you almost recognize. A New Yorker maybe? If she was in New York at some point, you wish you could’ve met her then. Would have made things a lot easier for the both of you. 

“Not at all, not at all.”

It’s a dull Monday evening at The Keepsake, the local bar. The place is pretty empty, save for a few giggling twenty-somethings in the back who’ve got nothing better to do. You suppose you’re in the same boat, but you think you’ve earned a bit of downtime. After hundreds and thousands of years on your feet, an evening sitting at the bar shouldn’t hurt. 

“You a regular here?” Amanda asks, cleaning out a glass. She looks incredibly bored, and you can’t blame her. 

“Yeah, I swing by when I can. Beats drinking at home all alone, at least.”

“I suppose that was a dumb question. Not like there are many other options out here, huh?”

The small town of Rowwood is where you find yourself this time. The pull of her soul practically dragged you here, kicking and screaming. You aren’t one for quiet, it leaves you with too much room to think. Though, if all goes well, you’ll be out of here with Amanda under your arm before September. 

“Eh, I wouldn’t know. Just got here a few months back.” you admit. 

“Really? You got family out here or something?”

“Nah, it’s just me.”

That seems to just confuse Amanda more than anything.

“Then, if you don't mind me asking, why’d you come here? I mean, this ain’t exactly a hotspot for the up and coming, y’know?”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Is it the atmosphere then? I know some folks prefer the quiet we get out here over the hustle and bustle of the city.”

“Actually, no. If anything, I miss how loud the city was. It kept your mind off things.”

“Then why the hell are you out here?”

The truth’s on the tip of your tongue, but you don’t let it spill. Not yet, at least. Maybe once she trusts you, then you can tell her. But, no, not now. It’s much too early for that.

“I was...looking for something. Something I haven’t found in any of the other places I’ve looked. I was getting desperate, so I figured it was time to start looking in the more...obscure hiding spots.”

Amanda lets out a short, dry laugh. You admit, your response probably came off as super cryptic and vague, but it was all you could say right now. It’ll make more sense to her soon enough. 

“And do you mind telling me what it is you’re looking for?”

You just look at her for a moment. That familiar feeling swells in your chest, and you’re once again assured that it’s her. Or, more accurately, her soul. That same soul you’ve been following since time immemorial, the soul that you are bound to like a dog to a leash. The common term is “soulmate” though you feel it lacks the grandeur such a thing deserves. Though, maybe that’s just you. Immortals do seem a bit more sentimental about these sorts of things, compared to mortals. 

You’ve seen this soul in every type of body, heard it through every type of voice, loved it through every type of disaster. It’s taken plenty of names over time, each of which felt like honey on your lips. Stoyana, Michik, Yasha, Erik, Roe, you could list them forever. You love them all the same, for they are the same. It’s hard to be sad each time another passes on, because you know it’s still out there, waiting for you to come and find it again. 

You smile at Amanda. 

“...Maybe after a few more drinks.”

She laughs again, and this time it’s genuine. It’s the most beautiful sound you’ve ever heard, tied only with the laughs of all her past lives. 

“I’ll take that as a challenge. Anything in particular you have in mind?”

You scan the wall of bottles behind her, too far back to read any of the labels. You just shrug. 

“Dealer’s choice. Whatever you think will fuck me up the most.”

“You wanna get fucked up? Don’t you have work in the morning?”

“Nothing I can’t do while a little fucked up. Besides, you won’t get me spilling secrets by just getting me tipsy.”

Amanda still seems unconvinced, but not enough so to really care. To her, you are still a stranger, so she has no stakes in your inevitable, terrible hangover. 

“True that. Alright, lemme whip something up.”

She turns away from you, grabbing a glass and a few bottles from a low shelf you couldn’t see. You stare down at your first drink, moving the glass and swirling it around. The ice clinks against the glass, and it seems so much louder than it should. Now that the conversation has paused, you’re left with yourself once again. You know it won’t be for long. In fact, she isn’t even gone, you’re just being dramatic, as you often are. But, still, every moment without her feels like an eternity. And you know eternity, you've been facing it and living it for...well, eternity. 

Sometimes you wonder about death. You’d think someone who would never have to meet it wouldn’t care, but for you, it’s an elusive dream. An end point, a rest, a chance to start anew with nothing of your old life holding you back. A sweet, sweet erasure. One that, for you, if forever out of reach. 

“Here.”

Amanda finishes your drink and slides it to you. You have no idea what’s in this, you weren’t paying attention. It doesn’t matter. You look back up at her, see her confident grin and sparkling eyes, and know that she is the only thing that really matters. You smile back. 

“Thanks.”