That's No Dog

Zach was a self-identifying bachelor. He liked to find dates online, have some fun, and never speak to them again. Tonight’s date, Ella, was everything he looked for in a woman. Tall, thin, and dumb.

The two decided to meet up at a popular restaurant that he insisted on paying for. The two talked over a bottle of wine, but he hadn’t cared to listen to what she had been saying. After a good meal and a few glasses later, Zach proposed they continued back at her place.

“Sounds fun, but there’s just one thing,” Ella said hesitantly. “My dog likes to lay in the bed; I hope that’s not a problem.”

“Are you kidding?” Zach said with a huge grin. “I love dogs!”

The two shared a kiss before driving back to her place. It wasn’t long after walking in that they were all over each other. Ella was the first to pull away, making her way down the hall, leaving a trail of clothes behind her. Following her lead, Zach quickly stripped down to his boxers. Rushing through the bedroom, Zach was almost ready to jump into the bed until he saw what was lying there at least.

“What the hell is that!?” He screamed.

Laying in the king-sized bed was a large brown bear. Frighted, he failed to notice his half-naked date petting the docile grizzly.

“This is Chewy. Isn’t he the most adorable thing you’ve ever seen?” Ella was practically nuzzling her face into its fur.

“That’s a freaking bear!” He was now crawling back towards the door, not wanting to agitate the large creature.

“What? No, he’s just a big boy,” she laughed. “I think he’s an Akita. Ooh, maybe even a mastiff!” She giggled as she scratched behind the bear’s ear.

“This chick is insane!” Zach thought internally. Though he had never seen a bear in person, he knew one when he saw it. Chewy rolled off the bed and made his way towards Zach. “Please don’t kill me!” The bear placed its massive paw onto his leg and its head to his chest.

“Aww,” Ella cooed, “he wants you to pet him.” Fearing for his life, Zach did as he was told. The bear made a loud growl that he hoped meant the animal was happy. “He likes you.”

“So,” he spoke, “where did you find this... er... dog?”

“Funny story, Chewy here was going through my trash. I always wanted a dog, but my mom said I wasn’t smart enough to take care of one, whatever that means.” Ella joined in petting the “dog.” “I give him baths, I clean up his poop, and I bought a huge bag of dog food. I think I’m an awesome pet owner.”

Zach couldn’t hold back his laughter. His fear was long forgotten, allowing him to enjoy the odd scenario he was placed in. Never in his wildest dreams did he imagine he would be petting a brown bear, especially in nothing but his underwear.

Chewy let out a roar causing all that fear to return quickly. “Time to go potty.” Ella rushed to her closet, put on a robe and slippers, and ran to the living room with the bear in tow. Zach, trying to regain his composure, followed them.

Ella opened the sliding glass door leading to the open back yard allowing the bear to go about its business. Looking at the two, Zach could tell how much she loved this animal. He’s surprised that she hadn’t posted pictures of it all over her social media. This made him wonder.

“Hey, Ella, how long have you had Chewy?”

“Hmm,” she thought for a moment. “About three days.”

“Three days!?” He looked towards the kitchen at the half-eaten fifty-pound bag of dog food.

“I know he eats so much. I don’t know how I’m going to afford all this dog food, not to mention when I have to take him to the vet.” She sighed. “But, I already decided to take care of him, so there’s no turning back now!” He admired her dedication but couldn’t overlook her lack of common sense. Although, he was feeling something he hadn’t felt with the other girls he’d been with. “Sorry, I guess this kinda ruined the mood, didn’t it?”

“A little,” he admitted, “but I don’t mind. I actually would love to get to know you more if that’s alright.”

The two spent the rest of the night talking, making sure to get to know each other. It turns out that Ella was going to school for fashion, but Chewy gave her a new love for animals. She has an appointment with her counselor on Monday to talk about switching majors. On her off days, she works as a model for a fashion blog. She also volunteers to be a nude model for her school’s art department.

It turns out, there was a lot more to her than he had previously assumed. Though she had zero-to-no common sense, she was still a hard-working student trying to make her dreams a reality. He couldn’t help but want to see all that effort pay off in the end.

Before they knew it, it was well into the night. Zach collected his belongings and made his way to leave. “It’s pretty late,” Ella spoke up, “how about you stay here for the night?”

“Are you sure?” He questioned, “I don’t want to be a bother.”

“I insist! Besides, Chewy would be sad if I threw you out.”

Zach got ready for bed, feeling a sense of joy. He couldn’t begin to describe how incredible this night had been. Not only did he pet a bear, but he also got to meet the most interesting woman he’s ever seen. He couldn’t think of anything that could top this date.

The two cuddled up against each other for the rest of the night. Though, he did wish that the bear hadn’t decided to cuddle up against him too. He figured he better get used to it if he wants that second date.