Lost in Time

Misery; that's all what memories mean for me anymore. Only last night I was breathing in her fragrance- a lovely shade of chocolate her hair was and her eyes blue and bewitching. Then like every other morning I woke up again, only to realize I don't exist for her anymore. I sigh as I navigate through the wilderness trying to follow the hidden trail I use regularly to go looking for water. I chew the remnants of a raw fish I caught the previous morning.

Fire is a luxury; scratch that- everything I took granted on Terra is a luxury here, be it water, clean air, even raw meat and wild fruits no better than weeds are hard to come by. I've been navigating these planes for more than 2 weeks and my never ending optimism is no where to be found anymore, neither is home. I don't remember every detail of the event that stranded me here which means every theory I've worked out about this place, me in it and my way back could have a number of holes to mend or simply be absurd.

STPO- Space Time Research Organization was what landed me into this paradoxical loop or simply put- a casual loop of time travel where a past event if changed can upset a numerous events of that chain and form a time loop. This was a hypothetical scenario only in every theory regulating time travel but apparently it's very much practical. Every monitored time travel conducted at the organization had been thoroughly observed to make sure paradoxes didn't exist across time. They had it under control and rendered it risk free for tests- I was told. If only I could go back to smack that snobby blonde before sitting in that pod I would at-least die with my dignity intact if I never make it back.

"That Cadillac's my guilty pleasure, 

Tell me what I can trade to you;

Hold Hold lovely darlin'

Temptation's mine beyond measure."

I hum the melody as I trudge forward. Mother loved to hum it to me when I'd have nightmares, she never said it out loud but I always knew that she blamed herself for my ruined childhood and scarred back. I wish I could've told her before she died that she couldn't have known the future, that she wasn't responsible for not having premonitions about the darkness he harbored; that he was a master manipulator anyway. But I never did. She gave me a family heirloom before dying. A thick platinum chain - my ultimate doom.

I had everything. The woman I loved, a spacious home, a company to run and billions as my savings; everything was in my possession. But I was restless. I had lost the last words my mother wanted me to know. The emerald pendant hanging off the heirloom had a code scribbled over it, my guess- coordinates of a location. I lost the Gem and I was dead-set to get it back. So I thought time travel was the answer. I mean people do crazier things with money these days. I told Stella I was flying to Moscow for work while I entered into negotiations with STRO. 

"Are you sure this will be a safe trip?"

"I assure you ma'am. STRO has conducted these trips enough times to warrant you of it's safety if you stay within reasons. Do you want me to explain the basic points of time travel?"

I nod silently while my heart beats harshly against it's cage.

"The concept is simple. Think of yourself as a physical entity that can exist at one point in time throughout the timeline at once. When you jump in time and enter a point in time and space that you weren't meant to be at then that point becomes your present and your former present becomes your past. Are you following?"

When I nod slowly she continues.

"This implies that your actions in that specific time would affect you but not the past you've already lived as your former present. But your actions need to be within a limit- as in insignificant enough to not put a dent in the order of massive events. Our agent would be with you all the time throughout this so that you can retrieve the code from the emerald, alright?"

"I agree I suppose."

It was supposed to be clean and simple. A simple heist- that too of merely a code but the people over a century ago were too paranoid for the scheme to work. I am still unable to believe the fact that I witnessed the death of my own great grandmother in the chaos whilst I aided in a heist that would be irrelevant in the altered future. I flew that time zone but landed here. 

I have been theorizing how do I still exist when I saw my lineage diminish. It's confusing because I basically lost my motivation to go back in time in the first place for the chain of transfer of the heirloom broke anyway; so did my family tree. But I didn't disintegrate nor did I materialize to my own time. Even my pod entered some time space I am not familiar to. This might mean that I no longer am in existence in the time I originally came from but am still an entity abiding by time itself. So my actions did affect the chain of events but since I wasn't directly involved in such ramifications I was simply removed like an unwanted pest from a time that no longer backed my existence.

I sigh in relief as I see the small lake come into view. It's a little dirty at the edges but the water a few inches ahead is drinkable or at least that what I assure myself of. I fill the small container made of steel I pried from the ruined parts of my pod. Walking back to the makeshift home I hum the tune again and feel my eyes tear up, once again. I don't want to cry, not again.

As the night rolls, I make myself comfortable upon the hard floor as I plead to any and every power there is that at least I dream of her again; dream of home again....