Transparent Lives Pt 1 Father's Prospective

Submitted into Contest #180 in response to: Write about someone whose luck is running out.... view prompt

8 comments

Inspirational Sad Creative Nonfiction

This story contains sensitive content

Language Warning: Lots of curse/swear words. 



Fuck! I am stuck within the loop. A Ferris wheel of blame for not expressing the truth. A foot on thorns while biting the forbidden fruit. Oblivious to the pain like a kid with cartoons.


Broke and ashamed, assuming I could work my way out of it. Doesn't do shit, and the stress is getting me sick. When a dream fades, the thoughts flourish. You hate yourself in ways you never expected.


Managing money as if I know how. Investing in the future became impossible now. Playing catch up with debt collectors on my ass. Two steps forward just to move five steps back.


A recession worse than 1929. Fucking depressed from being so far behind. I got a wife to support and kids to provide. A soul fetching for acceptance while patience has died.


Running low on fuel to stretch $40 for the week. Starve for a couple of days, denying poverty. Being so naïve to reality. Had to beg God, but you can't pray for money.


"Jane, my love, I gotta talk to you. I've been struggling to pay for shit I can't refuse. Mortgage is next week, and I know you're tight. But need the assistance to smite the contrite."


"Really, you're asking me now? I can't afford groceries. My wallet doesn't allow. I've noticed your distant because you don't fucking speak. I am your wife, and you just ignore me."


"No, I don't. I just don't want you to worry..."


"Bullshit! You pay for things assuming you can handle it."


"Well yeah, for the most part, I had enough to pay. Food to buy and life to maintain."


"Wake the fuck up! You got a daughter, you know. She is growing faster than chives on a good day's glow. Pull out from your stocks, but oh, that's right. You lost it all and claim with time, things will reunite. You don't have enough for this roof. Now what? Assumed you knew the secret and fucked us. Didn't ya."


"I get it fuck. Chill, can you? Clouds of judgment does come with their issues. Take a second to watch life from my view. Regret follows me around like a tattoo."


"Oh, sorry, big man, as if I don't suffer too. I clean houses, mother fucker, something you don't do. Use what I gain for our child. Clothes and toys. Their emotions come first, a life you can't avoid. Working as a mechanic I know it's tough. Understand you are stressed when things are rough. Sold a bunch of what we had to pass by. We fight ourselves to live transparent lives. Don't start your shit playing possum."


"Damn it, Jane close your mouth for once. I get it. You got shit on your plate. Complain about the rain, but you are indoors anyways. Thank you for the clothes and toys. Cleaning houses for the money we stretch to enjoy. But I got this boulder of stress that's above my head. Scared about the future. Afraid to spend. I put my soul into trying to satisfy you right. Speak in ways my hand can't write. A check of love my thoughts can't sign. Ignore the mistakes while you count mine."


"Okay bitch go look for a place to work then. You figure shit out like those days we paid rent. Watch me pack my shit and surprise you like a present. By walking the fuck out of your life like a boring event. Take our child and raise her right. To survive a cold world, you have to manually ignite. You know it all, don't you? Had jobs before, the idea isn't new. Should have managed your shit a little better. Focus on bills instead of whatever. Now you lost looking at me for pleasure. Use me as leverage with my bank as a method to measure."


"Imma sleep in the living room fuck you. Go keep talking and stack my problems as an excuse. Blame me for everything despite the mental abuse. I am done with the fighting and being rude. Can't even sleep well. Rotate the neck. Take my time with it, like singing the alphabet. Couch for today doesn't seem like it can do any harm"


"The couch gets comfy with sheets from Raymond."


"Noted I know where there at."


Getting hit in the head with a blanket I wasn't informed to catch. Livid and annoyed I turned just to watch her laugh. "Fucking life of mine" then proceeded to tramp away like a cat.


Laying the sheets nice and flat. To then fall into a settee without destroying my back. Annoyed at the time, so I wasn't thinking about the Impact. Patience was lost and kindness was sapped.


Fuck! Know what? My eyes don't close. Covered in yellow like an egg roll. An ocean filled with dismal. My heart is open while the devil attacks my lobes.


I got to try shit out and make a profit. Do night shifts and real in some tips. Become a taxi driver or a chauffeur. I can't. Telling my wife would deprive her.


Drowning myself in shallow water. Inhale the pain with a hard cider. I tried to keep my life within a binder. Which didn't work since the company transferred.


Invested my savings and became a mechanic. For the most part success was equipped. Years pass and still following the script. Yet didn't realize the bears shot down my battleship.


The couch started to feel confined. My wife was indignant as her patience demised. Love is evil and always in disguise. But with time the feeling becomes a series you can't rewind.


Time punched me in the face. It became slow and out of pace. It looked into my eyes and demanded me to wait. Still wondering why since there hasn't been an update.


My daughter is 13, and I hope she understands. I am trying my best, but the proof isn't in my hands. Thought about buying property and letting the wealth expand. The markets crashed, and I was scammed. 


The system sucks man but I'll find a way. Shoot karma where it hurts and let the blood remain. Should have known but that's life. We dive into situations assuming the outcome is right.  


Love you both I know it's hard to show. I work until my boss can promote. I fucked up that I know. But the intention wasn't wrong. The timing provoked. The love is genuine when the soul can devote. The current situation made it seem like a joke.


I took a pull to let the mind drift. Cry my eyes out until the idea doesn't exist. Wait and ponder before my body can notice. Falling asleep so that tomorrow I can begin to fix shit.

January 09, 2023 04:57

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8 comments

Murray Burns
17:27 Jan 12, 2023

I like the story...but this is on your bio. "Dream to be a writer...That's all I have left." Right on the mark...that's just how I feel. I hope we both get there.

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Daniel Fernandes
17:58 Jan 12, 2023

Yes I am putting my soul into trying to be a writer. With being in a troubling economy and inflation not helping us what else do we have to lose. I hope we both get there and thrive in success. Best of luck to us.😊 Thank you for liking my story and taking the time to write back.

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Hannah K
22:37 Jan 10, 2023

Hi Daniel, I reviewed a couple of your stories in the past. I reset my account and some of my data got deleted. I wanted to say hi, and read another one of your stories. I loved this! I've loved all your stories, but this is my favorite of the ones I've read of yours so far. The first one I read was great, but a little confusing. This one, on the other on hand is poetic, yet crystal clear. I find it so beautiful that you took some very realistic, very (sadly) ugly types of interactions that happen between married couples when finances g...

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Daniel Fernandes
14:04 Jan 11, 2023

Wow a lot to unpack here. Can't thank you enough for the kind words. Thank you continuing to come back and read my stories. Hello as well. I am fortunate to have you as a fan and provide such beautiful feedback. Deep down I needed the kind words. Thank you. This I story I know would hurt to those who can relate. I am currently in the situation of financial collapse and unable to support/provide due to too much debt. Coming home to sometimes having to deal with an argument of how to handle the next bill. Thank you for enjoying the rawness. ...

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Hannah K
14:49 Jan 11, 2023

I love the concept of doing a series and writing from the perspectives of all three family members. When I open my heart and mind in order to write from different perspectives, it helps me to develop empathy and understanding for others who might approach life differently than I do. Perhaps doing so could also be a therapeutic tool for you. It takes courage to write from the heart and share our personal, painful experiences - even when we do so through the lense of fiction. But in doing so, we not only find ways to heal, we potentially conne...

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Daniel Fernandes
16:29 Jan 11, 2023

Transparent Lives I felt was a perfect title for the series. It would be a nice touch to have parts from perspectives from others within the family. Since the three stories will be around the same time frame it would show how every person and their experiences in life explains the actions shown in pt1. Father's was shown and his story was told and now it's time for the Mother's story to be shown. Her being a house maid. Clearing for others and having to take care of their daughter stressing about everything in-between while the father works ...

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Hannah K
19:19 Jan 11, 2023

Transparent Lives sounds like the perfect title for this series. It really speaks to the honesty and emotional rawness of your writing. I agree that your writing style lends itself well to rap/song writing. There's definitely a need for rap songs with uplifting messages to them, which your stories ultimately have, even if they deal with tough topics. Best of luck in your endeavors. I will be on the lookout for the next story in your series.

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Daniel Fernandes
19:15 May 17, 2023

Hello Hannah... I just posted part two of this story from the mother's prospective. Let me know what you think of that story. I am curious of your thoughts on it.

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