Do i tell him?

You are so young in my dreams. Like when we are children. Waves of memories flow over me as i experience our childhood again. We run and laugh, playing princess and the hero. Suddenly i flash forward to watching you play baseball or football. I can hear the rocks fly as we ride our bikes down the roads of our town. My brother is there with us, your best friend. I feel the light and the warmth of those days.

But then i wake; to the cold world that you no longer live in. How can the sun shine so bright without you in it? I drive the roads of our town and try to hear your laughter, try to hear you call my name, or my brothers name. Its only been a year and yet i cant remember the color of your eyes. I strain to hear the sound of your voice. There is a blanket of sadness over me that is suffocating my days.

I dreamed that you walked with me. We spoke of everything that had happened since you left. You told me everything was okay, and that you knew we missed you. Your family sat with mine and we laughed, cried and remembered. Why would i ever give up a world like that? a world where you are back in my life? The sun shines so bright in my dreams i can almost feel it. Its as warm as the tears flowing down my cheeks when i wake up.

The next night, we are children again. Playing at the park between our homes. I can hear the bounce of a basketball, the chains clinking as I swing. Suddenly you are there in front of me and i know. I know you are going to die before your time. People are supposed to be old and have lived their life before they die, not young and still full of exploration and will.

I want to tell you that you're going to die. I can feel the words in my throat, but i see your smile and i stop. How can i make you live the rest of your life knowing when you will die? How can i take away your happiness, your laughter, your freedom? So i dont, i let you bounce the basketball away from the park, onto another memory. i choke down the pain and smile at you. knowing that the time you do spend in this world will mean something.

But i wonder, what if i do tell you? If I see you in my dreams, and i tell you the day you die, will it change anything? What if i chose to stay in my dreams, where you are alive and happy. You don't feel pain in your dreams, right?