Sounds of the Sea

As I had just felt myself slowly sinking under, I suddenly emerged. It had all gotten better, I thought to myself. The ground I was touching was of a consistency I had never known. It was solid but felt like a liquid. It was hard to catch myself. As I stood up, I noticed the sea moving further away, as if it was telling me to go on. Almost like it had to do other important things. Maybe it had to hold another person. One leg after another, I slowly moved away from the sea. From the place that had held me all of my life. From the place that had kept me safe when I couldn’t trust any other place. From the place I had known like the back of my hand. From my home, I moved away. 

On the other hand, maybe I was glad to move away. I was happy that I had finally found the way out. Happy that I knew one part of the world and it was time for me to begin a new part. Just like the sea did, I went on to begin a new chapter in my life. The things that I was hearing were things I had never heard before. I only knew the sounds of the water. I heard clapping. For me? I thought. Surely it wasn’t for me. Out of instinct, I moved away from the sound. But it only got louder. This was going to drive me mad. I kept moving. Finally the sound was hushed. But it was hushed by more sound. I had thought that I heard voices. There were no other inhabitants on the island except for the people who had been clapping. 

Out of fear, I ran back to the sea. Please take me back! I screamed at it. Please! Yet the sea only receded more. Hopelessness struck. My confidence that I had had in the sea was not with me anymore. Feelings of insecurity and defeat flooded my body. The warm waters that had once comforted my soul did not comfort me anymore. The sea had betrayed me. As did the island. Slowly, I started back to the people who had been clapping. They started again. I nodded at them and took a seat on one of the dried logs they used as seating. They offered me a meal, I declined. I had never dreamt of the day I got to get away from the sea. Until last night when I had a vivid dream of life on the land. I wished and I wished for the sea to let me go. When the sea offered a trip to the island, I accepted. So did five other people I had grown up with. Since we were children I had known them. They were always adventurous. 

Venturing away from my home had never interested me. Until last night when I had that dream. The dream that made me realize that I had been taught wrong. The sea was the villain. Not the land. The sea had rejected me when I was at my lowest point. When I had needed comfort, the sea said no. I did not wish to forgive what had happened. The people of the land told me to forgive meant to heal. The anger I feel will never be helped. I told them. The people nodded and went back to their rituals. Their rituals angered me. This was not how I wanted to live the rest of my life. 

Ideally, I would be eating my final meal right now. I would be drinking my final drink. I would be getting prepared for my night’s long rest. Instead of that, I am sitting on their dried logs and conversing with people I have never wished to have met. I come from the sea. I told them. They nodded and told me how one of their tribe members had been taken away by the sea. I wondered how strange it was that one of them might have been one of my own. We talked all night. Finally the tribe leader mentioned rest and the others agreed. Where will I be resting? I asked them. They told me to find my own place. I wandered all night. 

When I reached my ending point, the sea was back. I asked once again. Can you please take me back? All I got was recession. I followed my footsteps to the tribe. They greeted me at the front of their village. They laughed when I had told them about the sea’s recession. This angered me more. Why must you laugh? I did not laugh when you talked about your defeat! They told me how this was how they were brought to be. Cold-hearted. Due to my hopelessness, I decided to work with them. They told me about the person they had lost to the sea. They laughed because they too were angry with the sea. Quiet was the person they had lost. A hunting trip had caused this. They told me the story. You lost them to the sea because you denied access to the trip? They nodded, then asked me how I got to the sea. I don’t know. I was raised from there. The sea was my home. They laughed again. 

Around the campfire I felt love, hatred, and joy all at the same time. Around the campfire I was fed, hydrated, and taken care of. In the sea, I began, then got cut off by their rituals again. I began to not dislike these as much. They were a refuge for the tribe. A tribe of hardships and distortion, the rituals made them feel as if they weren’t a complete failure. They chanted and clapped. The sounds of the land didn’t frighten me anymore. I participated in their games. I almost wasn’t mad at the sea anymore. 

When the sun rose, the people were gone. So was I. We were on our journey to a new place. Hand in hand, we walked away from the sea. Onto all of the next chapters. We were a family again. I was lost. Now I am found. Please never take me back. I said to the sea. With a wave, it seemed to have nodded. We will be staying here tonight I assume? The tribe nodded. After the final meal and the final drink, I was on the ground. Which still confused me. With the sea it was solid, on its own, a solid and a liquid. I laid on my back. Looking up at the stars. My next journey was to the sky.