Beneath the Surface: A Grad Student's Journey to Meet the Deadline

Monday, 7 days and 12 hours before the deadline

“Oh, exams... The grand migration of stressed-out students in their natural habitat, the university campus. Here, we observe the species ‘Cramminius Scholarious,’ each adorned with their peculiar markings - coffee stains, sleepless eyes, and textbooks clutched as if they were sacred scrolls. Students gather in all the study areas, cafés and pretty much any area on campus with Wi-Fi and chargers, in a similar fashion savannah animals would gather near a water source”.

Thalia, a grad student had no intention of being outdone. With her laptop balanced on her knees and her blog's recording app fired up, she embarked on her monologue, her version of a National Geographic documentary in the central campus cafeteria.

"Welcome, folks, to the most thrilling spectacle of the academic world. Here we have 'Thalia Naturalis,' a remarkable species known for its boundless enthusiasm and the uncanny ability to spot cafés from a mile away. And look, it's that time of the year again - the exam season."

Thalia paused her monologue momentarily as she observed Ollie Wells in his native environment, surrounded by data charts and a perpetual look of contemplation.

"Over there, Ollie, the analytic whiz, scrutinizes the patterns of water scarcity like a hawk. He's the intellectual sharpshooter of our group."

The Canadian boy with the ironic "I love Reviewer N.2" graphic T-shirt, politely nodded hello. Then his eyes returned to the screen, rapidly moving and processing his assignment. He was bilingual, had three passports, and had lived in three countries so far. He was just twenty-five, a grad student.

Thalia’s eyes then darted to Ludovica, a short but sharp-dressed girl with golden curls who was seated at a nearby table, lost in thought. When studying she liked to dress like she was going to get a call and walk in the parliament. She influenced the group so much that they made a “formal Wednesday” just to dress up all together.

"See Ludovica, the diplomatic genius, examining the complex intricacies of UK immigration policies. The deep thinker, if you will."

Ludovica had already a bachelor’s and a master’s in international relations, and now she was on her second master’s. She spoke three languages and she was learning a fourth, she was also a freelance journalist in her “free time”. Because of all the studying, she had some tension built up, and so she was a real party animal when not in academic attire.

With a dramatic flair, Thalia shifted her focus to Lisa, who had a break from a Pomodoro session and enjoyed sipping coffee and swiping her iPhone.

Lisa was a skinny girl with bob-cut black hair, a nose ring, a braless tank top, baggy jeans, and Dr. Martens leather boots. She was from Madrid, and even if you didn’t know that her laptop stickers and accessories wrote- in all caps as if they were shouting- “I love Madrid”. Perhaps she got those from tourist shops, or were they ‘specially made?

"And right beside me, Lisa, a self-proclaimed Marxist with an iPhone. Watch as she defies all odds."

Lisa gave her a side eye, but she was used to Thalia, well, being Thalia. She continued swiping her phone screen.

Lisa was Thalia’s academic rival, her equal, her opposite side of the coin if you will. They would apply for the same scholarships, the same internships, and even the same Ph.D.’s. They were friendly rivals though, sometimes exchanging tips. For example, the time Lisa showed her a website where she could download many research articles, and Thalia showed her how to apply to get the university to cover her conference participation costs.

Thalia couldn't help but chuckle at the eclectic cast of characters around her. This would be an exciting episode of her blog “Thalia Unplugged”. She thought it would be an irony of fate if that’s how she would die one day, it would make the title run full circle. The corners of her lips formed a smirk at that thought. Then she shook her head and redirected herself to gain back some focus.

"But fear not, dear viewers, as we embark on this caffeine-fueled adventure filled with madness, rivalry, and a touch of diplomatic finesse, for I am your trusty narrator, Thalia, bringing you the play-by-play commentary of exams in the wild."

The group had the deadlines for their assignments next week on different dates, but Thalia’s assignment was due Monday. More specifically midnight of Sunday night to Monday. She would upload it to the university’s platform and if it was late even -by a minute- it would not be submitted successfully. That meant failing the course, and she was determined to not fail any courses. No, she aimed to graduate with honours and to do that she had to pass everything on the first try, and with high scores. She dreamed of holding and touching that silver pen with her name inscribed; the pen they gave to the honour’s graduates. Although she knew it’d just be a fancy pen, it would make her feel important somehow. Besides she graduated cum laude from her bachelor's, and she didn’t want to ruin the streak on her master’s. And if she could destroy herself in pieces and make it magna cum laude, she would do it in a blink. She was the only one in her group who was always working next to her studies and also had extracurricular activities or sports on the side. While she was hesitant to sacrifice any of those, she ended up sacrificing much of her sleep just to keep up. Thalia was the only one with a gap between her bachelor's and master's studies, and the one who was fully financially independent from her family.

That time of the year, the group would all gather on campus and complete hours-long study sessions. The presence of other people studying was helpful, and they could use the study breaks to have some company. Good thing there were all sorts of food places and supermarkets to refuel.

Wednesday, 5 days and 10 hours before the deadline

“Shit-shit-shit, I’m going to be late”, Thalia mumbled as she put on her jacket and grabbed her bag in the morning before going out. She didn’t remember what time she had fallen asleep, but after the campus buildings closed, she had biked home to continue. Then she was hyper-focused and didn’t notice that the birds singing at dawn before she got up from the chair of her studio a few steps over to her bed.

She got something to eat on the way and biked to the café where she had a shift. Rent and bills were not going to pay themselves, but it’d sure be nice, wouldn’t it?

Thalia finished the last bites with one hand and held to steer of her bike with the other while speeding up and the cold humid air was hitting her on the face. She learned how to multitask while on the bike from the locals. In the Netherlands, people were crazy about biking as a part of their everyday life. She had seen more than once people biking and carrying all sorts of stuff, and multitasking while riding the bike.

As Thalia arrived her heart was pounding, she ran to the bathroom to put her long hair in a tight bun with swift movements, put on her uniform shirt, and freshen up, all in five minutes or less. She put her things in her locker, found the shift manager, and clocked in. It was a Wednesday, but during the afternoon the traffic picked up a bit as people were on a lunch break, or later when they were getting off work. She had a small break herself in between which she used to refuel in food, but mostly caffeine. The more time passed, the sleepier she felt. Her body ached, she imagined herself as a cat, stretching and finding a nice pile of warm dry laundry to take a nap in, that would be fun. As a human, she had to feel that coffee was sufficient for now. She cleaned some tables, served some coffee and drinks, and tried to fill the time with tasks here and there so she wouldn’t start yawning. The smile was fixed in its place throughout the end of the shift, while the eyes trained to notice movement and predict the needs of the guests. It was now six thirty in the evening and time to leave work.

When she went to her locker to get her stuff and checked her WhatsApp messages, she saw more than thirty messages from the group chat of their study group. It was “formal Wednesday” she had completely forgotten about it. They were dressed up since morning on campus for study sessions and then went by the pub and drank all together.

She biked home, had a hot shower, and found her “nice clothes” and put them on the chair of her desk next to her turned-off laptop. She wished this social event was canceled; she was too tired, but she felt bad cancelling last minute. FOMO, as they called the fear of missing out, was hitting her hard too. She sat on the bed for a moment, wrapped in her cozy big towels, she accidentally fell asleep and woke up after three and a half hours to the sound of her phone vibrating next to her on the bed. The screen was with light. She rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand and picked up the phone.

“Hey”, she cleared her throat, “I can be there in thirty minutes.”

Friday, 3 days and 9 hours before the deadline

Loud music, so loud that Thalia felt the ground under her feet vibrate at the basement of her neighbourhood gym. A place with no windows, but they did have ventilators. The song playing was “Enter Sandman” by Metallica. Red, purple, and blue lights made it look like a nightclub as they would paint the room and turn on and off at the tempo of the music.

It's just the beasts under your bed

In your closet, in your head

Exit light

Enter night

Grain of sand

Eight or so gym bags were all around the room, hanging heavy from metal chains connected to the tall ceiling. A small group of guys and girls punching the bags with all they had, with a coach nearby. Thalia had her hair in a tight braid and red boxing gloves. Her technique was getting better. This was a safe place and a proper exercise. On two out of four walls, there were large mirrors. On a third wall, there were big red numbers on a dark screen, for timing the workouts.

Exit light

Enter night

Take my hand

We’re off to never-never land

A drop of salty sweat brushed her blushed cheeks to her smile. Running through her veins came a wonderful feeling, as dopamine and adrenaline were rewarding her for the exercise. Excited and focused, and felt strong in herself.

“Alright, see you next time!”, a few people said goodbye at the end of the session.

She dressed up and packed her bag to bike home and shower. In her veins, she could still feel the excitement and her mind was finally again able to focus for tonight’s study session.

At her desk at home, she skimmed through her assignment, titled “Evolving Borders: Analyzing the Socioeconomic Implications of the Kosovo Border Disputes (2008-present day)”. Yep, it was a long title that none of her family could retain in memory, but they vaguely remembered that her studies had “something to do with borders”. She went on and did some editing on last night’s work, double-checking her references to be in the right APA format, and then went to the place where she had stopped writing last night and begun writing. Occasionally, she would sip a bit of the quad espresso black from her coffee mug on her left, in deep thought. Then, her fingers would be on fire, writing and typing frantically. She could feel the electricity and excitement when writing. Hours flew by.

It was almost midnight when her mobile phone rang.

“Mom, what’s up?”

“Hey, it’s your brother dear.”

“Mom, we have talked about this.”

“He needs help, dear. As his big sister...”

“How much?”

“A hundred, thank you, dear.”

“This is not the way. Please, I want this to stop, now.”

“We are working on it dear; your brother will have a job interview, you’ll see.”

“Which he will blow again. Old news. He will take my money but not my advice, I’m done.”

“Dear, just for this time, otherwise I have to ask someone else.”

“Alright, but this is the last time. Don’t call me for that anymore or don’t call me at all.”

“Yes, things will get better, you’ll see.”

“I’ve heard it all before, just drop the act, it hurts, okay?”

Silence on the line.

“I have to go back to my studying, okay? Talk to you another time.”

Thalia knew where this money was going to end up. She sent it anyway, with the promise to herself to stop and free herself, but she was filled with guilt and anger. She deserved to be free, to live her own life, and not have to owe anyone anything. It was time for her. Her studying mood was gone, her focused mind was now blurred, filled with rapid thoughts. She got up from her chair and decided to go for a run to hopefully clear her head. She put on her running clothes, shoes, and accessories. Then she put on her headphones with loud music, and she just started running.

Sunday, hours before the deadline

The group was studying at Lisa’s today. Her folks were academics, she was on scholarship, and on top of that, she was really lucky. She had a full apartment to herself, so the group was spread all around the living room. Ludovica was sitting near the dinner table with her laptop, with a proper posture. Ollie was lying in a weird position on the big couch and seemed too focused with his notes scattered all around him. Lisa was sitting cross-legged on the sofa with the laptop on her legs, scrunching down reading. Thalia was on the fluffy carpet lying on her belly, with her laptop in front of her and her elbows on the floor supporting her. On the coffee table, there were several empty noodle takeout boxes from lunchtime.

It was afternoon, still the start of this study session, but Thalia was feeling her body aching with exhaustion. She started yawning and soon she noticed the rest of the group yawning as well. Lisa emphasized how sleep helps with cognitive functions and suggested a “siesta” for a couple of hours, a power nap to use as a boost for the rest of the evening. It didn’t seem like a bad idea, it seemed perfect.

Until they woke up again. Thalia jumped out of her sleep at the realization that she had forgotten to bring her laptop charger, and everyone had different ones that were not a match. She blamed herself for this, as she would lose precious time. Her laptop had started to make that fearful sound to indicate "low battery". She had to bike back to her place, get it, and then come back and finish her assignment before midnight. 

Because of her procrastination, she kept reading and reading, thus postponing the writing. For the last few days, she had been writing like crazy to make up for the lost time. What was left now was the conclusion chapter and a general skim for editing purposes. She was sure she had made many mistakes, as always when she wrote at a fast pace in any language. One thing was sure, it was not going to be perfect, and this saddened her a bit, but her heart froze in fear at the prospect of not submitting the assignment at all. 

It was a winter Sunday evening, quite cold, and the sun was no longer visible. Thalia could feel her cold nose while riding her city bike. She leaned forward a bit and putting her speed, she pedaled towards her place, perhaps twenty-five minutes if she was this fast, so not that far. She arrived, let the bike out of her door, and hectically ran in and out with her charger back. She was halfway done, as she needed the same distance to come back. She continued pressing for speed. It was cold outside, her every exhale left a small white mist, and her face felt like it was blushing, while her heart was pounding sending oxygen to her body. Her thoughts were interrupted by a sudden rhythmic, clicking sound. With each rotation of the pedals, the bike chain felt like it slipped, creating an unsettling noise. Thalia felt a sting of irritation but hoped it wouldn’t be that bad until she reached Lisa’s.

Soon she started feeling the loss of balance, and she pulled over for a makeshift repair. She pressed and pressed forward, while her thoughts were on a panic spiral.

“Stop!”, she yelled to herself. The street was empty, so she didn’t care. She just wanted to get out of that spiral.

“Go!”, she commanded herself to regain control. She focused on keeping the balance with her bike and moving forward. Then it took longer, but she reached Lisa’s.

Thalia run up the stairs, but they were frozen and slippery, so she fell on her arse, luckily nothing was broken- just pain. She got up and held the handle and carefully went step by step. She went back and connected her charger to her laptop. She realized that because the laptop had turned off, her last progress was lost, and she swore under her breath. Then she sipped some coffee, stretched her fingers and arms, and got to typing.

Time was up, she didn’t have any more editing time. She tried to upload it, but it was not successful, she tried again, and then it was a success.

She submitted the paper on Sunday, 23:59.

Then she threw herself back on the fluffy carpet, looking at the ceiling with her heart still racing.