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Fiction Funny Happy

Thanksgiving is when people come together, travel to see family, and make memories. A holiday dedicated to overeating, having intense conversations, and the occasional yelling match with family. However, the next day, Black Friday, is the real fun. People line up outside of stores to get one particular item. Diners become filled with grumpy, sleep-deprived people begging for more caffeine to keep shopping. Black Friday is simply one of the busiest Fridays of the year.

Yet, you are unaware that humans aren't the only ones who celebrate such a chaotic holiday. On this day of the year, the Devil loosens his restrictions on what a person can sell their soul for. Black Friday is when Crossroad Demons can allow someone to give their soul just to get one step closer in line. It is a day when the person next to you can be a demon waiting for you to sell your soul.

Sage is just below the world's surface, looking out the window of her small apartment at the ground before her. Hell has never been a fun place to live, but it could be worse. As a recently promoted Crossroads demon, this was her first Black Friday event. Looking down at the ground, she saw other demons quickly walking towards their homes in excitement. While the crossroad demons are out working, the other demons have a feast in honor of tomorrow's chaos.

Sage paced the room anxiously, counting her steps as she went while stressing to remember the steps to secure a soul. Her supervisor, Keir, has walked her through the steps daily for the past week. This annual event is one where selling your soul can be easily achieved with little sacrifice. The sales process is different; one is to ensure the contract is not thoroughly read. Preventing the person from reading the contract allows for a seamless process. Once she felt confident in her ability to claim souls tomorrow, she allowed herself to climb into bed. She dozed off while listening to a faint car alarm that was always going off; after all, it was hell.

Once morning arrived, even without the sun, the sky still had a slight orange tint; Sage jumped out of bed enthusiastically. She rushed through her morning routine to run out the door while still gurgling mouthwash. Her short tail swished as she ran; she only slowed to spit onto the sidewalk just in time to see Keir before her. The excited demon slammed straight into her boss, who barely moved from the impact. She stumbled as she used her sleeve to wipe her mouth.

Keir grabbed Sage's shoulders to stabilize her, exclaiming, "My young sales demon, if only the rest of the department moved as quickly as you!" The tall demon was laughing with the other demon beside him, yet this demon did not look amused behind a faked chuckle. Meet Taylen, who had been the top performer for years, but she felt threatened by Sage's eagerness. Taylen sneered at Sage, "Careful young one, your eagerness will be seen as foolishness." Sage apologized quickly while Keir jokingly jostled Taylen, "Oh, lighten up, Taylen, it's Black Friday! You're to make sure Sage reaches her potential." Sage and Taylen both looked at Keir in disbelief, but Taylen was the one who recovered first. She nodded curtly and began to walk forward before stepping backward to drag Sage along by her elbow. Sage lost her footing once again while pulling her arm away as she begged internally that Taylen did not notice. Taylen was terrifying, even for a demon. Rumor among the office is that Taylen lost her sense of humor once she became a demon. However, it was more believed she had never laughed, or even smiled, in her life before either.

Taylen sternly looked at Sage for a second before looking away to speak. "You are my responsibility while on the surface. You will not mess around, and you will not tarnish my reputation. Understood?" Sage nodded silently, trying to contain her excitement since this was her first time going to the surface world.

The seasoned Crossroad Demon nodded and guided Sage into the elevator, who harshly closed her black eyes in anticipation. Taylen sighed in annoyance as she pressed the button to take the duo to the surface world. The moment seemed to pass quickly; when Sage opened her eyes, she saw a completely different person standing before her. A young woman with dark eyes, bronze skin, and half-braided hair stood. Sage smelled herself; the weird meat smell bothered her new fleshy nose. Taylen held up a small mirror so Sage could see herself. In the mirror, Sage saw piercing blue eyes, half-short, half-shaved blond hair, and porcelain skin. She touched her new ears while smiling excitedly; dangling from her ears were big silver hoops. Taylen rolled her eyes. "Quit admiring yourself, this is short-lived. Now go find souls, breeze through the contracts, and meet back here at midnight," she reminded Sage before walking off into a bustling crowd.

The demon stepped from the elevator into the loud lobby of a mall and began to scan the crowd, looking for a person to sell their soul for something minuscule. After looking at her intricately made watch, a promotional gift, she sees that it is close to dawn, which means anxious people will be standing in line to enter the store. Long lines create impatience, which leads to annoyance, which then creates dumb arguments. Suddenly, a shiver went down her spine; someone was ready to make a deal.

Scanning the area around her, Sage's gaze landed on two people who seemed to be in a heated conversation. Walking forward, her boots stepped silently on the floor as she listened to the argument.

"Seriously, Mark. Cats are far superior to dogs".

"No, Edward, dogs are better."

"Cats are aloof, mysterious, low maintenance."

"Dogs can fetch slippers!"

"You don't even have slippers to fetch!"

Mark crossed his arms angrily, mumbling that he'd eventually think of a good comeback. Sage took her opportunity; she tapped Mark on the shoulder. "I can help with that," she smiled a little too eagerly. Mark spun on his heel to stare at Sage, startled by the sudden intrusion. He looked closely at the person before him, confused about what she could help. Sage watched the thought go through his head and began to speak before he could answer. "You want the potential for a perfect comeback. I can assist with that. Easily. I can guarantee a perfect comeback every time." Mark's eyes light up as he is given such an opportunity.

"Every time?" he questions

"Every single time," Sage confirms

"Wait, that seems impossible. How?"

"Honestly, you just need to sell a small piece of your soul?"

Marks laughs but then quickly steps back in a slight horror of surprise. Sage steps in to close the space between them.

Mark begins to look around the lobby in panic when Sage quietly begins to explain. "You want to know where the used car salesman goes when they die? They go to hell to become crossroads demons. Hello, I'm Sage—your crossroad demon. I am here to assist you in making the quick decision to gain access to the perfect comeback to every insult. Especially -" she leans over and nods "- to Edward." Continuing the conversation, she reaches into her pouch to pull out an iPad.

"Everything is digital nowadays; it's 2023, you know? Okay. Pulling up your file, it doesn't even look like you're going to heaven. Probably all those almond milk lattes; you know almond milk is bad for the environment. So, really, are you missing out on something if you sell your soul to me?" Casually flipping the iPad around, Sage shows Mark the contract that grants an always perfect comeback. Mark looks a little hesitant, but after glaring at Edward, he is quickly reminded as to why he needs this opportunity. With his finger, he signs his name on the dotted line.

A surge of energy seems to surround the two while Sage puts the iPad back into her satchel with an eager grin. With as much eagerness as possible, Mark tapped Edward on the shoulder to restart the argument about which pet was superior.

"Dogs are the best hype man; they are always with you," Mark simply states

"Cats are true believers of stoicism; you can learn something from them," Edward claims

"Dogs are all about enjoying the joy of the moment."

"Cats are like having a little, fluffy Socrates living inside your home."

"It must be enlightening to have a pet that sees you as its personal servant. I admire your humility."

Edward turns around in annoyance while Mark looks around with a look of triumph. However, the person in front of him chimes into state that he agrees with the side of the cat, and Mark's face becomes crestfallen. Sage leans in closer to whisper, "Oh, I should have mentioned the terms and conditions of the binding contract. While you always have a great comeback, you are always wrong. Have a great day!" and she walks off casually, looking for the next deal as she listened to Mark sigh in exasperation.

Walking across the glossy tile, Sage couldn't help but feel a sense of excitement. Being in the surface world is something newborn demons miss immediately, but the feeling seems to get lost as millennia goes on. Sage was born in the world under the surface. This world was brand new to her. She looked on in wonder at the high ceilings, lined with glass, to see the now dimly lit sky. She continued to walk with a bounce in her step from the obnoxious music playing throughout the whole building.

She was spending the day looking for easy souls to sign away, enjoying her time on the surface, when suddenly, a smell got her attention. This was a sweet, earthy smell Sage had never smelled before. Following the scent, she quickly found herself standing in front of Brewed Awakening, a place that claims to sell the best coffee in the tri-county area. Standing before the glass doors, she stopped a passerby to ask what coffee was.

The person looked at her incredulously and shook her off to keep walking while mumbling about idiotic women on Black Friday. She stopped the next person, a young man wearing a suit.

"Excuse me, what is this place?" she asked quietly

"What? A coffee shop? Obviously," he answered irritatingly.

"What is coffee?"

"Okay, stop, I am not interested. Besides, this place isn't worth it."

"Oh, um, okay. Why?"

"Because the lines are always so long."

A shiver went down Sage's spine; this impatient guy might be willing to make a deal. Sage stepped off to the side, motioning for the person to come closer. "I'm Sage," she introduces herself as she reaches her hand out. The young man slowly puts his hand out. "Um, Robbie," he mutters. Sage looks closer at the person before her, contemplating different approaches to secure this sale. "So Robbie," she begins, "you seem like a busy person with little time on your hands. Why should you have to always deal with such long lines?" Robbie nods in agreement as if he is finally feeling heard. Sage puts a reassuring hand on his shoulder to continue her speech. "Luckily for you, I can help with that. Sign a contract, and you will always get the best place in line". Robbie stares at the person in front of him and looks at the hand on his shoulder, contemplating. Sage removes her hand to pull out the tablet. "Sell your soul to me. And you will always have the best spot in line. I promise". Robbie remains speechless, assistant manager; being able to avoid lines would be an ideal situation, but selling his soul seemed to be a huge ask.

Sage stares at the hesitation on Robbie's face. Slowly putting the tablet in his hands, she suggests, "You're a busy person. Sign the contract. You can't always be in the back of the line. That is such a waste of time". Robbie looked at her once more before signing his name on the contract. Sage secretly rolled her eyes at the idea that no one reads the terms and conditions of these soul-binding agreements but smiled as Robbie handed her the iPad. Once again, a surge of energy surrounded the two before Sage pulled the man into Brewed Awakening to test his new gift. There was only one person in line, a small older woman who was having difficulty deciding on their order. Robbie glared at Sage in dismay. "You said I would get the best spot in line!" he exclaimed. Sage nodded, holding back a small laugh. She muttered quietly, only so Robbie could hear, "You're second in line; that's a good spot. What isn't good is that little old lady is about to pay in the only change." As soon as the demon stated this, a coin purse came out of the woman's jacket as she started counting pennies. Robbie threw his hands in the air while he stormed out of the coffee, screaming about legalities, technicalities, and the need to find a confessional.

Feeling quite accomplished, Sage patiently stood behind the woman as she counted out the exact change for her coffee order. After all, Sage is a demon. This is nothing close to what she endures in hell, she smirks to herself. Once it was Sage's turn to order, she asked the barista for something sweet but hot with an extreme amount of spice. The barista gives Sage a quizzical look but decides to shrug it off to create such an exciting concoction. The demon looked around the coffee shop contently. While busy with thought, the barista watched the woman who ordered such an odd drink, wondering what was happening in their personal life. Once the order was called out, Sage thanked the barista on her way out the glass double doors.

Sitting on the bench, she sipped the amazing-smelling drink. On her tongue, the taste felt complex. There was spice from cayenne pepper, sweetness from red velvet syrup, and bitterness from coffee. Sage fell in love with the caffeinated beverage. Still, the sudden love was replaced by panic at the idea of a day without coffee. She finished her drink right away and ran back into the coffee shop. "Make me a deal!" she yelled at the woman. The barista, known as Blair, stared at Sage, confused. "I'm sorry, ma'am. Was there something wrong with the drink?" she asked cautiously. The demon shook her head almost too aggressively, unable to speak.

Blair continued staring at the person in front of her, wondering if she needed to feel alarmed. "Miss, do you want another drink?" she asked. In response to Sage's nod, Blair started making another coffee. Sage slumped on the counter. Despair was taking over because the thought of never having such a delicacy again was more than she could handle. Realizing that Taylen could walk by and see Sage groveling, she pulled herself together. "Okay, look here, coffee Goddess. I am a crossroad demon, a first-time coffee drinker, and I can't imagine being without it. Make me a deal so I can have coffee again." Blair blinked at Sage for a second before laughing uncontrollably. Blair had never been called a Goddess before and never imagined someone introducing themselves as a demon.

Sage slams the iPad on the counter to pull up a file on Blair.

"You're Blair, right?" Sage glances up from the file; when Blair nods, Sage looks back down. "Okay, great. So, are you 21 years of age, working at a coffee shop while living on your own and working on a screenplay? Perfect. I can guarantee that anything you write will always succeed." Blair leans across the counter to look at the tablet.

She looks more concerned, leaning more on the side of panic. Sage notices this, stands up, and explains again, "I am a crossroad demon. I live under the surface, and you won't ever hear from me again. I promise this will be the cleanest deal I have ever made". Blair held up her hand to stop her. "What do you mean the cleanest deal?". Sage sighs before explaining the terms and conditions of each contract, where a person gets what they want but will be inconvenienced till the end of time. Sage even laughed at some of the day's highlights, but Blair was not amused.

Sage realized she might be messing things up in her desperate attempt to keep coffee a luxury for herself. She slid the tablet over to Blair, asking her to sign with pleading eyes. Blair was busy imagining a lifetime of writing success, unable to believe such an opportunity was at her fingertips. Blair hesitated, signed on the dotted line, and watched with a smile as Sage deleted the contract before her. The contract was permanently deleted, never seen by anyone else, celestial or fiend. No one has a claim to Blair's soul; whether it be the heavens, the surface world, or the nine hells. Sage smiled and then explained that she needed something from Blair. The soon-to-be successful barista once again had a look of concern on her face.

Later that night, close to midnight, Sage sat against a wall dozing off. The new crossroad demon was exhausted from a successful day in the surface world. After snoring herself away and checking her watch, Sage stood to meet with her supervising demon of the day. Taylen seemed to glide on her feet in front of Sage with her digital tablet in hand, laughing as Sage struggled to carry an espresso machine onto the elevator. "Good day?" Taylen hummed. The young demon smiled while hugging her newly obtained machine. "Good freaking day," she confirms.

November 30, 2023 16:28

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1 comment

David Sweet
14:19 Dec 02, 2023

Loved this delightfully cheeky story. Different point of view. Glad I don't do Black Friday shopping. It seems a natural thing to have demons involved in that chaos (haha). Thanks for the story and welcome to Reedsy! I wish you well in all your writing endeavors!

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