Human Costumes

CW mature content

            Birsha’s long, black claws clutched the stopwatch so tightly I expected it to shatter. His yellow cat eyes darted back and forth, and his seaweed-like beard swayed as his head nodded side to side to a rhythm no one else could hear. 

        “If you keep watching it, it’ll take longer,” Kikimora hissed. Purple ooze slowly slid down her scaly, purple skin giving her the appearance of melting into a pool of slime. 

        “It’s so close! Wait for it...wait for it.” Birsha’s eyes fixated on the stopwatch. Then he threw it in the air. “It’s Halloween! Finally!” 

        “Hurray!” We all cheered. 

        “The night we get to trick people and then gobble them up for our tasty treat!” Kikimora licked her spotted lips. 

        Zany chomped his teeth in a way that we understood as excitement. It was kind of funny in a way that Zany was basically just a giant mouth on a small stem of a body, yet he couldn’t talk. 

        “I think I’ll find a human to seduce and then in the midst of our coital act, I’ll transform into my true self and give them the nightmare of a lifetime,” Birsha said with a proud look of brilliance even though he did this same thing eight Halloweens in a row now. My suspicion is that he simply has a thing for humans. 

        Zany chomped down, snarled, and shook his head. Same thing as usual for him too. Every Halloween, he found a family to tear apart limb from limb. The news always blamed satanic cults because of his signature animalistic approach. 

        Kikimora grinned mischievously. “I’ll find the biggest parties in town and secretly poison the punch bowls.” 

Chuckling at their devious plans, they all turned to me. I gulped. “Well, I’m going to make what looks like a chocolate cupcake, but…” 

Birsha’s yellow eyes, Kikimora’s red eyes, and Zany’s hundred beady black eyes all opened wide with anticipation.  

“They’ll bite into it and it’ll move. The chocolate will be a clump of...of spiders! Spiders all clustered together. Oh boy will they freak!” 

They all continued to look at me, then their eyes narrowed, and their lips curled up in confusion. 

“It’s not a bad start,” Birsha shrugged. “But what if the spiders were poisonous, Ash? They could bite and kill the people!” 

“Brilliant! That’s a much better plan,” Kikimora fawned over Birsha as she always did. 

Barely able to contain an eye roll, I managed to mutter an agreement. 

“It’s okay, Ash. Truly evil ideas take time.” Birsha smiled sympathetically. 

“She had all year!” Kikamora huffed. “Some people just don’t have the stuff.” 

        It’s originality that I craved. Evil ideas that have been done millions of times are easy enough to come by. Halloween deserved better than rehashed pranks and scares. People needed a truly terrifying night unlike any other, and I wanted to deliver. I wanted a legacy. Something other demons would talk about for years to come. With thousands of years of Halloweens, what hadn’t been done though?

        We all finished our midnight snack of worms, termites, and slugs, and headed to our rooms to rest for the big night. There wasn’t a chance I’d sleep a wink though. The big day had officially arrived, and I had nothing planned. Instead of going to my room, I continued to walk around the campus of Lucifer’s Academy of Evil searching for inspiration.

        The air had a pleasant fall chill and smelled of pumpkin spice. We loved that scent around here and it wafted from every vent. Perhaps because it reminded us of our favorite night of the year. The one night we were permitted to step through the veil between worlds and terrorize the living.

        I noticed Marty and Raven strumming their guitars in the commons. A haunting melody spread through the night air, while the orange glow of their cigarette tips danced along. I sat cross-legged in front of them to listen.

        “Don’t you want to rest up for the big night?” Marty asked. His boney fingers continued to strum delicately. I loved his glowing green eyes that looked like radioactive sludge and fought not to get sucked into them like portals. I completely avoided looking at Raven because her eyes literally did spiral in a hypnotic pattern that brainwashed anyone who looked too closely.

        “I still need an idea for my big scare. What’re you two doing?”

        Raven grinned revealing a mouthful of needle teeth. “We like to take a more psychological approach. Think of what scares people the most on a deeper level.”

        “Last year we created an illusion that made all the most beautiful people hideously ugly for a night. They couldn’t handle all the rejection. It was a real hoot.” Marty beamed with a mouthful of crooked brown fangs.

        “The year before that we went invisible and whispered insecurities in people’s ears all night. We got three people to kill themselves that night.” One of Raven’s guitar strings snapped. “Dang it. We were just getting somewhere with that tune.”

        “We can’t share this year’s terror. Need to keep it a surprise.”

        None of that sounded fun to me. Scary, sure. Wasn’t Halloween also meant to be fun though? I wanted to scare people but also make them happy. What made people happy? Candy! I could take part in trick-or-treating. When kids came to the door, I could hand them things that looked gross and spooky, like severed hands or vials of blood or green slime. They’d let me drop them in their bags because kids are polite with strangers. Then they’d run and when they tried to dispose of the hideous items, they’d see their bags were full of the most spectacular candy! They’d be confused but overjoyed and ultimately, Halloween would be a perfect blend of scary and fun. Content with my idea, which I thought seemed original enough and fun enough, I went to sleep. Exciting and beautiful nightmares filled my head, and I slept soundly.

        When I woke, I quickly searched for my friends. Trick-or-treating started early, I knew, so I needed to get to the humans fast. I found Birsha first.

        “Hey, Ash. I’m crossing over. Want to come with?”

        “Yes! I found my idea.”

        “Well, you look really excited. What is it?”

        “I’m going to do trick-or-treating. Give kids gross things like severed hands, slime, and─”

        “Ooh, I like the sound of this. I’ve never tried pranking kids.”

        “Yeah, well the next part is the best. They’ll run away and try to dump these gross things from their bag, and they’ll find the absolute best candy instead!”

        Birsha chuckled. “That’s the most wholesome thing I’ve ever heard. It’s kind of cute how bad you are at this whole thing.”

        I frowned.

        “Aw, Ash. I don’t mean anything bad by it. Really. I─”

        “Hey! Where are you guys going?” Kikimora yelled and slid towards us, leaving bubbling purple goo trailing behind her.  

        “We’re heading over. Ash’s telling me her plan,” Birsha said.

        I appreciated that he didn’t make fun of it or say anything mean, but I wished he hadn’t mentioned my plan at all to Kikimora.

        “What’s this plan?” The mocking tone already present.

        “It’s cute, like all Ash’s plans.” Birsha smiled. “You know, maybe, you could help me with mine.”

        “Help you seduce someone? I’d really rather not.”

        Kikimora shook her head. “How’re you even a demon?”

        My eyes stung with threatening tears, but I sniffled them back. “I’m doing my plan. All that matters is that I have fun.”

        “Whatta baby,” Kikimora scoffed.

        “I’m sure you’ll have fun. Let’s pick out our costumes!” Birsha said.

        We walked to the closet where all the human skins hung. As soon as a demon stepped into one and zippered it up, it fit to form like magic and looked real. Birsha picked what looked like an attractive IT guy’s costume. The facial features and body were handsome by human standards, but those glasses somehow made him more approachable and down to earth. Kikimora picked a blonde bombshell in a hot pink dress. I always went for a human that seemed equivalent to my true self. Basically, a mediocre, blend-in type who’s a little chubby, a little plain, and easy to overlook. Then we got to pick Halloween costumes too. See, demons have it the best. We get two costumes for Halloween. Birsha was that phantom from the opera. Kikimora was a sexy police officer. I was a raccoon. The most adorable animal in the world.

        “Where’s Zany?” I asked.

        “Overslept like always,” Kikimora rolled her eyes.

        “Shouldn’t we wake him?”

        “Who cares?” Birsha shrugged.

        I tried to head back, but Birsha grabbed my arm and pulled me with them. I expected to feel his sharp claws against my skin, but instead felt warm, soft skin. The human form is hard to get used to.

        “Why do you always pick such ugly humans?” Kikimora asked. “We get one day a year to be whoever. Why not be the best?”

        “I like being who I am, so I like picking people like me.” I shrugged.

        “That’s stupid,” she muttered.

        “You’re not an ugly demon though, Ash.” Birsha said.

        Kikimora glared at me. Her human eye twitched like her demon one would have and it made me smile.

        Stepping through the veil into the Halloween world of humans always took my breath away. Seeing the stunning pumpkin carvings on the doorsteps, the spider webbing hanging from trees, the giant inflatable monsters, and graveyard scenes, made my heart swell. I loved creeping to the eerie, haunting sounds. That song about the monsters dancing was my favorite! I hoped we’d hear it.

        “Look! That pumpkin has a demon carved into it. Oh, my! Look at that giant grim reaper! Incredible!” My eyes practically popped out of my head.

        “So cute.” Birsha laughed.

        “Don’t encourage her!” Kikimora snapped. “This isn’t amazing. It’s all fake versions of the amazing real stuff we have every day.”  

        “It’s fun though. Humans have really mastered that fear and fun balance.”

        “I’m getting out of here,” Kikimora rolled her eyes.

        Birsha waved and I could tell Kikimora wanted him to stay with her and leave me. After a bit of hesitation, he didn’t seem to notice, she stomped off.

        “Don’t let the stuff she says get to you.”

        “I don’t. She can think whatever.” I pointed to an inflatable pumpkin that was larger than the house it sat next to and had an evil grin spread across its face. “You know she likes you, right? Like in some not-just-friends type of way.”

        “Uh-huh. Let’s go over here.”

        “Don’t you want to head off to wherever you're going?”

        “Yeah, but I think we should do something…special.”

        I felt like thousands of maggots were eating at my flesh, and yes, I do know what that really feels like sadly. “Special?”

        “Uh-huh.”

        “Like an evil special thing or…”

        “I know you’re evil like us, Ash. Maybe not as creative or smart, but you’ve got other qualities. Let me help you out.”

        I hoped he’d realize that didn’t come out right. “I feel terrible that we left Zany. We’ve got plenty of time. Let’s get him first.”

        “You’re stalling.”

        “I don’t want to do anything evil. Why can’t I have my fun, silly Halloween?”

        He ignored me and kept walking. My steps softened, my shoulders tensed, and my gut churned like it does when I eat rotten meat.

        A tall, human man walked up to me and put a hand on my shoulder. Startled, I jumped, but he didn’t seem to notice. “You okay? Is that dude bothering you? You can pretend you’re with me. I’ll get you out of here.”  

        I considered taking him up on his offer, but Birsha bashed him over the head with a painted rock.

        “Our first snack of the night.”

        “You’ll get blood on your clothes, and no way a girl is going anywhere with some guy who has blood all over him.”

        “Fair enough. Guess we’ll leave him.”

        I’m sorry! I mentally whispered to the unconscious man. He seemed like such a nice guy. Birsha grabbed my hand and pulled me along. “You shouldn’t act like that. There’s so many people who can see.”

        “And do what? I’m wearing a mask and will be gone from here completely by the end of the night.”

        “Okay. I’ve got a better plan for tonight.” If I created a better plan, he might let me go on my own. It had to be good though.

        “Let’s hear it.”

        It had to be good, but I didn’t have to actually do it, right? Demons lie. So, I stole Marty and Raven’s idea. “Psychological terror.”

        “What?”

        “People are terrified of dying alone. Of never being loved. I’ll convince them they will always be alone. Set up scenarios where they think they’re about to die. People sometimes say their life flashes before their eyes. I can make them feel like that life was pointless. Pick the worst of the worst to highlight.”

        “Wow, that’s really good, Ash.”

        “Thank you.”

        “But they shouldn’t think they’re dying. They should die.”

        “Of course.”

        “You kind of interest me, Ash. They say humans have morals because of their fear of God or judgment. You have nothing to fear. You know that’s all bull. There’re zero consequences. In fact, people expect you and want you to do bad things. Your whole existence is what others envision as punishment and you can’t escape that. What do you get from being good?”

        “I don’t know. It’s how I am. I’d rather people had fun. Besides, all the scariest things have been done a million times over. I want to keep things fresh.”

        “You should smash that pumpkin.”

        I glanced at the detailed superhero carved onto it. “Some kid worked really hard on that.”

        “So?”

        “What if I ruined your Halloween idea?”

        He didn’t say anything.

        “I’m not good. I only want to have fun. People dying and getting hurt isn’t fun to me. It’s boring.”

        “Boring?”

        “Yeah, I think we should get more creative.”

        “What about being more creative in how we kill them? Like what if that giant pumpkin came alive and chewed them apart?"

        “Huh. That’s better. We could make that giant pumpkin terrorize the neighborhood.”

        Birsha smiled. “All the lawn things could come to life. Real ghosts and ghouls and monsters.”

        “What if all the monsters came alive and did one of those flash mob dances to that song I love? People would be so scared because inanimate things coming alive is weird. The fear would be real. It’d be fun too, though.”

        “Yeah, I guess. That would be funny to watch.”

        “How about you join me in one of my scares? Or we could do one of mine and then one of yours or something.”

        “Yeah, alright.” 

             That's when the fun really began. We brought people's cauldrons of punch bubbling to life and spilling over like volcanoes. We gave life to scarecrows and watched people's shock as they danced around the streets with crows flapping by their sides. When we found a bonfire, we created a face from flames that told campfire stories. They were great stories, but no one listened. They ran screaming and we laughed until our sides hurt. We turned glorious candy bars into spiders right when kids took a bite. A whole night of fun, silly pranks was what I needed. 

            "That was a great night! Best Halloween even." He looked at me in this dreamy way that implied certain intentions. 

             I looked away and sighed. All I wanted was to be appreciated and find someone who understood my quirky ways. Birsha probably only went along with all this to get in my pants. It's how he is. How demons are really. They're more lusty than loving. Not me. I'd also never want to hurt Kikimora. Friends are more important, and plenty of snakes in the pit as they say. I truly hoped one day she'd see she could do better and give up. Preferably before he broke her heart, as I knew he would. He didn't like her. Whether due to her snotty attitude or him not being into the slug look, I couldn't say. Regardless of his motives with me though, we did have a good time. It was the best Halloween ever. 

I couldn’t wait to see the news headlines and find out what crazy explanation the humans came up with for all these stunts. Despite our yearly visits, they never suspected demons. It’s all thanks to the costumes, I guess.