Where Am I?

I thought in some of my worst nightmares such as vividly observing an 800 lb. alligator biting off half of my right leg to the knee cap and me watching zoo visiting people laughing at me for actually trying to stop him from chopping down on my leg with one of those huge beach umbrellas, as if Bozo the Clown tried to get inside a hot wheels car was bad or the time I made a unconventional and an insane bet with my former best friend Crazy Larry that he couldn’t lay in between the train tracks as 120 car train passed over him going over 66 miles an hour. He didn’t look all that human as the caboose finally passed over his exploding head and burned body from the sparks that he must have forgot that happens below the trains engine.

Whether I found myself in a real life nightmare or an unbelievable reality. The place that I was forced to visit for the next 25 years is truly unbelievable.

The 8th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution (which prohibits cruel and unusual punishment), requires that state and federal housing systems provide at least “the minimal civilized measure of life’s necessities. (Rhodes verses Chapman, 452 U.S. 337 (1981).

I didn’t mean to lose my civil rights, however, I was able to retain the basic rights such as freedom of speech, religion and equal protection of law. I had the rights to basic minimum living standards. However, I was limited to those rights to some extent in the name of safety, order and security.

If you happen to be forced to visit the place I dared to ventured too, don’t make yourself crazy remembering all the movies like The Wizard of Oz or The Planet of the Apes or Jurassic Park or Lost in Space or Alice in Wonderland or it’s a Wonderful life you’ve ever seen.

Being unwillingly sent to the place I was forced to visit is a lot like starting at a new high school: it’s not that tough, as long as you pay attention from the outset and think about what kind of impression you’re making. Watch and listen for quite a while, to get a sense of the other people you’ll be living with. Really take your time about this, because you’re likely to be dealing with different types of people than you’re used to and it’s important to be accurate in your assessments. Some will be very decent human beings who can give you useful information and advice. On the other hand, the first ones who come up and want to make friends with you may be predators, losers, or illegal aliens. Don’t be in a big hurry to join a group, because you’ll be taking on their baggage. I signed up to join the Islamic faith for protection from this New Society. Just take it easy and be pleasant with everyone, without striving to find buddies right away. Take the time to let friendships develop gradually, the way they do naturally at work, a Turkish bath house or the gym. Some of you may have already figured out the place I was forced to visit. While a few of you are simply sitting in your hot tub or Jacuzzi or working out on your Peloton exercise machine, begging me to get to the illogical point. Calm down I say to those eager beavers because I got nothing but time on my hands.

Right away I was given a long list of things I should do to survive this New World. Like respect others, but behave with self-respect, too. Acting scared invites victimization. And if you don’t stand up for yourself, potential visiting allies won’t think it‘s worth the risk to stand by you. Be very careful not to touch people by accident. If you do bump into anyone, immediately say “Excuse me.” If your apology isn’t accepted, don’t argue, but just walk away (and keep an eye on that person for future problems). Don’t touch other people’s stuff (books, pencils, especially their adult magazines, etc.) or sit on other people’s beds, without asking. Rather than just joining a conversation, wait until someone asks your opinion. However bad your situation is, be careful not to sound like you’re whining. In the eating area, don’t reach across other people’s salvers. If you have to cough or sneeze, turn away and cover your mouth. Before using the telephone or changing channels on the TV, make sure you check with other detainees visitors to see what system they’ve set up for taking turns it’s easy to offend others by accident, if you don’t find out the “local rules.” Don’t borrow money, don’t gamble, don’t do drugs and don’t accept gifts from strangers. All these things can put you in debt, which could affect your safety. Don’t become a stoolpigeon. Squealers are not just unpopular, they’re unsafe. Don’t even refer to other unwilling visitors when talking with any turn Keyes, because people will think you’re blabber mouthing or at least being manipulated by the host of the place. (The primary exception to this is that if you honestly believe you’re going to be sexually violated, you may ask to be placed in protective custody.) While forcible acts of sexual violence is normal in this place, consensual sex is very common (although it’s illegal and results in disciplinary action if you’re caught). Lots of visitors to this New Land have sex with each other because doing time is boring and having sex is nice. Some unwilling visitors agree to have sex because they’re scared or in debt, though this mostly applies to male visitors. In any case, if you’re propositioned and you’re not interested in sex, just say no clearly, without freaking out (the same as you would in a Biker or Roadhouse bar). If your refusal isn’t taken seriously, fight back (and sometimes just looking like you’re ready to fight is enough). If you can’t defend yourself, ask to be put in protective custody. Remember, however, that unwilling visitors in protective custody are considered to be betrayers, which means that it will be difficult ever to re-enter the real New World. If you have medical needs or disabilities, tell the Wizard. You’ll probably have to make repeated requests and you should keep copies of all written ones even if the cowardly lion disagrees. My name is Ndume Olaslotta (formerly Billy Cosby),  I was wrongfully convicted of murder in 2009. Now I’m quite sure with the information I just unwillingly shared with you. You now know Where I Am.