Lord, what fools these mortals be.

Lord, what fools these mortals be!

Carol pushed her hair up and wiped her brow. It was hot in the kitchen and the sweat was beginning to creep down the back of her neck. It was almost lunch time and the staff would be streaming in any minute, all of them eager to find the best seating or space at the counter.

“What’s for lunch today Carol?” asked Joseph ,  “anything exciting?”

“Today is a day for surprises, and I have made  “Spaghetti all’ Amatriciana

“Sounds good , even better with your French accent!” laughed Joseph,  “ Explain while I’m waiting."

“Its pasta with a special sauce made with salt pork, tomatoes, and grated cheese with red pepper flakes, nothing fancy.”

Carol’s aim was to provide delicious meals on a low cost budget. Although she was more used to French cuisine, pasta dishes always went down well at lunch time.

The company employed over 400 people at the head office in Cape Town. Carol supplied them with lunch five days a week. Her passion for cooking was always revealed in the finished product.

Joseph, responsible for the buying of all produce destined for the kitchen, had struck up a workable relationship with Carol. He, however, had his sights on more than mere friendship with Carol. He had come to admire her, for her enthusiasm for work, her elegance of attire, her composure in the face of obstacles, her cheerful good looks and numerous other qualities to do with her physical attraction. The list went on. He had to find a way to get her to notice him in the way he would like to be noticed, as a friend yes, but also as a lover.

He couldn’t help remembering the time when an order had been placed for chicken drumsticks for Chicken Hunter style with pasta. The supplier had delivered Chokka squid instead. Carol seemingly unperturbed, made up, in a matter of 40 minutes, a dish of calamari salad with green leaves and tomatoes in an olive oil dressing. He had been impressed. The Chokka had looked so squirmy and squelchy, enough to put you off cooking let alone eating. When Carol put it on the work top, it slithered around looking creepy with its helpless dead eyes.

The 1^st of April was coming soon and he had been working on a plan for some time, to further his desire with regard to Carol. They would become partners in crime as it were and hatch a plot for All Fool’s Day. It would bind them in a common purpose; draw them closer together mentally. Getting closer to Carol romantically was becoming quite an obsession.

“Carol, what do you think of planning a 1st of April joke on people in the canteen?  You could make a fake pie of some kind. Let’s have a drink together after work and we can talk it over.”

“OK Joseph but I am not all that keen to play tricks on people. I have always thought they can backfire on you. It seems childish to me.”

“ I agree but we could think of playing a trick that would give the staff some fun. That is not  unacceptable is it? Laughter is always a good remedy for the ‘Blues’ and if we think of a trick that is not harmful in any way, it could brighten things up just for that one day.”

“OK I’ll meet you at The Bell at 6pm.”

Carol had to hurry with the clearing up after work, to get to The Bell in time.

“Hi Joseph, sorry I’m late but had to tidy up at work first.”

“That’s Ok what would you like to drink?” (He wouldn’t have minded if she was an hour late, he would still be waiting.)

“A gin and tonic would be great, thanks”

“Have you any ideas for the April fun, Joseph?”

“ A few . What I thought of, was making some fake food.”

After an hour of discussion they had drawn up a menu for the 1^st April. They had to think of a heading for the menu that would not make anyone suspicious. Surprise was the name of the game.

“What about the French term for ‘April Fool’, ‘Poisson d’Avril’ no one will be able to guess what that is about, surely?”

“That’s a good idea. We’ll get the copy people to print it out for us.”

“ I’d like to be your assistant in the kitchen on the day, Carol. I am handy in the kitchen. I can wield a knife, a slicer and a peeler to good effect.”

“Alright, Joseph,” eyeing him doubtfully, as long as you stay out of my way.”

Carol had always thought of Joseph as being rather mean when providing the food for her culinary skills. She always tried to keep costs down but he complained about her extravagances at times, which got on her nerves. You had to be imaginative with food and he apparently, had little imagination.

The first of April arrived, Joseph met Carol in the canteen. They got to work straight away. Joseph mixed the mince and other ingredients and got it all ready for the oven. Carol directed staff to boil the potatoes in time for them to be mashed. Joseph boiled the beetroot ready for dicing and blending to make the beetroot juice. This was for the first course.

Carol couldn’t help observing how proficient Joseph was with mixing and blending. No mess or bother with his cooking style. Obviously he was accustomed to being in a kitchen as well as simply ordering the produce. He went up in her estimation. Sensing that she was looking at him, Joseph glanced up from the blenders and smiled at her. He had a disarming openness in his smile showing straight white teeth. She had never thought him good looking but now he seemed attractive in his quiet manner and the way he spoke to the other kitchen staff.

She had watched him as he was mixing the mince and other ingredients for going into the oven. He cracked the eggs with one hand asking at the same time,

“Kenny can you please hand me the wooden spoon for mixing,” and

“ I need help to put this purple mess in a bowl before it goes everywhere,” talking about the beetroots.

Maybe she had misjudged him, always thinking he was out to criticise her. Only a person sensitive in the preparation of food could be that deft.

Carol was busy making a salad to surprise all the lunch guests. Mixing two fruits that are not usually served together, she was combining fresh strawberries with chopped cucumber and tossing them with a dressing made of mint jelly, lemon juice and lemon rind. The red and green colours looked stunning.

Joseph looking over her shoulder, said admiringly,

"You have got something special there alright Carol."

She gave him a look of appreciation.

At 1 o’clock the first staff members drifted in and when most of the tables were occupied the waiters started serving the main course. It was presumed to be a main course and was called on the menu ‘cottage pie’ but it had no resemblance to this commonplace dish. The slices of what looked like fruit cake were topped with pink icing.

People stared at it and then started calling the waiters back. Their calls went unheeded.

“Sid, what is this, it looks like fruit cake with pink icing on top, you have got my order mixed up. I asked for ‘cottage pie’.

 Carol and Joseph watching from the kitchen door looked at each other in amusement and with a new understanding .

“Wow!” thought Joseph, “my plan is working, things are progressing in the right way.”

Grumbles and groans were heard all round, until one person tasted a mouthful and started to laugh. The pie topping was made from mashed potato coloured with beetroot juice and what looked like fruit cake was meat loaf. The whole canteen were very soon joking and laughing about the disguise.

“What’s up next?” shouted Garth from the table near the window.

“Rice pudding is on the menu.”

The pudding was served and again people complained that they had been given chicken drumsticks. The cleverly disguised rice crispies were moulded in the shape of drumsticks and coated with a brown sugar glaze. A swell of laughter echoed round the room once again.

“I thought ‘Poisson’ was ‘ fish’ in French” said Oliver calling Carol over to his table.

“ Where’s the fish, Caro?”

“You are all wearing the Poisson d’Avril on your backs. They got stuck on when we served the food!