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Fantasy Fiction Funny

"Hello. My name is Katose. No, it's Karakos. No, it's...oh yeah, Kartos. Yeah, Kartos. I am an adventurous hero. No, a runaway noble. Wait hold on, no I'm just a farm boy whose village was burned down by goblins and then I grew up into a furious warrior. Nope, that's wrong I'm actually just a kid with demonic powers who uses them for the good of mankind. Never mind I am an orphan with divine powers. No, that's not right. I'm actually, a servant boy with water elemental powers and have been trained to use them to protect my country of the Silver Mountains. Yes, that's correct. I'm sorry about my introduction I keep forgetting things, but somehow I remember that my parents died, no wait they're alive and well, except for my younger sister she's sick. Actually, no she is not, she's been corrupted by dark magic. Never mind again. She's an undead and under the control of a powerful lich. I am on a quest to save her and the world from the evil lich. Yes, that is correct." said Kartos who introduced himself to an adventure guild staff member.

"Huh? Is there something mentally wrong with you? Actually don't answer that. Instead, just sign here, go to the quest board, find a quest that you want, take one of the taps from the bottom of the page and go complete it. Once you have done it come back and give a staff member the tap, and repeat the process. Got it?" asked the staff member who seemed very much annoyed by Kartos' antics. Kartos signed the page and went to the quest board. Several quest pages overlapped each other with the taps covering parts of the bottom and Kartos had to lift the taps of the top quests just to read the top of the quests pages: village ransacked and needs to be rebuilt, undead spotted and needed to be rid of, several people have been kidnapped and need to be rescued. The rest were bounties on criminals, nobles as well as royals of neighboring countries, and disgraced adventurers. "Choices, choices, which to pick," whispered Kartos as he stared at the quest unable to figure out which one he wanted, he then reached his hand to grab one of the taps only to move it to another group of tabs and then back again. This repeated several times. Luckily he wasn't in the way of anyone else as they ignored him when they got their quest and left. Finally, Kartos got a tap from the undead quest and went to complete it.

After traveling for days he found where the undead were last spotted. Several footprints seemed to be sliding through the mud. Kartos knew he was on track. So he kept going until he could smell rotten flesh? No, it was a crisp flesh. Which made him confused and he kept going until he saw a man dragging a dead body and throwing it in a fire of other bodies. Kartos wanted to say hi then stopped himself, he then got the courage to speak but couldn't he debated in his mind whether to say hi which on for so long that the stranger looked at him and began walking toward Kartos. "Who are you? A new adventurer or more trouble?" asked the stranger. "I'm Kartos, I am an adventurer. I wanted to complete a quest regarding undead since my sister has been possessed, I mean killed by a lich and is being used in his army," he said very awkwardly. The stranger walked over and began to look up and down at Kratos. "You seem harmless enough, I am Sherlock Hammers. I also took the undead quests but unlike you, I finished it. So let's just go back and find another one to do." said Sherlock. "But I just got here," complained Kratos. "And sounds like your problem, not mine." responded the stranger. Kratos' anger swirled, or did it burn? Boil maybe? yeah, it boiled. Kratos unsheathed his sword, raised his shield, and took a battle-ready stance. Only he didn't have a sword as if changed into a small axe. Only for it to be changed back into a sword but this time it was bigger, thinker, and the handle wrapped around his hand and was covered in tiny spikes. "So you want to fight me? Fine, you burn like the undead I just defeated." said the stranger as he took his fighting stance with his double-head hammer and shield. Kartos was confused as to how the stranger didn't see his weapon change, but then snapped back to the fight and charged the stranger. They blocked, stabbed, disarmed, and used surrounding weapons that were lying on the floor to try and win, but as the duel went on the stranger kept complimenting Kartos. saying things like "You're not half bad.", "Nice trick.", and the worse one "Not bad for a water boy." Kartos didn't have a lot of water but he used the little he had to try and keep the stranger at bay and on his toes. That was until they came to a cliff and Kartos saw that at the bottom was the ocean, which then got changed to a roaring river, However, it was too far away for Kartos to use. Finally, he and the stranger crossed weapons and tried to maneuver their weapons to better positions only for the stranger to then push upward with his weapon and Kartos fell backward into the raging river. His mind raced as his body fell into the freezing water. His being carried very fast by the river and almost got snagged on several branches. Until he reached a calmer part of the river and swam to shore exhausted. He lay on the sand and sprawled along the shore.

After catching his breath a silhouette of a figure loomed over him. As his eyes adjusted it was a pretty young woman wearing simple maiden clothing. "Who are you?" asked the woman. "Kartose, wow you look stunning, I mean nice, No, uh what's the word, Dangit! I can't find the word. I'm sorry. I don't know what to say." said an embarrassed Kartos. The woman looked at him confused and then helped Kartos up. When Kratos got a better look at her she was an elf, except she seemed to have a bit of green within her skin. "Oh no, you're bleeding. Ew, ew here have this." said the girl as she turned from Kartos. Kartos looked around his body and saw blood soaking his pants. He took off the pants and saw several scarps and bruises all over his legs. He got his adventure bag, found a couple of health potions, and drank them. His wounds quickly healed and he was back to full health. The maiden turned around and lent him a cloth for him to clean up the blood without looking at him, "Thank you Mrs." said Kartos as he took the cloth and cleaned up the blood. "You're welcome, however, what brings you here?" asked the woman. "I'm an adventurer who was on a quest, lost a fight, and fell off a cliff. Actually, never mind I was on a quest to rescue my sister from a lich but got thrown off a cliff by an undead dragon that was being controlled by the lich." said a confused Kartose. Apparently, the events that just happened were replaced by a different set of events. Hence the confusion. The woman looked at him a bit confused but just nodded and moved along. "Since you are an adventurer and would like to stay at my family's house, I bet you are tired from your quests." said the woman as she walked into the woods back to her house. Kartose followed the woman to her house which was nothing more than a simple cottage with moss covering the roof. When they went inside it was barren except for a little set of tables and chairs and a furnace attached to one of the walls. The woman walked to the furnace to refill it with firewood and rotated some meat that had been cooking for a while. Kartose sat in one of the chairs and stared at the woman. She seemed too busy to notice him until she said "I hope you're hungry." her tone gave away the fact that she was not normal. Kartose reached for his sword only to be thrown back into the wall by a spell. Wait no the woman turned into an ugly monster and her arm threw him into the wall causing it to break. Kartose struggled to get up and used his sword to stand up. He dodged another attack and he rushed toward her cutting her monstrous head clean off. Except that he found himself in the cottage over the woman's dead body head still attached to her head but on the ground dead. Kartos' water abilities kicked in and killed the woman by drowning her. Kartos ran away from the scene and tried to find his way back to complete another quest filled with more antics and ever-changing scenes.

September 02, 2024 21:14

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