Lavender

I place three California rolls on each plate and a piece of sliced mango on each. I’ve never made sushi before but it should be no problem for  a professional cook. I put the plates on either side of the rose petal covered table and light the candles. The smell of warm honey drifts through the air.

She should be here any minute now. I think, my heart beating through my shirt.

Fifteen minutes pass and she isn’t here. The candles are nearly gone and the smell of honey is faint and bitter. The rose petals wilt and the mango has stopped glistening. I grab the sides of my chair, my heels kicking against the mahogany legs, worried she won’t come.

I hear a knock at the door and rush to open it. 

There she is. 

Her hair falls to her shoulders in messy curls. Her dress is the color of freshly picked lavender and flowing translucent fabric envelops her shoulders and back. 

“May I come in?” she asks.

I try to remember how to breathe as I let her in. She stops when she sees the table.

“This is…” she pauses to find words. “Wow.”

“I-I’ve been told I’m very romantic.” I say, still stumbling over every breath.

“There’s that ego I so love.” she chuckles quietly to herself.

A moment of silence falls over us and we both sigh, remembering.

“Um,” I break the moment, “Let’s sit.” 

I pull her chair out and she sits. I try pushing it back in, but I can’t move it, my arms are shaking so much.

“It’s okay,” she places her hand on mine, “I can do it.”

I go to my side of the table and sit down slowly, so I don’t fall.

We stare at each other for a moment, then she gestures at the plate in front of her.

“I thought you didn’t do sea food.”

“I’m a changed woman. I’ve been learning the ways of the ocean. Everyday I go out and watch the tide come in and I can almost hear the fish whispering, ‘eat me’.”

She laughs and for a second it’s like nothing has changed since that sunny day three years ago. 

“So, Lila, how’ve you been?” she asks, mocking my new name. I take it in stride.

“Well, Sonia, I’ve been great actually. I’ve missed talking to you though.”

“I assume that’s why you organized this.” Sonia gestures around, “I wasn’t aware this was a date though.”

“Did the roses give me away? Or was it the fact that today’s Valentine’s?”

“You’re right.” she chuckles, “I should’ve known.”

She grabs her fork and takes a bite of the sushi, ignoring the bowl of chopsticks in the middle of the table..

“This is good,” she looks surprised, “have you made this before?”

“I-uh, no.”

“Impressive.” she takes another bite, “ This mango is perfectly ripe.”

“Thank you.” I take a bite of mine too.

It really is good. 

I notice something on Sonia’s finger. A ring. Two gems on a gold band.

I look up and she’s staring at me. 

“You're not gonna say anything about your natural talent or how everything you make is this good?”

“I mean...I guess not.”

She nods and smirks, then goes back to eating. A silent minute passes. 

“Those books,” Sonia points at the shelves behind me, “You like Anne Sexton?”

“She’s my new favorite poet.” I smile at my collection like a proud father.

“I didn’t think poetry was really your thing.”

“Like I said, I’m a new woman.”

“ Do you have a favorite poem?”

“ Mhm, The Break Away.”

“ Your daisies have come,” she begins.

“On the day of my divorce.” I finish the line.

Another silence. Sonia bites her lip. I guess she never got over that habit.

“Do you want a drink?” I ask.

“Yeah, thanks.”

I go to the kitchen and pour her a glass of red wine. I lean against the counter and watch her. She already finished all of her sushi, now she’s taking rose petals and gently ripping them apart. Her hazel eyes glow in the candle light. I’d say I forgot how beautiful she was but I never forgot.

She looks over at me.

“Can I have my wine or are you gonna hold it hostage?”

I bring her the wine and set it next to her plate. She takes a sip.

At that moment, something inside me breaks.

“I just want us to start over.” I start.

She knits her eyebrows together.

“What?”

 “It’s been nearly eight months.” My voice cracks. “Do you think we can try again?” 

She pauses, surprised. She squints at me, examining my face closely.

“Have you changed?” she asks.

“I-I think so.”

She puts her lips to the wine glass and drinks the whole thing in one gulp.

“So about giving it...us another chance?” I say.

 “Tonight has been really nice, it's just that…” There are tears in her eyes.

“Oh no.” I look at the shriveled rose petals and know I’m not gonna get another chance.

“I’m married.”

I sigh. I knew this was coming. I knew the second I saw that ring.

“So soon?” I choke on my words.

“Yeah.” she looks down at her lap.

“Then why did you even come?”

“I wasn’t going to stay this long, but you had prepared all of this and it was so nice and...” she falters, “I’m really sorry. For everything. Especially for leading you on.”

My stomach hurts. The butterflies have turned into rats, gnawing at my insides.

 I stand, without saying anything, and go to my room. I lie on my bed, hands on my chest like I’m being lowered into the ground in a coffin. 

It’s raining out. Flowers surround a picture of me on an easel. It’s not a very flattering picture, I wish they would’ve picked a different one. I hear sobs and wails. My mama’s crying like she always does. Everyone’s wearing black. Even their umbrellas are black. A blip of color stands out from the crowd; a lavender dress. Sonia stands, engulfed in rain, watching me being lowered into my grave. I don’t know if it’s just the rain but a drop of water streams down her cheek. Then it’s black.

A knock on the door.

“Lila?”

I don’t answer. I feel like a child who was banished to their room after throwing a fit and their mother comes to check on them. For once, I don’t want to be an adult. 

“I’m really sorry.” Her voice cracks a little bit.

She already said that, I thought, it still doesn't change anything.

“You don’t have to answer, but…”

But what?

“I love you, Lila.”

My heart stops for a second. I can hear Sonia’s footsteps going down the hall. I hear the door open and close.

“I love you, too.” I whisper.

I grab the picture from my nightstand. The one from that sunny day three years ago when I married the woman I loved. I traced the engraving on the bottom of the frame.

“Lilly & Sonia Forever”