To love and to be loved

TW: murder suicide, death of a child

He sat down there writing the missing report of a 4-year-old. A child that had so much darkness in him, one wouldn’t even be surprised if he had just run away from all the gloominess at home. 

Inspector Charnet sighed as he closed the file and wondered what he would discover about the child as the case would progress. A small town it was. The people were all familiar and every surname had tales and fables that everyone knew about. 

Savola was a rusty yet beautiful city that was cursed with gloomy days and cold nights. But the people were so warm and humble, one would not notice even if the sun didn’t show up for days. 

Inspector Charnet wanted to take up this case personally. He had encountered the boy just once before and he didn’t really like the look in his dark brown eyes. It felt like he peeked into his dark soul but it was hollow. 

The reason he wanted to do that is because he was the only child of the most respected person in the town. Inspector Charnet and Prof Dorling shared a pleasant relationship. Prof Dorling led a very quiet and secluded life and meant no harm to anyone even in his night’s stutter. 

Prof Dorling was highly respected in the university not just for his work but for how friendly and sensitive he was as a person. He never carried his work life beyond the university and lived at the edge of the town and grew his own vegetables. 

His neighbours thought the reason he didn’t want to socialize was because he was embarrassed by his sick wife. Neighbours, always an opinion on everything. Things really turned around for him after his son was born. 

All the gloominess of the house taken away by this ray of hope and tender little feet. 

“Well, good morning Mr Dorling”, said Charnet tapping on his table at the University. Dorning brought his gaze back and responded to him by standing up from his chair. 

“What can I do for you this fine morning?” asked Dorling with a forced smile. “Well, I’m sorry that you have to go through this. I quite understand what this must feel like. I can’t let my little daughter out of my sight even for a single second”, said Charnet in a sympathetic tone. 

“Haha, that’s alright though. My son is off to his aunt’s place for the summer and I am sure I can live through just a few days without him”, said Dorling with a giggle. 

“Aunt’s place for the summer?” exclaimed Charnet and continued after a pause saying, “Your neighbour, Mrs Shakelton came by the station yesterday and lodged a missing person’s complaint about your son. She said she hadn’t seen your son in 3 days and you were probably too much in pain to come to us to file a complaint. Has there, I mean, is there any confusion here?”. 

Dorling said with an assuring smile that she was a nosy lousy neighbour who always got in other people’s business. With no husband to pester, she feeds on other people’s miseries. “I don’t know what gave her the idea of my little son going missing but she surely deserves an award for her constant gossip concoctions of the entire town”, he said twisting his lips. 

“Well, I think this was all just a confusion. I am sorry if this wasted your time, Inspector”, said Dorling and reached back to his book to head out of his department office. 

“Oh no, that’s fine. Care to get some lunch together at my place? I overheard my wife telling the kids that she is baking delicious pie today”, said Charnet cordially. “Oh that’s really wonderful of you but, you see, I gave up milk and eggs ever since my wife started having those reactions. It made her sicker. I am her only support system, you see, other than our son, of course”, he said with a tinge of regret. 

“Things we do for love”, said Charnet with a giggle and walked out of his office as he waved goodbye to him. 

Charnet rang Mrs Shakelton’s doorbell thrice until she finally answered. He asked if he can come in and showed himself inside. Mrs Shakelton looked like she had just gotten out of a fresh warm shower. “I wanted to talk about the case and look, I am just going to be honest with you here. I dropped by Prof Dorling’s university this morning and he told me that his son has gone to his aunt’s for the summer. Why would you be misled by something like that to file a missing person’s complaint and disturb the fine man that he is?”, asked Charnet leaning in front of his chair. 

Mrs Shakelton moved her lips after a second and said, “Look, I am sorry. That little boy seems nice and innocent. He disappeared out of thin air and I didn’t know what else to do. I don’t really get along well with Dorling and I have only seen his sick wife inside their house in the evenings. She never gets out. Some sort of skin disorder she seems to have. This was the only way I would know what happened to him. I am sorry to have wasted your time but I’m glad the boy is okay”. 

Charnet walked out of her place and turned around to look at Dorling’s house next door. He could see his wife’s shadow in the kitchen and it seemed like she was baking something. It definitely smelled pleasant and if he recognised it right, it smelled like biscuit cake. 

He knew it so well because his mother used to make it for him all the time. A lucky man thought Charnet in his mind and drove away to get back to the station. 

Charnet had a message for him as he got back to his table and it had a note that said that he should give Mrs Shakelton a callback. Quite annoyed that he just got back from her place, he wondered what she was up to now. The note also said that it was urgent and that she wouldn’t speak to anyone other than Charnet. 

Charnet rang her up in mild anger and asked her what it was. Mrs Shakelton was breathing heavy and uttered words like she was struggling to put a sentence together. “Look Mr Charnet, I know I have wasted your time before but I am certain this time. I heard a gunshot and I think Dorling shot his wife. I didn’t hear anyone scream but I know for sure that there has been a murder. Please just trust me this time and come over. I beg of you”, she said trying to gasp her breath and hung up the phone without letting Charnet speak. 

Charnet headed right to Dorling’s place and went to see what all this mess was about. This better not be another neighbourhood rivalry, he thought in his head as he drove in. He found the main door to be unlocked and he entered the house to see Dorling lying in a pool of blood dressed as a woman. 

Charnet picked up the letter next to the corpse and tried to process everything he saw at that moment. He unfolded the letter and tried to read what it said

We men and women of this paradise 

Wake up to go work every day 

So that we can eat bread and earn respect 

We wake up to do things we like 

Things we hate or things we resent 

But we do this for money 

For family and the people we love 

All I wanted was to live that life 

A life where we do things for love 

All I wanted in life was love 

A person to go home to 

But where would I find it 

Who would I find it in 

I would come home late from work 

I would wonder what it would be like 

To converse with someone I love 

When they see me back home 

And their eyes would light up looking at me 

I started having those conversations with myself 

Sometimes aloud and at times in my mind

I would buy pretty dresses so that I could wear them 

Stand in front of the mirror 

And feel what it felt like 

To have a pretty woman in the house 

I gave my imagination a voice, a wardrobe and a relationship 

I married my imagination and felt the pleasure of having a wife 

A wife who would do anything for me 

A wife who would talk to no one but me 

A wife who would never go out of my sight 

A wife who would be within me all the time 

But it all felt real when I heard the bell ring 

And watched a car drive away that breezy night 

It seemed blurry from my window 

But it looked like someone was trying to get away 

I opened the door and heard a new born’s cry 

I looked down and saw it 

I saw him 

He looked complete 

He was looking at me 

He looked like what I had been looking for 

My entire life 

I never made him feel like he had just a father 

I fed him well and taught him how to write 

He knew he had a sick mother 

And that he could never see her or talk to her 

I thought that would make him love me more 

And that he would recognise everything I was for him 

But the boy started asking questions 

The boy started to think 

The boy had conclusions 

I had to silence him 

I had to make this all go away 

That’s when I did it 

He now lies peacefully 

Spread in pieces with the vegetables 

Helping them grow and giving them a soul

The pieces of his body growing into those plants 

While I end my life of lie here 

So that I can go meet him again 

In a place where I can love and be loved 

For everything that I am 

And everything that I am not