The Church of the Falls

Twenty-five years ago, I was cursed by a witch. Now everything I touch turns to water. Sure, it’s not so bad when I need a bath, but it sure has made relationships tough. It’s also made my living situation tricky, but I’ve discovered a loophole. If I’m already in water, I don’t turn anything to water. I may not have gills or a tail, but I’m as close to a merman as you can get without them. I’ve taken over an abandoned grotto and I’ve had some pretty comfortable furniture delivered. Sleeping is not the most comfortable, but I don’t have much of a choice. I tried out inflatables first, needless to say that didn’t work. I had a bed built that is fully submerged, and I’ve learned to live with just an inch or two of my body being wet. 

I’m sure you have a lot of questions, usually the first one I get is, “Why on earth did a witch hex you?” Well, because I kind of dared her to. I insulted her magic skills and after telling her the story of King Midas, I happened to mention that she could never be as powerful as that witch. Of course, hexing me to turn everything gold could make me rich, so she wasn’t so kind. Turning everything to water was a neat party trick at first, it really helped me pick up the ladies. Of course, until I tried to actually PICK UP the ladies. It got tiring after a few weeks. 

She refused to undo her hex, even after I tried to trick her into doing so by telling her she couldn’t. Now she claims the Spirits won’t allow her too. You see, she is also a seer, and claims this curse she calls a “gift” that she bestowed on me is meant for some greater good. By my best estimation, I can only guess that it will be the opposite of the great flood that Noah built his ark for. The whole world is going to embark on a season of drought, and only I can pull them through it.  A bit absurd if you ask me. She also refuses to tell me when this is due to happen, so who knows how long I’ll be stuck like this. In the meantime, I’ve been making the best of it.

After a few months of my curse, I came across a haggard man who had been travelling alone. I convinced him I was the second coming of Jesus, but instead of turning water to wine, I could turn anything into water. I like to think of him as my minion now, he handles all of the deliveries to my grotto, coordinates my finances and sets up any contractors I may need. How do we fund all of this you may ask? Well, we started a bit of a cult. He calls it a church, but he doesn’t know any better. Our acolyte’s tithes provide everything we need. Sure, I feel like a bit of a zoo exhibit, but it sure beats any other profession I had tested out. The Church of the Falls we call it, named after the waterfall that cascades down my grotto entrance. We hold our mass just outside of it in the deep pool. 

I often hear the congregation speaking in hushed tones about what must lay beyond the waterfall in my private residence. It’s amazing to me how many of them buy this story, that I am blessed by God. My cover was almost blown when the witch who cursed me attended one of our masses. She looked at me with disdain from the crowd. Apparently doing God’s work wasn’t doing Gods work. Okay, I know I’m not supposed to profit from being a Prophet, but who knows when my skills are actually going to be needed. What am I supposed to do until then?

I can’t go get a real job, because I’ll turn the whole office into water. I guess I could clean fish tanks at the aquarium by the seaside, but other than that I’m out of ideas. There has been no sign of any drought on the horizon, it still rains at least twice a week here and I’m growing impatient. As such, I decided to ask my witch to fashion me a pair of magical gloves so I can try to find my way back into being a useful member of society. She has agreed, and told me she has had another vision of my short-term fate. I am to join her on a journey across the sea, with my entire congregation. 

I’ve convinced them all this excursion has been demanded by God, that we are the worthy crew to spread his word, and every last one of them has followed. We have been at sea for six days, fortunately we were able to pack light as I am able to conjure water as needed, well at least until we run out of all the lightweight and useless items we stowed for me to transfigure. 

In the middle of the night, I awoke to screams coming from the deck. Somehow the majority of the upper deck was aflame. I removed my gloves and began turning any item I thought we could spare to water. In my haste, I accidentally discovered that touching the flames themselves turned them to water with only minimal burn damage to my skin. By the time the deck was out, my arms were a mess of scars and discoloration, but the witch stood at the wheel with a smile on her face. I had saved the entire ship. Apparently, this was my mission, to save these acolytes whose lives I had altered. 

The next day we arrived on a small island, the entire crew disembarking with the necessary tools and gear. Only the witch and I remained behind. “That was it? That is what this power was meant for? Just to save this crew, who were only here because they were following me in the first place?”

“I’m afraid so,” she sighed. “Sometimes our actions are more than just a mere drop in a pond. Sometimes their ripples can create tsunamis.”

I was disappointed, but I also furrowed my brows in confusion. “I don’t even know how the fire started in the first place. You were the only one on deck.”

She looked at me and chuckled. “it’s not only your own future I saw, but mine as well. The visions told me to start that fire, that it was the push you needed to recognize how your actions have affected these men.”

“Well, that’s pretty messed up considering you started all of this by cursing me. And now what? This island looks deserted.”

“It is. Now you use your gift to help them start a new life while the rest of the world burns. It wasn’t just our ship on fire, but our ship was the only one with you on it. Welcome to the new world.”