Numb

Shortly after we got married, David stopped going clubbing or to the gym with friends. He went to class and came back to the apartment, focusing all his time and energy on us. He asked me to move into his apartment, but instead, I moved a large portion of my clothes and all my makeup and called it a day. For a while, I didn't mind his new behavior. Although I knew he expected me to do the same, I wasn't ready to do that. To meet him in the middle, I cut back on time I spent with my friends.

I would see Slim from time to time in my old dorm room. We caught up on everything, watched movies, and hung out. She had started seeing one of my friend’s cousins and was not in the room that much, either, but we remained close. My popularity hadn’t dropped—people were still hitting on me all the time. I even had someone standing outside my dorm room a few times and playing a love song on his stereo like in movies. When I first announced that David and I were together, most of my guy friends were disappointed and had no problem expressing this. When David and I walked on campus together, a couple of people said things like, “He don’t know what to do with you.” I just brushed it off, but he got angry.

David demanded I no longer sit with anyone in the cafeteria unless he was there. He said I was too friendly with people, so I waited an extra half hour to eat lunch with him and his friends. “Guys, this is Sevie,” he announced as we both sat down.

“Wow, she fine as hell!” one of his friends yelled out.

“She looks exotic! Where you from?” another friend asked.

“Nah, nothing special, she’s just another southern girl,” David answered.

“So, I was born in Paris, France, and moved here when I was ten,” I answered while shooting daggers at David with my eyes. They were all amazed. I spent the rest of lunch answering their many questions and telling them what life in Paris was like. David was getting angry, and I almost liked it. He eventually cut off all his friends off and talked to his roommate, Antoine.

Thanksgiving came, so David and I spent a night over at his mom’s place. I knew he told me he was rather poor, but I did not know to what extent. His mom, who is a counsellor at the college, drove us to a large trailer a few miles away from campus. I had never been inside a trailer before, but this was definitely a large one. The kitchen and living room were one open space with dark blue carpet and light brown walls. In the back were three small bedrooms and a bathroom overlooking the forest. Between the three sisters and their kids, there was only so much space to move around. All the women in David’s family, including his younger sister, had their kids during their teenage years. “Look how happy my sisters are with their kids. I want us to do the same and have kids at a young age,” David said to me while watching the kids run around in the trailer. I looked at him like he had two heads.

“We are too young, we have not graduated yet, and we don’t even have $2 to our name!” I replied. We argued about it back and forth, but there was no convincing me. That night when he thought I was asleep, I noticed him poking holes in our condoms, so I made an emergency appointment with the campus nurse to get on the pill when we got back to campus.

The next day Dad came to pick us up to go home. I was surprised at the way Mom and Dad had taken the news when I announced we had gotten married. I had explained to them that this could also help as far as citizenship paperwork went and that I did love him. Looking back on it, there was not much they could have done, since I told them only after I had done it. No matter our family’s financial situation, Dad always insisted that we live in a house. He told Mom that this would set the tone for anyone trying to marry his daughters, so they would know what they needed to live up to. They proudly showed David around our house; even though we had two extra rooms, they wanted him to sleep on the couch downstairs while I slept upstairs in my room, out of respect for them.

Precious and Princess came over the next night. I introduced them to David, and we were all talking for about a minute before our inside jokes started coming out, leaving David out of the conversation. I got up to get a glass of water, and when I turned around, Precious, Princess, and Astrid were standing behind me. “Why aren’t you with your man, Sevie?” Princess asked.

“I’m going there now, Princess,” I answered while laughing.

“You need to be sitting with your man,” she replied in her playful voice. Suddenly, the three of them ambushed me and proceeded to pull my shirt down and then my bra. With my boobs out, they pushed me to David, who was sitting on the couch minding his own business. “Here’s your woman, David—we prepped her up for you!” Precious said while laughing. The four of us were laughing so hard we were in tears, while David looked out of place and mildly disgusted with me.

“So these are your friends?” he said as he watched me rearrange my shirt.

“They’re more than friends; they are family,” I replied while wiping my tears of laughter. He was uncomfortable and felt out of place, but I didn’t care. I was just happy to be there, back in my element. The weekend went by quickly, and before we knew it, we were back at UWA.

I was getting ready to go to class one day, going through my routine of showering first, then doing my hair. I was about to reach for my makeup bag when I noticed it was missing. I looked around the bathroom before going over to shake David out of his sleep. “David, have you seen my makeup bag?”

“Yeah, I took it,” he casually replied while yawning and stretching.

“What?!”

“You wear too much makeup, so I took it.”

“Give me my fucking makeup bag!” I yelled and put my hand out, waiting for him to hand it over. He grabbed my wrist hard and looked into my eyes with anger.

“Take your ass to class. You’re going to be late.” Shoving my wrist back, he turned over and went back to sleep. Unfortunately, he was right. I had to get to class, so I grabbed my books and slammed the door as hard as I could on my way out. I felt insecure throughout the day, barely looking anyone in the eye, thinking I was ugly.

I sat in my technology class looking out the window when Blue sat next to me. “You should smile more,” he said.

“Oh, hey, long time no see!” We hugged quickly.

“What’s wrong Sev?”

“Oh nothing, just had to leave the house with no makeup today,” I said while looking away. Blue touched my shoulder to make me face him, studying my face for a few seconds. “Well, could've had me fooled. You still look good.”

“Aw, thanks,” I replied with an enormous smile. That made my day; I felt like my super-confident self again. I came back to the apartment feeling good and didn’t care about the makeup bag anymore.

One evening, Antoine wanted to use the bathroom, but I had just started washing up, and David needed to pee, so I let David come in. After he peed, he jumped in the shower with me. At first, I thought it was romantic and practical for us to shower together, but David liked it so much, he wanted to do it every day. He even started following me to the bathroom when I had to pee or poop. He wanted us to spend every minute of the day together; he was becoming obsessed. This quickly became exhausting, so I opted to go home one weekend, alone.

When Dad came to pick me up, David walked with me to the car, and as soon as we started driving, he called me. I quickly got off the phone with him. It was just Dad and I in the car, and though we didn’t have a relationship where we would talk a lot, I still didn’t want to speak with David. Utter quiet was the better option.

The last time I had been home, I left my room looking like Hurricane Katrina had hit it; to my surprise, I opened the door to a spotless room with a fresh perfume on my dressing table and a brand new pair of pants lying on my bed. I had originally picked my room because of the vast amount of sunlight, and that day it was brighter and sunnier than ever. Mom would always wash and style my hair when I came home, and this time was no different. I came home with a gigantic pile of dirty laundry and looked like I needed to be put in the washer myself, but after one weekend in Georgia, I was brand new again. I could always count on Mom to make the weekends special by taking care of me.

While my mother was braiding my hair, David called me about seven times. I called back, thinking someone died, but it turned out he wanted to hear my voice. He wanted me to stay on the phone with him for hours, even if we weren’t talking. At night he called repeatedly and insisted we fall asleep on the phone until the morning. Dad drove me back to UWA Sunday afternoon.

“Did you have an enjoyable weekend?” David asked.

“Yeah, it was nice. I got to spend time with my sister and Precious and Princess. Mom did a splendid job with my hair, see?” I turned my head from side to side for him to admire.

“I was out here looking stupid,” he replied. “I don’t want you going home without me anymore. If I can’t go, you shouldn’t go either.” I didn’t feel like replying and possibly getting into an argument, so I pretended not to hear.

We sat down later that day to look at what I needed to get a visa. “I think there is a way we can do it for people who have yet to start college,” he said.

“That’s nice, except I’m already on year two, so let’s look for the options for that.” I looked at him as if he were a madman.

“Yeah, but you could just start school over—just sign up again and do it with my last name.” David was one year behind me, because I was about six months older. Sometimes I suspected he had an issue with me being slightly older than him and ahead of him in school. I completely ignored him and kept looking for documents that matched my current situation better.

I struggled with my math class, so at the beginning of the semester, I spoke to my professor, Mr. Mitchell, and asked about any extra practice or one-on-one study I could have. Pleased that I had taken initiative, he set appointments for us to study and review any formulas I needed help with. I went to his house on campus and stayed for as long as necessary. Mr. Mitchell also gave me exercises to do at home, which I didn't mind; it was vital for me to pass that class. College being expensive as it was, Mom and Dad wouldn't be able to afford for me to retake math if I failed, so I had to do whatever it took to pass.  

I was studying one night after having left Mr. Mitchell's house while David was watching TV. “Why are you studying so hard?” I could already hear the irritation in his tone. 

“Remember I told you about how bad I am at math? And how I take longer to understand everything? Well, I have to practice so I can keep up with everyone,” I answered with my head still buried in my book.

“You need to be here,” he replied, getting more irritated by the minute.

 I rolled my eyes at him “I’m sitting inches away from you.”

He sprang up from the bed, snatched the pencil from my hand and slammed my book shut.  

“You need to be here with your husband,” he uttered through his teeth, gripping the pencil so hard it broke. I got up and went to bed without saying a word. 

We lay there quietly, watching football. I felt his hand caressing me—my arm, my breasts, moving down to my hips, and very slowing pulling down my shorts. I grabbed them and pulled them back up. 

“Not tonight, I'm on my first day of my period, and my cramps are very strong right now.” He let out a long angry sigh while turning to his back. “Sorry,” I muttered. He turned to spoon me again, and I fell asleep. 

Suddenly, I was being turned from my side to my back. Chilly air grazed against my skin as both my shorts and panties slid to my knees. Sleepy, I tried to reach for them, but they were then at my ankles. Still adjusting to the light, I opened one eye halfway and saw my panties and shorts on the floor. David was sitting up on his knees between my legs. His frigid hands were almost painful to the touch as he spread my legs apart. He came a little closer, squeezing my bare nipple with one hand while stroking his penis with the other. I was certain I had been wearing a top when going to bed earlier. I pushed his hand off my breast. “David, I'm having terrible cramps,” I uttered while wiping my eyes.

“Shh, just let me get on top,” he whispered as lay on top of me.

 “Don't, it's rea—” I inhaled sharply, like I had just jumped into cold water, now wide awake as the piercing pain surged through my body like a whirlwind, leaving as quickly as it came. The potent smell of blood caused me to look down; he was brutally stroking in and out of me, his eyes blank as though his soul was missing. He was like a man on a mission. I tried to push him off, but he kept stroking, placing his shoulder on my mouth to keep me quiet. Feeling helpless, I managed to wiggle my head to the side. All I could feel were the salty tears coming from my eyes, going across my nose, and into my ear. I didn't want him to see me cry.

 He pulled his penis out, and blood gushed out of me like a garden hose, sprinkling on the wall a little before going back to normal. The pain came bolting back but with claws this time. He rolled over onto his back, exhaling deeply before going to clean himself up. I pivoted myself to the side with one hand on my stomach, attempting to ease the agonizing pain. Breathing only amplified it, so I stopped and only took short, controlled breaths when necessary. 

“You look beautiful,” he whispered in awe while taking a picture of me with his cell phone.

I was screaming on the inside. “David, can you please give me the meds on the table?” I asked while trying desperately not to breathe too much.

“Oh, yeah.” He shook his head out of his trance and went to the kitchen. He handed me the glass of water then slapped my ass. I was in pain; he could see it and yet was mesmerized by me. He carefully removed the bloody sheets, making sure not to move me too much in the process, then put a blanket on my naked body. “Here, this is for you,” he whispered while handing me a tampon and gently kissing me on the forehead. I guess that was his way of apologizing for what had just happened. I wanted to punch him but there was not much I could do at this point; powerless, I took it and tried to go back to bed.