Friends Worth Pulling the Trigger For

TW: Sexual content, profanity

The room is unfamiliar. I don’t know how I got here, thought Liv, her eyes adjusting to the light creeping in through the broken blinds. Her lips stuck together, locking in a taste she could only describe as cat piss. Her brain pulsed, expanding against her skull, squeezing its way through her ears. The room smelled like the aftermath of a rave. Sheets touched her bare skin. She found a pile of dark, shiny hair on a naked pillow beside her.

“Please don’t be ugly,” she whispered, hovering over the man lying on his side. She studied his profile, carefully lifted the sheet, and stole a glance of the body she didn't know she had inside her. He grew a sprinkle of dark hair on his chest, a trail of it dividing his torso into equal halves. Not bad!

Scanning the room for her clothes and purse, she spotted an empty condom wrapper and a cup of water on the floor next to her. Relieved, she leaned over to grabbed the cup. She swallowed it all in one gulp.

She coughed at the taste, throat burning and her eyes watering. Fucking vodka!

Tossing the cup, Liv shook her head from side to side and cleared her throat, that universal sign for swallowing something unintentionally.

She wiped her eyes and followed the trail of denim and lace to her sneakers and purse by the door.

She was on all fours, looking for her bra under the bed when she heard the click of the doorknob. She rolled her body into a ball - something she learned as a child - knees cover breasts, toes cover crotch.

“Liv! Thank God!” Alex whisper-yelled, closing the door behind her.

“You almost gave me a heart attack,” Liv said, throwing on her top, giving up on the bra. Her nipples were visible through the lace.

“Hurry up. I wanna go before these guys wake up!” Alex urged.

Liv wiggled into her jeans, buried her thong in her purse and laced up her Chuck Taylors. “But I wanna say bye to this one, maybe see the other side of his face!”

“Leave him a note. Let’s GO!”

They tip-toed out of the room and closed the door. “Is Trace awake?” Liv asked, barely above a whisper now.

“I don’t think so. I saw her on the couch, fully clothed – shoes and everything,” Alex chuckled.

In the living room, Liv dug a pen out of her purse and found a clean napkin among a pile of trash on the coffee table, as Alex woke Tracy. “Do either of you know my guy’s name?” she asked.

“I don’t know my own name right now,” Alex responded.

Tracy, who was hardly awake, shook her head.

On the napkin, Liv wrote: ¡Llamame! xoxo – Liv. She dug farther into her purse for the wrinkled scrap of notebook paper containing the number to her Chilean burner phone and her host family’s address. She wrote the phone number underneath her name. She crept back down the hall and slipped the note under her mystery guy’s bedroom door.

“Ready?” Alex asked. Liv nodded and they left the messy apartment behind. They located the elevator at the end of the hall.

“Okay,” Tracy said at full volume, “You two are bitches. Huge ass bitches! Thanks for ditching me at a stranger’s apartment while you guys got laid – loudly!”

“God,” Alex mumbled, pressing the down button on the elevator.

“Hey, I don’t remember leaving you alone” Liv defended. They stepped into the elevator. Liv pressed the button for the ground floor.

“Big surprise,” said Tracy. “Well, I hope you two had fun.”

“I can’t say for sure, but he’s an HTI, so probably” Liv answered. The elevator doors opened to the ground floor. They crossed the lobby to the exit.

“HTI?” Tracy asked.

“Hot Ticket Item. I don’t know what else to call him!”

“Good for you,” said Alex. “Homeboy next to me is uggo! And you bitches let it happen.”

Stepping out into the sunlight, Tracy squinted, “have you ever tried to reason with a drunk Alex?”

“Yup, and I always lose. Drunk Alex makes bad decisions. That’s why I have you.”

“All variations of Liv make questionable decisions. And telling me not to do something will only make me do that thing harder.”

“We know,” Tracy and Alex said in semi-unison.

Standing outside the apartment building, the girls looked around. “Where the fuck are we?” asked Liv. Alex walked to the nearest intersection. “Hold up, the mountains are over there,” Liv said pointing, pondering. “That means that’s West!” Liv beamed with pride.

Tracy brought her hand to her face and shook her head. “I’m too hungover for you today.” She turned her attention to Alex, who was approaching them again. “What streets are those?”

“Bum Fuck and East Jesus.” Alex sat down on the sidewalk. Liv joined her. “I feel like someone cut my skull open with a shiv, scooped my brains out and force-fed them to me. Also,” Alex thought, “like I was trampled in a Tough Mudder race. Oh, and like I had sex with an ugly guy. Because I did!” She rested her head on Liv’s shoulder and Liv leaned her head to meet Alex’s.

“I’m with you. But also, like someone shoved a hose up my ass and syphoned every ounce of fluid from my body,” Liv mumbled. “We’re gonna to die out here.”

“Wait, you guys didn’t… Did you?” Alex asked. “Because you said that butt thing…”

Liv raised her head, not sure how to answer, since she had no memory of the sex. “I would feel that today, right? If we did?”

“Have you ever done it before?”

“No.”

“Yeah, you’d feel it today. Probably.”

Tracy sat next to them. “I don’t recognize any of these streets either, but there’s a stoplight down the street that way,” she pointed. “And it’s all residential the other way. Let’s walk towards the stoplight and hope to see a metro station. From there we’ll be good.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Alex protested. “One of you call a taxi or your host mom! We’re in no shape to wander around.”

“We don’t know where we are, though” Liv said, rummaging through her purse. She located her phone and shaded her eyes to see the screen. She pressed a few buttons and threw it back into her purse. “Mine’s dead anyway. Deader than hell.” 

“I’m out of minutes,” Tracy said. “This was your idea, Alex. Call someone!”

“I don’t know where my phone is. I looked for it in the apartment, but I just wanted to go. Guess we’re walking.”

The trio walked towards the stoplight in the distance. Alex and Liv linked arms and trailed behind Tracy. “Might as well practice our song while we’re walking. Make the time go by,” Alex said.

“I can’t. My mouth is a litter box. I need something to drink before I die. Literally, I’m dying.”

“Dramatic much? Come on! If we’re gonna make some cash singing on the metro, we need to practice. I’ll be out of money soon!” Alex playfully nudged Liv and hummed. “There’s our key,” and she sang, “Headin' down south to the land of the pines, I'm thumbin' my way into North Caroline.” Even hungover her voice was angelic and soothing.

Liv joined in with the harmony, “Starin' up the road and pray to God I see headlights.”

“Fuck my life,” Tracy said. “I cannot wait to get back to the states where I will never listen to this song again!” Alex and Liv continued singing, periodically messing up the lyrics and starting over. Tracy rolled her eyes and walked farther ahead of them, the other two oblivious.

Approaching the stoplight, Liv stopped mid-chorus. “Is that a bodega?!”

“Hell yeah!” yelled Alex. They ran to catch up with Tracy, who was almost at the door.

“We can finally ask someone where the hell we are,” said Alex.

“No!” cried Tracy. “We can’t let on that we are lost American students.”

“What are you scared of?” asked Alex.

“Yeah, I’m getting some serious Karen vibes!” Liv joked. “Racist much? And let’s not forget that you followed two strange men into their apartment and slept there. Willingly!” She stood still outside the door.

“Fair,” Tracy said. “What are you doing?” She asked as she reached past Liv and opened the door.

Liv chuckled and walked into the store. “I can’t believe I just stood there waiting for the doors to open for me. How fucking American am I?”

“If we see a woman we’ll ask,” Tracy she said dolling out bottles of water from the cooler.

Liv looked around the bodega. “I guess we’re not asking then. We need electrolytes. What color?” she asked reaching into another cooler for Gatorades.

“Blue,” Tracy said. Alex nodded in agreement.

“There’s no way I can speak Spanish right now. My brain is broken.” Liv handed a bill to Tracy. “Where the hell is the rest of my money?”

“You had like five fire shots on top of everything else. We didn’t meet those guys until the end of the night,” Tracy said, approaching the counter.

“I drank fire?” asked Liv. “Ooh, they have empanadas! I’m starving!” She grabbed a beef empanada from the case and placed it on the counter.

“How can you eat right now?” Tracy asked.

Back on the street, the ladies chugged their drinks, finishing the Gatorades in just a few gulps. Liv unwrapped her warm empanada, releasing the smell of grease, cumin, meat, and comfort. “Mmm,” she said, taking a bite.

“Oh god,” Alex said, running towards the street. Neon blue spilled from her mouth, splashing up from the asphalt onto her shoes and jeans. Liv turned her head, chewing her empanada. Tracy ran into the bodega, back to the door, covering her ears. When all the electrolytes had been purged, Alex lifted her shirt to wipe her mouth. Moaning, she took a few steps toward Liv. “Finish that damn thing!”

“You good?” Liv asked, chewing faster.

“Surprisingly better, actually. Except I think I shit myself a little.”

“That’s rough. Hey, sometimes you just gotta pull the trigger,” Liv said, knocking on the bodega door. She motioned for Tracy to join them. “Don’t look over there,” Liv warned. Tracy shielded her eyes and nose from the blue puddle on the street.

“If I see, hear, or smell throw up, I’ll throw up.” Said Tracy, horrified.

Liv shoved the rest of the empanada in her mouth and threw the wrapper in her purse. “Can you tell me more about how I drank fire?”

“You were already blacked when you had all those shots?” Tracy asked, shocked.

“Did I drink fire?” asked Alex.

“Jesus. Yes! You both drank goddamn fire! I think you only had a couple, Alex, but little miss ‘me gusta el fuego’ kept on.” They walked in silence, their hangovers like pythons – strong, relentless, squeezing life out of them. Dehydrated, exhausted, and irritable, the three red diamonds in the distance were their oasis.

“Metro!” Alex yelled. They sped up, almost running. Laughing and giggling with excitement, they stopped at the entrance to check the map. Catching their breath, drinking what little water they had left, Tracy studied the routes. “Red Line. Liv, don’t you live on the Red Line?”

“Yeah,” she answered, swallowing water.

“Just a straight shot for you. Alex, we need to transfer at Los Héroes to the Orange Line. Looks like four stops for me. Five for you.”

“Thank sweet baby Jesus!” Alex said, pulling her metro card out of her back pocket. They made their way through the turnstile, took the stairs down to the platform, and plopped on the nearest bench. “I can’t wait to get home and just pass the fuck out.”

“Get your naps in for sure. We have the game tonight,” Liv remembered.

“Fuck me in the ass!” Alex buried her pounding head in her hands.

“Your new boyfriend would be glad to,” Tracy joked. “But seriously, I’m not feeling it either.”

“Fútbol is wild here! And it’s U. de Chile against Colo-Colo! It’s going to be insane! Get you nap, hydrate, shower, and eat!” The oncoming train drowned Liv’s voice. The ladies walked to the yellow line, the breeze from the train blowing their hair as it squealed to a stop. They boarded and made their way to the back of the car. Tracy and Alex took two empty seats. Liv remained standing, taking hold of the rail. The train started and Liv clumsily stumbled back before regaining her balance. Alex looked up and chuckled at Liv’s clumsiness. “You know you’re sitting in your own shit right now,” Liv reminded Alex. Tracy, knowing those two well, was unphased.

“I literally don’t even care right now.”

“It’s not like you have a choice tonight anyway. This game is part of the curriculum – a cultural experience!” Liv reminded them.

“I know,” Alex mumbled, staring straight ahead in a daze.  

“Pregame at Rodrigo’s. 4:00, I think?”

“Hell to the no! I’ll go to the game, but I am not pregaming!” Tracy drew the line at another long night.

“Yes! The pregame is part of the experience. Hanging with a crowd of locals will get us excited! Alex is coming!” Liv looked at Alex for confirmation. She nodded, still zoning.

The train stopped at Los Héroes. Alex and Tracy rose, stumbled to the door. “Nap, water, shower, eat,” Liv instructed. The doors opened and the girls got off the train. “Rally!” she called as the doors closed. She watched them until they were no longer in her view. The train continued down the Red Line.

At 4:45, the pregame party was in full swing at Rodrigo’s – music, dancing, food, drinks, face paint, and above all, chanting. A lot of chanting. Alex was in the kitchen talking with a small group of Chilean students when Liv grabbed her hand. “Tracy’s here,” she said and guided Alex through the house and out the front door, individual boxes of wine in hand. They stopped at the mini fridge in the car port and Liv grabbed another box of wine.

“Heeeey!” They called out. Liv, already tipsy from the wine, held her arms out and pulled Tracy in for half hug and half sloppy cha-cha-cha. “You made it!” Liv held the wine out to her.

“How are you two drinking right now? I’m way too sober for this!”

“This’ll fix it. Hair of the dog – it works!” Liv shoved the wine in Tracy’s displeased face. Tracy looked to Alex for an answer that didn’t support alcoholism.

“And I purged this morning, remember?” Alex shrugged and sipped her wine.

“I cannot hair of the dog right now. I’ll puke!”

“That’s what you need to do!” Liv slurred, laughing. “Yeah, you just need to throw up. Shove those pretty little fingers down your pretty little throat and pull the trigger!”

“I’m not doing that.”

Liv handed the two boxes of wine to Alex. “I’m giving you the game night you deserve, if it’s the last thing I do!” Remembering what Alex said after Tracy threw up, Liv planted her feet, leaned forward, closed her eyes and shoved two fingers into her mouth, as deep as they’d go.

“What in the actual FUCK!” Tracy looked at Alex, who watched in disbelief. “You don’t have to do this! LIV” Tracy pleaded.

Alex exploded into laughter. “You won’t stop her, Trace!”

Liv fingered her throat violently. Gagging, a string of saliva streamed from her bottom lip, down her hand and dangled, suspended in air. Still laughing, Alex heard Rodrigo call from the front stoop, “¿Qué paso?”

Tracy was too horrified to respond. Alex, wiping tears from her eyes yelled back, “ésta bien.” A crowd was forming around Rodrigo, a few faces watching from the windows, too.

Liv shoved harder, putting a third finger in her mouth, red-faced and determined. With a brutal gag and a loud burp, Liv removed her hand from her mouth just in time for chunks of pale blue empanada to flow without obstruction. Tracy doubled over and painted the driveway with her friend. The two vomited in tandem, crossing streams at times.

Alex ran over to the audience at the door to explain the spectacle in front of them. The crowd started cheering for Liv’s extreme gesture of friendship – clapping, hooting, and more chanting.

Liv spit the last contents of her stomach on the ground. She wiped her mouth, flicked a chunk off her hand and stood. She raised a fist to acknowledge her supporters and rubbed Tracy’s back with her free hand. Finally, Tracy stood and dabbed the tears from under her eyes and wiped her mouth with her shirt sleeve. Cackling, Liv and Tracy hugged, bent over two piles of puke. The crowd chanted their names and Alex handed Liv and Tracy their wine. They raised their boxes in a toast: “salud, bitches!” They threw their heads back and chugged.

Liv threw an arm around Tracy. “Don’t you ever say I never did anything for you!” Tracy laughed and took another gulp of wine.

“This is what the fuck friends are for!” Alex said, pulling the others into a group hug, careful not to step in throw up.

“Let’s go inside and take some fucking shots!” Liv said, glued to the embrace.

“I’ll never meet anyone like you guys again!” Tracy giggled. “And I will never, ever forget today.” They lingered in the hug, solidifying the memory: the snow-capped mountaintops behind them, the music, the pregame chants, the sweet finish of the wine on their lips, their cheeks sore from laughing, the faint aroma of stomach acid rising. They let go and met each other’s eyes. Without speaking, they understood the message: “this is the moment we’ll all remember.”

They went inside to join their friends, and to forget another night.