Hard Hat

The incredibly soft evening light always had such a calming effect on my nerves. I remember lying down on the branches of the many trees, captivated by the sun peeking out at me from behind the horizon with a vibrant orange hue. My thoughts cradled by the soft haze surrounding me. I would forget about all my troubles and instead devote myself to the beauty around me. I would pick at the leaves carving my name into them. I would blow the dust off my knees, watching it glisten in the soft evening light. Shame, soon the sun would sing its goodbyes and the streetlights would turn on, illuminating the world yet somehow blinding the mind, scalding the thoughts. I felt that Too often we are willing to give up peace for the sake of illumination.

I remember the sandbox where I would let the fine granules slip through my fingers only to pick them up and do the same. Too many times my thoughts would be rudely interrupted by the mockery of other children. It seems they never ran out of reasons to degrade and devalue me. As if they had a demeaning comment for every grain of sand on the earth. I vowed that I would show them one day. I would be successful and then I would be the one in power, the one causing the tears. Not the one spending them.

In this time I would listen to the chirping of the birds. The rustling of the leaves. The wails of the children. The pointless chit chat of the parents. It seemed that nature put on a grand symphony for those who cared to listened. I wondered if anyone else ever listened, it always seemed to me that nobody else ever did. We always choose to surround ourselves in noise we find comfortable. It is truly wonderful how much you can hear when you are quiet.

The monkey bars always gave me a sense of accomplishment. I but with would reach a new bar every day. Until eventually I could do the whole thing. It always made me feel welcome. It on its own was but another piece of park equipment but with my memories of accomplishment attached to them, they were so much more. The monkey bars and the trees always seemed to me like the only friends I ever really had. Everything else here seemed either to forget me or bring me disdain.

How could I ever forget the benches, I spent every game out on them. I watched everyone else play but no one ever chose me to play with. I would watch them scream and holler from the excitement of their games, sometimes they would even let it get the best of them and fight. But not me all I had was the deafening silence of my thoughts. I felt forgotten, I vowed that I would never again let myself be forgotten. I promised myself that I would succeed, I'd make something of myself that no one could ever forget.

I looked at the grass and it reminded me of the feeling of mud on my face when I was on the receiving end of yet another heartless joke. It was always their entertainment at the expense of my comfort. I wondered what they found amusing in the pain of others. Why we can't help but chuckle when we see someone fall. Yet hesitate in helping that person. I wished they would stop but they never did. I wondered where they were today. Had they changed or were they still bringing harm to those who made the mistake of crossing their path.

The swings remind me of the older kids who would come to the park only to stay on the swings and talk with each other but somehow they never seemed to be saying anything at all. They would be saying things that made sense but never had any meaning. It was as if they were speaking solely for the purpose of speaking alone. To me, It seemed every part of this park had some memory attached to them, most of them made me wish I had never remembered them at all.

I looked back up at the trees, thanking them for the solace they provided me when I felt down. I walked up to one and tapped on its bark and looked up at its infinite collection of leaves. I reminisced about all the hazy dreams of success I would have laying back-to-bark on these trees. I felt like a child again, once again suspended in the endlessly beautiful spring evening.

"Sir ... Sir, Do we have the green light" I jolted back to my upright stance and picked up my intercom. After a long pause, I responded, "Yes, you have the green light". I noticed my hard hat lying on the ground, it must have fallen while I was leaning on the tree. I picked it up and read the engraving, "Jack's lumber ltd.". There it was, my success. My company, it made all my dreams a reality. I was successful, I had friends, I had a loving wife and two wonderful kids and I had the money to live out the life I always wished I had.

Still, something felt off. I listened to the whirring of the machines tearing down the trees. I watched as the trees that not too long ago held me in their loving arms were now torn to shreds for my satisfaction. A tear rolled down my cheeks and all I could muster was a soft apology that fell on deaf ears. "Sir, are you ok?", I was so caught up in my mind I didn't notice one of my employees coming up behind me. "Yeah I'm fine, it's just allergies". He let out a soft, "ok ", before walking back to the tree I was with only a moment prior. He turned back to me and said, "one more thing boss, could you turn on the lights for us". I responded with a guilty, "Sure".