Unluck of the draw

I was born on a planet with the highest self-interest per capita in the whole universe. A society built on handshakes with fistful of dollars and whispers in luxury hallways by people who has truth-proof ears. The only thing that I think keeps the universe intact, the stars shining, the world spinning and make all living things going is causality and pure physics. But some living things have managed to add something more to its dependency than just this. What we think drives humanity, in our oblivious way of thinking, living and breathing, is symbols. And one symbol in particular: The dollar sign. So the dollar sign is the cause of both the good and the evil in the world. Money grows when irrigation is brought to the dry fields of truth and no pure natural rain is to expect. The road to ”the big money” is not very unlike the road to political positions, full of obstacles which the only way to get around them is to lie and deceive. The conclusion of all this is that money is power and those who are powerful and sitting on the money is evil. I realized this when I was a young man and that brutal insight was so unbearable that I channeled all my anxiety surrounding it to try do something about it. My mother taught me to cherish and try to save everything that is dear to me. A good example is whenever she went away from her apartment for more than one night she taped her family albums to the cat, left a window open and updated the cat on the in-case-of-fire instructions. Well, I cherish humanity and I felt it was my duty to save it.

This led me into the world of programming because a very large percent of the worlds economy is electronic data. I have never had a knack for languages before but this programming language came suprisingly very natural to me just as if I was destined to be a hacker. The supernatural force that is the engineer of causality and physics had its finger on me and no one else. I suddenly wrote the code that no hacker in the world could’ve imagined in their wildest dreams and not even comprehend and understand if they saw it. So now I stood at the gates of fortune, prosperity, the golden dragon and the key to this gate was my heaven sent code. I tried to make sense of the situation and lied down on my bed in amazement, confusion and bewilderness and started to think.

This kind of money would make anyone crazy. This immense power is inevitably under the spell of the butterfly effect. The smallest move, the smallest transaction and the smallest hesitation, is going to have huge consequences somewhere on this globe with the force of all the power in the world. My super-coded computer made probabilitys based on all the statistics, information, observations and human data in the world but this soulless thing did not know the human condition like a human did. Should I trust information or should my gut-feeling triumph statistics? This i hopeless! I need a fortuneteller and a timetraveller so I can make my move according to the timetravellers verification of what the fortuneteller predicts. But the returning timetraveller speaks nothing but nonsense in a world that is moving too fast. I still wouldnt be able to understand what he wanted me to understand from his experience of his future expeditions. Its like another language damn it! Yet I knew that the conclusion of what to do was out there somewhere or in myself somewhere. ”If it is heading towards me then it must be lazier than the answers to my prairs”, I thought while I saw the time running out. And it ran out…

Time has passed and it has made me too damn pessimistic…no matter how I do everything is doomed. I used to know how to formulate my prairs so that God was forced to answer them! I used to hope that someone was going to stumble and fall with his arms full of wisdom and spill it over me while I was crawling through steep contemplations. And all these hymns to love and peace in my plans for the future of humanity… The pain is unbearable when I realize how silly I was in those previous days relating to shit like that! I dont belive in God anymore but the only thing that keeps me from going insane is nevertheless a judgment beyond human opinion. Despite the impossibility for a sane man to envy the lobotomized man I have spent an embarassing amount of hours in their presence. This is not a task for a human being who is acting out of compassion. Maybe the answer is lobotomy after all. Human beings have traded values and moral judgment for money. The problems of the world is not in politics or anywhere out in the open. The problem lies 20,000 leagues under the scalp! But the dollar sign stands in its way just a foot down from the surface fencing every long lost contact with natural being. Earlier in my life i had just felt the meaningslessness of it all but for the first time I now understood the meaningslessness of it all. I look inward and find only meaninglessness. There is a whole world full of librarys filled with books written by humans with centuries of experience that verifies that quote. Acknowledging meaningslessness is a major breakthrough in the search for the meaning of life, huh?!

We dont talk to eachother anymore. We only talk to eachother through intermediates. Whenever I meet somebody I ask who he is and he referes to his lawyer. I ask how he feel and he referes to his doctor. I ask about his purpose in life and he referes to his psychiatrist. We see eachother as moneymachines and we act towards one another through that mindset. Its like what Dylan said : Money doesnt talk, it swears.

I came to my conclusion of what to do with all these riches on a Sunday afternoon in a hysterical mental breakdown: Im not going to do anything at all! Why was I destined to this hellish task? Guess it was the unluck of the draw in the foggy realm of pre-life. The leads to the solution of this case is stone cold dead. Maybe if I try the religious way. But no...the priests directions to liberation is too vague, full of holes and enough room for interpretation that I (and we) could easily end up in hell anyway. The answer is not religious either! This is true though : The opposite of humanitys liberation is money. The only liberation for animals is giving them the talent to commit suicide. The only liberation for humanitys drug problem is by contacting a highly wise alien civilization with the message :

-Houston we got a drug problem!

And with the climate beyond our control the returning time traveller comes back one last time, suddenly speaking some sense:

-All I saw was a few living dead drugged up souls sailing the seven sewers on a dead whale…