The unexpected rescue

The Unexpected Rescue

Some things just can’t be planned…

Witches I can understand(just don’t ask them to make sandwiches…) unicorns make great pets and the Loch Ness monster keeps away the sharks ( on second thoughts the sharks might be safer but that’s beside the point) but dragons? What’s the point of them-all they do is breath fire and spread their halitosis (never speak to a dragon before he’s brushed his teeth-if the fire doesn’t kill you their breath will) and they never buy any of my Ilovemyking merchandise ( buy one get one free) and they have an obsession with abducting princesses. In fact that is where this story begins… 

It was a normal day and I’d just finished writing 10 awesome things about me (sequel to 5 awesome things about me).I was just thinking about what to put in 15 awesome things about me(it didn’t take long, I can help being so amazing…) when suddenly a pungent odour tickled my nose, it reminded me of the time my vizier bought some Ilovemyking shampoo (you’re not supposed to use it-just display it on the wall and show it off to your neighbours) it took a team of the finest wizards in the kingdom to remove it and even then you couldn’t be in a 10 mile radius of him without gagging-No one had seen him since. Unfortunately I did not have a team of skilled wizards on hand at the moment(they were still incapacitated after operating on my pungent vizier) so I went to investigate. I got up and made the effort to walk the five steps to my window and to this day I will never forget the face that greeted me when I peered outside it was the cutest, smallest, most adorablest … dragon! It looked up at me with its bewitching blue eyes and my heart melted into a puddle of adoration.”Pray, tell me your name!Oh sweet dragon”I cried out with admiration, it replied in the gruffest meanest, most baddest voice ever like a drunken gnome,(I took a gnome out to drink once, juicy gossip ask me about it later…) “My name is Nogard the 2056th”(dragons have such creative names) “and I am here to abduct your daughter. 

“Oh, if that’s what you're here for then just go to my receptionist and you can join the waiting list. I think we can fit you in somewhere next autumn… “

“You misunderstand me ,”he replied roughly,”I will not join any waiting list. I will simply abduct your daughter and leave!”

“Won’t you take some Ilovemyking merchandise on your way out? “I offered, We're doing a sale buy one get one free!”

“No, I still bear a grudge from the time your Great grandfather’s niece’s brother in law’s son’s father stole a donkey from my cousin sister’s aunt’s uncle.The debt must be paid…

“So in return for a donkey you’ll take my daughter?”I inquired(I did mention the creativity of dragons didn’t I…)

“Oui” he responded

“I never realised there were French dragons… Vous parlez anglais”?

“He simply stared at me as though I was talking in a foreign language”and with that he bade me farewell and left. I had forgotten all about the encounter until, a month later when I realised that some of my Ilovemyking T-shirts were missing. I cried out to my daughter that they were lost and that she should notify the wizards( I later remembered that they were incapacitated). It was only then that I realised that not only my t-shirts were missing but Ilovemyqueen slippers had also been stolen. Oh, and my daughter.

I informed the Kings and Queens of the surrounding kingdom. I also ,regrettably, had to notify my wife the queen of hearts(don’t be fooled by her name, I made the same mistake. It was only after 30 seconds of our marriage that she revealed that she was in essence… heartless). “My dear, our daughter has been stolen!” 

“Oh, how sad” she replied drily and continued knitting.

“By a dragon!”

“What a shame…”

“The dragon also stole some Ilovemyqueen slippers…”

She sat bolt upright”What! How dare he, we must catch this dragon!”

“I will put up a reward of free merchandise and a wish from the king,”I exclaimed.

And so notices were put up with a badly drawn picture of a dragon with a French moustache were put up all across the kingdom.. It was one such poster that caught the eye of a valiant soul looking for an adventure. Now he decided to look for the princess.He wasn’t very interested in the free merchandise(sacrilege!) but he did have something that he wished to ask of the king. 

He wasn’t very strong so he knew had to outwit Norgad through brains rather than brawn. And so he pondered over the issue for 10 days and 10 nights in which the king went mad with worry and the queen...well she finished her knitting. At last he came up with a solution. He travelled far and wide to find the dragon’s lair. After months of unsuccessful searching, he finally found Norgad’s lair. Upon arrival, our brave hero demanded an audience with the dragon. When he finally met Norgad he was struck by how cute he was like a little ball of fur. Norgad growled”What do you want?” The valiant soul shouted “I challenge you to a competition!” “The winner gets to keep the princess” Norgad chuckled to himself,”

Very well what does this challenge consist of?”

“Three trials” He retorted !The first will be to drink a bath full of water the whoever finishes first wins the first challenge.”The second challenge will be to lift weights whoever can lift the heaviest one wins the challenge and the second to last challenge challenge will be...whoever can eat a plateful of Biryani the fastest will win the penultimate test.”The final challenge will be one to one combat”

“I accept your terms if I win ,I mean when I win I will honour our agreement. I hope that you too will do the same.Let the games begin”He roared

After two bathtubs of water were filled up to the brim the first challenge began. He had known that he couldn’t beat Norgad on skill alone so while Norgard was frantically chugging down the water he instead simply pulled the plug the water swirled down the drain in a mini whirlpool of victory. Norgard glugged down the last of his water and began to shout”I wi...”but broke off when he noticed his opponents empty bathtub. Well there’s still two more challenges…

Weights were brought out and the second challenge began.While Norgard was struggling to lift a ten tonne weight his opponent had cleverly disguised a cardboard weight to look like a 10 tonne weight. However, he had underestimated Norgard’s strength and to our hero's disappointment, Norgard managed to lift the weight up after great struggling and it was declared that the result was a tie.Yet, when Norgard released the weight he realised with amazement that all his claws had been crushed to bits. Finally, the greatest chefs in the kingdom were summoned to prepare two mountains of Biryani and so the penultimate test began. Norgad shovelled down the food faster than you could say Hyderabadi Biryani.”He bellowed“Oi Woin'' For our,Our brave protagonist had, secretly, hidden some rocks in the Biryani which shredded Norgad’s teeth.The scene was cleared for the last challenge-one to one combat. The final challenge started. When he tried to breathe fire Norgad discovered that his fire had been put out by the bathfull of water. When he tried to scratch he found out that he had no claws with which to scratch with and when he tried to bite he discovered that he had no teeth with which to bite. He was as he looked - poor helpless dragon.Our merciful hero exclaimed “I will not kill you but I will take what is, according to our agreement rightfully mine.“ . With that he rescued the princess and took her to the king.

I heard that someone had found my daughter. I went rushing outside where I saw my daughter sitting in the courtyard unharmed. I was understandably dismayed when the merchandise wasn’t there. But I had made a promise and a king’s word is his law. I ordered the noble warrior to be brought into my presence. I waited. My heart beat in anticipation. Who could this person be, who was strong enough to beat a dragon? I received my answer when the door opened slowly, inch by inch and revealed - the most hideous dragon I’d ever laid eyes on(at least the first one had been cute). The dragon opened his mouth and spoke in his deep, gravelly voice. “I may be a dragon but I have rescued your daughter and I hold you to your oath although I don’t want the merchandise.” 

“Your wish is my command “The king exclaimed emotionally ,tears brimming in his eyes.

“I wish to be turned back into your advisor.”He replied,”For I am your lost vizier after I used the shampoo I happened across a witch who,disgusted by my smell , turned me into a dragon.”

“Ah. Reiziv! That is what happened to you!“

(As for the lost merchandise it turned out that a servant had stolen it after they couldn't afford it.Even with the buy one get one free offer!)