Tuna fish, mice and that darned Muffy

Eyes open…

Eyes shut…

Eyes open.

(heavy sigh)

It’s morning…again!

Nan dragged her legs to the edge of the bed and let them drop to the floor.

“Ow!”

She dragged her 265 pound carcass from the bed and yawned wide while scratching the favorite spot in the crack of her back.

Muffy joined Nan in the hallway, purring and rubbing her big gray fury body against Nan’s thick calves.

“Where have you been all morning?” Nan said hardly looking down.

Muffy purred her response to her master.

“Earning your tuna fish no doubt. I don’t expect to see one mingy mouse today you hear!” Nan pushed the bathroom door open and shrugged Muffy off her leg.

Muffy paused and stared at Nan who was disappearing behind the bathroom door. She purred once more, licked her right paw and retreated toward the kitchen.

“Another day, another…. Aahhh!” Nan screamed as the little gray mouse squeaked as it ran out from behind the toilet bowl.

“Aahh!” Nan screamed again as though her shrieking was supposed to make the little guy disappear. It didn’t.

The little gray mouse raced back and forth in front of Nan. It was going between the tub and the closed bathroom door. Poor little thing it just couldn’t figure out which way to go. And it certainly wasn’t helping that the old croony was making that shrieking sound.

Finally, Nan leaped up and yanked the bathroom door open. She ran down the narrow corridor to the kitchen. Now she was screaming for Muffy.

“Where are you? You little good for nothing…get over here?” Nan raced into the kitchen almost tripping over the dustpan.

She stumbled and grasped the edge of the table…but not in time.

Nan fell to the ground dragging the old tattered table cloth with her along with the half jar of jam and the bread tray.

It ended with a rhythmical clatter.

Silence.

“Mufffffffyyyyyyy!!!!”

It was more of a roar. Nan scrambled to get up shoving the broken dishes out of her way. She moved just a little too fast though, bumbing her head on the edge of the table which now tilted on its side and toppled knocking the two old chairs over.

Muffy peeped her head out from behind the pile of dishes in the sink. She was in the middle of licking last night’s plate when she was so rudely interrupted. First shrieks from the bathroom and then the very ungraceful dance.

“Meow…” Muffy tried to put on her most graceful charm.

Nan looked up earnestly scouring the little kitchen for the fiend.

“This is all your fault! There will be no Tuna for you!” Nan shouted getting up and heading for the sink.

This time Muffy shrieked a meow as she clambered to get out of Nan’s way. She knew that look. Seen it too many times before. It was time to get to the hole.

Nan reached out to grab Muffy but she was no match for this agile puss. Muffy dodged between the pile of dishes and solitary pot that lay piled in the sink.

“Honestly, if we weren’t having a fight, I would lecture you on the state of this kitchen.” Muffy meowed.

“Come here you…” Nan reached out again and again was too slow.

Muffy dodged and finally made a leap over the dish rack, over the fallen table and onto safe ground just shy of the broken dishes on the floor.

“Why you…how…” Nan was a bit surprised at that bit of acrobatics. Nevertheless she was still determined to skin Muffy. A deal was a deal. Either Muffy cleaned out the mice or she got no Tuna fish.

“I swear sometimes I think you just mean to drive me crazy!” Nan screamed shoving the table aside and heading after Muffy.

Muffy looked over her shoulder with her tail peaked high in the air and her paws sprawled.

“Well, maybe it’s time you went to the hole too.” Muffy meowed at her master. “And let’s be honest, the last time we had any Tuna fish around here, the kitchen was nice and tidy. And the last time the kitchen was tidy you had a job you went to every day. And the last time you had a job-I’m just going to say it- you were a hundred pounds less you.” Muffy meowed a long high pitched meow.

Muffy sprang down the hallway toward the living room just as Nan’s right foot entered the space that she just vacated.

“Where the devil do you think you’re going?” Nan asked in utter surprise. It was dark in the living room.

Nan hardly ever opened the drapes these days. What for? No one ever came by and she seldom left her room- except to the bathroom or kitchen.

Nan walked slowly down the corridor with a double mind. Something felt eerie-and it wasn’t the breeze. Those living room windows hadn’t been opened since…well only God knows when.

“Muffy.” Nan called out taking shorter steps.

“Muffy you get over here now!” Nan’s voice shook a bit. Then she heard it behind her.

“Sqeal squeal.” The light was dim but it was enough. She spun around and there it was. That darned mouse.

Nan screamed as loud as her lungs would let her. She ran into the middle of the living room and screamed ten times louder. It wasn’t one or two of them. Heck it was a whole army of gray mice.

Nan didn’t know what to do…apart from scream. But suddenly she caught a glimpse of something in the corner. It was Muffy…and something else.

It was a small door. A small open door in the corner of her living room that she had never noticed before.

Nan was beside herself with panic. If you didn’t know before, she abhorred little gray mice. She simply went to pieces when they were around and in all her forty two years there had been no cure for her.

Nan looked quickly at the front door of her house. That was an option wasn’t it. No it wasn’t. Nan knew very well that the door had swollen and sealed shut after the last rainy season and she had never done anything about it.

Was it her imagination? The little gray mice were growing in number and they were congregating all over her living room.

Oddly enough if it had not been a totally horrific situation, Nan may have appreciated the complimentary gray of the mice to the old gray and brown fading colors of her furniture.

Nan looked to Muffy and the only mode of escape. Muffy stood by the queer door and beckoned her master on.

“Meow Meowww!” Muffy called.

Nan looked at her wretched cat. She still wanted to skin her alive but it seemed that would have to wait.

Nan took a half breathe and bounded for Muffy and the little door. What a sight! Flapped her arms up and down like a frightened chicken. When she got there Nan scooted down to the floor and started squeezing through the door headfirst. It was dark ahead but she didn’t care. The door must come out on the outside somewhere.

But then she suddenly stopped moving. Nan pulled and tugged her hefty body but it was no use. She was stuck.

“Muffy” she whispered.

No answer

“Muffy help me!” she shouted

Nan tugged some more trying to pull herself through the door. No use.

“Mufff…..!”

Before she could end the scream Nan felt something. Four sharp pricks pierced her rear end, and it wasn’t subtle.

Muffy slapped Nan on her rear end as hard as she could driving her nails deep.

That seemed to do the trick.

Nan tumbled through the door. Then she fell. And fell and fell.

Nan screamed. She heard the sounds of thunder and fell through bright light like lightning.

She seemed to fall and scream for hours. Then she landed with a thud.

Eyes closed.

Nan grabbed a hold of her body to be sure it was all there.

Eyes open.

Nan looked up and there was the door. It was barely two feet above her head. Muffy was staring down at her in bewilderment.

Eyes closed.

“You can open up your eyes now.” Muffy said with a slow yawn. She jumped down from the door and landed square on Nan’s chest.

Muffy stretched out her body and licked her right paw. Then she nestled down on Nan’s chest.

“I think it’s time we had a chat, don’t you?” Muffy asked.

Eyes open (Wide and bewildered)

by

Madisson James