Lost

Lost was the name of the ridiculous color of lipstick I was swabbing on my lips. I braced myself on the vanity, looking at the stranger in the cracked mirror.

I could hardly recognize this mask I'd thrown on. The girl in the mirror looked strong. Confident. Her deep red lips were slightly parted. Her flawlessly tan skin and newly rouged cheeks seemed perfect in every way. But her eyes were mine, pain flashing in them.

Today was the first day of spring, March 19. Spring should mean hope. Today was far from it.

Today was also the day of the Spring dance. The girls at school had been buzzing about it for weeks, waiting for the guys to ask them to the dance. 

One last blink in the mirror sealed away the last part of the lonely, lost girl inside. I smirked at myself in the mirror. I was who my classmates believed I was now. Sassy. Arrogant.

The house was eerily quiet now. I couldn't let myself think about it now. The way my father's eyes looked at me for one last time. The way they'd fought so hard to hang on. It had been my fault.

I strapped on a pair of black stilettos, and sauntered out to my car. I cranked the radio up loud. I couldn't let myself feel. Think.

I parked in the parking lot of the country club. I braced my head on the steering wheel. I took a deep breath, and stepped out of the car.

Cassandra waved to me. "OMG girl! You're, like, so gorgeous!!"

"Thanks Cass," I said coolly. I flashed her my million-dollar smile. I knew she wanted me to compliment her back, that she never really meant what she said.

A game. That's what Eastlake High School was. No one really ever meant anything. Not genuinely. It was all just some sort of sick popularity contest.

Disappointed in my lack of praise, Cass frowned slightly. Still, she hooked her arm in mine as we began to walk towards our friends. Tall, elegant, beautiful, and rich described every single one of them except me. The real me.

After a flurry of fake "Hiiii"s and "OMG"s and stupid compliments, we headed towards the lake, where the boys were.

"Yo," was all my boyfriend, Sam, had to say. He wrapped his arm around my waist, and we turned towards the cameras. I felt his hand slip down low, low, and lower. I couldn't make a fuss though, not with everyone around us. He had made a habit of this, looking at me and treating me like a piece of meat.

I kept my fake smile plastered on my face for the next hour, as we took pictures for their Instagrams.

Two hours later, we arrived at the dance. "Lost in Paradise" was the theme this year. The Student Council had done a somewhat mediocre job at decorating. The half-delated floaties and the singular poster with a palm tree on it certainly screamed "Paradise."

"Come on!!" Riley hollered as we rushed into the moshpit. I was soon surrounded by a wall of warm, sweaty bodies. I couldn't hold it in anymore.

"I'm gonna run to the bathroom!" I screamed. As I ran out, kicking off my stilettos in the corner of the gym.

My bare feet flew up the stairs, one after another. I pushed through the one last door. The cool night air washed over me. I placed my hands on the edge of the roof, hanging my head low.

That night had been just like this one. I had been careless, going to a party when I knew I shouldn't have. The bodies in that mosh pit had been just like this one. I had drank a little too much, my head spinning. I had ended up in the hospital.

Someone called my parents, who were coming home from their vacation. They rushed to the hospital. Only when they got there, they arrived in an ambulance.

They had been so rushed on the road they hadn't seen the semi-truck.

It was my fault.

"I love you," my dad whispered. Those had been his final words.

I was eighteen, and an only-child. The house was mine, but it was empty and I struggled to pay the bills. I hadn't even told anyone about my parents; I didn't need their pity.

But I didn't have anything to live for. Everything I loved was gone. I was stuck with some fake friends and a jerk boyfriend. My grades guaranteed I wasn't getting into college. I had nothing.

I moved to the edge of the roof.

I was 5 steps away from sweet bliss. For this miserable nothing to be over. Maybe I'd see them again too.

4 steps.

3 steps.

2 steps.

"WAIT!" someone called out. The voice was deep, gravely. It belonged to my lab partner, Max.

"Go away!!" I screamed.

"You don't have to this. Liz, I believe in you. You have so much to live for, please. Please," he begged.

1 step.

"They wouldn't want this! You parents--Liz, think-- they would want you to live."

"What do you care?" I scoffed. "No one in this school does. It doesn't matter. No one can see me."

"Yes they can Liz, I do. I've seen how smart you are in biology. You've just never tried." Max put his hand in mine.

"No use now. I graduate in a month."

"Liz, I believe in you."

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A month later, I walked at my graduation ceremony. As I walked off the stage Max beamed at me with his big brown eyes.

In the next 6 months, Max and I became best friends. I had never noticed him before; I was stuck in my own misery. But he was sweet and genuine, and made me feel like I was worth something. I knew I would have someone support me no matter what I did.

So maybe spring did bring hope. I was no longer lost.

I was found.