77 comments

Romance Drama

Brian had lived in Fairbanks for less than a month when the “accident” happened and, just like most accidents caused by 13 year old boys, this one was never intended to hurt anyone. He called it an accident because it was the only way to ease the guilt he was feeling. He couldn’t say he was sorry, not without admitting he was responsible. He couldn’t do anything but wallow in his self induced misery. 


Brian’s dad, Brian Sr, was a sergeant in the Army who was now stationed at Fort Wainwright, Alaska. The elder Brian had moved to Fairbanks in early May and Brian Jr, along with his mom and younger sister, joined dad a month later. “Army Brats,” the children of soldiers, tend to make friends easily. It is a skill born of necessity; they are typically in a single place for no more than four years and the other “Brats” come and go almost weekly. Brian had mastered the skill of fitting in over the course of the last eight years and two duty stations. He would seek out the current pack leader and befriend him. His goal was to bide his time and take over the lead once the job came open. On Fort Wainwright the lead sled dog was Jason Jarman although everyone called him JJ. He was smart and funny and all the 13 year old girls “loved” him. There might be other qualifications to lead but for the pack of boys Brian was joining those were more than enough.  


Joining the “In” crowd as a youth is typically easier than doing the same as an adult. Groups of young boys lack imagination and tend to fall back on the age old ritual of initiation. The tasks can vary from eating a worm to running naked across the football field or even wearing your underwear outside your pants for a day. Most times these tasks were designed to be humiliating although sometimes they could also be dangerous. Brian’s task fell squarely into the dangerous category. To achieve full membership in the Fort Wainwright group he would have to pull off the old “Burning Bag Dog Poop” practical joke. It wasn’t life threatening dangerous, but if he were to be caught there would be consequences both at school and home. To add to the potential risk, the boys had selected a particularly difficult target. General Venning, the post commander, was a veteran of the Gulf War. He had a leather face and a reputation for discipline. There could be little doubt if Brian was caught the ramifications would be severe.  


Brian participated in many initiation rituals over his 13 years. When his family had moved to Fort Drum, in upstate New York, four years earlier Brian had been forced to shave off one eyebrow to join the local gang. It turns out one of the only groups of people less imaginative than 13 year old boys is nine year old boys. The major stumbling block in accomplishing this newest task was there would be no cover of darkness. June in Fairbanks technically has sunrise and sunset but the “dark” lasts only three hours and could be more accurately described as twilight. To combat his exposure he would wear a nondescript black sweatsuit and matching black ski mask. There would be no doubt he would be ridiculously hot but the desire for anonymity outweighed the need for comfort.  


The plan was simple, the boys would make their way to the General's house using the woods beside the home as cover. Brian would then sneak up to the front door, place the bag on the steps, light the top, ring the doorbell and run. Once back in the woods with his cohorts they would watch to see if the General would do as they hoped and stomp the bag in an effort to put out the flame. To young boys there is little more hilarious than an unsuspecting adult covering their foot in dog excrement. All went to according to plan right up to the point where it didn’t.


Brian wasn’t at all nervous as the boys made their way towards the home. He was laughing and joking and making sure to stay close to JJ. He looked at this as his best opportunity to set himself up for a rise to the top. As they got closer to the house things began to change. The normally outgoing talkative Brian was transformed as silence took over. Beads of sweat started to appear on his forehead and he stumbled more than once with no apparent reason. When they finally got to the large tree they would use for cover Brian was having second thoughts about the whole thing. It’s a funny thing about peer pressure, sometimes the worst thing isn’t being punished by your parents, it's being ostracized by your friends. Such was the case with Brian and against his better judgement he grabbed the bag and moved towards the front stoop. The home was a bland red brick two story with four concrete steps leading to a large white wooden door. In Brian’s mind the best thing to do was to get this whole thing over with so, from the moment he left the safety of the wood line he moved with a purpose. In a matter of seconds he was at his destination and without delay he placed the bag on the step and lit the top. He quickly pushed the doorbell and then jumped from the top step to the front walk and spirited to the woods.  


Brian’s worst fear was being seen as he ran, and by the time he had reached the woods the adrenaline was causing rapid heart beat and a ringing in his ears. Once at the tree line he dove behind the tree with the other boys and turned back toward the front door to see the results of his prank. To his surprise when he turned around there was nothing but a burning bag on the front stoop. His fears of being seen before reaching the woods were seriously unfounded. The relief was palpable. He was back in the pack, part of the group, no longer the lone wolf. At this point he didn’t really care if the bag burned to nothing. He had done his job. The rest was up to fate, not him. And then it happened. The door opened and standing there was Lisa, General Venning’s daughter. She was the same age as the boys and had classes with all of them. She had stayed home sick from school that day which explained why she was in a flannel nightgown and fuzzy slippers. The other boys started to laugh, Brian instinctively knew they were actually happy it was Lisa. She was an outcast at school for no other reason than her father was the Commanding General. Almost all the boys treated her badly and none of the girls wanted to be her friend. Brian had met her the second day of school and found her to be a very nice girl but he quickly learned he shouldn’t talk to her and wanting to be liked, he didn’t. He felt awful that this poor girl would now have one more thing to separate her from the other kids in school and it was going to be his fault. The delay in opening the door had allowed the bag to burn more than expected and when Lisa went to stomp out the fire an ember jumped from the bag to her nightgown and in an instant her clothes were in flames. What Brian did next changed the trajectory of his life as he joined the other boys in running into the woods. He ran away from Lisa. He was a coward.  


The next four years were a blur. Brian had no desire to be part of the group any longer, in fact he made no other friends. JJ left nine months later and the other boys followed one by one. None of them ever spoke of the day again and as a result no one was ever held accountable. Lisa never came back to school and the rumors were that she had scars over most of her body and on one side of her face. General Venning was so distraught that he resigned his commission and retired from the Army before the end of the year. Brian had ruined the life of an innocent girl and her family. He had done it to fit in and now he didn’t fit in anywhere.  


Four years after the accident it came time for Brian Sr. to move once again and this time he was going overseas, to Germany. Brian had no desire to spend one more minute on an army base and fortunately the move timed perfectly with the start of his first year of college. Brian was an exceptional student and had scholarship offers from 20 schools including the one he most desired, the University of Michigan. From the time of the accident Brian had set a goal to become a social worker and Michigan had the best program in the country. He knew that nothing could erase the sight of that poor girl rolling on the ground trying to extinguish the flames but he hoped that if he dedicated his life to helping others it would lessen the nightmares and eliminate the void he felt in his soul. 


Just as had been the case in high school, Brian excelled at Michigan and graduated with honors. His parents flew in from Germany for the commencement ceremony and his younger sister made the trip from California to congratulate him as well. Everyone was so proud of him and yet he felt empty. It had been eight years since the accident and nothing had changed. He was still that awful little boy, at least in his own eyes. It was at that moment he realized that no good deed would undo his actions. No amount of time would bring peace. The only thing he could do to make things right was to admit what he had done. He needed to find Lisa. He didn’t want forgiveness, he wanted closure and he finally realized she probably did too.  


The good thing about living in the information age is finding someone who isn’t hiding is ridiculously easy. Brian had never made a Facebook account, he didn’t want to be connected to anyone but he knew the power of social media. It took less time than watching an episode of “Friends” for him to set up a profile and search the name Lisa Venning. A list of ten came back but there could be little doubt as to which one he was looking for. Her smile looked almost the same as it did eight years earlier but the right side of her face was noticeably scarred. Brian broke down in tears. For the first time since that awful day he could actually see the results of what he had done. He started to feel familiar emotions. The quickening heartbeat, the beads of sweat on his forehead, and even the ringing in his ears. Just like that day he started to have second thoughts but he was determined and pushed the friend request button. A Facebook novice, Brian had no idea how long he would need to wait. In fact he didn’t know if she would respond. She didn’t know he was the one responsible but she did know that he had been one of the boys who picked on her all those years ago. Maybe she wouldn’t want to talk to him, he wouldn’t want to talk to him if he was her. “Bing” the computer announced. In less than fifteen minutes she had accepted his request. Under his friends list there was one picture, hers. This was ironic in its truth. He had not made friends since the day and a wave of guilt came over him as he contemplated she was identifying as such.  


He placed his cursor on the chat line and typed, “Hey, remember me?” He wanted to say something more profound but in truth he had not thought through what he would do if she responded and that was the best he could come up with in the moment.


“High school?” came the reply. “Alaska?”

She remembered him. The thought was both a relief and stressful at the same time.  


“How are you doing?” Another weak response but what else was he to say. He couldn’t just unload the truth on her. He had to work his way there.  


“I’m doing ok, super busy. I have to admit I was shocked to see your request. I don’t have many friends from Alaska.” Brian was amazed at how normally the conversation had begun. In his mind he somehow thought she knew it had been him to ring the bell and he was prepared to be annihilated and yet it was just regular. “I’m your first friend?” she asked and included a smiley face emoji.


“You’re my only friend.”


“I find that hard to believe, you were one of the nice ones in Fairbanks.” This hurt him to his core, not only didn’t she know but she remembered him fondly. He didn’t think it possible but in that moment he actually felt worse about what he had done but in very short order and for the first time in eight years she made him forget for a while. They talked for more than an hour that first day and another hour the next. Her family had moved back to Ohio after the accident and she had finished high school there. After graduation she was accepted and enrolled at Ohio Wesleyan University and had just received her degree in pre-law. She was enrolled at the University of Ohio for the fall semester for her first year of law school. Brian was thrilled to hear how well she was doing and for a moment almost forgot what he had started out to accomplish but the evening after the second conversation reality crashed over him, he still had to face her. He had to admit what he had done. She seemed to be doing so well but she deserved the truth and he was going to give it to her.  



“I’m going to be in Ohio next week. Any chance you want to get coffee?” Hitting the send button on that might have been the hardest thing he had ever done. What if she said no? What if she said yes? The moment after he sent the message he panicked and looked to see if there was any way to delete it but before he could her response popped on his screen. “Sure, I’d love to. When will you be here?” The rest of the conversation was basically logistics and if it hadn’t been for the chat log Brian probably wouldn’t have remembered any of it. He was playing both sides. On the one hand he was acting if all was normal and on the other he was dreading seeing her.  


The trip to Ohio was just under 300 miles, he could drive it easily and did so on the day before they were to meet. After a restless night in a local hotel and a stressful morning of getting ready he headed to the coffee shop. He purposely got there early to be waiting for her to arrive. He wasn’t sure why but it just felt like that would be better. Apparently she was thinking the same thing because she arrived just after he did, also earlier than the agreed upon time. The sight of her walking towards him was fantastically surreal. She had a visible scar on her face and because she was wearing a sundress he could also see she had scars on her left arm and leg. Something else stood out to him, she was beautiful. She had the prettiest smile and walked in with a confidence he wouldn’t have thought possible. When she got to the table he stood and gave her a hug. She kissed him on the cheek and to his surprise he reciprocated. When they sat down he found himself smiling, really smiling for the first time in years and all of a sudden he wondered if he was doing the right thing. Maybe she would be better off not knowing. Maybe he should just keep the secret. In an instant the hole in his stomach returned and with it a gut level message that he must tell her.



“Lisa, before we go any further there is something I have to tell you.” The words were heavy and he could tell by the look on her face that the statement made her anxious.


“Okay, you’ve got me curious and a little bit uncomfortable, what is it?”


“It was me, I was the one. It was supposed to be a joke, no one was supposed to get hurt. I am so sorry for everything.”


“Oh my God, it was you?“ She paused and took a breath, “Oh my God, all these years.” Her eyes gazed towards the ceiling than dropped back and focused on his, “You’ve been living with this all these years. You poor soul. It’s okay, I’m fine. You were just a kid." A tear ran down her cheek, "All these years.” She reached out and took his hand, “I forgive you, I forgave you years ago even though I didn’t know it was you.” Brian’s chin fell to his chest and tears flowed from his eyes. He had gone there to ease her pain and she had eased his. “You have no idea what that means to me. You have changed my life.”  


“We all have scars,” she replied “some are just less visible than others, but enough of that, let’s have some coffee,” And with that they headed to the counter.  




August 14, 2020 21:22

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

77 comments

Elle Clark
09:12 Aug 19, 2020

This was a very sincere story, which was written with the brilliantly conversational tone that drew in and kept the reader. As an army brat myself, a lot of the earlier parts of the story really spoke to me, too. You’ve managed to capture the essence of a boy just wanting to fit in brilliantly well and the line about fearing ostracising more than parents was spot on. A (hopefully helpful) bit of critique - when you’re in the editing part of the write, consider plot and character development. Any details that don’t directly inform one...

Reply

Elle Clark
09:31 Aug 19, 2020

Okay, so I’ve just remembered that I promised to give really detailed, brutally honest feedback (sorry, I’m only half way through my first cup of caffeine) so I’m here to tag some extra bits onto my comment. I’m going to do a bit of a ‘this needs to be fixed’ style comment BUT I want you to bear in mind that it is intended to be helpful, that you asked for it and that I really really enjoyed it so I feel really positively about your story overall. So: The first sentence is too long and circuitous. For a starting sentence, you want to...

Reply

Thom With An H
10:54 Aug 19, 2020

This is hard to hear and yet fantastic feedback. I forget that writing is hard work. It’s rereading and rewriting and then doing it again. It’s shortening and cutting sentences you like but that don’t move the story along. It’s thinking about the reader as you write and edit. Thank you for the time you put in. Being a great writer takes a village sometimes and you are in mine.

Reply

Elle Clark
12:27 Aug 19, 2020

I definitely am but I’m sorry if I made you sad - I really liked the story!

Reply

Thom With An H
13:03 Aug 19, 2020

Hopefully not sad, hopefully determined. It's amazing how long it takes to become an overnight sensation. :-)

Reply

Elle Clark
13:05 Aug 19, 2020

You definitely have the potential for it! I’ll scale back on future critique.

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Lynn Penny
13:55 Aug 19, 2020

This felt quite professional, I loved how you developed the main character and built up his guilt over the years. It made me feel connected to the story as I was waiting for him to make it up. Great work!

Reply

Thom With An H
14:00 Aug 19, 2020

I am a simple writer so hearing kind words from someone as talented as you makes me want to be better. Thank you for taking the time to read and give feedback. It makes a difference.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Len Mooring
10:58 Aug 19, 2020

Such a well told story. You made it so real and demonstrated how 'innocent' pranks can go wrong with dire consequences. You led us step by step to what was an honest and freeing conclusion.

Reply

Thom With An H
11:18 Aug 19, 2020

Thank you so much. That is exactly what I had in mind.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Zilla Babbitt
01:07 Aug 19, 2020

You asked me to read, so here I am. So sad! I absolutely love the redemption aspect of this piece. The telling isn't bad at all-- I have just two pieces of advice. First, one reaction I had while reading the intro was "Get to the action!" Exposition is okay, but I'd focus on either initiation or the characters of army brats. Second, I would skip the boring (sorry) paragraph about the in between and his college... basically, just skip from the high school kid to the nervous guy in front of a computer. His college has nothing to do with th...

Reply

Thom With An H
01:14 Aug 19, 2020

Great advice. I see exactly what you mean. I can’t even blame that on not proofreading. I could have read it 100 times and wouldn’t have seen that. Thanks for reading and thanks for the feedback.

Reply

Zilla Babbitt
01:19 Aug 19, 2020

You're welcome! A second pair of eyes can do wonders :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Batool Hussain
17:02 Aug 15, 2020

Good job! I'm glad you invited me over to read it:)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Doubra Akika
11:05 Aug 20, 2020

I can’t offer very good criticism like the other authors on here did😂. But I really liked this! I thought the ending was perfect. Sometimes we make stupid mistakes to be accepted by people who shouldn't matter. Your story passes the message across very well. The ending was great because we all do have scars but it's a sign that we're healing. You're a fantastic writer! Please continue writing and stay safe!

Reply

Thom With An H
11:16 Aug 20, 2020

This was so nice. You made my day. Thank you so much.

Reply

Doubra Akika
11:18 Aug 20, 2020

It was honestly my pleasure! I really enjoyed it! I’ll definitely look out for more of your work! If you’re not too busy, would you mind checking out my recent story? I would really appreciate your feedback on it.

Reply

Thom With An H
11:33 Aug 20, 2020

Absolutely. I’m sure I’ll love it.

Reply

Doubra Akika
11:33 Aug 20, 2020

Thanks!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
17:02 Aug 19, 2020

This was nice. I particularly liked the early parts, involving thirteen-year-old Brian. One thing I would say, which I think another commentator mentioned as well, is that there was a lot more exposition than description. Including more detail might help with that. For example, I didn't get much of a sense about who Brian was beyond his regret. Even giving the boys Brian was with at the start a couple of personality quirks might be good - it would make it feel more specific and less generic. There are also small problems with paragraph sp...

Reply

Thom With An H
17:09 Aug 19, 2020

Wow, you are the best. Thank you for not only taking time to read my story but to give specific feedback. As a new writer I thirst for help improving. I will be more than happy to look at at least one of your stories. I don’t know if I can be as helpful as you have been but I will do my best. Thank you again!!!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Christina Hall
20:31 Aug 15, 2020

I really enjoyed this story. Your main character felt like a real person. You have a nice flow to your writing style that pulls me along as a reader. I look forward to more of your stories :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Rhondalise Mitza
03:17 Aug 15, 2020

Hey, Thom! This was a good one. The last paragraph, like Roshna said, was wonderful.

Reply

Thom With An H
04:36 Aug 15, 2020

Thanks so much. As a new writer I need the encouragement.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply

This story was soo good! I absolutely loved it! This was written so well, Brian's guilt and pain of his mistake really shows through your writing. The theme of "scars" was beautiful, and the ending was such a perfect way to close things up. You should be proud. Amazing job!

Reply

Thom With An H
21:43 Aug 27, 2020

Thank you so much for your kind words.

Reply

Of course:)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Naomie K
13:48 Aug 24, 2020

Love your story and the ending...keep it up!

Reply

Thom With An H
13:50 Aug 24, 2020

Thanks so much for reading and the feedback. It means the world to me.

Reply

Naomie K
14:12 Aug 24, 2020

You are welcome. I chose the same prompt as you. You are welcome to read my story and let me know your thoughts. "Can it be Right?" Thanks.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Lily Kingston
23:05 Aug 22, 2020

Such a heartfelt ending. This flowed really well and Brian’s character is so well written. I’m so glad he and Lisa were able to have a happy ending! Keep up the good work and keep writing!!

Reply

Thom With An H
23:08 Aug 22, 2020

Thanks for the read, the kind words and the encouragement.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Felicity Edwards
14:55 Aug 21, 2020

You developed all the right emotional triggers. Guilt is a huge millstone and blights so many lives. You brought that across so well. Loved the ending so unexpected and uplifting. Well done

Reply

Thom With An H
15:02 Aug 21, 2020

When I started this story I didn't know the ending. I let that come to me. I am glad I chose well. It feels right. Thanks for the read and feedback!!!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Molly Sickle
18:23 Aug 20, 2020

I loved this beautiful story with this beautifully developed main character. I especially liked the ending and your emphasis on forgiveness and relief.

Reply

Thom With An H
20:38 Aug 20, 2020

Thank you for your kind words.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Vicky S
06:47 Aug 20, 2020

Hi Thom I really enjoyed your story for the story itself.I'm a former air force kid so found it relatable

Reply

Thom With An H
11:49 Aug 20, 2020

Thanks for giving me a read. Time is valuable and you shared yours with me. You also gave me the one compliment I crave. You enjoyed it. If there is another reason to write I don’t know it. Thank you again.

Reply

Vicky S
20:45 Aug 20, 2020

No worries

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Hallie Blatz
02:03 Aug 20, 2020

My friend recommended this story and I’m very glad she did! After reading all the other comments I know mine won’t sound professional or anything but I just wanted to tell you that I liked the story a lot. The ending was so sweet and stopped at the perfect place and the rest of the story led up to it beautifully.

Reply

Thom With An H
02:30 Aug 20, 2020

You are like me. I’m not a professional. I just like or don’t like. Believe it your opinion means a lot to me. More than being technically proficient I just want to be readable. Thank you very much. I mean it.

Reply

Hallie Blatz
18:38 Aug 20, 2020

You’re welcome 😊

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Keri Dyck
21:31 Aug 18, 2020

Wow. I love this so much!

Reply

Thom With An H
21:32 Aug 18, 2020

Thank you. Ditto yours.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Brittany Gillen
15:43 Aug 18, 2020

Thom - Thank you for inviting me to read your story. It is beautiful. Brian is such a genuine character. From his 13-year-old bravado to his adult misery, the reader can picture him as both and the transition is seamless. We believe all his emotions from the desire to be popular, to fear and eventual guilt are real. His realization that Lisa is beautiful despite her scars gives both characters and your entire piece great dignity. There were some fantastic descriptions in the beginning. For example, the pack imagery worked really well, and I ...

Reply

Thom With An H
17:06 Aug 18, 2020

Thank you so much for reading and for your honest feedback. Having a second set of eyes makes me see the things I overlooked. I hope you will see improvement in my stories as I continue to write. You are a super hero. Thank you again.

Reply

Brittany Gillen
17:22 Aug 18, 2020

You are welcome!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
PAMELA ABWAO
04:57 Aug 18, 2020

Is it a true story?

Reply

Thom With An H
05:17 Aug 18, 2020

It’s a combination of fiction and truth.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
PAMELA ABWAO
04:56 Aug 18, 2020

Amazing, You have talent. What if it ended in serious romance? I enjoyed it. Peer pressure can destoy

Reply

Thom With An H
05:18 Aug 18, 2020

If the story could have been longer it would have. It was exactly 3000 words.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply

Bring your short stories to life

Fuse character, story, and conflict with tools in the Reedsy Book Editor. 100% free.