Despair to Light

After a long day at court, I crawled into bed, hoping to rid my mind of his terrible face. He just sat there, staring. He didn't show any emotion. His face was terrible, apathetic. I shivered. How could he? As I lay in the dark, my mind swirled with mixed emotions of fear, anger, and hatred. He killed my sisters, and he didn't even care. Not happy, not sad, he was just... there. As my eyelids grew heavy and my body relaxed, I heard a whisper.

"I'm coming for you."

I shot up again, looking around my room. No one was there, but I heard it. I prayed it was just a dream-like hallucination, but suddenly, it was there again. What should I do? I opened my mouth, but I couldn't scream. My mind raced through deadly objects I could use to protect myself, but there weren't any near me.

Suddenly, a window opened. Again, I tried to open my mouth, but no sound came out. There was something there, a dark shadow, but it didn't appear to be a shadow of a person. It was a monster, something so terrible I couldn't even look at it. I tried to run, but my legs wouldn't move.

'It's just a nightmare,' I thought to myself. I tried to wake up, but I couldn't. Then, the monster brushed by me. I felt its cold skin, as terrible as the man's face in court today. Was this a manifestation of his soul? I shrunk back, my palms sweaty. I could hardly breathe, and my legs still wouldn't move; my voice was still silent. Suddenly, a sharp pain in my back made my heart stop. I could feel. This was a dream, and yet, it was real.

"Help!" I tried to say, but I couldn't shout it. The monster stood over me, his face unmoved, just like the man's. He held a sewing needle in his fingers, and he was starting to poke me with it. It hurt, badly. I tried to kick him, punch him, anything, but it was useless. My limbs were not strong enough. Suddenly, the monster grabbed me. His cold skin was the epitome of despair. My heart, my soul... it died then. I felt its cold fingers wrap around me and I knew that I wasn't going to come back. I tried to wrestle him, to make him let go of me, but there was nothing I could do. He carried me away, staring blankly into the darkness of night. Where was he taking me? Was he taking me to the same place as my sisters were?

'Yes,' I thought. 'He is taking me to death.' I panicked. I wasn't ready to go. I hadn't even said 'I love you,' to my family that "one last time." I could see my sisters, but my brother, my parents... what would they feel? Three of their children, gone. I sobbed as the monster took me farther and farther away from my home, my family... my life.

I wasn't religious, but I prayed right then. "God, if you care... not even about me, but my mom, my dad, my brother... anyone, help me!" I clung to that prayer, hoping somehow God, a name so foreign, a complete stranger to me, would carry me away from this monster. He took me farther, out into the stars. We passed by worlds I never knew existed and stars so huge that even at a distance from the sun to the earth, they dwarfed me. I could feel their heat, reminding me that this wasn't a dream, yet, somehow, it was.

Maybe my whole life was a dream. Maybe this was reality, here, being held by despair and walking by galaxies. Maybe my life was all imagined. Maybe I never had a family, maybe that man wasn't real. Maybe... these thoughts came with every breath. I was convinced this was real, yet convinced that it was false. This was reality, and yet, it wasn't.

Suddenly, we approached a great darkness, even greater than the monster's grasp. I knew it, I felt it. It was a part of me... was it me? We came nearer and nearer to it.

'Perhaps,' I thought, 'It's a black hole.' I tried to move again. Nothing could escape from a black hole. Nothing. The monster's grip became stronger the more my heart raced. What would it be like? I had heard of the reality-defying, time changing power of black holes. Was I to become its first human victim? Suddenly, I was flashed back to my bed, back to the court room, back to the graveyard, back to the crime scene, back to my past. I was taken back to my sisters, back to the memory of holding the younger one in my arms. I was taken back... back to before I existed. Suddenly, an image of hope, something crazy like hope, flashed into my mind. A sound, a whisper, brought me peace. I felt gravity, stronger than anything, yet, my heart felt light. Something was moving inside of me, and it was like I was coming alive, though I was dying. The grip was loosening, the skin was becoming warmer, though the gravity was strong. Light, a blinding light flashed. Screams, shouts, voices, tears, memories that weren't mine, pain, terror, joy, laughter... peace... flooded into my mind. Another blurry image of something, something light, something filled with change, overwhelmed me. I knew it wasn't God, but perhaps it was an angel. I felt its touch, I heard a scream. I felt the gravity pulling me, and yet, I felt something pulling me up. I gasped; I saw an image of a man, beaten beyond recognition... For you. Suddenly, I felt the touch of my sisters, holding my hands. I hugged them tightly, falling far down.

I believed. They were in paradise; I was ready to follow. They smiled, their bodies healed from the scars, the bruises. They shone with forgiveness, and I let go. They were happy; they were beautiful. They sang and danced around me. The monster let go and dissolved. We cried tears of joy at its absence. The angel took my hand, flooding me with peace.

"Don't worry. We're okay. We can sing and dance here, we don't have to worry about how we look, about how we act. Forgive. He gave us a gift, not a curse. Live free." I knew I wasn't dreaming. I knew I was awake, celebrating with my sisters in some weird, joyful, feverish state. I didn't feel despair, in fact, I was ready to meet them.

"Not yet," the angel said. "Forgive."

I looked at it, pleading.

"Wait, for now. You have work to do."

I sighed. "Okay," I said. Sound. I was awake. My sisters grabbed my hands and kissed them.

"See you later."