35 comments

Speculative

This story contains themes or mentions of mental health issues.

Story contains foul language

“Got a pen?” he asked, waving a blue spiral notebook just inches in front of my face.

“On my desk.” 

“Can you fucking get it?” 

“You’re literally standing right next to it.” 

Reluctantly, he picks up the pen and waves it at me as well. “Aren’t you going to ask why I fucking need it?” 

“I’m assuming you have something to write down in your notebook.” 

“Not a notebook, a fucking journal. The fucking stupid therapist is making me keep a gratitude journal for a week. You’re the writer in the family, why don’t you just do it for me?” 

“Well, then it would be my gratitude journal, and I doubt it will give you the intended benefit.”

“I’m grateful. She thinks I’m not, but what the fuck does she know?” 

“She has a name.”

“So?”

“Never mind.” 

“See? You always fucking do that. Maybe if you would have a normal conversation with me once and a while, I wouldn’t need a therapist. You’re always dismissing me like I don’t fucking matter.” 

“Please stop saying fucking.”

“Why?” 

“You’re an intelligent man and the overuse of profanity makes you sound ignorant, that’s why.” 

“So, now I’m ignorant? Thanks a lot, really, thanks for telling me what you fucking think of me, as if I didn’t already know.” 

I gave up and let him storm off with his blue spiral notebook, and my pen. I can only hope and pray he writes in that journal. However, I hear him slam the notebook down on the kitchen table, where it remains for the next six days. 

I wait for him to leave for work before I pick up the blue spiral and flip the cover open, revealing two words haphazardly scrawled at the top of the first page; “Fuck This.” I tear the paper free from the wire spiral binding and toss it. With tear-filled eyes, I take the pen and notebook back to my desk and begin to journal an entire week of gratitude in one afternoon.

Day 1:

I am grateful for my husband’s gorgeous green eyes, for when I look into them, I see the man I fell in love with, dormant but still present. He’s still in there somewhere; the warm, loving, generous, intelligent being who won my heart over thirty years ago. I am grateful for the love I know because of him. 

Day 2: 

Today, I am especially grateful for those moments when my husband shares his feelings with me. Although his negativity is always taxing on my own mental health, listening to his concerns is so much better than the days when he suppresses them in favor of acting out. I would much rather we sit together on the deck with an evening cocktail and discuss the unbearable heat, high cost of living, ridiculous posts on Facebook, stupid fucking co-workers {all of them}, traffic, overcrowding, and his personal opinions on current events in politics, than have him remain eerily silent until he erupts. I am grateful he is not physically abusive, although the mental anguish from his constant negativity can be debilitating. Still, I feel blessed to have the wherewithal to process it and not claim it as my own. 

Day 3: 

I am truly grateful for the household chores my husband does, even after coming home from a hard day at work. He may verbally express his disgust as he takes out the trash or mops the floor as he believes those tasks should have already been completed by me, or our son. It matters not why he does the chores, but the relief my arthritic joints feel when I do not have to do them myself. I try to express my genuine thanks, but there are always conditions and judgments. I am grateful to have learned over the past few years not to feel guilty for what I fail to accomplish, but to feel accomplished for what I am able to achieve. Today, I am grateful for the load of laundry my husband brought in from the garage where we keep our washer and dryer; he needed clean underwear. 

Day 4: 

As I look around, I cannot help but to feel blessed to have a nice home; modest, cozy and affordable. I can overlook the myriads of home improvement projects that have been started and will likely remain incomplete. I don’t even mind those which will continue to be ignored in favor of watching a YouTube video instead; watching someone else repair a fence is the same as repairing yours, isn’t it? 

Our local news covered the rising cost of insurance in our state, and many families are struggling to meet the high cost of their premiums, as are we. However, a strategically planned refinance when interest rates were more than favorable has kept our monthly financial obligations from becoming overwhelming. I am truly grateful for my working knowledge of real estate and finance. I’ve been reminded to be grateful for my husband's weekly paycheck, and I am. However, the rising costs of absolutely everything requires some creative budgeting and critical thinking, making me equally as grateful for my education. 

Day 5: 

I am grateful for a full freezer and a stocked pantry. As long as I can pluck a two-dollar box of pasta from the shelf, no one will go hungry. I do wish my husband would try harder to stick to our weekly grocery budget and not stop at the store several times a week to pick up snacks for himself, squirreling them away in the bedroom as if someone were going to deny him the pleasure of a bag of chips, or a box of cookies. Each time that extra money is spent on indulgences for one, I have to make adjustments elsewhere to feed us all. I am grateful each night when there is food on the table; enough to nourish and satisfy all three people living in this house. I am always grateful for a little extra money from my Ebay side-hustle so we can keep that freezer full, and the pantry stocked. 

Day 6: 

I am grateful for the quiet at night. I love sitting on the back deck, enjoying our once very rural neighborhood, which of late has transfigured into a more suburban setting. Still, it is a pleasant atmosphere, despite my husband's complaints regarding the occasional loud vehicle, radio, barking dog, or screaming children. I try to remind him that other families live in the neighborhood as well, and not everyone can be quiet at all times. He reminds me that we chose this particular location for the peace and quiet that was supposed to come with rural living. I sympathize with his frustration, but growth is always inevitable, and there is no way to outrun it. We are fortunate to have found a home with a large yard and good neighbors. Eventually, the loud car passes by the dog stops barking and the screaming children are called in for dinner. No need to dwell on small nuisances we cannot control. 

Day 7: 

I am most grateful for my son, Nick, for without his compassion and tolerance, I would not survive the bad days. Those days when my body decides to betray me and my joints ache just sitting in my chair. The days when worry turns to fear as I run through worst case scenarios in my mind, slowly torturing myself into madness. The days when I need someone to talk to and find myself alone. My son has grown into a loving, compassionate, generous man, despite his own challenges with mental illness. I often wonder about the concept of nature versus nurture. 

My son and I have wonderful, intelligent and interesting conversations about books, movies, current events and of course his father; my husband. Nick is the only one who understands, the only one who is permitted to have an opinion, as no one else sees what we see, and feels the way we do. My husband thinks Nick should be more like him and work a traditional job instead of trying to build his own business. I am grateful for Nick’s creativity and tenacity. My husband wants Nick to do more house chores, but I am blessed with a son who does anything I ask of him. I feel blessed when Nick hands me a cup of freshly brewed coffee in the middle of the day for no other reason than a kind gesture.

 My husband becomes frustrated and angry when Nick does not show interest in his father’s narrow-minded life; however, I am grateful for his respect and for his friendship. I don’t have much of either these days, so thank God for my son. I will always remain grateful for the man I chose to have a child with, that wonderful man who spent countless hours building swing sets and treehouses, baiting hooks and fixing broken toys. That loving man who cried with me at Nick’s preschool graduation and laughed with me at Nick’s first school play. The very same man who gifted Nick his gorgeous green eyes; the same eyes I love to look into and search for the man I fell in love with. I know he’s still in there somewhere. 

I could have written so much more, but I chose to close the notebook and place it back on the kitchen table. I’ll tell him I have changed my mind, offering it to my husband tonight when he goes back to his therapist, and pray he reads what I have written. 

He does not.

He sits reluctantly in the therapist's office, waiting for her to read through his gratitude journal, trusting I wrote on his behalf.

I did not. 

She asked, “Are you grateful for your wife?” 

His cheeks flush with embarrassment, “Well, sure.” he answers out of pure obligation. “I just wish she was grateful for me.” 

His therapist remained silent, handing the blue spiral notebook back to him. 

July 27, 2024 18:16

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35 comments

Yuliya Borodina
18:27 Aug 12, 2024

Oooh, I loved this story! The point was so beautifully delivered and the ending is great. Thanks for sharing!

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Myranda Marie
23:48 Aug 16, 2024

Thanks so much for reading !!!

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16:24 Aug 12, 2024

This is great. Heartbreaking and sad for sure. ...would be hopeful the husband can see the light and realise how lucky he is to have what he has. Before it's too late.

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Myranda Marie
23:49 Aug 16, 2024

{sigh} .....I hope so too !!! Thanks for stopping by..... I need to take another short break... working on the second YA novel for another site !!! see ya soon !!

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M.D. Adler
16:11 Aug 03, 2024

What a wonderful story. I was rooting for the husband to notice and be grateful for all the things listed, I was rooting for her to feel appreciated. It was written beautifully. Thank you for sharing!

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Myranda Marie
16:31 Aug 03, 2024

Ah, maybe he will see the light after a few more therapy sessions and learn to show his true appreciation for his wife. Let's keep rooting for them. Thank you so much for reading !!!

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07:21 Sep 01, 2024

I would like to see a movie about this family.

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Myranda Marie
21:42 Sep 01, 2024

Thanks... that would be interesting !

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Susan O'REILLY
15:08 Aug 08, 2024

nice take good story much enjoyed sláinte x

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Myranda Marie
15:13 Aug 08, 2024

Thanks so much !!

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Lynne Lieberman
21:59 Aug 07, 2024

Interesting take on this prompt.

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Myranda Marie
15:13 Aug 08, 2024

Thank you for reading !!

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Malcolm Twigg
14:16 Aug 05, 2024

Nice reverse twist on the prompt, Myranda - the ungrateful swine! But no doubt he has issues, and men don't like to admit it.

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Myranda Marie
15:09 Aug 05, 2024

Ha !!! swine!!! Oh, I think there may be hope for him yet...he just needs to read the journal !!! Thanks for reading !!!

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Darvico Ulmeli
12:28 Aug 04, 2024

There is still a chance for them. Going to the therapist is a good sign. Love the story.

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Myranda Marie
14:53 Aug 04, 2024

Thank you...all hope is not lost here :)

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Chris Sage
20:04 Aug 03, 2024

I love how this touches upon serious issues so cleverly with a healthy scattering of profanity. Maybe I'm weird, but I got a good chuckle out of the opening dialogue exchange too.

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Myranda Marie
20:40 Aug 03, 2024

Not weird at all ! I did it to illustrate a point, but it really is kinda funny !!! Thanks for reading !!

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Milly Orie
13:19 Aug 03, 2024

I love the concept of this story-very creative! I’m glad the MC was able to see how many blessings she had despite the trials she was facing. I guess we can only hope her husband might do the same.

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Myranda Marie
15:58 Aug 03, 2024

Thank you, Milly. There's always something to be grateful for! Blessings come in all forms; we just have to train ourselves to recognize them.

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Tom D
12:30 Aug 03, 2024

A very poignant story, with the characters’ relationship unfolding naturally through the journal entries. Thanks for sharing with us!

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Myranda Marie
15:56 Aug 03, 2024

Thank you. It can be very intimidating to try and depict mental illness when writing, as everyone manifests in their own way. 100 people diagnosed with depression, for example; and no two will share all the same characteristics and symptoms. This of course makes it all the more difficult to treat, and even more difficult for the persons to overcome.

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Kim Olson
11:35 Aug 03, 2024

Great story and congratulations on being a published author! I wish you the best in your writing career!

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Myranda Marie
15:53 Aug 03, 2024

Thanks !!! ....I always wanted to be a published author, and time was running out..haha. I also write on another cite which has licensed one of my YA novels, so I am "grateful" for the accomplishments. Thank you so much for reading !!

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Jeremy Burgess
11:34 Aug 03, 2024

What a great story! The dialog at the start grabbed me immediately, and the pacing of the gratitude journal felt very honest and cathartic for your protagonist. I love the ending as well - really elegantly done!

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Myranda Marie
15:51 Aug 03, 2024

Thank you ! I rarely write with so much profanity, but it seemed needed to establish the character and the point overall. I appreciate you stopping by and reading !!

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Alexis Araneta
16:19 Jul 28, 2024

*slow claps* So brilliantly-written, Myranda ! The vivid imagery, the smooth flow, the emotional pull --- all well done. Lovely work !

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Myranda Marie
18:35 Jul 28, 2024

Awe, thank you !!!!

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Mary Bendickson
22:42 Jul 27, 2024

Awesome emotional look at gratitude. PS how' s book sales coming along?

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Myranda Marie
23:14 Jul 27, 2024

Thanks Mary ! I have no idea how the sales have been...seems ok on Amazon, but the other venues don't keep track as easily. I should receive my first royalty statement soon, so I'll know more !! Thanks for asking ! I know it's not a best seller, but I'm just thrilled to be published !!

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Mary Bendickson
23:26 Jul 27, 2024

Excellent!

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Myranda Marie
00:23 Jul 28, 2024

I just got a licensing contract for a young adult novel I wrote, and I'm currently writing the second one.... keeps me out of trouble !! haha

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Mary Bendickson
05:04 Jul 28, 2024

Good for you!

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Trudy Jas
19:22 Jul 27, 2024

My heart goes out to MC, not only is she dealing with physical problems, her husband is barely a shadow of the man she met. Thank God for her son, and hopefully some friends. A great story, Randi. It's a wnner in my book. 👍

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Myranda Marie
19:24 Jul 27, 2024

Thank you so much ! For those who don't know, Myranda Marie is my pen name. My actual given name is Randi :)

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