A Sunset in my Heart and the Phoenix of the Inner Realm

I was scared,so anxious, I couldn't move. I did not know what to do.

" Child!", in a voice deeper than I had ever heard, the ancient bird of wisdom, the phoenix said to me,"Child! You have to choose."

I remember, it was a hot summer afternoon, sun was brightest and our shadows were shortest. I was going somewhere, following my friends, some other familiar faces and many other people. Heat of that noon was creating a little mirage, an illusion of water on far black tar road, when we reached at that point where it once appeared, it was just the same road on which we had been walking, I couldn't remember for how long, that mirage kept getting further away from us.

I knew I had been on that road before, but I didn't know where it would lead me to. "When will the sunset?", I asked myself. I was tired and thirsty but we kept on walking.

After sometime, we reached at a bridge, this little old bridge was a link between the road we were on and the city. A small river used to flow under this bridge, but now has dried up. I stopped there and looked down to see the dry river bed, all that was left was some dry grass, some stones ,polished by the flow of river, still there. I was trying to imagine how the river might had been in its full flow but then I saw my reflection in the river bed, distorted, a shiver went down my spine, I didn't want to see myself.

I ignored it and tried to move forward with others but my friends and other people with whom I had come so far, they had gone far ahead of me. I wanted to scream, to ask them to wait for me but I couldn't mumble a word. They kept going further and further away from me. I thought of running and to reach to them but I was so tired that I couldn't move a bit.

That summer heat was so harsh, I felt dizzy, I was exhausted, I sat down there, on the roadside, alone.

" When will the sunset?", I thought,"Should I follow them? I can't see them anymore.They might have reached to the city by now." A sudden fear of loneliness and despair filled my heart. "I wish there was another path, a path to lead me somewhere else." The bright light of sun reflecting by big skyscrapers of the city was blinding me, I felt like I was going to be burned,to be turned into ashes. That heat, that anxiety, fear,like a sun was burning in my chest,I had lost my way, I didn't know what to do, where to go,how to save myself. I closed my eyes and cried, I was crying like a lost child. "Save me!",my heart screamed, "Save me,please."

Suddenly the earth trembled, I saw the ground I was sitting on rose, it rose way above the skyscrapers of city, the dry river bed had turned into a dark, deep valley and that little bridge was now a narrow, long bridge, so long that I couldn't see its other end.

And now I was on the edge of this cliff, my heart was pounding. Everything felt like a dream, I wanted to wake up but I couldn't, maybe because it wasn't entirely a dream. I was really scared.

And then I felt a shade upon me, a breeze, a kind shadow protecting me from the sun. I opened my eyes and looked up and there was this giant, majestic bird, an ancient phoenix with wings stretched so wide that it covered half the sky, tail of blue, purple, green, gold, scarlet and many more colors, beak so sharp that it could pierce one's soul. And eyes, those eternal eyes who had seen all of this world, all the beginnings and ends, births and deaths, rise and falls,all the joys and sorrows, struggles, successes and all the failures of humanity, those deep amber eyes were filled with the burden of knowledge and wisdom of infinity.

The majestic bird descended upon the cliff, I felt the earth trembling under my feet when it touched the ground.

He looked at me, moved his head from side to side, like he was trying to remember something and then sat there beside me.

" So you are finally here.", he asked in his deep voice, a voice that of a strict grandfather who scolds his children, but deep down care for them, "What took you so long?"

A tear dropped from my eyes. It had been a long time since someone talked to me. I wasn't alone anymore. I felt safe in his shadow, by his side.

"I lost my way", I replied," I didn't know where I was going or where I needed to go."

"Oh! But now you are here and that's enough, that's important." said he," Now you must choose your path from here on."

"What.... which path....?" I mumbled.

"Your path, the one your soul belongs to, the one which might lead you to the other side.", he answered.

I kept staring at him, I was clueless.

The phoenix looked at me, I think he was little annoyed by my ignorance. I wanted to ask but I was afraid because I was familiar with that expression, when people used to get annoyed by my dumb questions. He took a deep breath as if he was gathering his patience and said to me, "Child! You don't need to be afraid. I will tell you everything, so listen carefully."

" My child! This valley is the valley of sunsets, evenings and nights and dreams while the other side of this valley, people believe that there is a mountain, the mountain of eternal sunrise. People believe that all their dreams come true, all their wishes fulfill when they see their sunrise.

People dream in this valley, some small, some very big dreams and then try to reach the other side to wake up to the reality where all their dreams might come true. And they have to choose one of three paths."

" Three paths...? But there is only one bridge..?", I asked.

" This bridge isn't the only path dear." the ancient soul replied, "Some people choose the right path, some choose the easy path while some just follow others blindly. But each soul already has its destined path. Look closely. You can see, many people are crossing the valley by this narrow bridge, they are really careful so that they don't fall into deep valley, maintaining their balance and pace, they are advancing towards the other side.

While many others are crawling, struggling deep down in the darkness of valley, trying to climb up, to reach to their sunrise somehow."

Hearing that I could see, people, many people struggling, fighting, trying to survive to reach to the other side, some with little bit of hope, some with fear and many more with pain, they all were trying their best to reach to their mountain, to see their sunrise.

"And the third path?" I asked.

The giant creature looked directly into my eyes like it was searching for something. He replied, "The third path is the path of sky, the path of wings, the path of phoenix."

He stopped for a moment and then said to me, "If you want to, if you have courage to accept, I can give you my wings, and then you can fly above the clouds and may reach to your sunrise too."

"Fly?" I was shocked," I can't fly, how can I fly and how can I accept your wings?I am a human,not a phoenix, I am not supposed to fly."

"Once you choose to accept these wings.....",The wise bird spoke in a calm voice," these will become your wings. Its up to you, do you want to have these wings, do you want to take the path of a phoenix."

I felt so anxious. My heart was beating so fast, I tried to guess the distance from the cliff to the other end of the bridge, but there was no sign of its ending, it seemed to go to the infinity.

"How can I fly? I have never flown before. What if I fall? what if I fell into this dark, deep valley and got stumbled upon, crushed, shattered into pieces?" I was shivering with fear, my heart was pounding, I turned to the ancient phoenix and asked," What if I fell?"

Old phoenix smiled and said," Yes. That's a possibility too, yes, you can fall deep into the dark valley, darker than the heart of night. If you fall from this height, you'll be burned down in your own flames, in the flames of your broken dreams, shattered hopes, unfulfilled prophecies, your despair, your hopelessness might turn you into ashes, all your efforts, all your struggles, all of your existence will seem to be nothing to you....."

He looked at the sun and continued, " But if you choose to rise then, if you choose to rise from your nothingness, from your ashes, you will have most beautiful, most magnificent and strongest wings, wings like no other, stronger than any phoenix, you will have your very own, your true wings.

The sun was going down. The golden sunshine of evening was reflecting in the eyes of that old phoenix. How grand and majestic he looked.

But I was still afraid. I was scared, anxious. I didn't know what to do.

"Child!" in his deep voice, the ancient bird of wisdom, the phoenix said to me," Child! You have to choose. You'll always get to choose."

" What if I choose to go over this bridge?"

"You can if you want to, but do you want to? Is it the path, your soul belongs to?", he said.

His eyes questioned my heart. I didn't want to go on that bridge, even though it looked safe, my heart, my little heart wasn't allowing me to choose it. But I didn't had faith in my wings. I wasn't sure that I would reach to my mountain,to my sunrise with my wings.

Seeing me in disbelief, the wise bird said to me," My child! If you choose a path other than that of your soul's, a piece of your soul will always remain here, sitting on this edge, yearning to take the right path, calling you day and night, no matter how far you go, you will always hear your voice calling your name from far behind, no matter how much you earn, how much you achieve, you will never be complete, you will always find yourself missing something, a void in your chest, a piece of your soul will always remain here on this cliff, waiting for you to return, wishing to have its wings, to measure its sky, to touch its clouds, to have its sunset."

The old phoenix teared up a little, he said," Yes, my child! All people wish to see their sunrise, but how can you see your sunrise if you abandon your sunset, your very own nights and dreams. If you choose a path that is not yours, how would it ever lead you to your mountain....

And, yes my child! I can't assure you that having your wings will certainly make you reach to your sunrise, you might fall somewhere, you might turn into ashes, burned down completely but my child! If you remember it then, you'll know you can choose, you can always choose to rise again, you'll always have your wings, but you'll always have to be there for your wings too.

And when you'll rise, when you'll fly over the red clouds of evenings, near the evening stars, far from all the crowd and noises, you'll hear your soul singing the most beautiful song, you'll find your heart at peace and my sweet child there you'll see the most beautiful sunsets.

So my child! Have faith in your soul, trust your wings and remember you can always choose to rise from your ashes, you can always choose to fly again. You can always choose."

My eyes filled with tears but the fog in my heart was cleared. I wanted to see my sunsets even if I never get to see my sunrise.

I bowed down to the eternal bird and said, "O wise phoenix! I am ready to choose, I choose the path of sky, the path of phoenix, I accept my wings."

Old phoenix smiled, he gave me his wings, those wings were heavy but my heart felt lighter, I felt vulnerable but stronger than before. I looked at the kind face of the phoenix and asked," What about you? What will you do without your wings?"

He laughed and said, " I can choose too, my child. And I chose to live within your soul, in your inner realm, where I have always lived. From where I can always see you fly."

I thanked him and bid farewell, standing on the edge of that cliff, I was ready to fly, I was ready to see my sunset so I took a leap of faith and jumped off the cliff.