Super Something

“I have a superpower,” John said.

Sally rolled her eyes. It wasn’t the start of any pick-up line she’d heard before, but she still could tell it was a line. She decided to play along anyway, she could use the laugh. “Oh really? And what’s that?”

“I can read your mind,” he answered with a smirk. “Do you want me to prove it?” He leaned in closer to her, much closer than was comfortable. “Right now, you’re thinking ‘I really wish this creep wasn’t standing so close to me.’”

“You’ve got the spirit, but not exactly the letter,” she replied, backing up away from him along the bar.

He laughed. “I figured I should clean up the language, we are in public after all.” He did not lean in closer to her again, rather, he took a step back until they were once again at a comfortable distance. “You’re also wondering why its taking so long to get your rum and coke.”

“Good guess,” she said, still unamused. So far this man didn’t seem to be giving much at all for her to laugh about with her friends back at their table.

“Oh, it’s not a guess,” he replied, “I really do have super powers. See that guy over there?” He pointed to a man at the end of the bar who sat slumped with his head resting on his arms on the sticky bar top. “He’s going through some things.”

She rolled her eyes as dramatically as she possibly could. “Not a very good superpower, is it?”

John just smiled, “Let me get that drink for you.” As he spoke a highball glass slid across the back of the bar all by itself. A bottle of rum (not from the top shelf, but also not too far down) came to life and poured a nice, healthy shot into the glass. Then the nozzle lifted itself up in the air, selected “coke” and topped off the glass. The glass garnished itself with a cherry on a little plastic sword and floated over to Sally.

Sally had not been watching the bar. She was gazing listlessly back over to the table where her friends were waiting for her. The drink startled her, almost. Her eyes went just a little bit wider at the sight. The bartender was still at the other end of the bar when she looked over. She pulled the glass over closer to her, but did not move to take a sip. “Guess they have a ninja working here,” she muttered.

John laughed, “No, just me,” he replied. With a simple wave of his finger, the little plastic sword began to spin around in circles. He made sure Sally saw it. “I did say I have a super power.”

Sally should have balked at the sight “I thought you said you could read minds. Do you have two powers or were you lying about that?” She smiled slyly and pushed the highball glass away from herself without taking a sip. “Excuse me for not drinking that.”

“Of course,” John replied. The glass lifted itself up and floated over to the sink behind the bar. It poured itself out. “Shame to waste it,” he remarked, “but no I wasn’t lying. I can do both. I just always assumed it was one power — you know, brain stuff.”

The bartender whisked by and dropped off Sally’s actual drink. “Sorry for the wait,” she said as she left with an apologetic, warm smile.

Sally took a sip. “Telekinesis and telepathy are two distinct powers. Lumping them together is like saying super agility and super strength are the same because they’re — you know, body stuff,” she said, imitating him.

“Well, I’m sorry,” he replied though he didn’t seem to mean it. “I didn’t mean to inadvertently lie. I hope you’re not offended.”

“Hope? Shouldn’t you know if I’m offended?” Sally asked, unperturbed and sipping from her glass through the abnormally tiny plastic straw that bartenders always place in the glass for no particular reason.

John stumbled. “Well, uh. I’m not so sure.”

“So just the telekinesis then? Pity, reading minds would come in handy.”

“I just,” he stammered, “I can’t quite read you. I can tell you don’t like me, but it probably doesn’t take a super power to see that.”

Sally nodded curtly in response. “People often tell me I’m like a closed book.”

“That or,” John thought for a moment. “No, I definitely can read your thoughts, they’re just, I don’t know, really fast for some reason.” He paused, trying to figure out what it was that was so odd about this whole situation. “How are you doing that?”

Sally shrugged, “It’s just — you know, brain stuff,” she remarked offhandedly. She set the glass down.

John was smiling as she set the glass down. He stopped smiling when he noticed she was holding the glass again while the soft “thunk” of glass hitting bar was just now reaching his ears.

She seemed to set the glass down at the same time as she was taking a drink. It was like a cross dissolve right in front of John’s very eyes.

“Oh,” he said, “I get it, you’re also a super hero.”

Sally winked. “Are you a super hero?” she asked. “Do you wear pajamas and run around all night fighting crime?”

John flushed, “well, no. Not really.”

“Do you use your amazing powers to save children from burning buildings or help build a brighter future?”

“I did once,” he replied.

She smiled, but it wasn’t a nice smile. It did not have any warmth to it. “Neither do I,” she said. “Neither do I.”

“But, I’m not a villain, right?” he asked as though she could tell him the answer, as if she knew him. “So if I’m not a supervillain, but I’m not a superhero... what am I?”

“Well,” she said, “if you’re anything like me, you’re a super something.” Her glass went from half-full to entirely empty without it appearing to move at all.

Before John could even think up a response, she was gone. But a sentence spoke out of the trail of dust she left behind, “Thanks for the cab fare, John,” Sally said, nowhere to be seen.

He checked his pocket. His wallet was still there, but it was considerably lighter than before. “How did she..” he began to ask, but it wasn’t worth the effort to finish speaking. He glanced over to the table where her friends had been. They had all disappeared.

John sighed heavily and floated a beer over to himself. He caught it out of the air and walked calmly down the length of the bar to another woman seated all alone. “I have a superpower, you know,” he began.