WEIRD NIGHT FOR SURE

“Who’s that?”

“I don’t know. I can’t ever remember who drives what.”

“Amelia drives a Honda, right?”

“Most people drive Honda’s.”

“I think that’s Amelia.”

“Sure, I mean, maybe, I can’t say.”

“Can you read the license plate?”

“Not with how dark—hold on—do you...remember Amelia’s license plate number?”

“I don’t know, maybe if I saw it I’d, y’know…“

“But not what she drives?”

“…just maybe it’d jog something.”

“G—4—Z—1…is that a ‘1’ or an ‘L’? I think it’s a—”

“Hold on, she just…I think she’s getting out.”

“Are you warm?”

“Shh, look.”

“Why am I so warm?”

“See, she turned the car off. I’m pretty sure she’s about to get out.”

“I need just a little air flow here.”

“I think she’s about to get out and we can just join her. Then we’ll have a person to, y’know, go in with and it won't be weird or whatever.”

“I don’t think I get why it’d be weird for us to go in alone. Just ourselves.”

“We don’t even know if this is the house.”

“This is where the GPS took us.”

“But if it’s not…I just don’t wanna go up there and it be the wrong place and then have to—“

“It’s the right address.”

“Yeah, but, like, she might’ve put it in wrong or something. Are you sure you put it all in correctly? Into GPS?”

“I can double check, but I think so.”

“Maybe check?”

“I mean, if that’s Amelia, then you just wanna wait a sec and see?”

“I think maybe just check in the meantime?”

“Okay. Why’s she just sitting in her car like that?”

“I don’t know.”

“But, okay—let me check the…hold on.”

“I mean, I guess we’re just sitting in a car, so…”

“True.”

“…I guess...”

“No, yeah—I put the address in right. This is the right address. We’re probably fine.”

“Maybe we should go over there and see if it’s her.”

“Walk up to her car?”

“I’m pretty sure that’s her.”

“That sure? To just walk up to her car?”

“How are you not freezing?”

“Huh? I’m never freezing.”

“I’m always freezing.”

“And also I get car sick. And I don’t know why I’m telling this because you already know this.”

“I know.”

“I know you know, that’s what I was—”

“I think I’m gonna go over there and see if it’s her.”

“I think it’s way less weird to just go up to the house and knock on the door and find out we’re in the wrong place than to go up to somebody’s car window and it be, y’know, like, the wrong car…I think that’d be way worse than—”

“Hold on, who’s that?”

“Who’s what?”

“That car?”

“Are they parking or…okay, yeah they are.”

“Can you see who’s driving?”

“I’m as blind as you are.”

“Yeah, I can’t see.”

“Our kids are gonna be—genetically they’ll be at a disadvantage, for sure.”

“Yup. Wait.”

“What?”

“Look.”

“What?”

“Why are they parked like that?”

“Like…criss-cross like that?”

“Yeah. Like cop cars do when they’re trying to catch people speeding.”

“Or…”

“Or…”

“Isn’t that what people do when…”

“When what?”

“Like…a drug deal?”

“A drug deal?”

“I don’t know.”

“An actual drug deal?”

“Maybe not.”

“Maybe not?”

“I really don’t think that’s Amelia’s car.”

“But, like—how did we get to drug deal, though?”

“You said the thing about the cop cars and I was just, y’know, spitballing or whatever and—“

“Is that what drug deals look like?”

“I have no idea, I’m just throwing out things that it might look like because we were throwing out things it might look like, that’s all.”

“Do you think they see us?”

“Do…I mean, we’re parked right here? They probably see us?”

“But do you think they see us see us? Like, do you think they can see us in here or do they just see a parked car?”

“Okay but you’re taking this seriously now?”

“You’re the one who said drug deal!”

“I said it but I didn’t really think about it.”

“I think—y’know, I think Amelia might actually drive an Acura.”

“An Acura?”

“Yeah, I think maybe.”

“An Acura isn’t a type of Honda?”

“No, they’re their own thing.”

“Why did I think they were the same thing?”

“Do you think we should get out of here?”

“Get out of here?”

“Yeah. This is feeling weird. I feel like we have the wrong address. And I don’t think I like being around for whatever this is.”

“I put in the right address.”

“I know, but she might have put in the wrong address. Like with a typo or something.”

“Yeah, I mean, I don’t recognize any of the cars here. Not that I would. But still…”

“Do you think we should just head out?”

“What do you think?”

“They’re getting out.”

“What?”

“Who is that?”

“I can’t tell.”

“I definitely don’t recognize them.”

“Okay and they’re going to the trunk now, so…”

“Yup that’s…that’s some kind of hand-off. That’s…”

“Did they just look over here?”

“Umm…oh yeah, okay, umm…”

“Oh man, let’s get out of here.”

“Yep okay.”

“Turn on the car please now.”

“I’m...“

“Let’s go. Yeah.”

“I…it’s not—hear that…”

“What?”

“It’s not…”

“What?”

“I think we…”

“No.”

“I think we idled here too long.”

“No way we were idling that long.”

“They’re walking over here.”

“No they’re—oh man…”

“They are literally walking in this direction right now.”

“Yeah, I’ve never seen that person before in my—okay okay okay…”

“Hello…”

“Hi, we were just heading out, thank you.”

“How long have you been sitting here?”

“Not very long—we were just heading out.”

“Can you roll down the window? I can’t hear you that well.”

“The batteries dead, so it doesn’t…sorry…”

“If you rolled down the window…”

“Can you start the car?”

“You know I can’t.”

“What’s that?”

“We’re on our way out—thanks anyway, sir.”

“Do you need a jump?”

“Umm we called a friend and they should be here in a sec.” 

“Did you say...you said you called a friend?”

“Friends, actually. They should be here, like, any second. All of them should.”

“I don’t mind. I have cables in the back of my…car back there. If you just—”

“We’re good. We’ll just wait for our friends. The group of them. They’ll be here in a sec. Thanks though.”

“I see. That’s fine then.”

“Okay, yeah, thanks…have a good night.”

“Bye.”

“…”

“…”

“I’m calling Jared right freaking now. Keep an eye on them.”

“This is crazy.”

“It’s ringing…”

“His friend just stood there that whole time, y’know?”

“He’s not answering…”

“He was just staring. Didn’t say anything.”

“I know. Also Jared isn’t answering.”

“Honestly I think we should just try to make a break for the door.”

“Go inside?”

“Yeah.”

“What if it’s the wrong place?”

“Then at least we’d be with other people rather than out here by ourselves with whoever they are.”

“This is crazy. Are we taking this this seriously right now?”

“Might as well.”

“It’s not that far, right?”

“I don’t think so.”

“If they start to approach us, then we just run, I don’t care.”

“Fine with me.”

“Okay.”

“AHHHHH—“

“AHHHHH—“

“Oh, sorry!”

“Oh my…my…”

“Oof okay umm…”

“I’m really sorry.”

“Hey Heather, no, you’re good.”

“You guys really screamed there, like, for real.”

“Sorry, we didn’t see you…come up I guess.”

“I thought I saw you guys out here, but then I wasn’t sure. I waited for a while.”

“Sorry, yeah, we were…”

“We didn’t know if we came to the right house.”

“No, yeah, right house. So you’ve just been sitting out here?”

“We…”

“We were sure if this was the right address and then we were kinda early and…”

“You can come out of the car, if you want now.”

“No, right.”

“Kinda weird to be holding a whole conversation at a car window.”

“Right, of course.”

“That’s closed.”

“No, sure, hold on. Could you unlock the door?”

“Right, yeah, here.”

“There we…go. Okay hey guys!”

“Hey Heather! Hi!”

“Okay, hugs now. Samantha first…Chris you can wait.”

“Yup, order of operations.”

“It’s been so long since I’ve seen you guys! How are you? Oh, here you go Chris.”

“Hey, yeah…”

“So you’ve met Chris then, right? I couldn’t remember.”

“Yeah, of course we have!”

“When was that?”

“Umm…a pretty big day. I think you probably remember it.”

“Wait.”

“I mean, I’d hope you remember it.”

“Right, no—at the wedding—but we haven’t seen you since then?”

“I think I’ve seen you, but Chris wasn’t there.”

“Samantha, remember you guys did that birthday weekend, just the girls.”

“That’s the one.”

“Oh, yeah, I remember that.”

“But, Chris, I already feel like you’re family.”

“Thanks Heather.”

“Even though I never see you guys. But that’s kinda family right? Anyway, let’s go inside.”

“Right, right yeah.”

“Street looks clear…okay…sorry, mom brain kicking in. The kids, they’re like squirrels, really, it’s like they hear a car and they just have to, y’know, run out into the…watch the steps, they’re all sorts of wonky…and I know that I’m sort-of doubling down on the mom thing, I see that but it’s not something you can…”

“Really nice house.”

“Thanks Chris. It’s…here let me get the door…we like it. Hey Jeremy! It was them!”

“That’s what I thought!”

“No you didn’t but okay sure! He didn’t. I would have gone out earlier but he thought that might be weird if it wasn’t—“

“Oh my gosh, that’s what I was saying. Right, Sam, that’s what—I said that to you.”

“But in this case, it worked out, just saying.”

“He calls you Sam? That’s cute.”

“Most my family calls me Sam.”

“Wow, how did I not know this until now?”

“I mean, I don’t really think about it unless I’m with family.”

“Sam’s good. I like Sam. Can I call you that now, or is that a strictly family thing?”

“No, yeah, you can. It’s not, like, an official thing.”

“Jeremy is cutting the chicken and…I actually have to finish putting the kids to bed. Umm…if you wanna take your jackets off and…see that room in there…I figured people could just put there coats and whatnot on the bed…and is it cool if I run off for a sec and just finish…”

“Sure, yeah.”

“For sure.”

“Okay, thanks. You’re the first ones here, so you can just chill, or if you wanna bother Jeremy he’s in the kitchen, or…Chris you like music right?”

“I do like music, yeah.”

“There’s…we’ve got a pretty, well, I don’t want to brag, but we’ve got a pretty I’d say impressive record collection.”

“Really? Cool.”

“Everybody thinks it’s Jeremy’s but it’s not. He doesn’t really care about music. He likes it, but he’s not the…but for whatever reason everybody just assumes. Anyway, check it out if you want. Put on whatever you like.”

“Nice, cool, thank you.”

“It’s a test, Sam. I’m secretly testing him. Music says a lot. Don’t tell Chris.”

“I won’t.”

“I won’t either.”

“Good boy. Okay! I’ll be back in a minute. Put your coats in there if you want. Okay bye!”

“Sounds good. Bye.”

“You wanna…”

“Yeah, I’m a little warm.”

“Glad you’re the one getting the test. She intimidates me with her music stuff.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I can never even remember the name of the song or artist or anything and she like knows all that and the album and the track number and everything. Like, everything. Honestly I just nod and stuff most the time and hope she thinks I know what she’s talking about.”

“I feel like I’m kinda like that.”

“No. I mean, not like her. Seriously it’s, like…inhuman.”

“I feel like I can remember a lot though.”

“Right, you do. Just, she’s just on another level.”

“Should we go in and say ‘hi’ to Jeremy?”

“You trying to get outta the test?”

“No, I just think we should—“

“Are you nervous?”

“I’m not nervous. I am, but that’s not why. I just think we should say ‘hi’ to Jeremy and then we can come back and do the, whatever, the test.”

“It’s your test, not my test.”

“In either case…”

“There’s just one case, and it’s you proving yourself to my very intimidating friend.”

“In either case—I definitely haven’t met Jeremy.”

“Was he not at the wedding.”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“It’s so weird to know people so well and then, like, the person you now know the best of anybody…doesn’t know those people at all. Just strange. Like, different worlds or whatever.”

“Interesting point, yeah. So, are we saying ‘hi’ to Jeremy, or…”

“I feel like if you just, y’know, pick out some super impressive, tasteful record, and put it on, and then by that time we can go in and say ‘hi’ and, yeah…”

“You’ve got me all wigged out now.”

“Don’t be wigged out. Just be yourself. And pick something that is super impressive and will make my friends love you.”

“Just that.”

“Just that.”

“Okay, well, I guess, now or never…”

“Now or never? What’s the never? You’re definitely...oh my—“

“Shhhhhh…”

“How did you get…”

“You must leave.”

“…in…”

“You must leave. Now. You don’t know what they are.”

“Where did you…”

“Leave. Now.”

“Please—please don’t…”

“We are not here to hurt you.”

“Please just leave…don’t—”

“You are innocents. These…things…they are not innocent. You must get out before—”

“HEATHER!”

“HELP!”

“YES! YES! COME NOW! COME MEET VENGANGE!”

“THERE ARE PEOPLE IN THE—“

“AH! YOU! AT LAST!”

“HEATHER WHAT IS THIS?”

“HEATHER! AH—AND YES! JEREMY! FINALLY! AFTER ALL THESE AGES, ALL THESE WORLD’S BURNED TO ASH, YOUR DAY OF JUDGEMENT HAS COME!”

“DO YOU THINK YOU ARE THE FIRST TO COME SEEKING VENGANCE! HA! I AM THE DEVOURER OF WORLDS—OF STARS—OF GALAXIES! WHAT ARE YOU! YOU CRUMB! YOU SMUDGE! BY DAWN YOU’LL BE NOTHING BUT A SPECK IN THE FECES THAT WAS ONCE THIS WORLD! NAMELESS, UNREMEMBERED! TREMBLE AT MY WORDS! TREMBLE AND YOUR SUFFERING WILL BE SWIFT!”

“EMPTY WORDS. LET US FIGHT.”

“LEAVE NOW SAM AND CHRIS!”

“Okay yeah…”

“DINNER PLANS HAVE CHANGED!”

“Yup let’s…”

“FLEE FOR YOUR LIVES HUMANS! WHILE YOU STILL CAN!”

“Yup, we’re gonna do…that…”

“Excuse us, umm…”

“Let’s just forget the jackets and…”

“Right, yeah…”

“FLEE!”

“FLEE!”

“Here we go…”

“WRATH COMETH!”

“We are…okay, the door, yeah…”

“Run, run, run…”

“Yup…”

“Yeah, okay, watch out for the steps, umm…”

“Are we going to the—WOAH WHAT WAS THAT—umm…the car? The car’s dead.”

“We can just walk…somewhere…else…”

“Right, yeah yeah…”

“I’ll—OH OKAY SERIOUSLY IS THAT LIKE A DEATH RAY OR SOMETHING??“

“OKAY WOW.”

“So I’m just gonna order us an Uber…”

“Yeah, that’s…that makes sense…”

“Maybe if we just get up to the corner here—OH MY GOSH LOOK AT THAT…”

“WHAT EVEN IS THAT??”

“AHHHH…”

“AHHHH…”

“…”

“…”

“Okay, so, what street is this?”

“Boysenberry…Lane.”

“Boi—“

“With a ‘Y’, not…”

“Oh…”

“And that one is Columbus. So, at Columbus and Boysenberry.”

“Columbus and…Boysenberry.”

“How long does is say? The wait time?”

“Looks like…five…five-ish minutes?”

“That’s not bad. That’s…”

“Yeah, it’s not as bad as it could be.”

“I was thinking it might be ten or something.”

“Ten? Ten seems long, but, yeah, five’s pretty good.”

“What’s the…the driver’s name?”

“Umm…Tim?”

“Tim, all right.”

“Man, I’m cold.”

“You’re…cold?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s a first.”

“It is, isn’t it?”

“Weird night.”

“Weird night for sure.”