Perfect Life

TW: disordered eating, emotional abuse

“Should you really be eating that?”

Ella jumped, dropping a large blob of cream down her bright pink sweatshirt. She had gone into the kitchen to clear the dishes but had hidden a three pack of cream buns in there earlier. She hadn’t expected Jack to come in, as he never helped with the household chores. She was annoyed and embarrassed at being caught out.

“I am starting a new programme tomorrow” she replied tersely

“It’s online and it’s the newest way to transform your life. This is just my “last hurrah” before I start. I get the feeling that this will be the one that works for me”

“Yeah, well we’ve heard all that before.” Said Jack sarcastically, “I’ve lost count of how much money you’ve spent on weight loss programmes. You’re a disgrace. I could do so much better!”

She tried to respond, but he was already halfway out of the room. She could feel the tears welling up and the hurt was building like a rock in her chest. She scooped up the cream from her top with her finger and licked it. She opened the fridge and looked at the two remaining cream buns. She took them out and ate them quickly. The pain in her chest began to go away and she felt calmer.

At times she wanted to scream and cry at Jack, but it did no good. He had battered her self-esteem over the years. She had been a tiny bit overweight when they met, but she had lost weight for him. By the time they were married she was slimmer than she had been as a teenager. But slowly the weight had crept back on, plus more besides. He pointed it out constantly.  She tried to do something about it and lost small amounts of weight, but his constant digs about her looks, his criticism of the state of the house, his insults to her friends had all taken their toll. The only thing that made her feel better was food.

Well now she had decided that this was going to change. She had signed up to “Perfect Life”, an online programme that included artificial intelligence which was connected to every room, electrical and online gadget in the house. It was the latest craze and had cost a small fortune, but she really believed it was worth it. The app could monitor what she ate and how much exercise she was taking as well as being able to assess her mood and feelings. Apparently, it was a massive breakthrough for emotional eaters. It was like having your best friend and coach all rolled in to one.

She would show Jack that she could do it. She would make him love her again, by being the perfect woman.

The next day she awoke early. She was eager to get started. She had been provided with a “PL” wristband and the house was wi-fi connected to the online company. There was a little ping on the wrist band she was wearing and a gentle voice said

 “Good Morning Ella, Welcome to a brand new start. Please record your weight for today”

She smiled stepped on the scales and although the number was larger than she expected, she heard another “ping” and a voice said

 “You may be disappointed but remember you will never be as heavy as this again!”

Spurred on, she cooked her healthy breakfast, guided by the fridge and cooker which explained each step along the way. Afterwards she sat down and listened to the motivational podcast that would help her build ways of dealing with her emotional eating. Then she put on her trainers and set off for a walk.

It was a beautiful crisp day and she breathed in the cool air. It wasn’t long before she was out of breath, but with the help of her coach willing her on, she completed a full circle of the park and walked back home again. She felt amazing.

She went in the chat rooms and spoke to others like her, who drowned their sorrows with food. It helped that other people were telling her she was doing well. This, along with the app meant that it was great to have support for once instead of the constant put downs.

Over the next six weeks she steadily lost weight. There were a few hiccups along the way, like the time when Jack came home whilst she was out on her walk, he shouted at her when she got back because his tea wasn’t ready. She went to the shop and was about to buy two bars of chocolate, when her wrist band vibrated, and a message came up saying

“Don’t do this. You will only be hurting yourself. You deserve so much better”.

She was so impressed that the app seemed to know when she was out in public and never embarrassed her by talking out loud, but sent a discreet message instead.

She bought a bag of chopped carrots and walked to the park. She sat for a while on the bench, munching the carrots, feeling proud.

 “Well Done!” The band said “ You deserve time for yourself”.

When she got back home, she was much calmer. Jack was laid on the sofa snoring and dribbling. He wasn’t so much of a catch himself these days, she thought, she really could do better, but she wanted to work on their marriage. She wanted them to have the perfect life.

In all this, Jack never acknowledged her progress.  Not once did he compliment her on how she looked, or her increased confidence. He just carried on criticising and digging, trying to undermine her at every given opportunity.

Only now instead of getting angry, she allowed the insults to fall away. She had support from the app and from the group and she felt great. When she looked in the mirror a voice would tell her she was beautiful. When she opened the fridge, it would tell her what was in there and how to make a meal. It had even helped her create a new clothing style online and ordered the clothes for her. Her confidence was soaring.

She even felt brave enough to contact some old friends and meet up for a drink. She did her hair and make-up and put on her new clothes. The mirror congratulated her classic hourglass shape. Then she had a thought. She wanted to go out and enjoy her evening. Although she was happy telling people about the programme, she didn’t want it nagging her all night whilst she enjoyed a bit of freedom. She took the wrist band off and placed it in her bedside drawer.

 She smiled. It was just a one-off, she would be straight back on track tomorrow.

She went downstairs and Jack was playing poker on the laptop.

 “Just going out to meet the girls” She said cheerily.

“Mmm” muttered Jack, not even looking up.

She enjoyed her evening immensely. She ate what she wanted and had a few glasses of wine. Her friends all complimented her on how she looked and how great it was to see her out and about. She told them about the programme. They chatted and laughed about their partners and they all agreed that she could do so much better than Jack.

When she got home, she was a little bit tipsy, but she managed to get into bed without waking Jack, who was fast asleep with his moth wide open. She giggled at the sight of him and then told herself to shush.

The next thing she knew, it was daylight.

She felt a little groggy as it was a long time since she had drunk so much wine. She rubbed her eyes and sat up

“You should be ashamed of yourself carrying on like that” said a voice from the drawer.

She opened it, took out the band and put it back on her wrist. It immediately began to recite all the things she had eaten and drunk the previous night. Ella wasn’t expecting that. It was a little bit over the top.

She sighed and got out of bed. She went downstairs and poured herself a large glass of water, before changing into her running gear. As she walked past the mirror, she heard

 “Not looking so great this morning Ella! It will take some work to sort that out”.

She wasn’t impressed, but she guessed that the app was picking up on the fact that she had a hangover. She stepped out of the door and started her run. Normally she would hear the motivational messages in her earphones whilst she listened to the music, but today there was nothing.

When she got back home, she sent a message to IT support to check if there was a glitch with the app. She received an automatic reply saying that her enquiry would be investigated, and they would get back to her as soon as possible.

 She tried to carry on as usual, but there was definitely something wrong. When she went to the fridge, she expected the usual recipe advice, but got

“I’d be sticking to no carbs today if I were you”.

She was a little put out and closed the fridge door quickly then opened it again. “You’re just avoiding me now!” Said an irritated voice.

 She shut the fridge door with a slam.

This wasn’t right. She’d only been out for one night, surely she shouldn’t been punished like this. She grabbed an apple and went to sit in the garden.

The band was quiet for the rest of the day and she presumed that it was a technical issue and would be sorted out by the manufacturers.

The following day when she awoke, she had a message from Perfect Life.

“Sorry to hear you are experiencing issues with the Perfect Life. Please connect the app to a laptop and allow us to carry out a diagnostic test”

She plugged the band into the laptop and went for a shower. When she came back into the bedroom, she walked past the mirror and heard a “ping” followed by

“You think you’re so clever, but you can’t shut me up that easily. You can’t manage without me. You’ll just get fat again”

Ella burst into tears, quickly got dressed and ran downstairs. She went straight to the cupboard to find the biscuit tin and as she lifted the lid, she heard

 “I knew it wouldn’t be long before you were back to your old ways”

She couldn’t bear it, she grabbed three biscuits and crammed them in one after the other, then snatched up her coat and stepped outside.

She walked for a couple of hours before returning to the house. She went straight upstairs. There was a message on the laptop screen which read

 “We have run a diagnostic test and updated your band with the newest settings. Should you experience any further issues, please do not hesitate to contact us”.

Ella breathed a sigh of relief. She put her band back on and tapped the screen. “Good afternoon Ella, Glad to see you’re feeling better”.

She smiled. Looks like things are back to normal she said to herself.

She started to prepare the food for the evening meal, chopping salad and mixing eggs for omelettes. Jack came in at his usual time and sat at the table waiting for his food. She sat opposite him, but he continued to scroll through his phone without looking at her. She didn’t bother to try and speak to him. He was no longer interested in her and she had begun to feel the same about him.

After the meal she cleared away and went to sit in the conservatory with a book. She felt numb. She had tried so hard to make the marriage work. She was still trying to look her best for him, but she was just getting nowhere. She didn’t know what else she could do.

She decided to have an early night. She would get things in perspective with a clear head in the morning.

The next morning, she was only half awake when her wristband vibrated, making her jump. “Hope you’re not thinking of lazing in bed all day”.

Ella rolled her eyes at the voice, then got out of bed. She took off the band and threw it against the wall. She did not need that today.

“Temper, temper!” said the electronic voice. “Don’t take your bad mood out on me”.

Ella ran out of the room and downstairs. She grabbed a bar of chocolate from the fridge.

“Should you be eating that?”

“Shut up, just shut up” shouted Ella at no one.

“Put me back on your wrist and let’s be friends. I can help you. All you have to do is listen to me”

Ella went back up the stairs and picked the band up off the floor, placing it back on her wrist.

“That’s more like it. Now, let’s get those chunky thighs out for a run, shall we?”

Ella went for a run. The motivational voice seemed to be back to normal, urging her up the hills.

On The way back to the house she called in to the shop for a snack. She picked up a bag of crisps and some chocolate. As she got to the counter to pay, her band vibrated. She was expecting the helpful text, but she suddenly heard a loud voice say

“You’re far too fat to eat that. Put it back and get some fruit. Do you want to look like a monster all your life?”

Ella went bright red with embarrassment. The school kids in the queue behind her began to snigger and Ella ran off out of the shop, leaving the snacks on the counter.

On the way home she tried to get the band off her wrist, but she could not get the clasp undone. The more she tried to pull it off, the tighter it got. By the time she got home she had stopped trying. She was worried it would cut her circulation off.

Once home, she calmed down and the band felt loser. How could this be happening? The app was working perfectly well. Why had it changed?

Then suddenly she remembered. The night that she had gone out with her friends, she had left the band at home and Jack was there.  He was on the computer when she left. She was convinced that he had tampered with her band. She decided that she wasn’t going to let him wind her up. She would act as if it was working okay and play Jack at his own game.

When Jack arrived home, she greeted him with a smile and his favourite tea. “Just salad for me” She shouted from the kitchen “Still on the health kick”.

“Apart from the crisps and chocolate” said the band.

Ella ignored it and went to sit with Jack. “I’m so happy this programme is working” She said “I’m surprised you haven’t noticed how well I’m doing”

Jack looked up at her with a smirk on his face “You don’t look any different to me” he snarled “You’ve still got a lot of work to do before you look half decent”

Ella smiled back at him and carried on eating her salad. She was convinced now that he had tampered with the band and she vowed that she would teach him a lesson.

Over the next few days, the band continued to throw insults at her, but now she knew it was Jack’s fault, she didn’t try and fight against it. She stuck with the healthy eating and the running, knowing that she would find a way to get her revenge on him.

A few weeks later, it was their eighteenth wedding anniversary. Ella cooked a three-course meal, including Jack’s favourite chocolate gateau. She dressed in the sexiest outfit she had and told him that she had a surprise for him later and she winked at him.

 He rolled his eyes “As if being with you would be a treat” He snarled,” More like a punishment”

She brought out the chocolate cake and cut him a large slice. She then put a large slice on her own plate. “Should you be eating that?” he said, almost at the same time the band said the same thing.

“You’re right” She said, “I really shouldn’t”.

She pushed her plate to one side and watched him eat his slice. She smiled at him as he shovelled it into his mouth. Probably the most unattractive thing she had ever seen.  

Suddenly he began to clutch at his chest and gasp for breath. She sat and smiled at him.

 “Help me, he gasped. I can’t breathe”.

She smiled again as he fell to the floor. Then stood up and left the room. She waited in the kitchen until he had gone completely silent. She took the bottle of poison and poured it down the sink. Then she took the band from her wrist, laid it on the counter and smashed it into pieces with a hammer.

She collected her suitcase from the bedroom and picked up her passport and plane tickets from the drawer.

She glanced at Jack as she passed him in the dining room. She made her way out of the front door and locked it behind her. She was ready to start her perfect life.