Up to mischief!

Tony was a rat. Both in the literal and metaphorical sense. He was a good for nothing, double crossing, snitch of a rodent, who would lie to the queen if it would earn him some scraps to eat. Tony found that this life of deception didn’t earn him many friends, but he didn’t need friends, all he needed was a full belly and a place to sleep. Which he had, until very recently. You see Tony had committed an unforgivable crime, a crime that will find you running for your life, both from the humans, and your fellow vermin. Tony had committed the crime of being seen. This is not just a threat for the rat foolish enough to get spotted, once one rat is seen, the whole mischief is in danger. Yes, a group of rats is called a mischief.

Tony knew he had screwed up the moment he heard the scream, so high pitched it was almost inaudible to the human ear, but Tony could hear it. Boy could he hear it. And he could see the legs clambering up onto chairs, and he could feel the swish of the broom as it just missed his hind quarters, before he dashed into the rats secret hide out. Not such a secret now. A nobler rat would have taken one for the team, they would have misdirected the humans, they would never have led them right to their front door. But Tony was not interested in nobility or loyalty, he was only out for himself, and more importantly, that was not his hide out. The other rats had outcast him long ago for his relentless lies and indiscretions. But he didn’t need them, he had his own pad now, on the other side of the restaurant. “You lousy traitor! You’ll get us all killed” they’d said, loudly, whilst shaking their little fists. But they were wrong, they didn’t get killed. You see, they were scavenging at a vegan restaurant, and while the cheese tasted all sorts of wrong, it did have the benefit of compassionate humans who employed non-lethal pest control.

That fateful day, when Tony tasted the rich creamy delight of real dairy cheese, he knew the jig was up. The cage slammed shut and he just sat there enjoying the meal until he fell asleep. The next thing Tony knew he was being transported across the restaurant, out the front door and thrown into the back of a van along with his resentful peers. The cage rattled and bounced around as the vehicle set off, and the scrappy little rodent in the cage next door cursed Tony for his recklessness. He couldn’t blame the little guy for being upset, Colin had been the sorry victim of more than his fair share of Tony’s untruths. When Tony had eaten the entire back-up food stash, he had pointed the finger at Colin. When Tony had chewed through a wire in the night, causing three unsuspecting rats to get electrocuted when the switch was turned back on in the morning, he had blamed Colin. And when Tony had taken the group to a new restaurant and promised them all the finest cuisine, he said it was Colin’s fault when they ended up with tofu and salad instead of steaks and cheese.

Tony did his best to ignore the obscenities being hurled at him by wondering where he would end up this time, and how long it would take him to get back into town, to continue his life of nuisance and larceny. After a short while he could hear the van tyres crunch over a gravel road and roll to a stop. The doors opened moments later letting in a stream of glaring daylight. As Tony’s eyes adjusted, his cage was lifted and flung onto a trolley with his oblivious buddies who were too busy throwing blame to notice what was about to befall them. This was not a catch and release. The word ‘humane’ printed on their captors t-shirt was a lie, as evident by the barrel of ice-cold water he was tossing rats into at an alarming rate. God help this man if the vegans find out. Tony panicked and began pacing his cage, he wondered if he should warn the others, ‘nah, every rat for themselves’ he thought. Tony ran back and forth frantically looking for a way out, but he quickly realised this had the effect of rocking the stack. As the other rats tried to follow him, shouting insults his way, the increased momentum caused the tower of cages to crash to the floor. Some of them bursting open, leading to chaos as rats scurried off in every direction. Tony was one of the lucky escapees, he wisely darted into the hedges and out of sight, lest he get caught by the angry mob.   

Tony had found himself here many times before, lost at the side of a road, no place to call home and most pressingly, hungry. And as he always did in these situations, he followed his nose. Someone, not so far away, was cooking something enticing. Tony scampered along, keeping out of sight, until he finally reached the source of the aroma. He had hit the jackpot. A burger van was parked in a lay by, and the ground around it was a veritable banquet. Bacon scraps, stray chips, unfinished burgers. After months of quinoa and kale, Tony was in heaven. He ignored the strong stench of an already claimed territory and feasted beyond his natural stomach capacity. He had to prop himself up against a car tyre for a break. Once his stomach had settled a little, Tony snuck his way into the back of the burger van, chewed through a cardboard box and nestled in amongst the hot dog rolls.

After a short while, Tony’s peaceful slumber was disturbed by a scratching noise, and an angry whispering voice, “Oi, you!” Tony looked around in the darkness of his box. He glanced over at the hole he had climbed in through and saw a pointy face piercing through. “Yeah you, get out here” the voice came again, Tony rustled in amongst the plastic packaging, “I’m Ok in here thanks” he called out. He had been caught once again.  “You come out, or I get you out!” the voice shouted, Tony could feel a claw grasping around inside the box, reaching for his tail, “Ok, Ok I’m coming” he yielded, realising they wouldn’t take no for an answer. Once out, the angry little rodent grabbed him by the claw and pulled him swiftly along, “quick now, come on!” she said, flustered. Tony sensed he was in trouble and decided he’d ought to make a sneaky getaway, but as he went to turn around, he saw that he was surrounded and didn’t fancy his luck with the gang of rodents that now stood before him. “Can I help you?” Tony ventured nervously, the rats looked around at each other shaking their heads in disgust, “looks like you’ve helped yourself” one of them piped up, the others murmured in agreement, “this is OUR territory”,

“I… I didn’t know” Tony trembled “I’ve got no sense of smell” he lied,

“likely story, you can’t just come here and take whatever you want!” the rats started to become more aggressive, and Tony shrunk backwards, “you town rats need to learn, that’s not how it works ‘round here”, the crowd began to move forwards, Tony shuffled further back. “we have rules, we keep out of sight, we keep out of trouble. You start climbing in there, chewing through boxes, you’ll get us all poisoned!”

“I bet he’s one of those catch and release rats”,

“Nah, they kill those now, good riddance too”,

“Yeah, too right, if I come across one, I’ll kill them myself”, the rats advanced closer and closer, towering over Tony as he cowered in fear, “I’m a pet!” Tony suddenly yelped. The group stopped in surprise, “what he say?”

“I think he said he’s a pet,” a gruff voice boomed out as a big buck stepped up to the front of the group, he had a menacing looking face with a scar across one eye, Tony half expected him to roll up his sleeves and have tattoos covering his arms. But rats don’t have sleeves, or tattoos, or arms for that matter. “A mangy horrible thing like you, a pet?” there was raucous laughter, though some of the other rats seemed as scared of the buck as Tony was. “I guess we best get you home then, hadn’t we fellas?” he looked around at the group who nodded vigorously, seemingly no one dare disagree,

“I don’t have a home” Tony said, questioning all of his life choices, including the one to ignore the clear scent of a marked territory.  “A homeless pet?” the buck sniggered, “that would make you a stray, and no better than the rest of us”. The little rat who had pulled Tony from his box a few minutes earlier suddenly snuck through the crowd and piped up, “leave him alone, he’s learnt his lesson!”

“alright little sis, what do you suggest we do with him?” the buck said as he picked up Tony by the scruff of his neck. “Put him down!” she demanded, the buck obliged, instantly dropping Tony to the floor. He had never felt so humiliated, there he was, a scared little mouse being defended by a girl. “I’ll just get on my way” Tony said, dusting himself off and trying to sound cool and collected, “pfft, you won’t survive five minutes out here on your own”, the girl rat told him, “there are bigger, badder animals out here than us, you’ll be eaten alive!” she warned, “why don’t you stick around, you look like you could use a friend or two, and the lads aren’t so bad once you get to know them”. Tony considered it, the girl rat was kinda cute, if a little feisty. But he was a self-sufficient, lone rat, flying solo through life. “I’ll take my chances” Tony said, and began to walk away when he heard a familiar, frantic voice,

“let go! Get off of me!” it was Colin,

“I found another one boss, this one was knee deep in the ice cream”, a stocky rodent came through the leaves into the hedgerow pulling Colin along with him, “you!” he shouted upon seeing Tony,

“I’m just leaving”, this was the last thing he needed, Tony could see his chance of escape quickly disappearing,

“not so fast!” the buck grabbed him once again, “you two know each other?”

“Yeah, he’s the reason I’m here and not feasting on tofu back at the restaurant”, the mob glared over at Tony, his lie had been exposed, he was going to be dead meat, spit roasted on a skewer and cannibalised by these feral fiends. “He lied!” one of them shouted, “He’s no pet!”

“No kidding” sniggered the buck, nudging his little sister who breathed a heavy sigh,

“If there’s one thing in this world I can’t stand, even more than a trespasser, a thief and a glutton, it’s a liar”, she said exasperated, before casually commanding, “Get him”.

As Tony scurried along a dirt furrow in fear for his life, being pursued by a feral horde of ferocious rats (and Colin), he wondered if maybe his aversion to the truth had been his downfall. But he realised in that moment, that the biggest lie of all was the one he’d told himself. He was not cut out to be a loner, he really did need others, and as he raced along the track, he thought “I could sure use a friend”.