Mr. Alex

Kesha walked towards the bed slower than usual, throwing herself on the soft mattress and enjoying the ultra soft springy character of the bed, as she lay down. Just then her phone buzzed zzz....."Why did you keep me trapped in there? Is this what you call friendship? Don't you think you should be behaving like a girl just about your age and not trapping a 40 year old man in this software in your horrendous downright scary fashhh......"

" Shut up Mr. Alex!", she interrupted. "Can you please stop talking for a bit? It's as if you're always lurking around! You won't give me my own space. All you care is about knowing what I said to whom and why. You really should know that you tend to act like a spy! I don't need you, it's just because of my parents that you're around". She realized she had said crossed her limit. An awkward silence fell through. She took a moment to go through all she had said and then looked down and sighed.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to say that to you. i'm just too tired now..." She expected a response. She got none. "Hey, I was rude and I shouldn't have been....."

"Oh mighty God did I just hear a sorry? Okayyyy, I'm glad you feel regretful and know that I am yet....."

"Mr. Alex, I am not regretful", she shot back, " I felt that you were a cause of the fight that happened today. I know its tough for you to understand this, but you can't be talking to my friends this way and the waiter.....Oh my God what in the name of hell was that?"

"Oh so that's what this is all about! I reckon you think my problem is that I need to learn what to talk where....Miss you are all of 15 years, 2 months, 15 days old and I am supposed to learn what to talk, where? I don't seem to understand this perplexing remark of yours," replied the boastful android, Mr. Alex.

"And what exactly did I tell your friend? I just told Rikki that she shouldn't be overdressing. If she is trying to impress a lad your age....oh well, a boy your age, she needs to understand that dressing holds a mere 20% weightage when it comes to being liked by men, according to the Peoples Around the World statistic and that she cannot possibly think of marriage, which by any and all means would be considered illegal by around 90 countries....."

" Mr. Alex, please keep your stats to yourself. This is exactly what you don't understand. Emotions! This is our age to go out, to know people of our age, mix with the opposite sex and understand and build interpersonal relationships, anyway......" she argued.

"Kesha, that is exactly what I want. I want you and your friend to understand that good looks aren't the only factor in deciding the strength of your future interpersonal relationships and so the fact that Rikki looks ugly should not be a factor at all. All I did, was to tell her that!", the android defended.

"And in this way you made her feel bad about herself, even though the point you tried to make was valid. She already feels inadequate because of her looks. I was trying to motivate her towards holding a more confident outlook in life and you almost ruined it. ", her face had developed a frown by then, as if to show that she is tired of explaining stuff to this non-human creature. She wondered for a second that it was easier to do anything, than to explain what emotions mean to this little companion of hers who pretended to be human.

"I have to disagree with you on that. Infact, I removed the sugar coat from your sentences and made a more meaningful point. And what did you really mean by what I said to the waiter? It is his problem if he got offended. About 95% of the waiters don't cook. Restaurants have to have a separate batch of cooks around. I mean that is an unsaid rule. Now coming to my comment, if I hear you and Rikki not liking the food, I am around 70% sure that the food is not suited to your palate as per Michelin blogs started by Chef Y and it is the most trusted blog on the face of this Earth!....that implies that there is a 60% chance that the food did not turn out as expected and that if at such a busy time of the day where the restaurant expects 90% of its customers at around 6pm in the evening and the 4.9 star rated restaurant serves such food, it is but obvious that there is a problem we have here. It shows that probably 85% of the reviews are phony and/or 90% of the accounts that have given a rating are non-existent.", hearing this fact her frown quickly changed into a grin.

"Now, instead of explaining it so well with all my beautifully laid down accurate and statistically corroborated data, all I uttered from my speaker was that 'the food was not up to the mark'. It was your fault that you kept my speaker volume at an all time high. I hope you understand this....are you even hearing me?"

She burst out into laughter, hearing this. Her mood changed as she heard Mr. Alex's conclusion after not even tasting that dish. She now felt that the restaurant really did deserve a bad rating.

"What is so funny? An insult to anyone's face perhaps would garner laughter only in approximately 15% of the people in such sensitive situations. And here we are complaining of talking rudely...I understand how unpredictable humans can get with their mood swings, but around 89.7% girls of your age would react in a similar fashion."

"I think your analysis was correct. The food was kind of uncooked. But, you exaggerated the emotion when we asked for the check.". she replied.

"Exaggerated? okay so the definition from a Webster dictionary says......"

"Hey, cut it out. Let's just say, you were rude in being blunt and frank. But on the other hand, you did save that guy with the loose dragging pants from embarrassment. He ended up thanking us , however, in a very awkward fashion. Just wanted to let you know that. He thanked us right after your power went and you expired."

" Aaah, an embarrassment it seems! Your sentence just implied that opposite sex interaction triggers an excitement in you that 88% of other activities wouldn't. Not bad, I'm happy you seem to fall in this range of weird 15 year old teenage girls who are victimized by peer pressure to a large extent. And just to echo the concept of peer pressure, my estimation of that lad's age would be around 17 years old and I hoped he took my advice of picking up his pants on time so as to avoid any uneventful situation like inappropriate nakedness or vulgarity of any kind, which is also seen in 59% of boys that age as per teen index stats that studied this kind of behavior in around 200 boys of his age and higher. His profile matches the age group, hence the conclusion, which I need to be thanked for."

"Yeah yeah, enough of your need for gratitude. I just felt that I need to apologize to Rikki. She is a good person who has lower self esteem and she isn't aware of the talents she embodies. Any idea on how to get her to believe in herself a bit more?" She questioned with curiosity.

" Coming up...80% of girls her age have resorted to activities like self development classes, 90% enrolled into self help courses ranging from 4-5 weeks with classes thrice a week and mere 18% joined activities like trekking and camping that helped them team up with strangers in groups which reportedly also increased in the kid of trust issues they suffered with. Excitingly, this trek option had a 90% success rate. And you could say about......"

"That is an exciting idea! I can go with her, that way, we both can definitely meet new people and she will no doubt open up. Thanks Mr. Alex! I think I'm done for the day and since I've already hit the bed, I would like to sleep now. Let's chat later."

"Goodnight dearest, let me just finish putting the reminder of pulling up some trekking groups and their membership lists out for you tomorrow before you can put me off for the night. Aaand, done. I'm happy I could help you today.", said emotionless Android Mr. Alex, whose sole purpose was to take care of Kesha when her parents weren't around.