Flipping The Bird

           Fourteen-year-old, Chad was eager about the arrival of his grandparents Chuck and Louisa. Every year at Christmastime, they had been very generous with their gift-giving. On his fifth birthday, he received a television for his bedroom, (despite his parent’s disapproval), and on his twelfth birthday, they bought him a brand-new drum kit. This annoyed his parents even more than the television.

           Chad continued to watch out the window for his grandparents until he finally spotted their headlights rounding the corner of his street. He ran to the door and stood there until they pulled into the driveway.

           Chad’s grandfather, Chuck, popped open his door and yelled for Chad to give them a hand with the presents. Chad excitedly slipped on his coat haphazardly, wedged his feet into his boots without tying the laces, then rushed outside to help.

           Chuck pulled wrapped gifts from the backseat of the car and loaded up Chad’s arms and he wondered which one of them was for him. Chad brought the first load into the house then returned for a second load, but all that was left was his grandparent’s parrot, Charlie. He grabbed the cage and followed his grandparents inside.

           Once they settled into the living room, gifts started to be handed out. Chad anxiously waited for his. The first one went to his mother, then to his father and the third went to his sister, Julia. He saw one large gift left and assumed it was for him, but when his grandfather picked it up, instead of handing it to Chad, it went to his mom again.

           Chad was saddened. He thought that his grandparents had forgotten all about his present. As if he was reading Chad’s mind, Chuck spoke up and said, “I bet you thought that we forgot about you, right?”

           Chad exaggerated the truth by replying that he had not noticed. Chad’s grandmother then spoke up and said, “Chad, your gift from us this year is something very precious to us,” Louisa began as Chad’s mind started spinning at the possibilities.

           “Your grandfather and I have decided to sell our home and move into a retirement building and they don’t allow pets. There is no person we would trust more with our sweet Charlie than you, Chad. Therefore, Charlie is now yours.”

           Chad stood dumbfounded. He could not even find the words to reply. He thought that maybe they were giving him a large sum of cash once they sold the house. Giving him their bird was completely unexpected. He had no idea how to take care of a parrot.

           Eventually, his mother spoke up and suggested that a thank you may be in order. Chad cleared his throat and choked up the words, “thank you” coated with a sarcastic tone.

           Over the next hour, Chuck filled Chad in on how to care for the bird and how Charlie liked having his cage sit near a window so he can see outside. Still disappointed by his gift, Charlie only absorbed half of what his grandfather said.

           After dinner, Chad’s grandparents said goodbye to everyone including Charlie before heading back home.

           “Wasn’t that a great gift that they gave you, Chad?” his mother asked. “Charlie has been your grandfather’s best friend for the last two years. He trained him to say all sorts of words. Maybe you can teach him some more.”

           “Yes, I guess that’s kinda cool,” he replied.

           Chad set up Charlie’s cage by the patio door that led from the living room to the backyard. For a parrot, he did not seem to make much noise. Chad helped his mom clean up the dishes from dinner before heading up to his room for the night.

           The next morning, Chad and his family were awakened by a loud shrieking voice yelling, “Get up! Get up!” One by one they made their way down the stairs to find out where the noise was coming from. There in his cage was Charlie, bouncing back and forth on his perch laughing in his parrot voice as the half-asleep family staggered into the room.

           “Feed me!” Charlie demanded next. Since nobody knew how much parrots were supposed to eat, Chad decided to Google the information. It said to remove the old food in the cage before feeding him any more food, then only give him one to two teaspoons of birdseed or pellets, but he should only have pellets in the morning.

           Chad did as was suggested and Charlie appeared to be satisfied. Chad still was not completely happy about his gift, but after brooding over it for the night, he came to realize that it felt good knowing that his grandparents trusted him so much.

           After breakfast, Chad’s father took off for work and his mother went with Chad’s sister to the mall. Chad had the house to himself for an hour or so. He sat down in the living room and turned on the TV. A show was on that his parents forbade him from watching, but little did they know, he was recording the episodes during the night.

           The show was extremely violent and had a lot of foul language in it. Chad was sure to keep his hand on the remote in case his mom arrived home sooner than expected. It was all about a gang of mobsters who were trying to take over rival mob families. One of the mobsters started cursing loudly and suddenly on the other end of the room, Charlie started speaking.

           “RAWK! F*** off, you loser!” Charlie squawked. Chad spun around and stared at his new pet in amazement and Charlie stood there bobbing his head and laughing.

           “What did you just say, Charlie?” Charlie repeated himself. “Who taught you that? Did Grandpa, Chuck teach you to swear?” Charlie began to laugh again.

           Chad had a new respect for Charlie, as well as for his grandfather. He now thought that Charlie was the coolest present he ever received.

           Over the next several days, Chad discovered a few more obscene phrases that Charlie had been taught and could not wait to tell his best friend, Chris, all about it. The next time Chad’s parents were both out of the house, Chris came by to hang out. They went into the living room and Chad introduced Chris to Charlie. Immediately, Charlie belted out, “F*** off, you loser!”

           Chris stood there stunned. He was not sure if it was cool or cruel that a bird just told him off. Just then, Chad’s little sister, Julia walked into the room.

           “I’m going to tell mom and dad that you taught your bird to curse and you are going to be in so much trouble!”

           “Julia, please don’t say anything. Besides, I didn’t teach him how to say these things. It must have been Grandpa.”

           “I don’t care! I’m telling anyway,” she exclaimed.

           Julia then ran out of the room and upstairs to her room. Chad told Chris that he had better leave before his mom gets home and the yelling starts.

           Later that evening while sitting down for dinner as a family, Chad’s dad asked for someone to pass the potatoes and from the other room, a voice speaks up saying, “Screw you!” Chad’s father dropped his fork onto his plate and looked toward the living room.

           “Did you hear that?” he asked his wife.

           “Yes, I did, dear. I think it was the parrot.”

           “You’re in trouble now, Chad!” Julia stated.

           “What is she talking about, Chad? Did you teach Charlie how to curse?” his mom inquired.

           “No, mom! It wasn’t me! I think it was Grandpa Chuck.”

           After dinner, his mom made a call to her parents and enquired about the language of the parrot that they gave to Chad. Embarrassed, Chuck admitted that his parrot picked up a few bad habits over the last couple of years, but he said that he only begins to curse when he hears other people doing it. With this statement, Chad’s mom glared into his eyes before saying goodbye to her father.

           “Your grandfather just informed me that the only time Charlie starts swearing is when he hears someone else swearing. Have you been swearing, young man?”

           “Of course not, mom! Charlie heard it on the TV.” Chad realized what he just said. He just admitted to watching a show that he was told not to watch.

           “Oh, is that so? Well then, perhaps we should find out what it was you were watching that would cause Charlie to start cursing like this!” She brought up the PVR on the TV and saw that Chad had been recording the mob show. She deleted the show and set up a parental block on the TV so it would not happen again.

           In the background, Charlie started laughing again.

           Chad stormed off to his room and pouted on his bed. Once again, he detested his new pet.

           The next morning, when Chad went downstairs for breakfast, Charlie began to squawk again. “Feed me! Feed me!”

           “Why should I, Charlie? You got me into so much trouble.”

           Charlie must have been able to sense that Chad was upset because the next thing he said was, “Love you.”

           Chad smirked slightly and gave Charlie his birdseed. Again, Charlie said, “Love you.”

           It took a few more days without any swearing from Charlie before Chad started coming around again. He began to teach Charlie more appropriate phrases and before too long, everyone in the family began getting in on it, each taking time to teach the parrot more and more.

           One day, out of the blue, Chad’s grandparents stopped by for a visit unexpectedly. As they entered the living room, Charlie started whistling and squawking.

           “Hello, my old friend,” Chuck began to say. “It looks like Chad had been treating you well.” Charlie started bouncing around on his perch and bobbing his head. His red, blue, and yellow feathers ruffled up at the mention of Chad’s name.

           “You like Chad, do you?” Again, Charlie’s head began bouncing in acknowledgment. “That’s good. I’m glad we made the right choice.” Chad entered the room to say hello to his grandparents. Charlie kept repeating, “Love you. Love you. Love you.”

           “Well, Chad, it looks like Charlie has accepted you. That makes me very happy. I was a little worried after the whole swearing incident.”

           “Thanks, Grandpa. I am over all of that now. Charlie and I have become much closer since then. I want to thank you again for entrusting him to me. I know how much he meant to you.”

           “You’re welcome, Chad. My problem now is, how do we top this gift next Christmas?” They all laughed…including Charlie.