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Funny

Jenny has always considered herself a cat person. Even her friends called her Kitty affectionately, or Kate when they’re being serious about something. She stopped reminding them that her actual name was Jennifer long ago. To them, she was Kitty.

And it was all because of her cat, Ginger. Now Ginger isn’t your typical cat. He’s not even a reddish color - that’s only a name Jenny gave him, as she likes to joke that he has no soul. Ginger is actually the color of a broken TV reception, with stripes. He sleeps almost all day and wakes every now and then to munch on some smelly cat food, but that’s where the similarities with other cats end. 

Ginger is intelligent. He understands what you’re saying to him. And he can manipulate. If there’s one thing that cat is good at, it’s manipulating people. 

Jenny, being Ginger’s owner for seven years now, has learned most of his tricks and tactics to get what he wants, but whenever guests would come to visit her apartment, they’d have no idea they’re dealing with a sneaky scheming con artist. 

Ginger had a way with people. He could force you to pet him. Make you feel guilty for not feeding him. He would look so cute that you forgave his every mischievous behavior. 

Now Jenny and Ginger, having lived together for seven years, have established a well working partnership. Ginger would jump on Jenny’s bed every morning when it was time for him to eat. Luckily, that time coincided with Jenny’s need to go to work. She would feed and pet him and he would purr for her, to give her some ‘positive vibes’ for the stressful work down at the caffe.

During those eight or so hours that she was gone, Ginger had the flat all to himself. Jenny would leave the balcony door slightly ajar so he could go out and use his own private sandbox toilet, or hang with other apartment building cats. The adjacent balconies were close enough together that one could jump the distance. Especially if that one was a cat in need of socialization.

When Jenny would come back, of course, feeding time. After that, Ginger would watch her be busy around the apartment, cooking her own smelly food, carrying things around, cleaning and talking to people on the phone. So much activity always made him sleepy. 

In the evenings and on stormy days, they would cuddle together. He would climb onto her chest or allow to be picked up and she would massage the back of his ears and head. He would let her know with a purr or a bite, if she was doing the right thing.

Even with the occasional disagreements, their partnership was quite stable.

But then everything changed when the lockdown began.

All of a sudden, almost overnight, their delicate partnership and timetable shattered into a million pieces. Jenny didn’t go to work anymore. She would sleep in late and get angry every time Ginger jumped on her bed in the morning. He didn’t have that much privacy anymore, as Jenny rarely left the apartment. At the same time, she seemed more and more lonely and depressed, spending way too much time petting him. His hair was straight and slick like he was some parade horse or a contest dog, not a cat!

Even the balcony, which Jenny used rarely, was now being shared by both of them. Ginger would talk to other cats and Jenny to other humans. The humans didn’t seem to mind, but Ginger didn’t like the idea of them eavesdropping on his conversations.

The food also came less frequently, as Jenny went to the store less often. Ginger protested long  and loud every day, until at least the food situation stabilized into its old tracks. Way too much according to Jenny, but just barely enough according to Ginger.

And even with all these changes it could have been doable, if Jenny hadn’t begun working from home…


***


Jenny was sitting at the computer, her fingers dancing over the keyboard. A half finished cup of now cold coffee sat next to the half eaten chocolate croissant and a banana peel. After staring at the blank docs page on the screen for half an hour, an idea popped in her head and she just started writing. 

She was writing an article for a traveling blog, trying to make some money as a freelance writer. The coffee mug was from Paris, with a very faded picture of the Eiffel tower - a souvegnier from many years ago, before she owned an apartment which demanded a regular job.

But the mug was enough to spark some of her creativity, as well as nostalgia.

She was almost finished with the article - Hidden cozy cafes; Your guide to the perfect morning in Paris - and felt very proud of it.

Ginger, however, couldn’t care less. He sat on the printer next to the computer and watched her fingers type with bored eyes. He tried playing with her a couple of times, tapping her hand with his paw, but Jenny waved him away. Bored out of his mind, Ginger cleaned himself, twice!

Then, Jenny suddenly stood up and rushed to the bathroom - the half finished coffee doing its thing. Ginger’s eyes widened with an idea.

“Don’t do something you’re going to regret,” shouted Jenny before she closed the bathroom door.

Ginger pretended he didn’t hear and jumped off the printer, straight on the keyboard. He made sure to stretch extra good across all the keys. He tried pressing a few keys to see what the big deal was with typing, but it seemed awfully boring to him. Instead, he walked over the keyboard and sniffed the coffee mug. What an interesting scent…

“Ginger!”

He spooked, not expecting Jenny to be done already. His back legs were still on the keyboard and they spun into overdrive, getting him away from danger on instinct. He knocked the coffee mug over, spilling the content over himself, the desk and the keyboard, before jumping and running away.

“You devil on four paws, look what you did!” 

Ginger ran as far away from the computer as the apartment allowed, so to the next room. Jenny fumed, infuriated. Her article was not deleted, as she first feared, but it was worse than that. The cat’s random pressing of keys made the article… unreadable. The editing was all wrong, the font was something that could barely resemble letters and the size was so small it looked more like straight lines than words. 

And below the article, the ‘send’ button was already pressed. Jenny nearly crushed the plastic computer mouse, she was so frustrated.

“You imbecile! You sleep all day and then the one time you move your ass it’s a disaster!”

Ginger, listening from the other room, lowered his ears and prepared his cute face. It was nothing he couldn’t handle.


***


The next day, Jenny cooled down and came up with another idea for how to make some money from home. Online guided workout. Before the lockdown she would jog or exercise on the outdoor fitness contraptions at the park.

“It’s just what I need, Gigi,” she said to Ginger, who was walking around the living room, inspecting the couch for the thirtieth time.

“A good workout will get me in a better mood. Plus, if I can make us a few bucks while at it, the better.”

Luckily, the coffee Ginger spilled didn’t destroy the keyboard. It only made the buttons sticky and work about 50% of the time. But it was enough for streaming an online aerobics session. Since article typing was out of the question.

Jenny cleared the living room, pushing the couch, the flower pots and the coffee table out of the way. She positioned her webcam, prepared an upbeat soundtrack and connected to the streaming app. 

She sent invites earlier this morning and there were already a half a dozen people joining in on her first workout session. She was super excited.

Ginger was super excited too. Jenny moved the couch and thus revealed a long lost sewing thread roller. Memories of endless chases with that plastic roller popped into Ginger’s mind and he felt gratitude for Jenny showing him this toy again.

He would not deny such a gift.

“Meow!” he said as thanks.

“Gigi, go away,” said Jenny. “I don’t want to accidentally step on your tail.”

The workout session started. Jenny began moving with the beat of music, while constantly staring at the computer screen, making sure everyone else was following her lead.

Ginger started moving too. The loud music and the plastic roller and the brand new environment - the repositioned furniture - triggered his childhood sense of adventure and exploration. 

And so, the game was on! He kicked the plastic roller all over and ran after it. Of course, the apartment wasn’t that big and before long, the roller was flung under the computer desk. Ginger ran with eyes completely black, straight into Jenny’s aerobic territory. 

She kicked him in the gut so hard, he flew through the air and into the balcony door curtains. Ginger resealed a faint ‘meow’, as air was forced out of his little cat lungs, and Jenny yelped in surprise.

The workout session was cut short. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” 

Jenny ran to her cat, eyes wide in worry. Ginger lay tangled in the curtains, gasping for air.

“Meow…” All he wanted to do was play.

“Oh, you poor thing!” Jenny helped him out of the curtain. He made a show of just how hurt he was, both physically and emotionally. Favoring one leg, tail and ears down. Giving her the look.

“I told you not to get in my way, silly,” said Jenny, trying to be mad at him since he seemed to be okay. But those hurt little eyes of his… causing her to feel guilt…

She caved in. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.” 

“Meow.” 

The look. Works every time.


***


A few days passed and Jenny made good on her promise. She pampered Ginger, petted him and gave him his favourite treats. She even let him use the balcony in privacy, which, in his opinion, was very admirable.

And so he forgave her for kicking him in the belly.

And Jenny decided she would try some other way of work. Something less dangerous.

In the late afternoon, Jenny sat on her couch, tucked cozy in a blanket, with a cup of tea on the coffee table and a laptop in her lap. She enrolled in an online course for a certified babysitter. Since most of the medical staff had to work long hours at the hospital, they had no one to watch their children, with all kindergartens closed. Jenny figured she could lend a hand, for a few bucks. But she needed to pass the training first, to get a certificate.

With the final exam due tomorrow - the course wasn’t that long - Jenny decided to spend the whole evening studying. She paid 129 $ for the course and didn’t want it to go to waste.

Ginger offered his support now and then, climbing up the couch, brushing his cheek up against hers and purring, as she petted him with one hand and scrolled the laptop with the other.

But, as always, he quickly got bored with it. He wished for some company from his own kin. So he jumped off the couch and headed for the balcony. One of the neighbouring cats, Misty, the gorgeous white lady cat, was on their balcony, licking her delicate paw. Ginger’s tail snapped at the sight and he wanted to join her.

But the balcony door was closed. What’s this now?

“Meow?” he asked Jenny. She didn’t respond.

“Meow ow?” he tried again. Nothing.

“MEOW!”

Finally, a sigh from her, as she looked from her laptop towards him. “What?”

Ginger scratched the balcony door.

“I’m studying here. You know, so I can pay for both our foods.”

“Meow!”

“The noise from the street bothers me, Gigi. You’ll have to wait till tomorrow.”

“MEEEEOOOOWWWW!”

Jenny groaned. “Fine! But I’m closing the door after you.”

Reluctantly, she uncovered her blanket and walked over to let Ginger out. Then she closed the door behind. It was quite chilly outside, having rained a few hours earlier and there were a ton of fresh new scents hanging in the air. Also, Misty was there.

The two of them sniffed each other's snouts, bumping them together ever so gently. He hasn’t seen Misty in a long time. The two of them had much to talk about.

It wasn’t long, since another cat came over, lured in by their lively conversation. It appeared there was going to be a party.

“Meow oooowwww, meeeooowww, meow, MEEOOOW!”

Even with the doors shut, Jenny could still hear them yowling. It sounded like a choir of crying babies and it soon drove her crazy. Jesus, there must be hundreds of them!

For the second time, she got up and opened the balcony door. To her surprise, there were only three cats on the balcony, one of them being Ginger.

“Shoo, get out of here!” She took a broom and shooed away the other two.

Shooed away Ginger’s friends. 

“Come inside, you,” she said, sounding irritated. 

First she chases off his friends, now she orders him around… He decided not to go.

“Come inside, now. I won’t stand up for the third time, waiting for you to get hungry.”

He was already hungry, but he would not be forced to come in if he didn’t want to. He licked his paw and ignored her, sitting on the balcony concrete fence.

“Fine!” she groaned, frustrated. “Spend the night here, then!” Then she closed the door.

Ginger waited a solid five minutes until he decided he stood his ground for long enough. He jumped off the fence and began scratching on the door, meowing.

At first, nothing happened. But then, as always, Jenny caved in and opened the door. Ginger rushed inside before she changed her mind and went straight to the kitchen, seeing if there was any food there. 

There wasn’t, so he made Jenny know what she needed to do.

Needless to say, Jenny did not study much that evening.


***


In the next few days, Jenny tried some more things she could do from home, to earn the much needed money. Her reserves were getting thinner and thinner through the week and the lockdown seemed it was here to stay.

She tried hosting a pet-grooming-and-training program, but it was more out of desperation than anything. There was no way she could get Ginger to behave, let alone train him to do tricks. He scratched, bit and hissed at her in the first fifteen minutes of the first session. 

Next, she tried running a relaxation meditation, talking people through the steps they needed to do in order to relax. She found it very useful in her stressful job, so she figured she could share her knowledge.

For the first time in weeks, she managed to make something work. The first session was a success! Feeling confident that things were finally moving somewhere, she hosted another session the very next evening. In her excitement not realizing it was Ginger’s feeding time.

During meditation, she kept her eyes closed. At first, she managed to ignore the meows and even the rubbings and the purring. Then came a silence, which made her feel very tense, wondering what was Ginger up to. But she managed to resist opening her eyes and focused on giving instructions to people on how to breathe properly.

Then, just as she entered a state of pleasant relaxation, there was a loud crashing sound from the kitchen, so loud and sudden, that Jenny jumped up in surprise. Her clients heard it too over the streaming and they complained how it ruined their relaxed state. 

Enraged, Jenny stormed into the kitchen, where she found Ginger sitting on a pile of broken plates and scattered food remains that Jenny had for dinner earlier. He looked up at her with those terrified little eyes of his and made the softest ‘meow’ of innocence.

And it almost worked. Almost.

Jenny managed to grab Ginger by the skin on his neck and threw him out on the balcony. “You’re grounded, mister!”

She let him spend the night out there. And she didn’t even leave him with food.


***


Surprisingly, come next morning, Jenny greeted him with a bowl of food. She placed it in front of him, as he lay there tucked in the corner fending off the cold of night, and it was essentially breakfast in bed.

“Come in when you’re finished,” she said. “I have a new idea.”

Ginger waited until she went back inside and then devoured the food, nearly choking in the process. If she kept him outside the whole night, who knew what else she was capable of?

Hesitantly, Ginger walked inside. Jenny was in the living room, sitting at the computer, webcam ready. She urged him to come sit in her lap.

“Meow!”

“No, I won’t hurt you,” Jenny reassured him. “Come here. Up.”

Ginger came closer and sniffed her feet. She bent down and lifted him, placing him in her lap like a baby.

“Look,” she said, pointing at the screen. “This is going to be our new podcast. You and I, buddy. We gotta learn to coexist in this crisis.”

Ginger looked at the screen. There was a live feed going and the title said; Jenny & Ginger; Lockdown Buddies - surviving the pandemic with your cat. He couldn’t read human, but he understood anyway.

“What do you say, Gigi? Can we make this one work?”

Ginger licked his lips and thought for a moment. 

“Meow,” he said.

“Good,” Jenny nodded. “Because the other option is to trade you for an obedient dog, mister.”


April 20, 2020 14:15

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