When Corporations Own Your Mom

It was a month before the first of April, and the thousands of workers of ripConnection were stoked. Their flagship product - friendlyMilBoomer or FMB for short - served about 7 billion users a day. Each year the company tried to pull some prank on its users. So far, they did it ten times, and ten times it ended up in a total disaster. You may wonder why they didn't stop this tradition. Simple, it is the only social network that nobody can even think about touching due to its gigantic size. It too may help that the CEO spend too much of his youth on a specific internet imageboard. 

During the meeting, the managers came up with good ideas, but the CEO smashed those down. C'mon. Different colors? Rearranged textboxes? Silent test of their next redesign?  

Well, those people are kinda normies, lmao, the CEO thought while clearly imagine a meme in which they get the guillotine. He turned his chair around and hammered his fingers into his keyboard. Back to the gang, and there he was again, inquiring what to do for April's fool. He had to read through several horrible posts by Canadians until he found a good idea delivered by the iron chancellor himself. 

"Give random corps access to the profiles of Stacy mommies. Disable any word filter for that day. I hope some marketingcel posts some hard Ns, lol."

Although the CEO kept the filter online, that idea instantly delivered everything he wanted. Until the first of April, a good part of the workers spend their time looking for the hottest moms on the website - purely professional, of course. At the same time, the CEO contacted many brands about this genius prank.

Like a child, the CEO sat in front of a big red button on the day before April. At the very second that April started, he smashed that button. Not much happened. At this time, no marketing ghoul is awake. No surprise here, lol.

"Mom, I forgot my lunch. Can you bring it over?"

"Thanks, Obama...."

"???"

"...For giving me the chance to bring my child the famous kenyan Marmelade by Whiteness Inc."

The CEO sent the company a private message.

"Get this frigging boomer away from the profile, or I will ban your sh#t corp from the site." 

Spontaneously the humor of the profile improved.

"For the low price of $2, you can get a good taste of my chicken hips."

"Mom?"

"That is the current deal at your local hicken local :)))!"

"Damn it, mom, don't give me such a shock, lol."

While many were harmless or teasing, a whole group of them seemed to act toxic. The guys and girls who manually checked what the filter caught weren't able to handle the onslaught for more than 4 hours. 

"Well, get over it. There are still 10 hours to come," the CEO told them as he looked at one of their screens. It was just an endless amount of capital letter ns and other slurs.

"Boss, we can't do this for long. Seriously, it puts on us a harder strain than it did with Operation Ancient Rescue. Remember? We tried to hide the fact that the US president died of old age and was replaced by a very masculine-looking woman. This is worse than that," their leader tried to raise awareness.

"MarketingCels really are the worst, lol. I need to work through my own marketing staff. If such creatures are in here, we will be f'ed in the future."

"This. Is. Not. The. Point," the leader tried to get his attention back. "We need help here. Psychological, money, whatever."

"Nah," was his short answer as he picked his nose.

"Man, I always hated you!" He suddenly started shouting and threw a punch at him.

"Sorry, Boomer," the CEO commented as he dodged his attack.  

"Bye," he added and gave him a hard kick in his stomach. "Get your work done, better than before," the CEO added and turned around. They grunted a bit but turned back to their work.

After that event, the CEO couldn't find much of a rest. 

"They sure know how to crush a mood, eh."

Too bad - for him - the punchlines of his first of April campaign stayed in a very tame lane. They may be delivered in the right way to get impact and not damaging his network's reputation, but heck, they bore him.

But good luck comes to those who wait.  

While he was away, the other workers who manually oversee the filter had enough. "For a PR nightmare!" One announced loudly as they all approved of the words the filter caught.

"Whew," the CEO instantly noticed that something was wrong. The various feeds that the social network maintained are now full of slurs. 

"Well, at least it is more fun now," he stated and switched to his tablet. He slowly moved through the room, towards the exit, always keeping his eyes fixed on the current disasters. 

A company producing cleaning tabs implied that blackness can be removed by it. A mother insulted their black step-son. A seller of lemonade posted racialized advertising on a massage parlor's page.  

"Those guys for sure had some pent of anger," the CEO said out loud. 

"Not only they," he heard as a filter-worker threw him on the ground. The security guards entered the room and pulled the worker away from the CEO. 

"Not your day, kid," he said as he rammed him against the close-by wall. 

The CEO just stood up again, brushed the dust off his cloth, and said, "So much for workers of the world unite, in the end, you are all just individualistic narcissists." He moved behind him.

"I bet you already imagined it. The cameras, the microphones, everyone interviewing you, the big hero who changed everything. What a childish narcissistic dream. You will never make it big," the CEO shook his head and gave him a hard slap on his neck.

"Assistant, sell my stocks and get my private jet in order. This guy here will have some fun on some isolated hula hula island while you all have to eat sh#t with this scandal in the air. Bye, bye."