So Many Questions

-Are you still my husband?

- Of course I am. Have we gone to the court? Did we divorce?

-No!

- So why do you ask repeatedly? You question me this way.

-How can I be sure then? I cannot take it for granted. Can I?

He looks at you again and hugs you. That makes you sure for some moments. You promise yourself not to ask so many questions even if you are not sure. Even you have doubts. You smile at him. He is late for work. He goes out.

You don’t work today. That is a good thing not to do. You have talked to your mother and you are about to go to her house.

You call your mother.

-         Mum! Do you still want me to come to your house?

She still wants that and that makes you happy. You can also wait at the door when you get there and see if she comes and asks you in.  In her house, you can check her face. If she does not want you be there, you could understand from her face and tone of voice.

You feel thirsty. You pour some water from the bottle that was in the refrigerator.  You do not want to open the faucet. This is a hot summer and the city will be soon out of water. Then sometime you people would have water outage. It has happened for other cities but your city is not to that point yet.  You are not thirsty now for some hours. You want some tea but you can have it at your mothers if she is fine and is they have tea. They usually have. You put on your scarf. Before going out you open the faucet. Water is there. It is pure.

Not many people are there in the street. There is only an old woman sitting in the bus stop. She does not move. She looks like people from cities without water. She has sun burned skin and she has laid henna on her hair.   She does not move at all. You go nearer. She is alive. She asks:

-         What are you doing girl?

-         Sorry. Can I sit here?

-         Chair is for sitting on.

It starts raining. The bus is coming. It gets nearer. The old woman stands up. You want to get on the bus. The old woman does not get on. You ask the driver:

-         Can I come in?

He shouts:

-         Hurry up! Hurry up!

You do not hurry up but the old woman does not get on the bus. She does not move. You get on the bus. The driver does not let you in. He wants money first. You pay.

You sit on the chair and check you cellphone. There is no messages from your husband .You should not send any message nor any question. You send a message for a friend of yours. When she replies you feel better. You look outside. It is raining. It is near summer and raining. You smile. The woman sitting in front of you, smiles back. You say:

-It is raining.

She says “yes”, stands up, and goes near the door. It is raining faster. Who can be sure it would not lead to flood. You ask:

-         Will we have flood?

Nobody is in front of you but other people look at you .The driver also looks at you from the mirror. Nobody tells you “No we won’t have flood.” Maybe because they do not know you. Maybe they do not know if there would be flood or not. Your husband would know how to make you sure for some moments. You send a dot to him. He sends a smile back to you. You do not know what that smiley means. You have promised yourself not to ask question him. However, you need to know if he comes back home tonight. If he does not come back, you are ready enough. You have a list of people to call, a list of places to go and then you can start being sad for losing him. It would be better if he tells you when he does that. Maybe the day he sends some message for you and tells you he would not come back home. Then you would not need to call people and you would not need to go to different places. You just could start being sad for some days. From that day, he would not be there to answer your questions. There would be no problem because you would not have questions that he could answer anymore.  

This is your bus stop. From childhood, you have gotten off the buses here. You ask the driver:

-         Wait please! I have to get off the bus.

You are waiting. The bus stops. The driver is looking at you. You are not sure if the ground would be hard beneath your feet. How people are sure in any step that there would be a ground beneath their feet in next step. How confident they are. The driver shouts:

-         Hurry up Madam! Hurry up! I cannot wait in any bus stop this much.

You go down and down. The ground was not there. You fall down and all over your trousers is mud. The driver is saying something. You stand up again and go forward. It has stopped raining. You do not look back at the driver. The bus leaves the bus stop.

At the door, your mother asks:

-         Who is that?

-         Mum! It is me. Do you still want me come in? I am so muddy.

She is fine. You go inside. She gives you a pair of trousers of her own. You go to the bathroom and change your trousers. You go to the living room. She is sitting there and watching TV.  She looks at you. You ask:

-         Mum! Can I make tea? Do you have tea?

She smiles:

-         Always here we have tea. You know that. Never ask again. I have told you before.

You smile back at her. You bring the empty kettle to the sink. You open the faucet. Water is there. It was raining today. You could predict it.