Photographs and Memories

Submitted into Contest #244 in response to: Begin or end your story with a character taking a selfie.... view prompt

68 comments

Romance Sad Fiction


Saturday, 30 March 2024

To: ericaclark-steele@gmail.com

From: david.steele@gmail.com

SUBJECT: Photos in Google Drive


Hi, Honey,


I hope you’re doing all right there. Oh goodness I miss you already.


I know; I know. You’re going to say I’m being sappy again. If you were here, you’d roll those beautiful sapphire eyes and shake your head at me sighing as I stare at the 20x24 shot mounted in our bedroom of our first dance as a married couple whilst Jim Croce’s “Photographs and Memories” --- the song you always love to hum whilst you work -- plays in the background. Even now, I see the clear image of you contorting your face into a grimace, hear you mimicking a vomiting sound when I try to squeeze a pillow, pretending it’s you, my Erica. It’s true, though. Every single second I’m in this bed without being able to see your eyelids flicker like a shutter bulb, every cup of coffee without your lilting laughter in the golden hour, it all feels as if my life were in freeze frame. I can’t wait until I see you again. In that moment, it will only be you in my depth of field.


Well, I got the selfie you sent me two days ago. As usual, you look stunning in it. Yes, I know you always point those blue eyes like an Instamatic at me and shudder whenever I tell you this, but really, I’m just exposing what is obvious. You truly do look like a cover girl in this photo. Your dazzling sapphire orbs, the emerald green and marigold mosaic pattern sundress floating on your lithe body, and the copper-coloured wavy wig --- You’ve always wanted to be a redhead, after all --- you carefully placed on your head all jump out of the stark white backdrop of the walls. Your beauty is the primary focus of the image, as it should be.


Like you asked me to, I’ve uploaded that it in the Google Drive you’ve meticulously set up of photos to be printed. Night after inky night, when a gold-tinged moon is the Earth’s only spotlight, I’ve watched you build your gallery of images to be placed in the 10x12 chrome frames with the leaf detail that you purchased two months ago. The self-portrait now joins a digital copy of your graduation robe print, your corporate headshot, the Instagram-style photo of us pretending to do a magazine editorial during a trip to Paris, and a still from our formal pre-wedding shoot. All of these capture your luminance, the way you saturate a room with your fire (Oh, you know I was going to say this, Hon. Eye roll away.).


I want to suggest something, though. I know. As with any project you’ve focused on, kept your eyes that have supervised many an advertising campaign on, you have scrupulously selected the photos that you think deserve to be immortalized in silver-coated paper, that you deem perfect enough to display before all of our friends and family. Well, that’s precisely the thing, though. Honey, I couldn’t help noticing that all of the stills you’ve asked to be stored in the cloud are all, well, posed, perfectly planned so that not even a single hair strand would fall out of place. It’s all well and good, but I don’t know. I feel like some snapshots of your more candid moments also deserve to see the light, that your unfiltered side is as much part of the picture of you.


If you don’t mind, I will also be printing the following images, even if it’s just for me.


1.    The photo of you beaming as you received a medal of distinction for your dissertation – Of course, you know I’d love to include this. Oh, how I love how the gold award hanging proudly on your delicate neck and the warm glow of the late afternoon sun brought your expressive blue eyes to the foreground. Even more so, I love how your wide, toothy grin could rival even high lumen flash bulbs in terms of brightness.


I may not have photographic memory, but I still remember the day I took that shot. You looked so ecstatic, so admirative of yourself. I was so proud of you, my university best friend, as well…so proud, in fact, that I began to see you through a different lens. You know that it was the day I realised I was in love with you, that you were the subject of all my dreams.


Of course, little did I know then that you felt the same way, that you were taking millions of snapshots of our moments together in your mind. It wasn't long until our deep friendship fully developed into a romantic relationship.


2.  The photo of you gasping in surprise at the very first bouquet of flowers I sent to your office for your birthday   – Oh, this image will always be precious to me! How can I not grin dopily at your mouth covered by a delicate, manicured hand and your irises widening like an aperture in surprise?


You told me you never expected me to notice the bouquet of sunny yellow tulips that was your phone’s wallpaper, and then, have a florist create an exact replica of it as a present. How could I not show you, however, how much you illuminate my life in floral form? Of course, that was just the first of the yearly birthday bouquets. Every single year, when 19 July rolls around, I dutifully and happily sent you tulips to your workplace until….


3.  The photo of you enjoying a pain au chocolat during our Paris trip – Of course, I can’t make this list without including my favourite snapshot of the trip to celebrate our engagement six years ago. Whilst you’ve always adored our recreation in front of The Eiffel Tower of that Murad Osmann image of a woman leading her boyfriend around the world, I have always had a special place in the album in my head for this snap of you with your eyes closed, mouth stretched into a euphoric smile after taking a bite of the viennoiserie in your hand.


Of course, though, that adorable expression in the image pales in comparison to the face you make every time my lips touch yours, a portrait of bliss. The colour temperature of your blue eyes seems to go warmer, your smile, more luminous. I obviously feel the same way in those moments, as you know already. I’ve told you this many times before, but every single kiss with you feels as if the entire world has dissolved to bokeh, like a million flashbulbs were dancing on my lips.


At least, this still of a” pastry and you is a bit more private, I suppose.


4. A smaller version of our wedding dance photo – Oh yes, my favourite picture in the world, the one I insisted would grace our bedroom! Not even the work of Ansel Adams or Henri Cartier Bresson could ever top how this still captured the adoration in our eyes glued to each other, the radiance in your smile, the dynamic way we glided around the dancefloor.


The image of that day is still fresh in my mind, of course. As I whirled you in my arms, I whispered to you that from then on, you would be my sole focus, that I will always be there to take care of you and to support you. I vowed to be with you whether the hour was blue or gold.


I hope I….


Anyway, again, I really miss you. I'm excited to be able to hold you again, not just picture you in my arms.


Always know how much I love you, okay ? Know that even beyond my time on Earth lapsing, it will always be you I choose.


Always with a slideshow of you in my mind,

Your David

***

I gaze once again at the chrome-framed selfie of my Erica beaming before a camera, the portrait that I’m holding in my hands. As I look at the radiant smile, the bright red wig, and the sparkling blue eyes staring back at me, teardrops can’t help falling on the glass panel protecting the image.


Right, even if my throat feels parched, as if doused with photo developing solution, I promised my wife that I would be still. Damn is it hard, though.


“As you know, this was taken at the hospital,” I manage to sputter out, continuing the speech I’ve been giving for ten minutes before a crowd of black-clad familiar faces. “This was the very last photo of Erica before she passed.”


Five years of marriage --- five years of photographs, five years of memories --- that was all I had with the love of my life. One minute, everything was picture perfect, a clear vision of the future in front of us. The next minute, a year and a half passed by in flashes --- a sudden splitting headache cutting short a trip to Australia, an appointment for an MRI, the unforgettable image of an oncologist trying his best to act stoic as he announced that my muse and inspiration had glioblastoma, surgeries that cropped off more and more of her brain, my Erica trying her best to hold back tears when she lost the vision in her left eye. (She had always been the type to insist on carrying on, even at that point where her future was unclear and grainy.) It was all so sudden, so instant, almost like a Polaroid popping out of the slot in an instant camera.


The day she got the news that her cancer was incurable and she only had a couple of months to live, she had asked me to act as if she never received a death sentence, “to continue to smile in photos”, so to speak. She said she didn’t want the final images in her life to be me bawling my eyes until I lost the ability to view. As still as a snapshot, she began to plan her funeral, began to upload photos in the cloud she wanted us all to remember her by. She had always been like that, orchestrating everything like a shoot for a client’s products for her job. Two months later, the flash of her life went off permanently. Just like that, my life was hollowed out like an empty canister removed of its last roll of film.


After laying down my Erica in the coolth of the ground, to her final resting place, I walk back to my car. As soon as I settle in the driver’s seat, I retrieve a large scarlet envelope from the back seat. The moment I open it, my breath catches as I lovingly gaze at images of my four favourite unfiltered moments of my soulmate’s life, the same ones I’ve listed in my final e-mail to her. The tears I’ve held back for months finally escape me, as if someone had pressed a shutter button in my eye.


“Erica, Honey, it’s me,” I sigh through the waterfall pouring from my eyes as I slip in the key. “I promise you I’ll be okay. Just please tell me you’re still with me, that photographs aren’t all I have left of…”


But we sure had a good time

When we started way back when

Morning walks and bedroom talks

Oh, how I loved you then


Suddenly, as if it were a flash of light, I hear the car radio turn on as soon as I start the ignition. I can't help breaking into a smile of both light and shade as my mind flips through endless images of Erica slumped over a laptop, her blue eyes glued to a photo she was editing, this very song hummed filling the air.


No, the next months, the next years --- they won’t be picture perfect. There will be times the stills from our love story will replay over and over again and expose me once again to the knife-like pain of losing Erica. I wouldn’t have it any other way, though.


April 01, 2024 11:29

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68 comments

03:04 Apr 13, 2024

Better to have loved and lost . . . I had a feeling of dread while reading this. Once you mentioned the word 'wig' I knew it wasn't because of wanting to be a red head. So sad. A heartrending love story. You caught it on camera perfectly. Narrating at a funeral. Someone going through such intense grief and holding in such sadness is bound to tell a tale a bit stilted. I didn't notice this. I was too caught up looking for clues of what diagnosis she had.

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Alexis Araneta
05:01 Apr 13, 2024

Hi, Kaitlyn ! Indeed, better to have loved and lost. Yes, I wanted to hint on the fact that Erica is gone without revealing too much. I'm happy you felt the utter devastation and grief David felt. Glad you liked it !

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Daniel R. Hayes
17:31 Apr 30, 2024

This was wonderful! I loved how you started this story out with a correspondence email and then let flow naturally. As usual your descriptions are second to none! With the moon being a spotlight - just incredible! I really liked this line at the end: "the next months, the next years --- they won’t be picture perfect" - This was a great line because life is a rollercoaster. There will be ups and downs in steady repetitions so we gotta hold on :) Great job once again!

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Alexis Araneta
19:47 Apr 30, 2024

Hi, Daniel ! Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm happy you liked the descriptions. I just try to make the imagery vivid is all. Indeed, life isn't always perfect. It's just a question of finding the beauty in it at all times. So glad you liked it. Thank you, as usual, for reading !

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17:29 Apr 20, 2024

Why are the happiest memories always the saddest when the ones we share them with aren't with us? 🩷

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Alexis Araneta
18:20 Apr 20, 2024

Precisely that. At least, though, David and Erica had them. Thanks for reading, Khadija.

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Philip Ebuluofor
11:39 Apr 15, 2024

Fine work. Death, weeping, pictures and cemetery, headstones etc always bring with them a dread I don't feel comfortable with.

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Alexis Araneta
11:43 Apr 15, 2024

Thank you, Philip. I'm happy I was able to evoke the grief David went through in words. Glad you liked it.

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Jim LaFleur
19:27 Apr 13, 2024

What a poignant and heartfelt story, Stella. Thank you for sharing such a powerful and emotional piece.

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Alexis Araneta
23:36 Apr 13, 2024

Thank you so much, Jim ! I'm happy you felt all the powerful emotions in the story.

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Shahzad Ahmad
18:06 Apr 13, 2024

Stella, this is such a passionate story expressed so lucidly. The end is tragic yet at the same time emotive and reminds us all of the enduring power of memories. Very well written. Well done!

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Alexis Araneta
18:42 Apr 13, 2024

Thank you so much, Shahzad! I'm so happy you liked it. Indeed, memory is powerful ; love even more so.

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Annie Hewitt
12:00 Apr 09, 2024

The content of the story is lovely. Your stories are very thorough; a lot of information to fill in the back story but the language is a little stilted and doesn't flow wonderfully. other than that it is very good overall You are an accomplished story teller

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Alexis Araneta
02:45 Apr 11, 2024

Thank you so much, Annie ! It means a lot coming from you. I will definitely work on improving the language in my stories. Glad you liked it !

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Daniel Rogers
14:09 Apr 07, 2024

As my wife would agree, I'm not the most observant. At first, I didn't understand why David was retelling shared memories with Erica. When I did understand, you pulled a couple of tears from me (only a couple mind you, no more, after all, I am a man, haha). Good job

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Alexis Araneta
14:41 Apr 07, 2024

Hi, Daniel ! I'm glad the twist worked with you and that I was able to evoke those emotions, Happy you liked it.

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J. I. MumfoRD
05:57 Apr 07, 2024

Fabulous. Don’t know if it was intentional, but the setting for the storyteller (the voice in my head reading the story -to- me) was a man in his late thirties at a funeral. Narrator’s voice was there from the first paragraph. The twist and Volta hit harder for it. Very well executed.

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Alexis Araneta
09:35 Apr 07, 2024

That's precisely it ! I imagined David to be around 38-44 . I'm so happy you liked this story. Like I mentioned, the first thing I associate with photos is memory, so I knew I was going the tragic route when I saw the theme. Hahahaha ! Thanks for reading !

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J. I. MumfoRD
11:58 Apr 07, 2024

It was a pleasure, read it just after waking and had to sit for about five minutes to let the piece work its way through. That’s some talent.

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Alexis Araneta
12:09 Apr 07, 2024

Oh my ! Thank you !

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Fern Everton
21:17 Apr 06, 2024

The moment those trailed-off sentences started, I knew these two lovebirds were not going to have their fairytale ending. This is sad, yet beautiful, and reminds me of the quote “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” I love how David (I believe that’s his name from the Gmail) is heartbroken over his loss yet still finds joy in the time he had with his dear Erica. Did I mention sweet it was to see his undying loyalty and devotion to his wife through the story? Absolutely lovely story!!

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Alexis Araneta
23:09 Apr 06, 2024

Yay ! You got the clues in the unfinished sentences. I'm happy I was able to show David's grief and love for his wife. Glad you liked it, Fern !

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Fern Everton
04:09 Apr 07, 2024

I’m a sucker for small details and symbolism. You should see the random things in my search history when I’m writing, haha!

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Alexis Araneta
04:17 Apr 07, 2024

Oh, same here. For this one, I had "photography terms". Hahahahaha !

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Rachel Williams
19:56 Apr 06, 2024

This was an absolutely amazing read, Stella! It was heartbreaking, but ultimately very moving. I felt everything that the narrator was going through. Bravo for creating such a touching story!

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Alexis Araneta
23:10 Apr 06, 2024

Thank you so much, Rachel ! I'm happy you felt it all.

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Jeremy Burgess
19:56 Apr 06, 2024

Very sad, and nicely told. You have a knack for capturing correspondence with genuine pathos, and like the other commenters I really felt David's grief and his rejoicing reliving of his memories with Erica.

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Alexis Araneta
23:07 Apr 06, 2024

Thank you so much, Jeremy. I'm glad I was able to capture the pervading emotions in this story. Happy you liked it.

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Alexis Araneta
23:07 Apr 06, 2024

Thank you so much, Jeremy. I'm glad I was able to capture the pervading emotions in this story. Happy you liked it.

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Karla S. Bryant
17:10 Apr 06, 2024

Beautiful story, Stella! I truly felt the narrator's mixed feelings of grief at what he had lost and joy at what he'd experienced. Overshadowing both, his deep love and devotion for his wife was present throughout. Wonderful read!

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Alexis Araneta
17:55 Apr 06, 2024

Thank you so much, Karla ! I'm so happy you liked it and the emotions came through, especially the love. Glad you liked it.

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04:00 Apr 05, 2024

This is beautiful! What a nice thing to read before bed. I was smiling through the tears. Thank you!

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Alexis Araneta
04:22 Apr 05, 2024

Thank you so much, Angela ! I'm happy I was able to evoke the sadness of loss here.

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Kathy Walsh
23:46 Apr 04, 2024

Stella, you truly have a great talent. I feel everything you write. Tears come along with the smiles. Thank you for your inspirations!!

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Alexis Araneta
01:38 Apr 05, 2024

Oh, Kathy ! Thank you so much. I'm glad you felt the emotions in this story.

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Edd Baker
21:54 Apr 04, 2024

Great read, Stella. Equally parts melancholic and beautiful. The descriptions were beautiful all around, but I really liked this sentence: "The tears I’ve held back for months finally escape me, as if someone had pressed a shutter button in my eye." Amazing read as always.

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Alexis Araneta
23:07 Apr 04, 2024

Thank you so much, Edd ! I'm very happy you liked it. I quite liked writing that line. Hahahaha !

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Laurie Spellman
18:57 Apr 04, 2024

This is beautiful and touching……great imagery and story.

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Alexis Araneta
23:06 Apr 04, 2024

Thank you so much, Laurie ! Glad you liked it !

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Helen A Smith
16:57 Apr 04, 2024

I like the way you describe felling in love as seeing someone “through a different lens.” I like the “millions of snapshots in the mind” - what a good way of putting it. “One minute everything was picture perfect…” then it changed. He has the pictures and through them the memories. Lovely images tinged with sadness.

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Alexis Araneta
18:14 Apr 04, 2024

Thank you so much, Helen ! I'm glad you liked the imagery I used. Like I mentioned in other comments, when saw the theme, my mind went photos = memories. I knew I had to do a sad story. Hahahaha ! I'm happy you liked it,!

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Helen A Smith
19:08 Apr 04, 2024

Photos are evocative and time passing inevitably makes people a little sad.

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Martha Kowalski
05:34 Apr 04, 2024

You capture such emotions in your writing, it's wonderful. I particularly loved how you kept the photo/camera theme even beyond the pictures: empty canister removed of its last roll of film, like a Polaroid popping out of the slot in an instant camera, they won’t be picture perfect - that was such a nice touch to the theme.

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Alexis Araneta
05:45 Apr 04, 2024

Oh my ! It means so much to me, Martha ! Thank you. I'm glad you also enjoyed the photo references in the story. I'm so happy you liked it.

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Kristi Gott
18:39 Apr 03, 2024

There is so much emotional truth and authenticity of feelings in this story. Many years ago my own soulmate love passed from cancer. You have described it so well. A difficult subject handled beautifully, with great skill. Amazing and memorable.

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Alexis Araneta
23:18 Apr 03, 2024

Oh, Kristi ! I'm very sorry. Yes, Indeed, it's tough. I'm just happy that I was able to write something that was true to the experience. Thank you so much for reading.

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