Harried Hearts

Eden Bellegarde: We can’t just leave them here.

Celeste Levesque: Of course, we can’t! But what are we supposed to do?

Eden: Uh…

Celeste: Exactly! You’re supposed to be the shining star and you’re just as fucking clueless—ugh whatever. Just—

Eden: No! What the fuck were you going to say? Is this about—

Celeste: I said to fucking forget it, okay? We have bigger issues right now.

Eden: Right… the bunnies. Any ideas?

Celeste: Only one, really.

Eden: Wanna share with the rest of us?

Celeste: You can be really annoying, you know that?

Eden: Yeah, I picked up on the vibes you’ve been radiating toward me since fifth grade, Levesque. What is your plan?

Celeste: Whatever. I need you to be the distraction.

Eden: How? What am I supposed to do? I’m really not good at getting attention. In fact, I rather like to keep it away as often as possible.

Celeste: Suit yourself. I’ll do it but you’ll have to commit a crime…

*silence*

Celeste: That’s what I thought. Now, go. We have to get back to the hotel by 8 or we’ll be left behind.

Eden: Uh, o—okay, here I go.

Eden: Hi, mister!

Mister: Back? You gonna buy somethin’ or not, lady?

Eden: Well, it’s, um, it’s important to take time before making a big purchase isn’t it? My mother always taught me to think about things thoroughly before diving into, um, something as big as all this. I mean, four rabbits is a lot of work! And I’m still—

Mister: I don’t need your whole life story, lady, stop wasting my time. Are you going to buy one?

Eden: As I was saying, um, I’m still a, um…

Mister: What are you looking—

Eden: Nothing! I mean, I’m still imagining what it would be like to have a pet rabbit. Maybe it’s… Oh! It’s definitely too much work for me right now, I’m sorry. But thank you so much for the offer, mister!

Mister: Are you serious, right now? What—

Eden: Bye then!

Eden: You got *gasp* them *huff* all?

Celeste: Yeah.

Eden: Can I see?

Celeste: No, we aren’t even around the block yet! I’ll show you when we get back to the hotel.

Eden: Oh my god! Where are we going to keep them? I’m, like, eighty percent sure there’s, like, a ‘no rabbit’ policy or something.

Celeste: I think we can just take everything out of the bathroom and keep them in there for now. What you should be worrying about is how we’re going to get them on the bus.

Eden: Oh my god… you’re so right. That’s six hours! We should not have done this.

Celeste: And do what instead, let that guy kill them or give them to his mean old dog to play with?

Eden: But what are we going to do?

Celeste: I don’t know but we’ll figure it out.

Eden: We’re so fucked.

Celeste: Aren’t you supposed to be the super smart ‘aspire to be her’ student of our class? You don’t think we can figure this out?

Eden: No, but—

Celeste: There’s really no hope for any of us if you can’t even figure out how to take care of a few rabbits.

Eden: I hate you. What are you even talking about?

Celeste: Watch out! Geez, pay attention. Almost walking into traffic…

Eden: *huff* What do you mean when you say shit like that?

Celeste: Like what?

Eden: Like that I’m a ‘shining star’ or a ‘golden child’. What do you mean by that stuff? You say it all the time when you think I can’t hear and I’m starting to be really over it, Levesque.

Celeste: I think you know what I mean, Bellegarde.

Eden: Would you just stop and talk to me! You’re always storming off all cold and holier-than-thou. It’s so annoying!

Celeste: I’ll take it under advisement. We have to get back to the hotel.

Eden: Why do you hate me?

Celeste: Um… I—

Eden: You’ve always hated me, don’t deny it. I’ve felt your animosity since, like, the first time we ever got seated next to each other in our fifth-grade science class, Levesque. I wish you’d just tell me what it is about me that offends you so much!

Celeste: Where to even start?

Eden: I don’t think you have it in you to be serious about a single fucking thing, do you?

Celeste: I don’t know, you tell me. You seem to know everything about my feelings already.

Eden: Well… I guess I’m not completely right, am I?

Celeste: We’re here. Can’t you just be quiet until we can part ways and you can hang around Samantha all day and forget I exist until tonight when we have to share a bedroom again?

Eden: Nope.

Celeste: Ugh, why? I miss those days.

Eden: Whatever. Anyway, I know one thing you’re serious about and that’s the point.

Celeste: Fine. Hit the button, would you? Third floor.

Eden: I know. There. Do you know what I think it is?

Celeste: What?

Eden: Oh my god, stop being dense. The thing you care about that I remembered.

Celeste: I imagine you’ll tell me even if I say no?

Eden: Debate. And before you say no, I don’t mean that you care about the art of debate. I’ve only really seen you care about one thing. You care about beating me.

Celeste: Very presumptuous.

Eden: Not really. You have the room key by the way.

Celeste: Take the box so I can get into my bag. Thanks. Ugh, why am I such a mess…

Eden: You’ve been trying to beat me since our first debate freshman year. I noticed you glaring… you’re not very subtle.

Celeste: Ah-ha! Found it. Whatever helps you sleep at night, Bellegarde.

Eden: You know I’m right. You can’t pretend it didn’t bother you all those times you came in second, Levesque, I know it did.

Celeste: Just set the bunnies on the floor, would you?

Eden: Admit it.

Celeste: Bellegarde.

Eden: Levesque.

Celeste: The bunnies.

Eden: Fine. There, you happy?

Celeste: Thrilled.

Eden: What are you doing now? Stop ignoring me, we’re talking!

Celeste: No, you were talking. I’m looking up how to care for baby bunnies, so we don’t murder our new pets.

Eden: Oh. Right, okay.

Celeste: Yeah.

*silence and tapping on phone screens for many minutes*

Celeste: Shit. We’re probably gonna have to feign sick. At least one of us… geez. These little guys need a lot more than just a box.

Eden: Um… okay. Should we take shifts?

Celeste: No, that would look suspicious. We have two more days before we go back to campus. No, it’ll either have to be one of us the whole time or…

Eden: Or both of us.

Celeste: Yeah, or that.

Eden: I think it should probably be both of us then.

Celeste: You would.

Eden: I don’t like the idea of spending every moment with you either. Especially when I should be touring the MET today. However, it’ll be easier if there are two of us and we can use the excuse of quarantining. Right?

Celeste: Yeah, I guess.

Celeste: Well, we should get the bathroom set up for the little rascals and then let them out, right?

Eden: Seems cruel to keep them in that little box.

Celeste: Yeah.

Eden: Oh my god, they are so freaking adorable!

Celeste: They really are! I love the little brown one best, I think.

Eden: *gasp* Parents can’t have favorites, Celeste.

Celeste: Then it’s a good thing I’m not a parent. We should both probably pick favorites, we’ll each probably end up taking two, right? Can’t do the ‘every other weekend’ thing, not good for the little tikes.

Eden: Uh, yeah, you’re probably right. Which other one do you want?

Celeste: Which ones do you want?

Eden: I don’t know yet.

Celeste: Okay, well, you have time. You’ll figure it out, they’ll all probably like you better in the end anyway, Little Miss Perfect.

Eden: There you fucking go again! Why do you do that?

Celeste: Probably because it’s the truth, Bellegarde, sorry it hurts your feelings.

Eden: You know I’m not fucking perfect. You of all people know that—

Celeste: Why do you think I think it’s so ironic that no one else can see it?

Eden: That’s just cruel, Levesque, even for you. You’re the only person who’s ever beat me. You know I’m not perfect. Hell, because of you, everyone else knows it too! Why can’t you just be happy with that?

Celeste: If only they knew…

Eden: What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

Celeste: It means, you asshole, that even after I should have dethroned you, it didn’t work. It never works. It didn’t matter how much better I was than you at anything, you were always just…more than me.

Eden: More?

Celeste: More likeable. More perfect. More outgoing. More… just more, dammit.

Eden: I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Celeste: Of course, you don’t. Grab the little gray one, she’s headed for the door.

Eden: Thanks. Why wouldn’t I understand?

Celeste: Because you’ve never been second to anyone.

Eden: *laughing* You must be kidding.

Celeste: What the—

Eden: Every time we competed in high school, since that first time freshman year at regionals, I haven’t heard the end of it. ‘Wow, that Levesque girl is stunning, you should hold yourself more like her, Eden’. ‘Did you hear her rebuttal, Eden, that Levesque girl is so eloquent. You need to extend your vocabulary.’ Oh, or my favorite! ‘Eden, the Levesque girl should have beaten you, her closing statement was better than yours.’

Celeste: Who—

Eden: My parents. My father loves to compare you to famous essayists, you know. Mom’s always harping on my appearance on stage, saying I should speak with more confidence. They love you. Only got worse when they found out that you are on the same team as me in uni. Now they get to have direct comparison, it’s been truly riveting to read their texts after they watched the livestream of yesterday’s debate. You apparently should have made the opening statement instead of me, you’re more concise.

Celeste: I didn’t—

Eden: Of course you didn’t, Levesque. Why the hell would you?

*long, thick silence*

Eden: I think I like the gray one, she’s got spirit.

Celeste: Yeah?

Eden: Yeah. I wanna name her Vita Sackville-West.

Celeste: I guess that’s a choice.

Eden: You got a better idea?

Celeste: Not really.

Eden: Yeah… what are you going to name the brown boy?

Celeste: What do you think about Oscar Wilde?

Eden: I like it.

Celeste: I’m glad. Me too.

Eden: I’m glad.

Celeste: I’m sorry.

Eden: Me too.

Eden: I’m not sure the rabbits really needed all of my sheets…

Celeste: I didn’t want them to get cold, the thermostat is broken in here and it’s freezing.

Eden: I know that! I just—it’s just…

Celeste: We’re both grown adults, Eden, I think we can manage to share a bed without killing each other.

Eden: It’s not that—

Celeste: Then what? You’re making this much harder than it needs to be.

Eden: Oh my god, Celeste, I’m a fucking lesbian, okay?! Geez! I just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. I know how some girls get. I didn’t know if you knew or whatever, so I was worried…

Celeste: Oh, that. Yeah, I’ve basically known since that day we made collages in Ms. Flower’s class.

Eden: No way you’ve known in sixth grade!

Celeste: I’m surprised you were oblivious for longer than that, really. I mean, you added no less than three scantily clad women to your vision board.

Eden: For—for dieting goals!

Celeste: Yeah, okay.

Eden: I was on a weight loss kick that year.

Celeste: Whatever helps you sleep at night, little miss—Eden.

Eden: Thanks.

Celeste: No problem. *ahem*. Anyway, it wouldn’t matter to me if you were a lesbian, trans, bi, or anything else. I can’t judge. I’m about as straight as wet spaghetti.

Eden: You?

Celeste: Yeah, me. I dress like an extra from Dead Poet’s Society, it’s not a secret.

Eden: Gender expression is not the same as sexuality. I didn’t want to assume anything…

Celeste: Either way, doesn’t change anything.

Eden: Y-yeah.

Celeste: Right?

Eden: Right! Of course. Besides, I can do better than you.

Celeste: Wow! You think rather highly of yourself. Better than me? Okay, sure.

Eden: Oh, now who thinks highly of themselves? You don’t think I could do better than you?

Celeste: Nope. I’m a solid ten. Can’t do better than the best, sweetie, that’s just math.

Eden: Oh my god, that’s some confidence!

Celeste: Why? What would you rate me?

Eden: Hmm… I don’t know. Um, what would you rate me?

Celeste: Eight point seven nine.

Eden: Um, that was fast.

Celeste: I like to think about things. Now you have to rate me, it’s only fair.

Eden: I don’t think I want to.

Celeste: Nope, you have to. Or I won’t let you sleep until you do.

Eden: I’m a pretty deep sleeper, I doubt you could keep me up.

Celeste: Wanna bet?

Eden: Would you stop that? Poking, really? What are you, ten?

Celeste: Age is a construct.

Eden: Ugh fine! But only ‘cause I’m scared you’re going to accidently bruise my ribs with your bony ass fingers… Nine point two at your best.

Celeste: Um, okay. Wow.

Eden: What! That isn’t bad!

Celeste: No. No, it is not. You think I’m pretty!

Eden: Oh, geez! Don’t turn this into a huge thing, okay? You asked me to rate you and I did. There, done. Finished. Let’s never speak of this again.

Celeste: Fine. What’s your favorite color?

Eden: Why can’t you just me fall asleep, Celeste? Have you always been this annoying?

Celeste: Yeah, that’s why you’ve hated me since fifth grade, remember?

Eden: Oh yeah, right… Probably ladybugs.

Celeste: Ladybugs don’t like me.

Eden: What’s to like? Ouch! Hey!

Celeste: Okay, what is one place you want to visit before you die?

Eden: What’s up with the twenty questions?

Celeste: I’ve known you forever, but we’ve never really gotten to talk.

Eden: Too busy hating each other.

Celeste: Exactly! So, I just wanna get the basics out of the way. You can tell a lot about a person by their favorite animal.

Eden: Like what?

Celeste: You like pretty things, aren’t scared of bugs, ladybugs probably like you, and you’re non-traditional. You’ve also thought about the answer to that question too thoroughly.

Eden: What makes you say that?

Celeste: No one answers ‘ladybugs’ off the top of their head. You’ve thought about it before.

Eden: You’re not wrong. Also, Morocco.

Celeste: Me too, I want to see a genuine marketplace.

Eden: Me too. What about you? Animal and place?

Celeste: Bats and Prague.

Eden: Specific. I like it.

Celeste: Thank you.

Eden: No problem… Good night, Celeste.

Celeste: Good night, Eden.

Celeste: This is going to be a long ride…

Eden: You’re probably not wrong *yawn* I’m so fucking tired.

Celeste: Keep a good grip on the box, I don’t want it to slip.

Eden: Heh, rabbits on the loose!

Celeste: You laugh now… How did Samantha take it when you decided to sit next to me this time?

Eden: Well, she was a bit shocked but honestly, I think she thinks we’ve spent the last couple days ravishing each other or something.

Celeste: Ra—Ravishing? Really, that was what you went with?

Eden: Yeah, don’t judge me. Anyway, I didn’t correct her, it’ll be interesting to see how the rumor mutates.

Celeste: Wanna take guesses? I think it’ll turn into ‘I heard that Celeste Levesque jumped poor Eden’s bones before they even got their room. Probably high on winning for once.’

Eden: ‘Yeah, well, I heard that the two of them spent the whole trip going at it like rab—rabbits—”

Celeste: Keep it together, man, geez.

Eden: Come on! That one was good!

Celeste: I’m not sure I’ll miss the rabbit puns, not going to lie.

Eden: Whatever, you know you will. You’ll miss everything about me, I’m fucking adorable!

Celeste: Fine if you say so.

Eden: You will though, won’t you? Miss me, I mean. I think I’ll miss you, you know a—after spending all this time together…

Celeste: How could I not?

Eden: Seriously though?

Celeste: Seriously.

Eden: Do you think… I mean, I don’t feel like—

Celeste: I understand. I don’t think I’ll be able to back to the way we were before either.

Eden: No, it’s not that. I know that.

Celeste: Then what?

Eden: Um…

Celeste: What are you doing, Eden?

Eden: Is it… would it be ok if I…

Celeste: Yeah, um, yes.

*they kiss*

Celeste: So, um, okay… Wow… So, we’re definitely not going back to hating each other now, right?

Eden: *laughing* I hope not! We have little ones to think about now!

Celeste: Serious though, how are we going to disperse these little guys? We can’t separate Anne Bonney and Mary Read, their attached at the hip. I can’t take three of them… my roommate would kill me.

Eden: Well… the semester is almost over. I know this is a wild idea, feel free to shoot me down, but we could keep them together if I just—

Celeste: Yeah, that’s a good idea. Yeah, uh, yes. Cool.

Eden: Cool?

Celeste: Ugh, whatever, Bellegarde!

Eden: Didn’t know you could be such a softy, Levesque…

Celeste: Shut up.

Eden: Your wish is my command.