Ignorant or not you need to know.

You think to yourself everyday about the same thing. Over and over again. Should you have reacted the way you have or should you not have.

It was a summer, back when you were seventeen and although that was a long time ago or so it seems, just seeing Jace made you think about that memory again. Should you have reacted differently?

It was the summer when you still felt love so deep, when you still believed in fairy tales and knights in shining armour, when nothing felt as good as the idea of just being around Jace. Just to be near his very existence.  His scent was the most intoxicating thing you have ever smelt and the way he looked at you made your body feel you had to respond.

You were only seventeen back then, but it feels like it just happened yesterday.  

His sweet melody or words luring you in his trap.  His hand on your waist, the moonlight in the sky. You felt like nothing can compare to that feeling. Then he kissed you.

 It was a slow kiss at first then the kiss got heated. You felt his hand go to your butt and you pulling him closer. In moments it got heated with passion.  

O how ignorant you were back then. You thought you forgot all about him, but seeing him brought all the memories of that day in the cabin back.

You reach for your handbag and rummage through it. How a girl’s handbag could get this messy you don’t know? O wait you do. Your addicted to sweets. You throw your handbag out on the couch in your newly decorated apartment. The air still smells like paint and the furniture is still not what you want, but it had to do. You just had to get away from it all, away from Jace.  It’s only been an a year and a half and you still feel like your addicted to his very existence. You shake your head.  No, No, No you say to yourself. Not again.

Your rummage through the now piled up heap of sweet wrappers, tampons and lots of other girly junk. You see your hair band and pick it up. You tie your hair back. Then you think about how Jace looked that day and how he looks even more handsome than before.  No, No, No. You want to get Jace out of your head and decide to draw something on canvas to help ease your now blazing hormones.

You start to draw.

 At first you don’t know what you are drawing you just let the pencil go in its own motion and follow your heart then you think about how your heart how it has deceived you once. You throw the pencil away and pick up a charcoal pencil. You decide you are going to think with your head.

You then decide to start with the outline of the drawing. You start with a dark shade of charcoal at the background and lighter in the middle. A few hours past and your tummy start to rumble. You decide that you need a lunch break or rather dinner as you see its already 7 pm. You have been drawing for 3 hours. Your kettle which you have put on earlier is cold.

You take a packet of “O my goodness meals” out of the refrigerator and pop it in the microwave. You debate whether to wait for your meal as it only takes 3 minutes or go sit on the couch. You decide to go to the couch, but to your dismay the couch is still full of your girly junk. You decide to sort out the junk. Tampons in the zipper side, wrappers in the dustbin, protector whistle in the zipper, then you find it:  a note from a time when you still believed in fairy tales.

“Meet me near the lake …. My love…

Jace. “

How naïve you were that day. To think that the most beautiful guy in school would be interested in you for you.

You sigh. Then the microwave bleeps to signal your meal is ready.

20 minutes you sit in front of the television screen staring at completely nothing, just thinking of your ignorance of that day then you remember you have a lot of things to do tomorrow in town.

You quickly put your plate and glass in the dishwasher then grab your favourite night snack: Astros and head to bed.

In bed you munch a few Astros thinking still how ignorant you were then slowly you drift off to sleep.

That night you dream about Jace:

His beautiful curly gold locks, his taunt torso and the way his hands felt when he touched you. That day you were ready to give him your all and you did. It was a summer fling between the shy girl at school and the hunk.

You guys met at the lake that night eager to see Jace.  You kissed him roughly and one thing led to another. Him grabbing you by the butt picking you up and going to nearest cabin in sight only a few metres far. Him kicking the door open you laughing. Then him throwing you on the bed, you reach for his zipper feeling his manhood. You out of nowhere putting your mouth on his manhood him growling. Then he threw you back on the bed after a few moments and him going now down on you. 

You wake up all sweaty, hormones blazing. O Jace how after one and a half year the memories still makes you all  tingling when you think about it.

You get up from bed and decide to not even put the geyser on you just jump in the shower. You need a cold shower to make it feel as though the hormones are washing off and away.

You haven’t had anyone since Jace. He was your first and last. You have dated a few men since then, but when things got heated you decide to let them down. No kiss compares to the kiss from Jace.

No, No, No you say to yourself you feel ignorant again and No you will not be again.

You climb out the shower remembering you forgot a towel and just walk naked to your closet.

How just seeing him again could bring back all these memories.

You get dressed in a short pink and purple dress.

You east your cereal put the dish in the dishwasher and head out.

As you climb out of the car and head to the grocery store you almost get drove over by a car, but someone grabs you out of the way. It’s a familiar face. Its Jace.  He remembers you and pulls you into the grocery store in the staff closet. Your face heats up. He smiles. He knows you still want him, but in your mind you’re debating whether you should kiss him or slap him. You left in the morning feeling like a slut that day and Jace never tried to find you. Or so you thought.

“I’ve been looking for you everywhere, I couldn’t find you. No one knew where you went, but then one of your school mates told me they saw you near this grocery store every day.”

You look down feeling ashamed, he then lifts up your chin and say:

“You know what happened between us wasn’t just because I wanted you it’s because I need you I want you in my life forever.”

He kisses you passionately on your mouth then in your neck your fingers trail his neck. Your lips go to his neck biting him without think.

“Ow” He then grins.

You look down feeling ashamed of your body’s needs he lifts your chin up again and start kissing you more passionately. He then lowers his hand to your private part and begins to tease you.

You moan.

He smiles knowing he made your body react.

He turns around to leave then turns back to you again saying:

If you feel the same way, meet me again at our lake baby. I need you in my life.

With that he leaves.

You stand there out of breath with a dumb look on your face.

What did just happen?

You head home only to once again only think about Jace.

The next morning suitcase in hand, you head to the station.

Whether he meant what he said or not you need him too. You climb on the train going to your next destination. Ignorant or not you just need to know and not for just knowing, but only to get him out of your head.

Once again you will meet Jace at the lake.