The Planetary Trick

I am Ralph Sastri, a thirty year old young man. Presently working in the ‘ land of opportunity ‘ the great America’. I was born in a little village in one of the Indian states. My folks believe in providence , superstition and astrological predictions . 

I was the pampered child in the family who had the good fortune of being born after a half a dozen girls or let’s say my cousins born to my uncle. My father was proud to carry forward the family lineage . The joy of my grand parents had no bounds. It seemed my grandfather organised a grand feast for all the relatives, friends and the neighbours to celebrate the birth of the first boy. 

My grand mother gifted an expensive necklace to my mother while my aunt , the co-sister-in-law, smiled sadly. Poor thing! she was not even given adequate nutritious food after the delivery of a baby girl.

It seemed my grandma had promised to visit more than a dozen temples and bribe the deities in the form of offerings of fruits, coconut and money. She also promised to feed  the less fortunate people (one per day) , feed cows and throw left over grains to birds. All these exercise was to have a grandson. 

My grandfather on the other hand wanted to compete with his three other brothers who had six grand sons. 

The craze for grand son was so intense that the day my mother’s pregnancy was declared. The entire house hold started buzzing with circus like antics. My mom’s room had the pictures only of baby boys. She was made to visit temples of male deities like Hanuman, Ganesh etc. it seemed even my poor cousins, the three younger ones were made to wear half pants and bush shirts to look like little boys. My grand mother would ask a dozen times the old midwife to examine my mom to ensure if everything was perfect. 

My mother was almost treated like a queen. But she, the poor thing, always was tensed up like a high school student worried about the outcome of the Board results. Besides the quota of deities prescribed by grand mother, my mother added few more to see that she should not miss the great opportunity to deliver the family heir.

The ‘D’ day arrived. All were eagerly waiting for my appearance in the famous household. At the first sign of labour pains, My mother was shifted to the village dispensary and a lady doctor was exclusively called from the town. The doctor’s Cv boasted of having assisted in the delivery of those mothers who were proud to have delivered baby boys.

My grandparents kept reviewing the almanac to ensure that I was born in an auspicious hour, under a favourable star and excellent planetary position. Our village astrologer Shri Ramcharan pandit was called to calculate minute to minute the planetary movement. My elder uncle and father set their HMT( famous Watch makers in India) wrist watches with each other so as to note the hour, minute and seconds of the birth which was essential for astrological predictions.

My poor mother was wreathing with pain and me the pig didn’t want to leave the the warm cocoon of my mother’s womb. Everyone was sweating . Some with anxiety of waiting, some to know the results and of course my mother in pain and the doctor for her reputation.

“Eleven hours, Eleven minutes and Eleven seconds”, precisely was the time I was born under the most favourable star and it seemed that the planetary position was good enough for a royal prince to be born. I was no less than a prince in this wonderful family.

An air of festivity ran in the entire village. After Eleven days, the naming ceremony, followed by the grand feast was organised. My parents sat with me on their lap for the rituals of name ceremony. In other words my baptism started with the family pandit reciting the shlokas or verse from the holy scriptures. All wore new clothes including my six cousins, frocks made from the same floral print cloth bought at whole sale price. Poor things! In the dress they appeared like school band.

The most important event was the astrological prediction about my golden future. Pandit Ramcharan was the family astrologer associated with our family for two generations. It seemed that his prediction never ever went wrong. He was given the homework to write my astrology on the same day I was born. All the Eleven days, he spend in predicting rather writing my future. 

Now it was the time to read it aloud for everyone to hear.

There was pin drop silence. Everyone was interested in my future whereas I was happily enjoying my present in the soft silk folds of mother’s sari.

 Pandit Ramcharan took out bundle of papers tied in a red cloth. He started reading my planetary position with utmost care. But the audience who never knew anything beyond the sun and moon were hardly interested. My father and grandfather pretended to listen carefully to show off their intellectual talent. 

Then came the juicy matter of the prediction.

“The boy is born in an exceptional planetary position. I wonder what made him to be born in this middle class family?”, said Pandit. This statement didn’t go well with my grandparents. My grandmother swore in her heart to reduce the gifts of rice bag, pulses, vegetables, new clothes and cash to the pandit. But she pretended to listen to him with deep interest.

The pandit continued is predictions with utmost seriousness.

Firstly , the little one would grow into a healthy, active young man.

Secondly- He would attract everyone’s attention.

Thirdly- He would have a beautiful name which would be the culmination of all deities.

Fourthly- There would never be dearth for food, clothes and shelter in his life

Fifth - He would satiate the hunger of anyone coming to him.

Sixth- Lakshmi the goddess of wealth would always cling to him.

Seventh- Saraswati the goddess of Education would avoid him since she is jealous of Lakshmi.

Eight- He would use the most expensive modes of transport to travel.

And- Thousands of women would aspire to marry him but he would chose only the most beautiful damsel .

Ramcharan , the astrologer read almost fifteen pages document like a constitution drafted for a newly independent country. Only the gist was presented.

My aunt and uncle also wanted to know the future of their six daughters. Since during their birth no such lavish ceremony took place.

Pandit Ramcharan immediately looked up at my grandpa who chided my uncle that pandit Ramcharan predicted only the future of boys since everyone knows the destiny of a girl is to grow up, get married and beget more children.

Time passed I was so much pampered that you would never find one more brat like me. All I did was play , was irregular to school and the laziest fellow on the planet. Time passed. My six cousins in spite of all restrictions could study and settle in the best of professions and subsequently married in good families. 

My grand parents would everyday recollect the astrologer’s predictions and I was so knave that I waited for the golden opportunity  to fly into my life to become the most rich and powerful individual in our entire village.

In school I repeated every class twice. But didn’t bother. All I remembered was “Goddess Saraswati would be nowhere near where Lakshmi lived”, I was supposed to earn lot of money.

Already twenty five, tall and handsome and with no skill to earn a rupee , frustrated me. But good fortune came my way. My youngest cousin Radha, a software professional , settled in USA, asked me to come over to her and she would take care of me.

All including my grand parents were happy. The prediction of pandit Ramcharan was so accurate. I am young, handsome, I would travel by flight, the most expensive transport from village standards. I would earn lot of dollars. Definitely George Washington was far more powerful than our khadi clad Gandhi. 

The first thing I did was to change my name to ‘RALPH’ which is the acronym of ‘ Ram Aditya Lakshman Purushottam Hari’ given lovingly by my grandfather by adding the names of all his ancestors.

With a western name, a suitcase and blessings of parents and grandparents I left for the great country. 

Now I am happily working in this great land. The day I would get a chance to go back to my village,I have promised to myself that I would meet pandit Ramcharan and with my bare hands, I would strangle his thin wrinkled up chicken neck to prove that all planets have played a trick in my life. 

“ Hey Ralph ! take the orders from table number six”, shouted my boss. Yes! ladies and gentle men I wait on tables in an Indian restaurant serving food to all the hungry people. I have been provided a small room , left over food to eat and two pairs of uniform. The name Ralph reminds of the cockroach in a Disney movie. And I am not  interested in the last prediction of a beautiful woman to walk into my life... anymore.