The Value of Beauty

I have so much to, I thought as I looked at the list in front of me. John, Andrew, and Elizabeth I looked over one more time. I need to make sure that I check on them to make sure that everything was going OK. I placed my tools into my bag, and then I got them out, just to put them in again. I did this action another five more times. I know that the action was not going to help me. It was just to make sure that everything was in a way that I liked. Why did I have to deal with my OCD? A big part of myself knows that nothing would change by having them the way I put them the first way.

Still, my brain always made me believe that I put them in the wrong way, and if I did not fix it, I would not do my job the right way and that something terrible would happen because of it. Again my OCD was so strange, I thought and sighed as I looked at my clock. It was 5 am. I was going to be right on time for my first appointments. I looked at myself over I was wearing my oversized clothing I would be easily overlooked. I nodded to my reflection. I went to the door and opened it and found myself facing my parents. I just stopped and just stared at them. Why, where, I thought, and I looked behind them. It was still so dark. Then when the thought hit me. Why the fuck were they here? They fucking abandon me. 

"Move," I said as I tried to get to move. I really need to get to work; today started off so well.

"Honey, we want to talk to you," this woman said, and I tried to focus my emotion and gave her a died eyed look. I wanted to give the impression that she was just a fly that was in my way. That her presents in front of my apartment wasn't, in fact, freaking me out.

"Well, I have to go to work," I said again, trying to put force into my voice as I picked up my pack and put it on my back. I just wanted to close the door, but my parents did not give me space to do that. Just focus on going to work, I thought to myself, forcing myself not to scream.

"Honey, we just want to talk to you," she started, and all I could think was that I was going to be so late. I need to get moving if I was going to be late. Yay, I did not want to think about what would happen if I was late for my appointments. I had a good relationship with the boss, but if I was late. Yay, I did not want to see what would happen so, I just want to got to work. This meant that I was just staring at them, not moving, not saying anything, and just staring them in the eye. Just waiting for them to say something. 

"Can we speak to you?" I turned to face my donor's face. I mean my father, the man with dirty blond hair and green eyes. 

"No, we don't have anything to speak, and I got work to do," I said and just stared at them. I waited for a moment and then started to push my parents away. I guess they did not think that I would do something like that. They move enough for me to move away from. I finally managed to close the door on them. Still, they were following me. 

"Honey," my mother started up, but I just forced myself to look forward. I did not have time or energy to focus on either of them. 

"Looking, I have no idea how you are looking for, but they are not here," I finally spoke when they tried to stop me. It worked for my parents. They both froze or so, I hopped as I did not hear footsteps behind me. That when I heard steps coming up in front of me. 

"Don't talk your mom that way," he shouted, and that was when I snapped and found myself twisted his arms and kick him in the stomach. For a moment, I felt proud of myself when I saw him on the ground. I freak out inside and just started to run away from the situation—all the way, I having a hard time doing my job. I had so many questions running in my head. What the heck do they want? I thought as I took aim at my target. How the fuck did they find me? Why did they want to see it? What the fuck did they want? Still, I had work to do, and I need to get my brain focused on my target. 

"Sarah," a co-work spoke out, and I looked down. I was in the lunchroom. It was time for lunch. Dammit, I thought this is stressing me so much that I can even think clearly.  

"My parent visited me," I wanted to just sleep on this white lunch table. Dammit, I could even filter my own mouth what the heck is wrong with me. 

"What," my co-worker Jack I could recognize him. I could see him more clearly now, that I had some food in me. If you were to ask me was eating, I honestly had no idea. Still, Jack was speaking to me. Jack was considered to be the biggest and means guy in the company. 

"I did think that you had parents," Jack spoke, giving me a worried glance. I mean, I was counting my pills for what reason I have no idea. To make sure that I had the medications that I need for this week. Again thank OCD for making me think that just counting something will fix everything it will not. 

"No, really, what would give you that idea. Maybe the fact that I was found on the street talking to myself," I answered, put my medication case away. And tried to force me to eat more of lunch and trying to not focus on the fact that one of Jack's eyebrows was raising. 

"I am sorry," I said as I rubbed my neck after a moment of silence. I was really stressed out by all this, but Jack was a good friend and good co-worker who had helped me before. Still, I was pissed about everything that was going on. 

"Didn't they know think that you were possessed by a demon," Jack spoke more softly to me, and I can say that it this first time he did something like that to me chance his tone, and yay, I did not like the change in manner. 

"You have a fucking medical condition," he spoke, which I was glad because I was not going to answer that question. 

"Yay, and they want me to have a nice chat with me," I spoke and looked down at my lunch, which was gone to my shock. Yep, I am too stress about this kind of shit.  

"Those assholes," Jack's voice snapped me out. I really did want to talk about it, making it so hard for me to remember shit, I thought as I got up to wash my dishes. 

"Yep, can you get out of my way?" I said as I turned around to find him right next to the sinks. He did say anything for a second, so I took it as an OK to wash my dishes. 

"What are you going to do if you find them in front of your apartment," he finally spoke, and I froze. I had just thought about getting to work and doing my job and now. I had even given a second thought about the fact that I was going to have to face them again. I did not have the brainpower to think of having to hide my medication. 

"Why did you have to remind me that I had to deal with this? I still have work to do," I whispered and giving him a side-eyed. Not that it fazed him, dame I am too cool to show emotions.  

"I can speak to the boss and get someone that to pick up your medication, and you stay at the safe house," Jack spoke as holding my hand. Why was he holding my hand? How the fuck did he get my hand? I was washing dishes. I got my hand off his gips and fished my dishes and put them to dry, although while trying to remind myself to breathe. 

"You know that I really did not like people coming into my house," I spoke after finally catching my breath and managing to look Jack in the face. 

"Oh, so you trust me not to kill you," Jack said with a smirk on his face. 

"Wait, you think that I trust you. I trust you just as much as the milk I can drink," I answered back at Jack. 

"Your lactose intolerance," Jack said while having his complete shock look on his face. 

"Look, I love the fact that you treat me like a normal person, but I still have to deal with bipolar disorder. So, that means that I still have some elements of paranoia," I answered, and a part of me was happy that they did treat me like a normal person. Still, we did not work on the legal side. Everyone has to be more careful when it comes to not getting off the police radar. 

"I also, I have a big job to do today," I said as I got up. 

"Wait, the boss told you to take that job," Jack said. I could hear him trying to get angry in check as he got up and just stared at me. He had this strange look in his eyes. 

"Yep," I answered as I placed my dish away. 

"I thought that his son agreed that you should not take this job," I could tell that he wants to start to rant. I did not want him to do that; I did not have the energy to help people. Even when Jack and he is my close friend. 

"I can do this," I answered, trying to stop. I need to show Jack that I could take care of myself and that I know my limits. 

"The drugs that you have to use are might cause you mental harm."

"Jack, people already use them to test me before," I said, and he just had a shocked look on his face. I could see that his skin was growing pale. 

"What do you mean," he asked.  

"Jack, did you really think that I did not know that I was working with the Mafia when I agree to take your help," I answered him, and I just looked at him. Jack looked so pale, which was shocking for me to see his dark skin. At the moment, his skin looked so white that I was scared. 

"What happened," he finally spoke; dammit, I thought I was not going to have talked about feeling. I looked at him. He had sat down, and he motioned me to sit down with him. 

"So, you know how my parent left me in a church," I started as I sat down on the chair in front of him and sighed. 

"Yes," Jack nodded. 

"Well, guess what," Jack did not answer, just going him a worried look. 

"The church does keep someone when they are not getting money," I went on. 

"So, they kicked you out," Jack asked. 

"No, I got sold," I answered. 

"Wait, why would. Oh, so those guys had control over the church," Jack said after a moment. 

"Yep, so I got tested, and they loved how much effect I got from under that drug," answered after a moment. 

"That makes it more of a reason that you should not do this job," Jack went and kept going on. 

"Look, the boss knows that I am the only one that gets this target," I started. 

"They like pretty things," Jack interrupted 

"Oh, so I am not pretty," I asked him and gave him a look. 

"I mean, look the way you dress," he said as he gave me looking over. 

"So, you think I am a tomboy," I asked him. 

"Yay, you have like five brothers, or your father wants to have boys," he said. 

"What, no, I have five sisters, and they were all beauty queens," I answered back and gave him a look that I hoped clearly said, what the fuck are you saying. Do your eyes work? I am fucking adorable, thank you very much.

"Then why do you dress," he said and pointed me. As hole judging me like an asshole that he was or was it a gay thing. Either way, I did not like the look.

"Do you know had easy it is for you guys to remember a cute girl in the place the boss sends me," I snapped back at him. 

"Ohh, I am sorry," he answered as he looked down at the table that was between us. 

"You a great friend Jack, but I am still a Lesbian," I broke the silence with a check smile. 

"And 100% an asshole," he added, and we end up laughing together. 

"How about I pretend to be your boyfriend, and we going on a date," Jack said, and I thought about it for a second and just shook my head. 

"Yay, that does not sound like a good idea," I answered and shuddered just to think how much crap my parent would bring up with the idea that I was finally acting like a girl. Then they would ask me if I was still dancing. I still hurt that as much as I love dancing, but they were so toxic that it took me so much help to get back to dancing. 

"But I am going to need to get into that dress, and you are pretty good at makeup," I added, and he gave me this look. 

"So, I can walk you home," he said, and after a moment, I nodded. I have no idea how it will be for me to have to face my parent, but it was a nice feeling to know that my friend will help me dealing with it.