The Magic: In his pants

“BRING THAT SCRAWNY BOOTY IN HERE RIGHT THIS INSTANT, COME GET YOUR SPANKING!” Dexter’s Mom screamed.

Dexter sighed, this was going to be his 6th spanking in nine months, all because of a little mishap. Once again, Dexter mixed the wrong combination of elements and made a “mini-explosion” in his science room (laboratory). Dexter’s bum was already beet red because he was sitting on it, for almost 24 hours straight, trying to master his latest creation. This time he was working on the most “specialist” especial type of elixir potion. Dexter joined a local science contest, at his prestigious high-school, with a grand prize of a mere $49 dollars. Although, this was just a pitiful grand prize amount for such a tough task, Dexter didn’t complain, he needed the money. You see, his family and neighbours were going through some tough economic times, in their small town of Tiddy Twist, Ontario, Canada. Furthermore, the main source of revenue for the town was tourism and for some unknown reason, people didn’t want to visit any more. I mean, this town was famous for their world renowned “Tiddy Twister” vegan ice cream flavour” but still they were lacking tourists.

“DIDN’T YOU HERE ME, MR. DEXTER BIN LAADEN, I’M NOT GOING TO WAIT ALL DAY, COME GET THAT LITTLE HINEY SPANKED! ” his mom yelled again.

Dexter began to panic, he hated spankings more than life itself.

He frantically yelled back “m-m-m-ma’am, why am I the only sixteen year old in this forsaken town, that’s still getting spankings at the age of sixteen years old, why?”.

“IT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE THE ONLY SIXTEEN YEAR OLD IN THIS G-D TOWN, THAT’S PLAYING AROUND WITH POTIONS AND FOOLISHNESS!” his mom, Mrs. Bin Laaden replied back.

Dexter began to profusely sweat but he still managed to stand up pace back and forth. However, unfortunately, Dexter slipped in his own sweat and fell backwards on his science experiment table. As a result, all the chemicals on his table surprisingly mixed together, then something miraculous happened! A very strong, fruity pungent smell, filled his room and his nostrils, then Dexter’s mouth began to water.

“YUM, THAT SMELLS MOST DELICIOUS! What are you making honey? ” Dexter’s Mom yelled to her husband downstairs.

“Nothing hun, I actually just passed some gas, that smells not coming from down here, that’s for sure!” Mr. Bin Laaden replied back with a grin.

Dexter heard the exchange between his parents and decided he better go get his spanking from his mom, before his dad decided to take over! But first, Dexter did the unthinkable, he scooped up the mix of chemicals and put them into his beaker. The mixture of food-grade chemicals now began to magically bubble and even started smelling even sweeter. The only way you could describe the smell, would be if you imagined every tropical fruit combining into one. Dexter couldn’t resist himself any longer and thought “what’s the worse that could happen?”. So, he downed that whole 500ml beaker in one big gulp. “Nothing happened…” Dexter thought to himself. Unfortunately Dexter spoke too soon and he now felt this incredulous sensation in his pants. He ran over to his mirror, pulled down his pants and saw something most magical. His little old bum-bum was now the most chiseled, toned and muscular bum cheeks he ever saw. “I have the gluteus maximus of the Gods!” Dexter ecstatically screamed. The only way you can envision this superior backside, was if you imagined the glutes of a professional body-builder and a professional race horse combined. Not only was Dexter’s backside now completely outstanding, it was also now tanned bronze like the “God’s”. Dexter picked up his beaker and kissed it. He then thought this was too good to be true, he must be dreaming. “No way, this can’t be real, how can I test this?”. Dexter then took his two fingers and pinched his bum and almost broke his fingers! “Yikes, no way”. Dexter still couldn’t believe this scientific sorcery, so he did the ultimate test. He wedged his thick glass beaker in-between his rock hard cheeks and squeezed! The beaker shattered into a million micro-fractal pieces of glass! Dexter gasped out of sheer excitement. However, Dexter was a junior scientist and he had to do one more test to make sure everything was legitimate. Dexter decided to do the good old “nut-check” trick, made most famous in Scientology. He jumped over his bed in one leap, to grab his backpack. He then reached inside and pulled out two large walnuts. I think you all know what he did next! He wedged those two S. O. B.’s right in-between his chiseled cheeks and squeezed! The walnut shells easily popped open and Dexter was elated. “This is real-life!” Dexter screamed. He then got a brilliant idea, he took the two opened walnuts and now put them between his muscular butt cheeks. He then laid down on his bed and began to squeeze his cheeks real tight, then let loose, over and over again. In two short minutes, he concocted the most smoothest walnut butter that you probably have ever seen! He was amazed, he scrapped the walnut butter from in-between his cheeks and put it into a small mason jar. Dexter then thought, “I guess this is what the kids call @$$ butters?!”.

“DEXTER THIS IS THE LAST TIME I’M CALLING YOU, COME OVER HERE AND GET THIS SPANKING OR I’M GOING TO COME AND GET YOU MYSELF!” Mrs. Bin Laaden yelled one last time.

Unfortunately and unbeknownst to Mrs. Bin Laaden, the tables had magically & scientifically turned against her.

“Oh what a day that the tables have turned, oh what a day…”Dexter hummed to himself grinning.

“Oh, I’m coming Mommy dearest” Dexter said sweetly.

His new magic powers were finally going to turn the cards in his favor. Dexter hopped out of his room and began gleefully skipping over to his mother.

“You know I hate doing this Dexy-Poo and this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you…you know all those sciences are the devil… ” Mrs. Bin Laaden extolled, as she put Dexter over her knee.

Dexter began to chuckle under his breath, about how ironic his mother was being. Furiously, she cocked back her hand and came down on Dexter’s magically transformed buttocks. “AHHHH, MY ARM!” Mrs. Bin Laaden yelped.

Mr. Bin Laaden, hearing the scream, ran up the stairs and went over to his wife.

“What happened? ”.

“I was giving Dexter his punishment and I think my carpals tunnels started acting up” Mrs. Bin Laaden scream as she was in immense pain.

Mr. Bin Laaden was a trained nurse, so he assessed her sudden acute injury and diagnosed her with a broken arm and four bi-lateral tears.

He said “no way this is carpal tunnel pain hun, we got to take you to the emergency room!”.

Dexter started laughing out loud, he couldn’t believe it, justice was finally being served.

His Dad then furiously yelled at him saying “are you laughing at your Mother in pain?!”.

He then grabbed Dexter and without a second thought, put Dexter over his knee, cocked his hand back and came down spanking on his bronze cheeks!

“ARGH! WHAT IN THE HEAVENS!” Mr. Bin Laaden screamed out as his now broken hand was left dangling.

It seemed as if Dexter’s Dads hand, had literally broken off and was only hanging on by its skin! Now both of his parents were in the most extreme pain, so they voice activated their phones to call “9-1-1”. The ambulance came within minutes and picked them both up, to rush them to the local hospital.

Dexter ran to his room and began to jump wildly in the air. He could not control himself, he just escaped an unfair punishment and may have created a winning scientific formula. However, as Dexter was jumping, he bumped into his science table again and some of his latest potions toppled over and mixed with his homemade DIY walnut butter. Immediately, a fragrance of the most delicious smelling odours filled the room. The mixture of the walnut butter and the potion, created a strong aroma of “freshly baked walnut double fudge butter-butter brownies”. Dexter’s stomach became to growl, as the fudgy-butter smell enveloped his nostrils. He dipped his finger into the butter and stirred it a little bit and it began to bubble. He then pulled his finger out and tasted his newest creation. The taste was delicious, it tasted like a whole meal of baked brownies with all the trimmings. Dexter knew what he had to do now. He then looked over to his clock to see how much time he had to finish his science contest entries. However, it seemed as if his clock was broken? He then turned on his TV and tuned over to the local weather channel to get the time, but it appeared the channel was frozen.

“No way, this can’t be happening, it’s as if time has stopped!”.

Dexter ran over to his window, looking out, over at the nearby park. He saw a dog with a Frisbee in its mouth, while it was seamlessly suspended in mid air. Dexter began to hear some more bubbling in his room over at his science experiment table. He walked over, still in shock and noticed that his walnut butter mixture was beaming florescent neon in color. He dipped his finger into it and took another taste. It was still really good, but as soon as he did that, the TV channel began playing again. He raced over to the window and looking out, the dog was now running, holding the Frisbee! Dexter couldn’t believe it, he seemed to have accidentally created an edible mixture of substance that stopped and restarted time. Next, he threw on his lab coat and began to recreate his new magical concoctions. First, he recreated the potion that made his bum rock hard, he thought this creation would be a lock to win the science contests top prize. Afterward, he then recreated the enhanced “time-stopping” walnut butter cream. He didn’t even use a blender or food processor with the nuts, because he believed his steel butt cheeks were the main special ingredient for the “butter sauce”. After a tedious and tireless night, Dexter was finished, he began to feel like an almighty supreme being. It was now morning, so Dexter hastily turned off his alarm clock, sprung up, took a cold shower, brushed his teeth full of braces, got dressed in his favorite suspenders and headed out to school. Dexter was so excited, he could barely contain himself, he knew he was surely going to win the 1st prize in the science contest and take home that $49 dollar cheque. He began to speed walk, but all of a sudden he broke out into a full sprint. This boy was flying down the road, it appeared his new enhanced hind quarters were generating immeasurably speed. Dexter than did a full stop and began to walk slowly, because he didn’t want the glass jars in his “Spiderguy” backpack to break. As Dexter passed by a stranger, he then noticed something peculiar. It was almost as if the woman passing him was frozen in time, as she was looking back at him. Dexter turned his head and looked back at the woman, it appeared she was staring straight at his bronze booty. This morning, he happened to borrow the tightest pair of yoga pants, from his Mom and wore them to accentuate his newly toned bottom. It now appeared that if anyone directly stared at his bubble butt, it would stop time! Dexter couldn’t have been more ecstatic, he discovered he now had two sure fire ways to stop time. One way was by eating his “walnut butter booty cream” and the second way was by flaunting his booty. There was no way he wouldn’t win the science contest now. Finally, Dexter got to the science contest, then prepared and demonstrated his creations. The judges and fellow junior scientists were stunned and also frozen in time. So next Dexter went over and squeezed all their bums then un-paused time. All the judges then did their deliberations and unanimously voted Dexter the winner. Dexter then did a victory booty shaking dance to his favorite song “Bootyscrumptious” by the band Bestiny’s Child.

The moral of the story is this “never doubt the possibilities of true science”.